Why you should never let men spend money on you too soon!

I'm sure we have all heard a guy complain that he bought a girl something or took her to dinner and didn't get laid right? He'll throw out words like "bitch" and "whore" behind her back and yet still try and go out with her again! Don't put yourselves in this position ladies! Some guys out there think they have the right to take whatever they want from you if they have spent money on you. Many men view money as far more important and valuable than women/human beings and think that you OWE them sex after they pay for a date. So don't let them pay!! Especially if it is a first date or you have just started seeing each other, it gives some men the opinion that you owe them something which is not a good position to put yourself in. I am not saying all men think this way or even that most do, but you never know who doesn't and who doesn't so it's better safe than sorry!


Why you should never let men spend money on you too soon.

Politely decline expensive gifts and dates until your relationship is well established. Keep things simple in the beginning and share the cost. If he brings some flowers or something reasonably inexpensive feel free to accept (for example a rose or small box of chocolate). Don't let him go overboard and don't let him think you can be bought. Let him know you are on a date to spend time with him, not his bank account. And explain that you are not comfortable with extravagant gifts or dates until you are in a relationship. You will have lots of time to spoil each other if you end up in a long-term relationship, for the beginning just keep it casual and fun.

There are also women who go on dates just for free meals which is also shitty and something you should never do either (but this doesn't mean they deserve sexual assault or anything NO ONE deserves that.) If you split the date half way no one feels the other person is indebted to them and no one has leverage over the other / will be able to guilt or push the other into anything as easily. As well nobody feels taken advantage of, remember even if he offered to pay he may feel bitter and angry about it later so try to convince him not to pay as it could cause issues in the future.

Never go on dates just for free meals and gifts, this will never turn into a successful relationship and you are just using people. Show him that you are successful and you can take care of yourself, if you paying for yourself "threatens his masculinity" then you know you can weed him out as an immature guy. The only way you should be letting him pay is if it is expected like say you met on a sugar dating site and you both know that neither of you are looking for a real relationship but rather an "arrangement". For actual first dates avoid expensive places and try to split the bill to keep things on equal ground so that no one gets bitter or expects unreasonable things in return.


Some guys are not buying you gifts to be nice, they are not taking you on fancy dates because they care about you, they are attempting to buy your body. That is the sad truth, no matter how much you value being "old fashioned" it is not always advisable to let the man pay. Women should not be going on dates for free meals or gifts, and men should not be giving gifts and spending money on women with the expectation of getting sex or anything else in return. I recently saw a guy on here comment that "Every time you give a gift you are basically paying for pussy" That is not a real gift then, you give gifts out of kindness with no expectation for anything in return or it isn't really a gift, it's a bribe. When I give my boyfriend a gift I am doing it to make him happy. I give him gifts because I see something that makes me think of him and I just have to get it for him because I care about him. I am not giving him a gift out of expectation to receive anything in return .. except a "thank you" and a smile!

Unless you are giving a gift or treating someone on a fancy date with no expectations and with sincerity don't bother! Nobody wants a gift that comes with a catch or an expectation. It's sneaky and unfair to give a gift that comes with expectations attached to it. This goes for everyone, if you are trying to buy someone's affection or body that is cheap, sneaky, and will almost never work in your favour.


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What Guys Said 16

  • I totally agree with this - and that's why I intentionally plan early dates that cost almost no money - even when I have plenty to spend. I can still make a date FUN and INTERESTING without having to rely on the crutch of spending cash, AND I avoid setting a bad precedent (that I'll freely spend cash on her) plus I don't put her in a position where she feels some kind of pressure to reciprocate. Finally, it's also a good "gold-digger test."

    The truth is that both sexes should learn this lesson: spend TIME and ATTENTION on each other (instead of money) on your first few dates, and if things go well, you can, if you like, slowly increase the amount of money you're willing to spend. You'll both feel better about it, and she'll appreciate it more when you do spend money on her if you didn't do it right out of the gate.

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    • Yeah time and attention are more important, dating is not a transaction.

  • Pay for the meal, just do it

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  • How can I toss around "bitch" and "whore" regarding someone that's in the bottom of the east river?

    Guys, toss the cinder block, and forget about it. There are plenty of fish to put in the sea.

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    • See this is why I wouldn't trust a man I had just met to pay for the date, you never know how angry they could get. Joking about murder like it's no big deal smh

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    • A New misogynistic baby. What a surprise. This is the Kind of guys @girlsaskguys attracts now with all it's shitty updates.

    • @TheDevilInside So true, there are too many unintelligent whiny little boys here. He probably got rejected once and now he's stuck in a perpetual tantrum vowing to kill all women! ... Even though rejection is a normal part of being an adult and these men can only seem to handle rejection like toddlers. A lot of growing up needs to be done with the guys on this site.

  • That means no Red Lobster on 1st date I guess?

    #1 reason for Starbucks dates?

    I don't know. Not all guys arree like that. Sometimes, a guy would be willing to go for a $100-200 date with no string attached if he feels he likes her enough and she is willing to go for the 2nd date.

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    • You can have all the red lobster you want, I'd just suggest splitting the bill is all! I know not all guys are like that and I would like to be able to trust guys to spend money without getting angry about it afterwards or demanding sex in return but I can never be sure so it's safer to pay for myself. Better safe than sorry is hat I mean! I mean I let my boyfriend buy my meal at a really upscale restaurant on new years but he is my long term boyfriend so I know him well enough to trust him and... well the only way he got me in such an expensive place was making me think I'd be paying for myself! But I'd paid the last few movie dates so it evens out.

    • Yeah the social mating dance. I can never seem to understand the ritual. "I am paying for this awesome meal so you will be charmed enough to sleep with me" or "be a man and pick up the tab!". I would personally go for something weird or just really spicy food so we can have something to talk about whether she likes it or not.

      I will always pick up the bill if I am asking a lady out. Unless she wants to split it. I wouldn't stop her if splitting the bill makes her feel better.

    • Yeah I don't get all those expectations either.

  • smart man don't spend money on girl at all. even on first date.

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  • Well nice take :-D

    I think I would only give a girl a gift if I think she is 100% worth it and definitely not to get in her pants...
    I am not like that... :-)

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  • When two people are in a casual date or hang out each other should pay their own way. I believe time spent and hanging out and enjoying each other's company in an innocent manner it's what counts and goes a long way

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  • I really agree with this take.

    Doesn't mean guys should never pay. It means she should never expect it, and she shouldn't accept it unless she's pretty interested in him. It's not an obligation to have sex, but if you're not pretty interested in them, you're taking it under false pretenses.

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  • I've heard some women say that if he doesn't pay for her on the first date then there won't be a second.

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  • If a girl can't respect a guy enough to not mooch off of his wallet then she doesn't deserve that much respect from said guy.

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    • So are you saying just because a girl is being disrespectful she deserves to be sexually assaulted?
      Everyone deserves respect. And if she isn't respecting him, he should still respect her. If she sees how respectful he is, mutual respect might actually be found. Either way though, two wrongs never make a right, and the said guy could always choose to respectfully discontinue future dates and interactions if he feels said woman is disrespectfully "mooching" off of him.

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    • "So are you saying just because a girl is being disrespectful she deserves to be sexually assaulted?" Those reading comprehension skills are out of this world.

    • Like I said, if you're a disrespectful jerk to me, I'm allowed to be a disrespect jerk to you. Regarding sexual assault and the logical fallacy in disrespect=assault a woman who grabs random guy's ass all the time has no right to complain about being groped.

  • Great Take, I like the ideas :)

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  • While I agree with most of it, I think it's still a paradox, because women love those things. They may say that they don't care for it, and it doesn't matter, and what matters are actions and what's on the inside. and it may all be very truth. But they still adore when they receive gifts, and are treated lady like.

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    • Everyone likes to be spoiled now and then, not just women.

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    • I never denied it, I just said I don't feel comfortable being spoiled by someone I barely know. If it's my boyfriend that is a different story because I spoil him regularly too, but it's just too much for a first date or even a fifth date.

    • Oh yeah, Ok.

  • I agree with this. I find out of the 2 sexes, women tend not to appreciate gifts/guy's doing something thoughtful/lavish for them. It's because they've been condition/treated like this by practically every guy hence it doesn't register as anything new and they take it for granted. It's along same lines of a guy telling a woman she is beautiful. She's heard over and over by every other guy and so it's not something that triggers in her head.

    This is why the guy who can tease her, or make a jab at her appearance, hell even insult her gets a reaction out of her. Or the guy who doesn't bow down to her and do grand jesters lose out to the guy who treats her normal (as if she were a guy).

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    • I'm kind of surprise a lesbian wrote this for guys though.

  • You do know that in the case of the "arrangement" resulting from setting up a sugar-daddy type relationship that the man is right to expect sex in return. That "arrangement" you're describing is essentially prostitution.

    I agree with your perspective on the normal daters which is why you should always go somewhere that isn't expensive. That way we can keep "who pays for the date" a more symbolic gesture rather than a point of contention.

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  • Great take
    However, women usually expect the man to pay, so about a good 30-40% of this is a moot point. I would never object to my girlfriend trying to pay. More money in my wallet

    I'm never one of those people who spend money on my girlfriend and expect sex. Hell, sex is something I can take or leave in my relationship
    However, money is very important, especially if you worked to earn that shit. Burning it all will make ANYONE feel some type of way. It doesn't make the expectation any less horrible, but still

    A woman who won't respect a man's wallet is one of the worst kind of women, as that's basically a gold digger

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  • So say a guy takes you on an ice skating date for a first date he offers to pay and says it's fine when you offer to pay your half and he says he isn't going to hold it against you. Would you be cool with him paying for you because he verbally made it known he knows that he is only paying for just the date and nothing more?

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    • possibly but I never know if I can be sure he's actually not going to be mad about it later, so I'd rather be careful.

    • I suppose. It just sucks people have to be so distrustful and suspicious of each other.

    • yeah but humans are awful so better safe than sorry!

What Girls Said 10

  • I don't like the feeling of"repaying back someone " that's why I never ask for favors in general (I don't mind giving a favor though) let alone let a man who's not in a serious committed relationship with me pay for me...

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    • I agree I hate feeling like I am indebted for anything,

  • Like they're gonna spend too much money on you since the beginning 😂😂😂

    And I think you should never let a guy spend too much money on you, even after months of dating, you can't get used to stuff that eventually will finish.

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    • A guy tried to buy me a designer bag on the first date, it was super weird and I wanted to bolt! You never know! guys can be odd sometimes or they want to "show off"

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    • Yeah I don't understand it, he shouldn't have been trying to show off but they also should not have taken the offer.

  • I am old fashioned and I believe in the guy paying if he asks me out.
    If he decides to act like he I owe him sex because he gave me a free meal then the date is over.
    He must find himself a prostitute if that's how he feels things work.

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  • Meh. I already know what type of guy I want so this doesn't apply to me.

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  • I never let men spend money on me. I spend money on them.

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  • I'm use to have a lot of gift and be spoiled so if he doesn't buy me gift or let me pay, I feel like he doesn't care about me and by buying me a gift he show that he care for me, think of me enough to take on his time to buy me something when, we're not together.
    All guy I go out with pay all the things for me and buy me gift, he just want to be happy by buying me gift because everyone love receive gift. I don't see where is the problem

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    • I think that's a very shallow way to look at relationships but you do you, you sound like a sugar baby not someone's date.

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    • It shouldn't all be about how much money you can get out of a guy.

    • I don't tell I wanted expensive gift just gift and him paying for me, it's a normal things for a boy to do for his girlfriends

  • That's exactly my view on the subject!

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  • I guess I'm old fashioned, if you ask me out you pay. Some guy constantly ask me to go dutch, needless to say I told him to get lost

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    • It's not his fault if he can't afford to spoil you like a princess but I guess that is your call.

  • "Every time you give a gift you are basically paying for pussy."

    Does that equally mean that each time I give my boyfriend gifts, I'm paying for dick? : D

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  • I totally agree. My boyfriend and I went Dutch when first trying to get to know each other. He paid on our first official date, and afterwards we have taken turns. I make money, I don't need him to buy me things. However, he likes to spoil me and I spoil him in return.

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