Who Pays for the Date?

With more women in the competitive work force, and more women making these assertive moves towards men, I think men feel it is safe to expect that more women will be paying for dates. Even though that assumption should be true, it's still the expectation of a woman for the man to pay, at least for the first few dates.

This may seem terribly unfair, and one sided. Women want some changes, while holding on to some of the old fashioned principles, grabbing at the best of both worlds. But changes often start out by throwing things off balance until everyone makes the adjustments.

The safest thing for a man to do in this situation is to offer to pay. That is what would be expected of him, and deep down he knows it. He may also be scoring points for something he may want later. You can bet that one crossed his mind a few times.


A woman who asks a man out on a date, should be prepared to pay for it. Despite what she may be wanting the man to do, she was the one who asked, she should be ready to pay. But that won't stop her from judging him based on his actions of course, but at least she won't be left holding a tab for a dinner she has no money to pay for.

"Fact is, men don't need to be wined and dined."

It's the mixed signals between men and women that occur because of the liberating changes in the way society views our growth as people in general. We develop new skills and with them comes different expectations, and responsibilities. We can want it all, but having it all means we have to make some trades, some sacrifices. It took a while for men to get used to the idea that women wanted to open their own doors. Some women wanted to rush in and beat the man to the door, just so she could open it herself, while other women still waited behind, giving the man that head start to open it for her. I know that caused some awkward moments. Women are usually the ones to push for change, because men have always been in charge, and don't need the kinds of changes that will turn that around.

Most men admit to liking it when a woman takes control. They think it's sexy when a woman asserts herself towards a man, they don't care if dinner is part of the deal or not. Fact is, men don't need to be wined and dined. The dinner date for them is more like a means to an end anything they have to do to better their chances of a 'happy ending', they're willing to do.

Changes are being made, yet it's true, some things will never change.



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What Girls Said 9

  • Traditionalist thinking ( I probably could think for myself but I'd rather not try) a contradiction in terms.

    If you ask so done out pay. If they offer to split it except it bc obviously if thy didn't think it appropriate they wouldn't have said anything. Declining just says you don't take them Seriously

    that makes sense. Doing something that doesn't make sense bc we used to do it is just lazy and or opportunistic. Guys feel better expecting sex if they feel they paid for it.

    Everyone paying doesn't make money an issue. Just do it and that's it no big deal.

    Designating a payer make something incidental to the evening a central issue. Unnecessarily.

    When two people go out they BOTH benefit. no reason they both shouldn't contribute.

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  • Everytime I offer to pay I get shot down. It makes me feel badly, at my age I am quite capable of paying for us once in a while. I also suspect I may make more $$ than most of the guys I am with, not to mention I tend to be older than they are so probably more financially fit in the long haul. It makes me feel bad and they don't understand that. Guys need to back down once in a while, especially if you are on more than one or two dates.

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  • I'm really laid back when it comes to going dutch, whether it's the first, second etc. I mean to be fair it's both parties who want to be there so why should the guy pay for everything? I went on my first proper date (Last relationship developed from friendship) a month ago and the guy did pay for everything which was really sweet and romantic, on the second I paid for my travel/accommodation as it's long distance and he paid for mostly everything again and on the third I bought him lunch =)

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  • I LOVE the fact that there are still some gentlemen out there who insist on paying for dates. I feel guilty for playing the role of "helpless female", so I will try to pay for some portion of the evening. Sometimes, they won't let me pay for anything (depending on their age), and other times we go "Dutch". I know it's an old tradition, and that with the whole female empowerment schbeal I should be offended, but I don't think it matters. Take turns, guys like to feel special too.

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  • If you wait on this kind of scenario, realize it only applies to unattractive, overweight and desperate women :)

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  • With guys I date, if it's serious we take turns paying for the date. The one paying gets to plan it. But with smaller things like coffee or ice-cream, he always pays.

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  • Also--we shouldn't forsake courtesy for equality--we open doors so they won't hit the person behind us in the face. I do this for guys and vice versa--it shouldn't be a feminist issue...

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  • I agree--if the woman asks the guy out she should pay and vice versa, after a few dates, going dutch is acceptable, unless you want to treat your girl or guy. I have always preferred to at least attempt to pay , but men usually respectfully offer too...

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  • DUTCH. god!! just leave the bucks out. why put money into a romantic equation. unless you're a whore, streetside or otherwise.

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What Guys Said 11

  • actually it is so simple the one who offered the date must pay so if i asked a girl out ofcourse i must pay because i asked her to

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  • Guys pay. I appreciate it when a girl offers to pay though, but usually they are just offering to pay their own way and not for the guy :P

    I think a lot of girls will offer to pay too but really don't expect that they actually have to. Even though a lot of girls would say that they don't need a guy to pay for the date, there's a decent chance she or her friends will call you cheap later on. Luckily I don't really mind paying and don't make a big deal out of it either

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  • I think that The Asker should at least offer to pay. But call me old fashioned but at least on the first few date Being the guy I will almost never let the girl pay. I think it is my "Job" if you will to pay for the first few dates

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  • Tradtion says the guy pays. Even when on some bad dates, I never let the woman pay. It just didn't seem right; maybe its just my generation?

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  • Rule of thumb is that the asker always offers to pay first. I agree that on the first few dates, the guy should always offer to pay first as it is just a comfortable protocol and while it might be a little traditional, it just works.

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  • I don't know, There's some guys who's ego's would be hurt.

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  • I concur with A-R-Norman. We should be careful trading in class and courtesy for equality. Not everything should be split down the middle; fair is good, but fair isn't always split down the middle.

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  • I'd rather pay for the movie tickets or the drinks at the bar beforehand and have her close the tab after the dinner. Win-Win-Win for me :)

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  • But it's not happening, is it, that change. Women still expect to be paid for and if you don't the chances of a second date, let alone any ''happy ending', are pretty much zero, aren't they?

    Unless they're French women, but that's a separate issue.

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  • The current advice I hear is that you shouldn't take a girl on a date before you sleep with her. lets you save a lot of money on dates.

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  • If I take a girl out (even if it is not a date) I will pay. This is how I was raised

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