The meaningless farce that is Dating?

The meaningless farce that is Dating?I always stun people by admitting to rising on 45 but never going on one date in my life.

Eyebrows raise, smacking of bemusement when I accompany this admission with a past of bedding many women, and men.

The coup de gras being a 22-year long marriage.

Mockingly, they ask how, for it seems a case of the egg without the presence of the chicken.

My retort is living life courageously through direct and honest communication. In my mind, dating is time wasting, virtual dancing around feelings when there is so much to gain from expressing. The pursuit always smacking of an element of playing where there is a veil of facade cloaking reality.

Just think of every date you have been on, both parties dress to the nines, dust off their manners and charm and try to impress to the max. The time spent, occasionally flows joyously but is always like a job interview, where every part of you is subtly read, dissected, even interrogated making you feel hard to be yourself. Leaving you stressed, guessing, and second guessing as to what really is.

Hardly a depiction of reality where you can be yourself, in fact, it is unnatural and somewhat fake.

Why is it so hard to tell someone in a respectively direct manner that you like them, or if pursuing a more intimate time, you want them?

If the spark is felt, why not try to ignite it with eyeball to eyeball honesty, and live it out?

As natural as it is to me, it is quite the opposite to the majority. With them equating such brazenness as verging on intimidation rather than seeing it as a welcoming change from the status quo

They struggle to comprehend the appeal of statements like:

' I like you, and want to get to know you...'


' You turn me on, and I want to f**k you.....'

The latter always expecting a dismissive slap, rather than thinking boldness is a huge turn on.

The fear of rejection dominates, stymieing instinctual acts like this which on so many levels is absurd. People are always reticent, fearing 'no' which clouds their senses to the very real possible of 'yes'.

And while on the topic of rejection, is it that bad?

At least, you know and have wasted little time in trying to find out.

Conversely, if your boldness is welcomed and embraced, anything shared has a foundation of open and direct honesty which equates to sincere bliss.

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What Girls Said 1

  • you have a point. Usually it comes down to a "job interview". If you are the kind of person who is not looking for a commited relationship, I can see how this is annoying and seems like a farse.
    I see dating a bit different. I tried the "wham bang, thank you mam" approach, but it just isn't for me. I don't like supperficial relationships. Nevertheless, I never "interviewed" men for their potential as a boyfriend. The honest and open approach has served me well in that regard. Some got scared off by this no bullshit attitude, the one who was worth it, stayed.

    • Even if you are after a commited relationship it can be passed by by being direct with how you feel

    • If it is the wrong person, of course! I had a couple of men that couldn't handle my "no bullshit" approach. I was not going to shut up about my feelings and the fact that I wasn't in it to waste time on wishy-washy shit. For some that was too intense, so they went bye-bye :-)

    • I would love that way

What Guys Said 4

  • Because not everyone is like you or wants what you want, and 8 times out of 10 the approach you use will fail for the types of people who want what you do.

    And really it depends on the person not everyone is going to pretend to be someone else for the sake of dating I know I certainly am not, I am the exact same person on a date and off a date and I always encourage whoever I am with to do the same.

    Two mindsets

    Mine a person looking to get married and who has morals, values and the like and does things the proper way.

    You someone who is above middle aged, has already been married, divorced has no interests in relationships and who's only desire is to go around and have meaningless sex.

    Two different mindsets what's a farce to you won't be to someone else and what I do and how I think won't always be the case with someone else. Our views are not everyone's else (s).

  • What is the success ratio of "You turn me on, and I want to f**k you?" Wins::Fails?

    • I would imagine you would have to have a pretty toned body to pull that one off.

    • i would never do that out of the blue, only after knowing a woman has an interest. And I have had more success than failure, they seem to dig the brazen confidence

  • Yeah I agree. Never been on a date either, but have had flings. I just chalk it up as being a promiscuous guy. I don't like not being myself, and I'm not going to fake my way into some chick's pants. I'm going to be me, and it works. It has worked before.

    I'm not saying people shouldn't date. I'm not even saying people shouldn't fake who they are for the sake of a date. I mean I advise them not to, but they can do what they want. I won't do it though.

    • I always saw dating as a form of 'playing' as well as meaningless.

      Life is short, tell it how it is

  • I've always hated dating, but I feel I'm getting a bit old for drunken copulation after chance meetings.

    • I do not remember advocating 'drunken copulation after chance meetings.' in this ditti. Rather just being open and directly honest with your intents