Common Mistakes I Think Men Make When Asking Out/Dating Women (Page 2)
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Another well written essay containing the correct advice in an easy to read, organized, concise manner.
I definitely agree with all of these.
If a man says "I want to buy you dinner" or "I want to take you to dinner" he better be paying. Don't tell me you're gonna buy me a horse if you expect me to pay for it myself.
Why can't you guys pay half and half. Go dutch. Where's the problem?
If one asks out he/she should pay. @MilkyAmy
@MilkyAmy splitting a check does not belong in dating. You can certainly take turns. but if you can't afford a dinner, then there are other things you can do on a date. Certainly it depends on where you live, the weather, and your age. If your really young, you may not have money. But no dad is going to refuse his son a twenty to take a girl out. esp a first date...
can't argue with any of those "mistakes"
the not making it clear that you are interested is a big big one. saying you want to go out sometime is a lot different than making clear that you have some sort of romantic interest
So, if I already "hung out" with my crush three times, how do I make it specific that I wanna take her on a date next time? (If I ever get enough courage to do that).
Ask her to go on a DATE. Simple: "Hey, so and so, I think you're really cool and really pretty so I was wondering if you wanted to on a date with me?"
Wouldn't it be weird to suddenly say "I think you're really cool and really pretty" after I've known her for like a year and a half.
I don't see why it would be.
This was insightful.
Number one was a real eye opener.
What's a nice way of phrasing "I want to take you out to dinner and Go Dutch"?
"Hey, did you want to maybe split on dinner sometime?"
There is no nice way that's not going to make you seem cheap. I wouldn't bring it up for a first date
@Dragonstarterplus I only pay for people that I have the highest respect for, otherwise I see no point.
get a convo going then joke about taking her out on a date if you weren't so poor. hopefully she'll get the hint.
How about just inviting her for a drink, a coffee, icecream, frozen yogurt, hotdogs, or any other small treat you CAN actually afford. Or get creative. E. g. a picnic can probably end up less expensive. Or some really specially discounted movie tickets, or museums, or musical activities. A walk, a bike ride, etc.
Anyway it kind of depends on what each of you wants from a relationship. If you are both in college and just want to hang out, the above suggestions will probably be a good way to pass time until you are more financially ready for a serious future. But if you are looking for a potential future partner, & you find out that she is too, then it would be wise for you to have some financial stability in your life by now, & it would be wise to accept that she probably expects that from you too. So if you can't really afford an average costing dinner, you're probably not the right partner someone would like to team up with for the rough ride of married life; and trust me, IT IS ROUGH!
@BeautifulMind59 It's not matter of my finances, I have enough to spend on myself on another person for all of these activities. This makes her a gold digger if a girl can't pay for herself which is very undesirable. I've met girls that are responsible and can pay for themselves but sadly most expect to be pampered.
I agree with you. It's sad, but it's true.
Have you ever seen the movie "A good woman"? At the very end, a guy tells his friend: "Leave her. She just wants you for your money." He replies something on the lines of: "I know. It's possible. But I'm prepared to accept it. It's still worth it to me. On the other hand do you think I would've dated her if she was ugly?"
Now beauty was his personal preference. We all have our own.
But there is some truth to it. We all want something from a relationship. It depends on what we want to trade in for whatever they have to offer. It's only fair. I think it's unfair to expect unconditional love if we are not willing to go unconditional too. I just think it's more realistic to accept that we all have needs and wants. We're human. There's no guilt to it, and no bitter feelings towards the other person. No judgements at all.
If being pampered makes her happy, and something she has makes you feel happy, then why not? Who's to say it won't work?
I'm sorry if you feel used or offended. Just blame it on the muddle modern life has created for our not so modern instincts. Today they say men & women are equal. I don't agree. Men & women aren't mathematically equal. I rather think men & women have equal rights to having their needs met. And those needs are definitely not the same.
So, back to our instincts, the pleasure of being pampered comes from our caveman days. Back then healthy & strong were the way to go. It was just natures way of ensuring survival. Today, the equivalent to strength & health is wealth. If you are willing & capable to provide for me & my future children, then you are a good potential mate. Sorry. We're just hardwired that way. We don't even have a clue. It's the first thing that creeps it's way into our minds before the "equality" teachings of modern life even have a chance to upload. Same thing with guys. Why do you think guys are more attracted to girls with bigger bootie?
... It was natures way of saying those women have more room to carry a baby, and so had higher chances of reproducing. Same goes for nice skin. It is a sign of a better functioning hormonal system which in turn means a higher fertility rate. Oh, and fatter women who were all the hot fashion back then, meant their bodies were better able to store food, & they were better investments because they were food savers, & so would survive longer & be better able to nourish their offspring. But today, skinnier women are hotter, which means they are healthier, more energetic, more capable and more successful and smarter.
Now we can call men who go for better physical appearance "a superficial guy who only cares about hot sex" & feel insulted which lots of people out there do - the equivalent to your "gold-digger" adjective. And we can go on calling each other names. Or, you can pull out that wallet, and we can get on that treadmill, and all live happily ever after.
@BeautifulMind59 I'm not offended just shocked that someone living in the 21st century can say "I want equality but you should pay for shit". I've met women (not many) that I classify as modern since they think the same way I do. I detest traditional women since there's nothing less attractive to me than a leech. I want a career woman, one with ambition and who is independent.
You make it seem like money is the cost for having a girlfriend. I disagree. I only spend money on myself and those closest to me. A person has to prove to me that they're deserving of me spending on them.
What do I exchange for her making me happy?
My time and my company should be sufficient. I know what type of person I am and the benefits of a girl being with me is that there's never a dull moment. She must in exchange be as pleasant to be with.
A woman must first earn my respect before I can be with her. She must prove that she is a good match, otherwise I have no reason to invest my time and energy into her.
What's your girlfriend like?
@BeautifulMind59 I'm single atm, I came to this realization when I met a girl who exhibited all of the characteristics aforementioned. Sadly she has a boyfriend but she is still a really good friend of mine. She literally raised the bar for what I require in a woman to be compatible with me.
Just read your own comments. All you talk about is money, shares, valuable characteristics, exchanging, reason, a good/bad match, investing, ambition, independence, worth, deserving, responsibility, benefit, sufficient, time, money, energy...
It sounds more like a business proposition. Which, let's be honest, is realistic AND the bitter truth. You're clearly looking for a good deal. Why shouldn't she do the same? Why should she just accept you for who you are without your willing to go the extra mile? Do you have some kind of royal blood in your veins?
On the other hand, your first question is "what is a nice way to ask a person out and go dutch?" You are already implying that it's a rude thing to do. Which means you already believe most girls to be traditional.
I would just go ahead and ask to split dinner. Be straightforward. If she's not traditional, she won't be offended, and will even have good cause to be happy about it. If on the other hand, she is traditional, she...
... will just refuse your offer right then and there. And it will make things a lot easier for you, because you will have recognized the "leech" right from the beginning, and saved yourself lots of "time, money, and energy" investment.
I just spent a lot of effort to describe the reality of life. It's hardwired into our systems. We may not like it, but that's just the way we are. I personally believe that by asking us to go against our natural instincts, modern life is pretty much expecting us to walk on our hands, which we are clearly not designed to do. You can argue that "why should legs get to do the hard work carrying so much weight around, but hands just get to type on a keyboard and sit around all day and look nice. It's not fair." But we each have a role we are well designed to fulfill.
Anyway, if you give my words some thought, and maybe try to test my theory, you may pretty soon have a good girlfriend next to you.
Good luck.
@BeautifulMind59 Yes I treat it as a business transaction because everything in life can be boiled down to its basic elements. There's just a different currency being used and different parameters.
Of course she's thinking the same thing I'd be surprised if she wasn't. The way I see it, a date is when 2 individuals meet and enjoy each others company with the intention of creating a relationship.
All I ask from the girl is that she be self sufficient and have an awesome personality and I'll reciprocate.
The extra mile is what I have a problem with. I want to be in a relationship of equals not one where one party does more than the other to gain his/her affection.
The reason I asked what's a nice way to phrase "I want to take you out to dinner and Go Dutch" is because the delivery of an idea is important. I don't want to come off cheap. I know that I'm morally correct since I live by the golden rule.
I see traditionalist dating as oppressive.
Yep.
If not right away then whens the best time to state your sexual intentions? What if you want to have sex first then see where the relationship goes after?
Don't get why sex has to be a bad thing to bring up early on.
Because a lot of girls avoid being "used." There is a casual sex culture (which is completely fine) that a lot of people don't want to invite into the dating world. For a lot of women (certainly not all but a lot of girls who look for committed relationships) we don't like the idea of sex defining the relationship, and then of course there is the whole stigma with women and sex. If we give it up too easy, we're sluts, we're "loose", etc. Then like I said, there are guys who will just have sex with you and leave, then there's the whole not being comfortable having sex with someone you don't know very well. Bringing it up too early comes across like all you care about is sex, not the person you're talking to.
I find it idiotic how women fear of 'being used,' as if sex is solely a pleasure for men. It's idiotic that women are too afraid of being sexual.
To me, sex is important. And I want my future partner to feel the same way too. To me it feels more like a method of filtering out women who are unworthy if they're too afraid even of the topic of it. Besides, I don't want to hide my intentions and it's dumb for a guy to censor himself.
I don't think it's idiotic to feel fearful of anything especially when it's a genuine concern.
Sex is important, I agree. But this is the thing: sex isn't something to be avoided completely, I never stated that. But in the very, very early stages I don't personally think it's appropriate. It's amazing how when you get to actually know a person how much more willing they'll be to discuss the topic. For me it should come up when you see sex being a prospect in the near future and it should be openly discussed. But if you barely know the girls name and sex is immediately what you jump into you'll likely be met with a lot of hesitation.
Mind you, you are at your discretion to go about things 100% the way you want and feel how you want about it, this isn't mandatory advice, clearly. If you're doing well in the dating world going about it the way you do, do you man.
Now advices for women.
TRY TO FUKING MAKE DATE PLANs AND GET THE CORAGE TO ASK US OUT!
I drop the mic.
See ya.
I actually advocate that women should ask men out, I have stated that in a lot of my opinions and I personally have asked multiple men out.
I agree with all of these.
Ok but how exactly do you offer to go dutch without coming off as cheap?
Although many of my dates haven't panned out, at least I can say I've never made these mistakes.
I dont understand why some females give guys a harsh rejection after just asking one time. I mean i can see if he was persistent and didn't let it go but if a guy asks a girl out only once and she's a bitch to him i dont understand that
I assuming the is advise for the usa?
If your European (excluding uk and ireland) ignore this advice !
"Colour of her butthole?" isn't that the same color as her skin?
No... It never is...
Unless bleached but why ask that
@FantasyGeek05 It was in the mytake.
It was a joke...
I have never actually seen a butthole up close so how should I know.
This take went from being about dating to butt holes.
I have seen everything.
That all sounds about right but I keep it simple and just don't over think things.
Nice MyTake, but those mistakes are one of the reasons why I'm still single, because I can't ask girls out... I'm too shy :(
Wow. I just don't want to go on a date with most girls. No wonder I'm lonely.
this is the reason i don't go on dates
way too complicated
How about you and I go on a date, dinner and a movie?
If a man asks a woman to just "hang out" he just wants to get laid.