Hello, My Name Is: "Not Your Second Choice"

Hello sir, my name is Not Your Second Choice, and I have a story to share with you. Once upon a time, my self-esteem was low, and I didn’t love myself. Subsequently, once upon a time I might have overlooked you mistaking me for Your Second Choice, given how close our names are after all. Back then, I might have believed you when you said you made a mistake, or that you were sorry; I would have considered that maybe you really meant it when you said you just weren’t emotionally available then, or that you were having a selfish phase that wasn’t indicative to the real you. I might have still considered giving you that rare second chance, back when I was too weak to say: my name isn’t Your Second Choice.

But no longer.

I am no longer that person, I am now: Not Your Second Choice. It is a title that I wear proudly, and a title that will never waver, because while I don’t consider myself a perfect ten in the department of looks, skill, and so on, I am still more than Your Second Choice. I am smart, I am kind, and I am devoted; I would love you with all of my being, and would cook the best damn steak you ever had. But that would only be under the circumstance that you made me your First Choice. Because any person, man or woman, with self-respect will not settle for being the option you fall back on when other ventures don’t pan out. If you want to date other girls, I support you and wish you the best, but don’t expect me to sit and wait like a spaniel as though you are my Only Choice. Because you aren’t, sir, you are not my only choice. Yes, you may be painful to lose, but I would sooner lose you than settle for being second best; the fallback plan; the rebound; an escape plan. I’m worth more than that, whether you see it or not.

Hello, My Name Is: NOT YOUR SECOND CHOICE


If you cannot recognize me by my true name – Not Your Second Choice – then you are much better off not getting to know me at all, because I am not going to wait around for you to decide that I just might have been the one you called Your First Choice. For I am not an option that you can set aside and take out when you realize I might be worth something to you, I am not going to be another name on your list of potentials, I am not going to be the bandaid that fixes your recently failed relationship.

You either want me, and only me, or you are simply wasting time.


0|0
10|26

Join the discussion

0/2500

Submit

What Guys Said 26

  • This is precisely the attitude that strengthens your self-confidence without giving you any arrogance or bitchiness.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Well... Um. Someone's upset.

    1|2
    0|0
    • I was, but that's the beauty of using expression to write.

    • Easily. Write away, dear girl. Write away.😁

  • As I always say about the best takes sometimes you just have nothing to add - Well said, good job.

    5|2
    0|0
  • Girl will reserve these kinds of walls of text to the guys they are really attracted to. The one's that makes them hot and bothered qnd not by coincidence, usually the ones with options.

    Other, less noteworthy guys don't get walls of text. They simply fall into oblivion as the girl quicly forget about them. And this reguardless othe their eagerness of making the girl their number one. Because as some see it, where's the achevment of being number one if you're the only one?

    As a guy, you have to make them wish to be your number one. And for that you at least have to make her feel that she's not also the only and last one.

    0|1
    0|0
  • You are right to feel the way you do as you value yourself. Because of your lack of skill your not my type.

    1|0
    0|0
    • Uh, I wasn't concerned about being your type but thanks?

    • Show All
    • Oooh I see, rereading it I got what you meant, my mistake.

    • We're cool. Being yourself is the best road to happiness

  • So many people settle, and run off the second something better (in their opinion) comes along. That's what my girlfriend did after 3 years of us being together. It's an awful way of losing someone. You realise you were just 2nd best all that time and she was just putting up with you despite everything she said. That kind of thing can easily make you bitter if you let it.

    0|0
    0|0
  • good for you in standing up for your self. some guys might not like it but who cares, you deserve to be treated with the same dignity and respect like you give to others.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I wish I could have gotten my first choices. Now, unless they should be free again, all that's left are second choices and down. It's like... there's nothing good I can do. Go after someone I'm only lukewarm about and have it probably fall apart due to it coming out that they are my second choice, or saying nothing and languishing in a relationship I have no enthusiasm for, feeling just as alone as if I were single... or just be single for life.

    I know it's a bad thing to do to treat someone like a second choice. And yet, all I can do is that or nothing. It's lousy for everyone.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I choose 3 and none are my first second or third choice, I am equally devoted to them all :) polyamory rox my sox

    0|1
    0|0
    • Hey to each their own man, I wish you happiness there.

    • I'm extremely happy thank you! I wish you happiness too :)

  • Why then, is it okay for guys to be just a name on a girl's list of potentials? Y'all seem to be perfectly happy when you're the choosers who can make guys line up for a mere chance with you.

    0|2
    1|1
    • It isn't okay, not at all. If you also noticed by my responses to other men, in the early stages of dating it's completely okay to have multiple options. But if you get to a point where you are leading somebody on as though you are going to be exclusive whilst hiding another relationship from this person, I don't believe that's okay. If you simply want to date casually you should make that known, and that goes for men and women.

    • Show All
    • I clearly used 'you' in the generic sense, so that wasn't an issue at all. My post had a somewhat accusatory tone, which was by design. I don't like that men aren't allowed to point out double standards in the current milieu because we're somehow seen as oppressors and the bearers of power, even when we're 19 years old, unemployed and penniless. I think it's time women were called to account for their own double standards. Doesn't mean they were your idea, I'm just pointing them out as an avenue for discussion.

    • I think that it's good that you bring light to it, because it was never something I knew before now.

  • Very good. Im glad you have decided to give up being a victim and join us in the adult world

    1|0
    0|1
  • I'm not a second option either. I've been called that and I left over it. You go girl!

    2|1
    0|0
  • man this sounds a lot like a swoozie vid, I've never been in a relationship so i can't say i actually understand a lot of being a second choice or even choosing a second choice, but i think it is all equality like you said, treat as youd like to be treated

    0|0
    0|0
    • Swoozie is bae.

    • LOL IKR!!! jk but he's really awesome an down to earth, taken a lot of what he say's to heart

    • Me as well my friend me as well.

  • Who are you talking to?

    0|0
    0|0
    • The voices in my head, who else?

    • Show All
    • If being who I am as an individual makes me generic then I am happy to be generic. I've also never stated anything about not appreciating failure, I think this experience has shaped me for the better but that doesn't mean I can't acknowledge what I was going through when I wrote this. I believe very much in expression and that was the purpose of this take. I'm not under the assumption that I should never experience heartbreak, I understand that it happens. I think you are making assumptions about me quite frankly and you missed the entire point of the take.

    • You missed the point of my point coz it was cryptic

  • Er... With that profile picture, you can be my first choice. o. o;;;; Almost makes me want to start dating again. >.> That black choker kills me every time.

    Though, good luck finding a guy who only wants you. At least, at the beginning. They pretty much have to shotgun to find someone who is interested in them. Just like you can't sit around and wait like a spaniel, neither can they. I think this post could also apply to men. I think a lot of females, maybe even most, often do tend to keep a couple men in reserve to watch them grow and see if they become relationship material, because they see some unactualized potential in them. What's it called. "Back up boys/men."

    Particularly after they've broken up with someone, then call a guy they know likes them just to avoid being single for a bit or for revenge, not for any interest in the guy. I actually had one girl I knew when I was a teen contact me on Facebook after 5 years of not talking. It was so obvious she had just broken up and was really digging the bottom of the barrel to find a guy to tell her ex "Look. I don't need you." Or just to avoid being single. Was not playing that game.

    Unless you're referring to a relationship which was already ongoing and the guy was like "hold up one second, lemme go bang that chick."

    Though, how does your desire fit in with porn and guys pervasively looking at other women? In that case, you would be asking for quite a lot, don't you think? Given the male instinct coded into the brain.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Like I have said to other guys with this sort of response: in the early stages I 100% understand, especially if it's casual. But when you get to the point where you're telling a girl you only want her, and that she's special and you want to be more it isn't fair or appropriate to then start seeing another woman at the same time in my opinion. If you want to do that, that's okay, but I'd appreciate knowing so I can know and move on appropriately. If it's early, I get that I am not going to be your one and only.

    • Show All
    • The person I wrote this about and I had known each other for 2 years.

    • That clears it up, then.

  • I know one or two women back in my hometown that fit this scenario of being the second choice or whats better known as the side chick. They love to whine and complain to everyone about how there are no nice guys out there, how all guys are jerks, but won’t place a higher value on themselves and believe they are worth more. Most of them are just going to have to learn the hard way. Good on you for breaking out of that mentality and believing you are worth more than that.

    1|2
    0|0
    • Thank you very much.

  • What I don't like about these and similar posters is they are strictly from the woman's point of view. The first poster just sounds like a woman on her high horse. The second poster is basically an ultimatum. If a woman says that to a man, she better be prepared that he might go with the latter or end the relationship.

    0|1
    0|0
    • Uh yeah it's a woman's perspective because I am a woman and I am speaking from a personal perspective. Also, if he wants to pursue other women that is absolutely okay. I take issue with the men who string more than one woman along. If you date casually that's totally acceptable, but don't tell somebody that you want them and only them if you in fact aren't sure of that. At the very least be honest about it so the two of you can handle it appropriately.

    • I agree, be honest if you don't want to commit to someone.

    • Yes, I wouldn't hold it against any guy that honestly didn't want to be committed, I'd thank him for his honesty and just move on accordingly.

  • Started from the side, we still there, started from the side now my whole team still fucking there, started from the side, we still there

    1|1
    0|0
  • Good take. I hope more guys and gals read this one.

    I have never wanted to date more than one person at a time (even in the beginning stages). It's tough enough figuring out how you and one other person feel about each other in my opinion.

    1|1
    0|0
  • In this thread: side hoe gets butthurt.

    0|0
    2|2
    • I am not a hoe, thank you I was however hurt by somebody so you are correct.

    • Show All
    • I don't rely on other people, thank you very much. I never stated I was in love with this person either. I'm independent and completely sound emotionally but I was inspired to write this take. Your personal issues with love and negativity is all on you my friend, you've severely misread this situation.

    • ignore this guy, he's just trying to get under your skin

  • More from Guys
    6

What Girls Said 10

  • This is incredibly powerful! I love it and can't wait to have the courage to say that to someone I have in mind who deserved it over 3 years ago!

    1|0
    0|0
  • Thanks for sharing, you are right, no one deserves to be the second choice.

    If one agrees or has agreed to be, it has been because some reasons, one has been afraid to been alone and another because you have a crush on him or her.

    In That case, one has to work on the self-esteem.

    1|0
    0|0
  • We are all second choices though

    I agree with the I'm not perfect but good enough

    1|0
    0|0
  • Yes, this is who I am, always have been and been advised by millions of articles, friends and magazines not to be so black and white. The advice was all about how to soften yourself up and dumb yourself down and put up with bs to keep a man. I don't need to keep a man that badly. The right man makes you his first choice and sticks to it. I am capable of committment, and I don't have time for people who feel uncertain about my value. I ad a man like that recently who thought he could put me on the backburner. I let him know as soon as he got evasive that the ship sailed.

    Everyone should be like this rather than being someone else to keep a man or woman. Guys, stop putting up with friendzoning. Girls, stop putting up with men who think they can use you without giving anything in return.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Amen, dear! And, perfectly timed, in my case. Thank you so much for posting this. It's something in which I really needed to see. No one should be a second choice...

    1|1
    0|0
    • You are most welcome.

  • Bravo. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

    You've made a gullible and impressionable 16 year old more confident in her decisions

    1|2
    0|0
  • Another nice take

    0|0
    0|0
  • Girl... thank you for this. You are so right. I'm in this situation now and this was really helpful and encouraging to read. It's an extremely difficult thing to walk through.

    3|0
    0|0
  • You have a strange name. It's very exotic.

    2|0
    0|0
  • Amen!! But no fear, losers like this always come crawling back.

    1|0
    0|0
Loading...