Common Mistakes I Think Women Make When Asking Out/Dating Men

It’s been a long time coming, but here it is: just like my earlier myTake, Common Mistakes I Think Men Make When Asking Out/Dating Women, I’ve finally done a female version as per requested. I’m not going to lie, I was more hesitant to do this one because, in my experience, the ladies tend to be a little more sensitive on the subject. But, I’d be doing everybody a disservice if I didn’t keep my word, so I did it anyways.

Like all of my takes, please keep in mind that these are just my opinions, my advice is unlicenced, and obviously not every woman out there is like this and I am not suggesting that. So save the wasted characters by saying “Not all girls are like that!”

I know, but in my experience, A LOT of women make the same four mistakes I’m about to share with you today. So, without further adieu, here are the top four mistakes I think WOMEN make when asking out/dating MEN.

Not asking men out in the first place

If you want something, you have to go and get it and these days. Nothing in life will land in your lap, and if it does, it’s at the cost of someone else’s effort. It’s becoming less and less common with the electronic age for people to be quite as forward and upfront as they used to be; back in the day, it a male’s primary objective was typically to get a girlfriend, and it was expected of him to do all of the pursuing.

But then we ended up in 2016 and this isn’t a 40’s romance.

Common Mistakes I Think Women Make When Asking Out/Dating Women

Of course there are still men who will ask you out, but have you ever noticed that they aren’t quite as quick to do so? That’s because now a days a lot of people won’t take the risk of getting rejected unless they’re positive they’re going to get a pay off. That’s right ladies; that very well means that a guy can like you and still NOT ask you out. Blame all of the unwritten rules of dating and the overall fear of “ruining the friendship” or “getting friendzoned” etc, but either way, if you really want a guy to go out with you, you’re better off actually making some effort.

Too often women rely on the old way of thinking: being subtle is best, and let him make the moves. Here’s the problem: men these days want confident women who know what they want. Sure, maybe there’s more traditional guys out there, but ever since the early 2000’s, confidence has been the sexiest thing since sex, and just like women hunger for a confident man, men want a confident woman who isn't hard to figure out. After all, he wants to date you, not solve the Divinci Code.

Think about it this way: men have a lot of unfair pressure to be the one to do the initiating, to do the courting, to pay for the date, and so on. Women of all people should understand unfair gender-based pressure, considering we got enough of it to last centuries to come. So, the next time you’re sitting there, staring at your crush and berating him in your head for not asking you out, hoist up your big girl panties and go labias to the walls and just tell the guy he’s cool and you want to go out with him. After all, you can’t exactly get mad at him for fearing rejection and not asking him out if you won’t ask him out for the same reason. #hypocrisy

Relying on “games” to advance the relationship

I’m not saying women are manipulative, I’m saying they’re grossly misinformed. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard the following come out of women’s mouths:

How long to I wait until I text him back? I don’t want to seem desperate but like, not uninterested, but like not too available.

So if I make him jealous, he’ll want me more, right?

I’m not just going to tell him I like him! Guys love it when a girl plays hard to get!

No … no … NO! Stop, stop it … Stacy! Rachel! Michelle! Don’t you dare do any of that mind-game bullshit. Stop it … STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHP!!!

Whew, pardon me, needed to get that off of my chest. Back to being serious now, women rely too much on mind games without even realizing they’re playing mind games, believing that by being indirect, unavailable, and so on, that this somehow makes them more desirable. Really, it’s all a game of appearances: they’re so afraid of seeming a certain way that they try to be the bipolar opposite, thinking that this will nullify any chance of them seeming desperate, too available, so on and so forth. Really, all they are doing (in the case of men who are wise to the game) is saying: “I’m extremely unconfident, indecisive, and manipulative, I’m probably not the kind of girl you want to go out with because I’ll likely continue to use mind games to get my way if we ever get into a committed relationship!”

Of course, ladies, you may really not be unconfident, indecisive, or manipulative, but your actions suggest that you might be. Just like how a guy hiding his phone from you might suggest he could possibly be a cheater, relying on mind games may not do you any service in making you look good.

There are better ways of not seeming desperate and undesirable, and it’s as simple as self control. If a guy texts you or calls you, you’re not being “too eager” by answering right away, you’re being courteous and showing interest. Being too eager is responding to his one text or one call with an over excited string of texts or voicemails obsessing over your next opportunity to meet. That is too damn eager.

Also, to whoever made up the concept of making someone jealous to want you more, I’d like to have the opportunity to slap the crap out of you, because that is an unnecessarily cruel thing to do to someone. By doing this, you’re basically saying: “I’m easy” and “I don’t care about your feelings, I just want you to want me more for my own selfish self gratification regardless of if it bothers you. Prepare for an insecure relationship, wee!”

Do not do that shit. If you wouldn’t appreciate him doing that to you, you know damn well you shouldn’t do it to him. Be interested but respect his boundaries and you’ll have zero need for any of these tactics.

Beating herself up too quickly

Alright ladies, I’ve grilled you enough, now it’s time for me to get a little soft and sympathetic here: I get that we’re conditioned to be pretty insecure for a lot of reasons, and that you may be quit to doubt yourself as a result. I think a big mistake women make in dating guys is they think his bullshit, bad behavior (should he show it) is her fault.

It’s not your fault, he’s being a jerk.

I’m not dogging guys as a whole, but most guys can admit that, just like women, there are dickish, manipulative guys who use the very same tactics I accused women of using. These men don’t realize that they’re basically ruining women for the next guy when he pretends to like her only to use her for sex, or when he plays the hot-and-cold game, and so on. Like I said, it’s pretty normal for a lot of women to have issues with their self esteem, and too often I will see good women putting themselves down for the actions of an absolute asshole, and then they wonder why women think manipulation tactics work.

Maybe he ignores me because I was too interested…

Maybe he keeps blowing me off because I’m not pretty enough…

Maybe he won’t go out with me because I gave it up too early…

Maybe he’s an asshole to me because I’m not good enough. I must deserve it.


Honey stop that crap. You are not at fault for somebody treating you like shit unless you were the one treating them like shit first. If you did nothing but like this person and they treat you badly, it’s because there is something wrong with THEM. They are the issue, not you. Abusers and manipulators are the way they are because it’s effective, not because you caused them to be that way. Too many women will let their self esteem be ruined by some asshole, making her untrusting, unconfident, and potentially manipulative to the next guy she meets.

So ladies, the next time a guy treats you like crap, instead of blaming yourself, tell yourself this: anyone who treats you badly simply for liking them is not the kind of person to get hung up on. It’s one thing to cry over spilt milk, but there’s no reason to cry over spilling sour milk.

Stressing over sex

Yes, you heard me: the virgin is talking about women worrying too much about sex. Listen, I may have not had myself a piece yet, but I promise you I have scared guys off by getting too protective and anxious over the idea of having sex, and I feel a lot of women have the same issue and the vice versa.

Sex is slightly more emotional and sacred to a lot of us girls, especially considering our morals and worth are often taken into question if we’ve had what people consider “too many partners.” Somehow, by being sexually active, our worth is diminished and we’re seen as “too easy” or “slutty.” It’s contradictory of course, considering men’s sexual exploits are more celebrated, but that’s a different issue. My point is, is that all of what I have mentioned have conditioned a lot of women to stress themselves out about the right time to have sex.


Not all guys give as much of a shit about that stuff as some of the other arseholes out there ladies. Too often I think women get so wrapped up in: “Is it too early?” or “If I like him taking a pass at me, am I a slut?” or “He brought up sex. I’m not comfortable with this, if I tell him that, will he not like me anymore?”

Just take a breath, step back for a second, and collect yourself.

Sex doesn’t have to be a big deal. Most guys, as long as you’re honest with them about where you stand, will work with you as long as you’re willing to give their feelings a little consideration too. You don’t have to (pardon the language) “protect the pussy” with vicious ferocity to prove to him you’re not a slut. Just the same as you don’t have to give it up if you don’t feel ready. As I got older, I became honest about how I felt about sex, and I was AMAZED at how considerate and understanding most guys were. Sure, there were a few jerks who had their egos hurt by the idea of me not hopping into bed with them, but you know what? Bullet dodged! Any guy who is worth being with will work with you on the whole sexy subject, again, as long as you’re willing to actually work with him too.

Alright ladies and gents, that is all I have for this take. I hope some of you found it insightful or at least entertaining to read because I really enjoyed making it a lot. I look forward to seeing what you all have to say in the threads below and I will see you all in the next one. Also, if you noticed I took out the double spacing between my paragraphs, so if you don't mind, let me know if you find this easier to read or more difficult.

As always, have a great week!


5|10
10|20
RJGraveyTrain is a GirlsAskGuys Editor
Who are Editors?

Join the discussion

0/2500

Submit

What Guys Said 20

  • Great take! Very insightful, girls would be wise to apply it

    1|0
    0|0
  • That is a great take - I don't think you will run into too many problems with it - They are very common mistakes made by SOME girls.

    0|1
    0|0
    • I think many men are jerks when it comes to women. They dont want to loose their independence but therefore for that they turn down nice likable girls becaue they believe hanging out with girls or possible date them is meaning of a "future committment" and they are not ready for that even if they want to remain independent.

    • Show All
    • @kitty71 If you are interested in a guy who values his independence, and he is tentative for that reason, consider finding ways to honor that need of his. What is the minimum you need from his and would that be sufficient to his need for independence? If you can find the middle of that Venn Diagram there might be hope. Can you be in a relationship with a guy and get what you need while offering him enough freedom (but not TOO much) so he doesn't feel TOO constrained? I don't know the answer to that, it is entirely up to the two of you. Good luck!

  • 1. why don't women ask men out, it never happens.
    2. the game women play just hurts them self in the end. they get to stressed over nothing.
    4. starting to date you should not even think about sex, take it out of the equation. when it happens it happens and both of you will know.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Great take.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Make mistakes and learn from them. It's better than not making any mistakes at all.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Why is this featured a 2nd time?

    0|0
    0|0
  • Sexual double standards for women are BS , slut shaming is more woman - woman , than man - woman , this further suppresses female sex drive , which is ( generally ) biologically much lower than a mans. Another excellent take , my faith in womankind has taken a beating , but you are helping me restore some faith , the mind games bit was good !!

    1|0
    0|0
  • "It’s not your fault, he’s being a jerk."

    That's just weak. Things just don't work out. Move on.

    0|0
    0|0
  • See, now you're starting to understand how a man feels when he puts himself on the line with this

    1|1
    0|0
  • "Bipolar opposite" - that made my day!

    0|0
    0|0
  • i really only skimmed to see your headlines and generally i agree. When you refer to girls playing texting games what really is happening is that she's not into him as much to begin with or thinks he's much higher than her on the dating pole. So yes i agree that pretty much automatically mean the relationship is not going to go well. Also yeah if she doesn't do any of the work asking out etc the relationships gunna suck. I love how you take accountability for how you were treated. Im so sick of girls getting upset that i didn't put in enough effort. Why should i put in additional effort if she doesn't even seem to like me at all. Sometimes i wonder why girls agree to second dates with me in the first place when they just dont seem into me at all.

    0|0
    0|0
  • THANK YOU

    3|2
    0|0
  • The mind games drive me nuts but I've noticed I do the same thing sometimes, and I'm trying to stop. You bring up good points I can apply to my own actions

    1|0
    0|0
  • Whoa, amazing MyTake. If you didn't see the name, you would think that this was written by a guy.

    2|0
    0|0
  • Good take, but you're not going to convince any women unfortunately.

    3|8
    0|0
    • What's funny is the fact that even if women did approach more, a lot of men would STILL not get any action.

      Approaching men will not solve the problem. If someone does not want to approach, they don't have to. It's just that men suffer more if they don't than women.

    • @Araya I actually know this first hand. Have had a few women (key word: FEW) approach me. If anything I was quite dumbfounded or just not mentally capable of processing her showing attraction to me in whatever way shape or form (would be different if they were blunt about it which none of them are, despite some more obvious signals.)

    • @Words_and_Wisdom Hmm. That's not good then. I'm all for people approaching whoever they want, but I really don't like when wo/men try to pressure women into approaching men more. That's what irks me about comments like Anonymous and the whole MyTake in general.

      I'm glad that you were approached and I'm sorry that you weren't able to respond in a way that would have let the women know that you were just confused about them being so forward.

      What I guess I'm saying is that there should be a way for women to approach men (if they want to) in a manner that would not leave any man confused about what the women want (some men aren't used to subtleties). Being more forward would be a great step: instead of chatting up a guy randomly, she could tell him she's interested in him and see if he wants to go out sometime.

  • When you've met the kinds of women that will go out of their way to convince the world you're some type of predator, just because you tried to be polite to them and they were ungrateful, the mere act of reaching out to a woman when I'm attracted to her becomes near-impossible. Because I'm made to feel guilty just for wanting to be happy or bring happiness to another.

    As if another's pettiness alone has condemned me to be alone; and it would somehow be some horrible crime if I and a female partner found happiness together.

    Even when I was in relationships, it seemed that third party busybodies were only ever interested in destroying the relationship by any means necessary. When my siblings would enter relationships, they were cheered on. When I entered one, I was treated like garbage for it. Couldn't do much of anything without being judged / harassed by others.

    That holds me back today: that fear. That I will never be able to simply have a woman in my life, without being treated like a criminal for it.

    0|2
    0|0
    • I'm not sure what this has to do with the take I wrote... but I'm sorry to hear that nonetheless.

    • Show All
    • I see. Never heard of things ever being quite so drastic just from simple rejection (I have heard of creepshaming and wrote about that but nothing quite so extreme as you've described) but thanks for shedding some light on it I suppose.

    • Had to look up what that term is. But yeah, according to "Rational"Wiki (which, ironically, is very emotionally charged and quite biased), not being able to pick up on extremely subtle non-verbal cues of lack of interest is something that drives women to react this way. But if a woman gives no such cues, or is too subtle about it, some simply lack the ability to know that they're lying when they act like everything's fine.

      The way these women react to such men, however, is on par with ticketing a color-blind man for not being able to tell a red light from a green light, when he wasn't even driving.

  • It's mostly down to the brainwashing of feminism and the media that has made women this way.

    1|3
    0|0
  • You're working under the false assumption that forthrightness about our interest is appreciated and desired by girls. It's not. Guys who are forward and blunt with girls get labeled as either creepy or pushy. The approach style that may have succeeded 30 years ago will get a guy mocked and ridiculed today as a 'try-hard.' That's why guys have resorted to what is generally called 'game,' and it ain't called that for no reason.

    Dating today is so passive-aggressive in nature. Going straight at the target of your desire will get you nowhere--fast. It's all about angles and creating attraction through mystery. It's all cloak and dagger bs, which is why guys are so confused. Girls crave a level of drama that most guys simply can't create.

    2|5
    0|0
    • Which seems counter-intuitive to me. I find girls who prefer cloak-and-dagger to be all-around more cringe-inducing than the ones that like everything out in the open. How can anyone trust a cloak-and-dagger type, as opposed to an honest salesman? It makes no sense. Ladies: explain.

    • I know what you mean. I can be quite forward with approaching guys. I've been mocked and ridiculed too.
      I tend to be quite cautious now. If it's a guy that I don't really know well. I'll just talk to him and get to know him better before I go diving in. Lol. But if I'm not sure, I won't act on it.

  • Great take. Yeah I don't understand why it's so taboo for a women to do the approaching first. Most of the girls I've gotten in public have approached me first. That was less effort on my part.

    The whole mind games thing drives me nuts, especially with the texting. This is why I wish texting was never around at times. The whole "I should wait to reply so I don't look desperate" is bullshit. For example, a girl I had a first date with the other day was asking me if I wanted to hang out again this week on the date, told me to hit her up before we left the date. Then yesterday I sent a text just saying hey what's up and she still hasn't responded. I'm not gonna rule it out, but that's just weird. Makes me feel like I fucked up somehow.

    2|3
    0|0
    • What's the whole deal with women showing lots of interest, saying let's do this in the future, hit me up, let's meet up, etc and then once the guy shows a little interest back, whether it's just sending a simple text or agreeing to the date, they back off and act like the guy is clingy?

    • Show All
    • @Stephen10 Yeah and it's like I do have a life outside of dating. I do have my friends and other things I enjoy doing so it's not like I'm that available.

    • @Stephen10 What have you noticed though?

  • Great take! By far the biggest mistake that I see women make is not showing enough interest. Most guys are not likely to ask you out or approach you or continue dating someone who doesn't show enough interest. Batting an eyelash is not enough, flipping your hair is not enough, a little giggle at something he says is not enough- you must actively show that you are interested in getting to know him better. Showing interest does not make you seem desperate. I cannot tell you how often I have seen women lose the man of their dreams, not because he doesn't like her m, but because she didn't show him that she likes him.

    2|5
    0|0

What Girls Said 10

  • There's a bit of a typo in your title there. Haha.

    Good take though! I agree. ❤️☺️

    0|0
    0|0
  • Beautifully Done, @RJGraveyTrain xx

    1|1
    0|0
  • The title made me think this was going to be a lesbian thing. I was like, "How can a woman make a mistake when dating a woman?" lol

    1|0
    0|0
    • Lol I was just about to comment this

    • Show All
    • lol yeah, no it for sure says "Common Mistakes I think Women Make When Asking Out/Dating Women" :)

    • It must have been corrected because it doesn't say that on my screen.

  • Great take, agree 100%

    1|0
    0|0
  • These don't even have to do with asking them out

    0|0
    0|0
    • "Not asking them out in the first place."

      ASKING THEM OUT AND DATING

      cough- cough-

  • I agree with everything you say. Good info here 👍👏❤️

    1|2
    0|0
  • WOW this artile fits me like a glove. What can I do then to make things easier or to get the guy I like to contact me more often without being all the things this article says. Ideas?

    2|0
    0|0
    • Going Slow with the Flow on a First date and Giving No Indications of Wanting a Relationship or Something tha the may Get a Certain sign that time with. This Helps in Preventing the Cold Foot Duck Syndrome. If he likes a girl enough and feels comfy with a First date, he will call her for a second. xx

    • Show All
    • I know that if a guy thinks because you are honest and tell him I like him could back fire he is a jerk sure So I guess this guy I like has issues? I said it could backfire beause maybe the guy believes that by saying him the truth it could mean for him a serious relationship that he is not ready for. I mean Im not looking for a serious relationship eitehr that sono just to hang out and date with a guy I like and possible like me back and that does not mean we are marrying soon or will be in a serious relationshp that fast either. It is atime to get to know each other and have fun, why some guys believe that means we girls mean something serious if we want to hang out with them more? .

    • listen if your up front with the guy 9 times out of 10 he's going to be up front with you he's not going to hide anything from you look at this way okay the laws of attraction are always matching what you put out your going to get back so say like for instance you don't want to tell him you want him he's going to be the same way with you

  • I agree with everything except asking a man out. It doesn't mean that you're insecure for not asking him out: if you don't want to, you don't have to.

    I won't ever do it. Not interested. That doesn't mean that there aren't guys who approach me. I lose respect if I have to approach the guy to the point that I'm not interested anymore.

    If he doesn't approach me, it could be for a number of reasons (insecurity, not interested, he's gay, fear of rejection which made him reject himself before I could, and on and on).

    It will never change. I love men who know how to walk up to a woman (who gave him clear signals) and say hello. I'm sure a lot of men like the opposite to, but they can keep to stepping because this one isn't going to do it. XD

    0|0
    0|0
    • what are 'clear signals'?

    • Show All
    • (continued again) I guess the bottom line is that we _should_ move towards an equal world where anyone who is interested in someone should feel free to approach. It should not be weird or shocking. It seems odd that 50 years after "The Feminine Mystique" was published, we are still having this conversation.

      Regarding jealousy: if a woman seems interested in another guy, or another guy is paying attention to her, and there is no spoken commitment between the two of us, I am going to view this as a consent issue: she has moved on and is no longer interested in me. What can I do? Also, I have repeatedly found that the quickest way to kill a woman's attraction to me is to let her know I am interested in a relationship.

    • @Araya I think a lot of women vastly overestimate their ability to communicate through body language and flirting. This is because most women are incredibly afraid of men, and the social damage of rejection, so not only do they not do any asking, but they make their expressions of interest so subtle that they drift into non-existence.

      That leaves us with… you standing there and being you, us working out if we like what we see, and then us expressing interest in you and seeing how you react.

      Which is fine, but let's not pretend you're doing anything ;)

  • THANK YOU! God I thought women were all morons at this point

    1|2
    0|0
  • I agree women should be expected to ask men out as much as men are expected to ask out women but I'm really, really shy so it's difficult. I did it once and I almost had a heart attack and it didn't even work out. I'm not sure I'll ever do it again.

    1|0
    0|0
Loading...