Why Men Objectify Women when it comes to dating

First of all not all men objectify women but generally speaking men objectify women to some degree. The primary reason men objectify women is because of the position we are in, in the dating world. Men are expected to make the first move. This means that we are the ones getting denied and take the brunt of the emotional tool when a women says no.

When a young man starts off in the dating world he inevitiblty feels the first few stings of being denied. This is when he realizes he needs some sort of internal defense mechanism to stop the emotional hurt of being denied which usually takes on the form of objectifying women. This decreases the amount of hurt the man feels because the women he pursues no longer mean as much to him.

In theory we should handle this situation by expressing our emotions in an appropriate manner and eventually getting over it but men are not taught that. We are taught to never show emotion. This is why we quickly choose to just objectify women so that we can pick up and move on quickly from one women to the next until we find our true love. Why Men Objectify Women when it comes to dating

I think that society is becoming more and more accepting of men who express their emotions. However, there is still a visible stigma coming from some men and women against men expressing their emotions.

Men reading this, please realize that expressing emotion is not a sign of weakness but really a sign of strength in facing the truth of the situation and eventually overcoming that truth and moving on.

Women reading this, please realize that men treating dating like a game is caused by our need to not show how hurt we truly are. You can help the situation by never making fun of a man for expressing emotion when he is hurt. Also, by making sure you always let a man down softly when you don't want to go out with him. We are in a difficult and competitiive situation so we don't need to be hit while we are down because we really do feel emotions just as badly as you do, we are just trained to never show it.


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What Girls Said 6

  • I can see the truth in this, I really can, but I still personally believe that people don't have to adhere to what they are taught and therefore it's not an excuse. Yes, it's a reason and I totally understand it, but I was raised traditionally and I am no where near as traditional as I was raised. However it took me time to get away from my traditional upbringing so again, I can see what you're saying. It's good for you to bring awareness to it though. I still wouldn't forgive a dude who acted like a shithead because being a shithead is a choice and I will subsequently still treat you like a shithead. But then again, I'm the kind of girl who initiates and doesn't reject people like an asshole so it's rare that I have to be a prick anyways.

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  • No excuses to be an asshole
    But if you must be an asshole don't turn into a little bitch if someone calls you out for it

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    • Your idea of asshole might be different than his, his culture should be taken into consideration, also his heart could be in the right place and you could just be having a bad day. For instance, when I compliment a woman on her looks (which is rare for me to do now) most women take that as objectification -- and if I don't they might think I'm not interested or too... afraid... lol

      crazy right? yep that's the world we live in

    • @utopianromance if you are a complimenting a woman on her looks and she sees it as objectification then there are two possible reasons why this happening to you. First, you may be attracted to crazy women, because I never have known a normal sane woman to feel objectified by a compliment. Second possibility, you think you are giving them a compliment but in reality you may just be sexually agressive or come across as sexually harassing them. Either way, if most women are taking your compliments as objectification then the common denominator is you

    • Well, I don't know what I'm doing wrong... so I'll just stop "doing"

  • What if you really would love to see the softer side of a guy and he just refuses to show emotion? What if he lies and uses you, when you are just trying to open up and connect with him?

    Some men make it hard for women to trust a man's emotion. That may be why when we meet one that does show feelings, we can be leary. :(

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  • But what to do if you like him and he is a coward Who doesn't want to face you and tell you to break up

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  • I don't believe you should be defending men who objectify women, no matter what. There is no excuse for it. Just be a decent human.

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    • Depends. What do you see as defending? Empathizing? Understanding?

      If you want to correct the behavior of men who are objectifying women, you need to do these things first. If you cannot address the core reason they're behaving the way they are, you cannot offer them healthy behaviors and steps to take when they do.
      In this way, I disagree.

      If you mean we should justify these unhealthy viewpoints and behaviors, and should not say these behaviors are okay, then I agree.

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    • Typical of the men to down vote this. There must be something wrong with you.

    • Bottom line is, objectifying women is WRONG.

  • Yeah ik guys actually have emotions and have to explain that to other girls, being tough and strong all the time is hard

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What Guys Said 13

  • To some degree that makes sense. But I don't think it is entirely true. I think the objectification element also comes just from chauvinistic man culture similar to many of women's own problems. In particular, I've noticed many men's magazines tend to give very Machiavellian dating advice to the extent of focusing solely on what you want and/or what will be to your greatest benefit, while dehumanizing the female in the process.

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  • Well everyone goes on about how men objectify women and they do. Women complain how it is wrong but the thing is women are hypocrites when it comes to this because women objectify men just as much as men do to women. Looks matter to everyone to some degree and anyone that says they don't is telling lies.

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  • Well, that's why I objectify, anyway. If I never care, I'm never hurt.

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  • *sigh*
    How are women objectified in your eyes according to this? Because I don't agree.

    Guys get rejected, it sucks, they move on.
    I think you put those girls on a pussy pedestal, especially with this comment:

    " This decreases the amount of hurt the man feels because the women he pursues no longer mean as much to him."

    Why woud she mean so much to you if you just met her? You thought she was pretty, that's all.
    You have to put your mind and feelings in order. No matter how much you like her, she doesn't know you exist. You have to make it known. Afterwards, if she rejects you, you have to take that pain, process it and move on.

    I doubt objectifying helps.

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    • I agree with you so Im not sure why you disagree with me. You are right that you should have little to no emotional attachment to the women you are pursuing because it would be hard to get over rejection otherwise. When you decide to not really care about the women that much emotionally then you are objectifying her. She is meaningless to you, an object... (to objectify). So really you and I agree with each other.

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    • If anything I have been known to treat people to well. By that I mean to the point where it actually is hurting me, emotionally, economically, etc... I can tell now that you and I will never agree with each other because to me, taking away emotional feeling towards someone means you are seeing them more and more as an object as you care about them less and less. However to you, this is not true, to you taking away emotion just means you aren’t using your emotion in that moment and it doesn’t mean that you are treating them like an object. I have deeply seeded beliefs guiding my view and I am sure you have yours so we are just going to have to leave it at that.

    • Well, as long as you know what you are doing. I don't really care how anyone thinks about others, because I will never know. lol.
      I just hope they don't go out hurting each other. :D

  • Not all men, I think it's just the ones the women want.

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  • For the last time, what you call *objectification* is plain simply lust, and is just a part of human nature. I'm tired of hearing of this prudish nonsense.

    I fail to see what is the problem with lust in itself, I think it is just a natural part of being human to have sexual desire for some people simply because they are physically atractive, without much or any romantical interest in them.

    The only problem I see, is to lie about what your intentions are. Especially, if you only want sex, you should be sincere about it. And if they don't want to simply have sex with you, accept it and move on.

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  • I invite Feminists and "stop objectifying women" campaigners into man's inner circle.

    Men sexualise women because WE ARE MEN.

    Women sexualise men too, but I believe it's in a more subtle way and it isn't such a taboo.

    You should listen to how me and my roomates act when we're out "on the prowl".

    "Fuck me she has nice legs" "I'd fuck her so bad man"... It's us being men. We aren't assaulting her, raping her, attacking her... we're being men.

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    • Let me stop you right there.

      Some women genuinely have that same response. But I'm not about to proclaim "Women sexualize men because they're MEN too!"

      No, it's just a part of some people's nature. I don't think it's right or wrong. It just is.
      They're not raping, assaulting, or objectifying. They're reacting to their own nature.

      Objectifying is when you completely remove or do not consider a person's human nature. If you deny their emotions, their autonomy, or fail to see they have their own life and shit to deal with, then you are objectifying them. And that objectification is what is wrong.

      But I will tell you this. That reaction doesn't make you a man. It doesn't make you not a man. It just is part of YOUR nature.
      And I point this out because I do not share that nature.
      I have looked at a woman and thought "Those are some killer legs." and "She's really attractive." but I've never had a desire to have sex with them based on those reasons. And some people don't.

  • I will not say objectification doesn't exist. I will state that it isn't just men. Women do it to. Everyone does it at some point. It's part of being human and having dreams/fantasies. But not everyone objectifies members of the opposite/same sex.

    I have only felt the sting of rejection once because I acted like an ass hat. Since then, every girlfriend I've had have been the first asked after a break up, and the first to say yes.

    Showing emotion is not a weakness. I'll happily discuss my distaste of something or cry in front of my friends. And they do the same in return. Society is becoming more accepting of men's emotions, which is awesome, but then again our society is moving away from following fact in favor of following emotion. That shit needs to stop.

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  • no the reason I objectify women is cause they like it

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  • What a load of complete and utter crap! We know emotion is not a sign of weakness, TELL THAT TO WOMEN! The vast majority of men DO NOT repeat DO NOT objectify women. Simply more bullshit feminist propaganda.

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  • I will agree to some extent. The ever present worry of rejection does mean that we have to develop thicker skins, stop caring about what the women say etc etc.
    I think another problem here is how men and women reject each other. Men in my experience will shower the girl with compliments and nice words, whereas girls well... They're rarely as nice about it. Might be something men made happen for all I know, but it is the situation we're in.

    If you care about every girl you ask out, flirt with etc then you're just begging to be hurt. That is the part I agree with.

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  • Everyone objectifies each other. Men are just more obvious about it.

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  • I agree with you somewhat and disagree with you somewhat. Where I agree with you is where you said men objectify women as a defensive mechanism for being rejected. This is true. I've felt that way before. In fact I'm sure we all have. I'm sure women who are rejected have their own defensive mechanisms for dealing with that too.

    Here's where I disagree. It's not that what you're saying isn't true, but in my case I objectify women for a different reason.. well really multiple reasons.

    1) Has more to do with my past experiences. Yeeeeah I have been rejected in the past and it did have an impact, but the main part of it was really not the rejections. Instead it was really a concoction of finding that inner softness in attraction.. that part where the girl is the opposite of the one who rejects and then a part of it being rejection itself and sexual abuse.

    2) Eventually in life I realized that there are multiple types of people we call females. There's little girls... not of age but of mind. There's women. Then there's bitches. The sooner a guy knows there's a difference the better. Not every female deserves to be objectified, but some? That's all they will be... an object. Nothing more. Nothing less.

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