An Update on Dating People with Anxiety
I wrote a myTake on tips for dating people with anxiety on my old account. Here is an update with more tips, information and pictures.
Anxiety is not beautiful or poetic. Don't say you have it because you think it is. Here, fucking have it, take mine. I don't fucking want it.
- Tell them when you get home, get to the store etc. This may be annoying but it will help calm their nerves since they worry.
- Don't blame them for having anxiety. It isn't their fault they have it. Try to understand it is a mental illness. They're not going to be perfect, no one is.
- Stick with them through anxiety attacks. These are caused for different reasons to every individual and they have different symptoms. Don't leave them or ignore them when they're having an attack. Rub their back, hold them, just all in all, stay solid for them.
- Admit to them your feelings on everything, in complete honesty. The truth is ugly sometimes. They would love the honesty that way they won't break down about any lies.
- Find out what triggers their attacks. Once you do this, you can help make sure they don't have any more. It may take a while and be difficult but it is worth it.
- Stick up for them if someone says it's for attention. There are people who pretend to have OCD, depression, anxiety so they can excuse something off they did bad or so they get attention in general. Don't let them keep it a secret someone is giving them a hard time about their anxiety.
- It's all in the little things. Say Be safe, buckle up, did you eat?, how was your day?, I miss you, Can I see you?, can I come over?, how're you feeling? are all great examples to say "I love you" in different words. Trust me, this will calm their nerves, make them feel wanted/loved/important and they will definetly notice this.
Reassure them everything is okay if they're upset. It won't be easy to but it always helps if they have reassurance from someone they trust.
Here are some tips to do when they are having an anxiety attack:
- Remind them that although it feels like they're going to die, they won't.
- Tell them to practice the Belly Breath and don't hyperventilate.
- Get them to step outside if they're in or inside if they're out.
- Talk them through it.
- Get them to visualize a calm and safe enviroment they enjoyed in the past.
- Get them to find 5 things they can see, 4 they can touch, 3 they can hear, 2 they can smell and 1 they can taste.
The Belly Breath is breath in for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 7 seconds and exhale breath for 8 seconds. It causes an autonomic nervous system shift from a sympathetic state to a parasympathetic response. It helps if you/they do this when they feel a panic/anxiety attack coming.
Remember, they are who they are. They cannot help it. Love them fully and strongly, if it is your significant other, family member or if it is yourself.
What Guys Said 4
I tried for 4 years. I really did. I followed the steps. Early on I talked to therapists, her parents, her friends but in the end I couldn't calm her down or stay ahead of the problems. The stress was getting far too much for me. I remember one day out of those years where we made it 9 hrs before she turned on me. I always told her the truth and it would always turn into an argument. I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone but her about her after she found out I was. I internalized so much stress I started developing skin conditions, started going grey and lost a lot of weight. I grew distant from my friends and family. My issues were second to hers if at all. She cheated on me which I forgave. But after that I was always "thought" to be cheating on her. Which lead to her cheating on me more. Finally I looked at it like, hey I can barely deal with my issues and maybe a quarter to a half of someone else's. I have my flaws and I'm not a saint but I don't deserve to be the punching bag for your issues. So I walked away, changed my number and am still hiding from her.
Sorry for the rant your take would've helped before I met her. This was the kind of help I was looking for when I found G@G in the first place. Hopefully it helps someone else.
Very nice take - I have had anxiety issues in the past and it is good for people to be aware of some of the things associated with the anxiety - Often there are times when the anxiety is compounded by peoples' reaction to it - I fully believe that people "negative" reactions to mental health issues are brought about by misunderstanding rather than ignorance/malice.
Takes like this and others like this bring mental health into the mainstream where it can be discussed and learnt about not pushed into the corner where misunderstanding compounds the issues involved. Mental health issues are no fun and while sometimes it doesn't look like it help is often gratefully received.
I'm never dating anyone with anxiety ever again. One time was more then enough for me, good points anyways for those who's currently in that situation.
All u need is a guy that will hold u in those moments and tell u that u are gonna be alright he will make u forget about all your problem.😉 :(hint) me
What Girls Said 5
I really want that follow option back.
You know what, fine. I'm book marking this.
As a person with anxiety, not bad but enough to disrupt my ability to go through life, I really appreciate this take. Thank you for writing it.
This take, this take, this take.
"Anxiety is not beautiful or poetic. Don't say you have it because you think it is. Here, fucking have it, take mine. I don't fucking want it."
I had a friend who did this shit when she learned I suffered from GA. It was as though she thought it was a special little club that gave her an excuse for all of her issues simply because people were more sympathetic to my occasional breakdowns. We nearly lost our friendship over it. It wasn't just me who noticed it either: her entire family acknowledged it and said it just seemed she thought it made her special somehow.
The rest of it is definitely correct as well but that comment rang with me.
My best friend has depression and anxiety and bipolar disorder. Honestly I can't deal with her no more or her drama no more. My relationship has definitely went down hill with her. I don't even trust her no more she even makes up stories and thinks she is always right. I feel bad that she is sick but the truth is no one can really help her she even haves anger issues.
I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder :(
Although it makes me the biggest cuddle-bug on Earth <3
Thanks for the read, I have social anxiety and anxiety attacks
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