Could This Be Why You Are Single?

[Anonymous]

Many people complain about not being able to get a girlfriend or boyfriend. Many of those complaining though I found didn't do many of the things nessasary to get a date.

1. Get out of the house more

As straight forward as this sounds you can't find a date sitting at home. Go out socialize and meet new people. This does not mean you have to go to bars if you don't want to. There are many ways to get involved such as volenteer work, clubs and community events. Get out of the house.

2. They don't approach people

ladies and gentlemen if you are interested in someone you should introduce yourself. You can't expect the other person to make the first move.

3. To high of standards

If you expect all your partners to be attractive, smart, funny, educated and have a good job you will be waiting awhile. Don't expect more from someone else then what you can provide yourself. If you are average you are probably not going to get a date with Emma Watson. Go out and give people a chance before you reject them, they may surprise you.

4. Being afraid of rejection

You will be rejected, often. It happens and it hurts but don't let it stop you

5. Being negative

No one wants to be around someone who complains all the time.

6. This is the most important part, you have to put in an effort

Mr./Mrs. Right is not going to fall from the sky and land on your lap. You have to find them.

This won't garentee you a date but it's a good start.

This is based on my personal experience and may not work for everyone. (This is my first myTake so please forgive me if it's not written well.)

[Sixgun77]

Interesting. Over the last year or two I keep hearing about women not wanting to be approached. We're not supposed to approach a pretty girl walking down the street. The girl in the bookstore or gym doesn't want men talking to her. You get told not to try to meet people at a bar. The girls dressed to kill at nightclubs just want to dance with their friends and aren't there looking for guys.

This is all stuff I've read or been told. I work in manufacturing, not going to meet women in the small shop I'm at. I'm in my late thirties, most people I know are taken, and so are their friends. If I get together with people for game nights and other stuff we dig, same situation. Where else is left? Where is it "ok" to approach women these days?

Then there's this: I wear my heart in my sleeve, and have a very hard time bullshitting anyone. Women seem to hate it when they can tell you really like them. I was brought up a certain way, you look someone in the eye when you speak to them. I'm told that's aggressive and creepy. Same thing for walking up and introducing myself.

This probably sounds horribly negative, but it's just a list. I'm a pretty happy and positive person for the most part. Is all this just Maryland and the rest of the country isn't like this? Occams razor seems to suggest I'm unattractive and have no social skills.

[myTake Owner]

I found it was really easy to meet people of all ages at community events and volenteer work. But any easy going environment or social event works great. When approaching someone I found discussing a non romantic normal topic works best. Such as the event you are currently at (be positive if you can), or if they are wearing a shirt from a show or band you recognize or if you have a mutual friend is great. Please understand that some people you approach might be currently dating someone and that's okay just move forward.
I found that when you approach like this you are less likely to creep someone out and at the very least you met new people and maybe made a few friends. People do get rejected and that's okay it's a normal part of dating.
Even if you are unattractive and socially awkward like you say you can still find a partner because finding someone is about trial and error. Each time you get rejected you learn and improve via mistakes. Just don't stop trying

[myTake Owner]

Once you get a simple conversation going and things go along smoothly you can approach and ask to get out for coffee or something in the future or a phone number. By not just jumping into heavy flirting right away you greatly reduce your chances of hitting on a girl with a partner or someone who just blatantly has no interest in anyone. Aswell even if you get rejected after the conversation they are more likely to be kind about it and it becomes less embarrassing for you. This is the best advice I can give for approaching strange women. This may not work for everyone but it is based on my personal experience and successful attempts I've seen other people make such as friends and coworkers

[myTake Owner]

Hope this helps

[Sixgun77]

Thanks for the encouragement. I do keep trying. My poor friends say its like watching a train wreck watching me try to even start a conversation lol.

[myTake Owner]

Lol I know a bunch of friends like that. They managed just took a little longer

[Anonymous]

Well, I used to think that I was single because I didn't get out of the house and because I didn't approach people.
But now I know that I'm single because I'm a black girl living in Europe and I'm not interested nor attracted to the guys from the country where I live.
So, these are my reasons.

[phil2]

Lol!

[Opinion Owner]

This is absolutely true. And I just realized it now...
@phil2

[Rufus335]

I think this is horrible advice. Don't think about it this hard. Of course you need to be positive. Of course you need to get out of the house more. But the true underlying mistake guys are making is not being true to themselves. I know how stupid it sounds but the first thing you should do is find your own pleasures and hobbies ( no not just video games ) and when you least expect it that girl / guy will come around.

Your interests don't need to intersect for example you might not meet a girl snowboarding or at the gym but the confidence and positive mindset will radiate. Again I know how stupid it sounds but seriously for the guys here. We're all alpha males and don't need to hone in on the ladies. We need to kick back and then I don't know at the grocery store accidentally see a cute girl. You will be confident with your career hobbies health etc and I don't know say same gibberish like "I heard cinnamon toast crunch makes you your hair fall out" try to come up with something more sophisticated but my point is that it can literally be anything just don't try so hard. And if you miss your first chance there's always another in the next aisle. Just please stop trying so hard, the women can tell and subconsciously tune you out.

For the ladies, all you have to do is smile. That's all it should take to get the guys attention and if hen doesn't approach you he either has self confidence issues and you don't want that or isn't attracted.

If your trying to get someone to notice you guys and girls you're trying to hard. Move on. It should be an accidental. Listen to accidentally in love - counting crows. Always cheers me up

[Beaver19]

What's wrong with too high of standards? Honestly I can't stand the idea of people saying 'oh give them a shot are you Prince Charming?' To others, it's not about what you are etc, if you are a decent competent person you deserve to be with someone you find very physically attractive initially, yes you may have a harder time but hey it's far more worth it that giving someone you find plain or average a chance,

Personally girls never grow on me, attractive ones have lost face if they are pricks but no less than attractive girl will ever have a date with me (although attractiveness is somewhat subjective there is a one size fits most I'd say)

People should just keep going until one they find attractive says yes

[myTake Owner]

Just not many will fit your idea of attractive therefore limiting your dating pool. While it's okay to have high standards it is a reason to be single because generally it take you longer to get a date because it severely limits your options

[Beaver19]

That's true of course, but to me that's what makes it even more special, it's an attractive looking girl who gets along with me who even returns it, that's worth s thousand dates with an average looking girl etc.

Whether we want to admit it or not humans are physical creatures, yeah it'll limit the pool and take longer (I've turned down a few girls who had s a thing for me) but it's way more special and I'll actually value her.

I personally find any guy who only wants a real relationship like myself tends to be much more strict on looks, guys just looking for sex don't dare so much about looks as they are going more for numbers of partners whereas guys like myself want only one, meaning she must be very attractive and also special. It's harder to find yes, but like I said we only need a few or even one if it works out right away

[Rufus335]

Rock your high standards bro. I waited (had some one nighters) but the perfect girl does come around. I would say I get the chance twice a year with my ideal chick. I do recommend hitting the gym if your looking for a fit chick and if you dread that idea focus on the money, there is a gold digger out there that suits your needs.
I share a similar mind set to you and maybe you don't need this advice but when you get your chance with that dime, don't overdo it. Treat her like a nickel.

[Beaver19]

Well I only want one (if it worked out you get what I mean) I don't know if that's how you view it but for me a gold digger wouldn't really work since that's not really real or long lasting, I'm not saying my girl needs to be a gym but just so long as she's slender, many girl are naturally built that way or at least jog etc, me I jog some and even do go to the gym however all I get is tone no mass, I'm a very small guy weight wise but I don't look pencil neck, just very slender (most guys in my dads side are built the same way we just don't gain weight)

The only big issue for myself is probably that a couple years back my body went through something like shock, during that time it cut resources to non essentials to keep itself going (nails hair etc) while I made a full recovery the hair that I lost never will, so I do have to shave my head bald now, been doing it for over a year, I work it alright, my face and eyes work great with it and the shape is decent so I doubt it'll hinder me

[CoolSky01]

thats nice and all and i agree but its easier said than done , most girls are taken so approaching them is not a good idea , they're gonna be a bitch about it ( trust me iam speaking from experience ) , going out costs money that many people dont have (Especially me ) iam not negative in fact i got lots of attention from girls , but as i said they're msotly taken or too busy to be approached and its not about rejection its about my reputation , how would you feel as a guy if you were treated like shit by a girl? it happens if you're 100% sure she wants you and you dont know her personally... sure some can pull off the cold approach thing but it doesn't always work... and one more thing as a student (no job even ) i can assure you that meeting girls while is something i want to do on daily basis is simply not possible with my schedule.

[Anonymous]

Nope, it's none of these. The worst part is that I don't know. And I'm not trying to sound like one of those, "why don't girls like me, I'm nice" people like that. I hate that shit.

My issue is, I'll hit it off with a girl and I'll have a good few dates or so and then out of the blue they pull a 180 and just disappear without any explanation. The scary part is, it makes me feel like I have some major personality flaw that I'm unaware of and they feel like I can't handle me knowing it which leaves me to keep fucking up.

[aficionado]

The reason 4 is responsible for me being single for over 5 years now. I have been in 2 relationships, but in both cases, the girls themselves made a move. During the past 5 years, I have asked just one girl out, and gotten rejected.

In general, I have (or rather, used to have) a morbid fear of rejection, and the belief that I will never be 'good enough' for women to date. I'm gradually feeling more confident, though. :)

[myTake Owner]

That's great to hear that your confidence is growing and Rejection is a normal part of dating. Everyone has some fear about rejection both girls and guys but if everyone played into that fear no one would ever have a relationship:).

[aficionado]

I agree! Maybe I should just play the numbers game. Keep asking women out, until the 10th, 209th, or 50th woman eventually says 'yes'! I mean... they can't all turn me down, right? :)

[myTake Owner]

It could work lol but I wouldn't approach someone you had no interest in

[aficionado]

But if I stick to only those I am interested in, would it not reduce my dating pool a lot, especially since it's HER who has to say 'yes' or 'no'? So i thought maybe it's best to keep asking women out, irrespective of my interest, and then try to develop interest in whoever is kind enough to give me a chance to dater her.

[aficionado]

*date her

[Rufus335]

It's good to ask out a bunch of chicks even if your not interested. Tons of girls have strung me along and so I see no problem doing it to them and honestly it makes you so much more attractive to the girl you actually want ( I'm not recommending sleeping with a bunch of chicks ) I'm saying just talk and practice flirting. There's nothing wrong with that

[serious]

Out of all this point no #3 totally is true is my case. Yes I do have high standards, very high standards and both my physical and personality standards for the kind of woman I want are very high.

However I also know that will never happen, I am fine with that. I have already decided to stay single till death and so it doesn't matter also. I have no regrets and I am 100% happy being single.

[Anonymous]

Didn't open up to someone until I turned 21.

Guess what happened.,

He cheated on me and rejected me in many ways.

That's what I get for "taking the leap'? That's what I get for going out there, putting myself out there, and approaching people?

Because believe me, I did A LOT of the initiating.

I'd rather be single and sexless than with someone who lies to me

[CBryan]

No, some of us are single because statistically, its not worth trying anymore.
It's like trying to punch Chuck Norris, you know its not going to happen, and you're just going to get beat up every single time you try. You come to a point when you go, "this isn't a good idea anymore"...

[Transigence]

1, 2, 3, and 6 for me.
2, 4, and 6 don't even apply to women.

[myTake Owner]

A man shouldn't be expected to make the first move, so if you are a woman and want to try to get a date I believe 2,4 and6 should apply to you.

[Transigence]

I agree with you. I'm sorry we're in the minority. :_(

[myTake Owner]

Agreed

[Anonymous]

For me that's #2. I don't approach people if I don't know them. Approaching random people in social settings is pointless to me.
And I love my best friend. I'm afraid to lose her and what we already have.

[NerdInDenial]

I don't care if I'm single or not. I'm not desperate to anchor myself. So, it's not the end of the world if I am.

[Araya]

Nope. I'm single because I want to me and there aren't quality guys around.

[Alwaysthere85]

None of the above for me. I'd say I'm single because I'm a commitment phobe.

[Anonymous]

Forgot #7 being unattractive. You could be outgoing, a social beast, good personality and all, but if you're unattractive, it doesn't matter.

[myTake Owner]

That goes with to high of standards, go for someone in you league you might have more success

[Opinion Owner]

No it doesn't. I know guys who have never went for the 10's 9's 8's 7's 6's. They would consider 5's 4's but 5's and 4's can be just as stuck up and shallow as any woman above a 5.

[capncool]

Number 7, meeting the wrong people

Number 8, having terrible luck

:P

[OpenWine]

I order 2 and 4 and probably if it isn't too expensive 5 aswell for takeout. or just give me a nr. 6 happymeal

[lacorine197]

1 and 2 are definitely me Right on the money lol. I love sitting in my house if I don't have to work, go to school, do business, be with family

[Anonymous]

Anyways not every person that is single is desperate for a partner.

[Anonymous]

Number 4 was my biggest problem when I was younger lol

[Dan2287]

This is all pretty accurate for me