The term "nice guy" gets used frequently on G@G and it often leads to some very opinionated discussions. I think that most people don't have substantial disagreements once they define whay they mean when they say "nice guy." This topic is of interest to me because I consider myself to be a nice guy and some folks out there are really trashing people who they call "nice guys," so . . . let's define some terms.
I try to follow what I consider to be the definition of a true nice guy. A "nice guy" is not a door mat for a woman but he is respectful of a woman and does not treat her as an object to be conquered. While a "nice guy" has an interest in sex, he does not demand sex from a woman but waits until she is ready. He never acts as if she owes him any sexual favors just because he took her out to a fancy restaurant and bought a bottle of wine.
A "nice guy" may also be a chivalrous gentleman. At the end of a first date, his greatest hope is not to get his date into bed but to hear her say, "I had a great time and I hope I can see you again soon!" If she ends the first date with a kiss on the lips - not slobbery, but just slightly more passionate than you would kiss your grandmother - he will be whistling a happy tune as he finds his way back home. If you are in a relationship with a nice guy, he will do whatever he can to help you. When you have one of those inevitable disagreements, he will not call you names or tear up the watch you gave him for Christmas. If you try to take advantage of him, he may be slow to react but he will eventually demand that he be respected or he will tell you goodbye. True nice guys don't lack self-confidence even though they may be reserved, introverted and may be confused with someone who is insecure. They may not have charisma and, if you date a nice guy, you may not be as popuar as if you were dating Mr. Rough And Dangerous, but nice guys usually make good partners in a long term relationship.
The other type of guy who calls himself a "nice guy" is insecure and that leads to the difference in behavior. Let's call this type of nice guy a UOMe. This other type of guy may exhibit some of the same behaviors as a true nice guy. Initially, he is polite and respectful and very much a gentleman. But if you reject his request for a date, he does not leave quietly but instead may try to work some guilt trip on you or whine until you cave in and say yes, or he may whine until you threaten to have the police remove him. If you go on a date with him, he expects a second date.
By the third date, he has lavished enough time, attention, and money on you that he expects something in return . . . probably more than just a kiss on the lips! Yes, this guy thinks the "three date rule" is really a rule and he is entitled to sexual favors. His behavior can turn from nice to annoying rather quickly. If you find yourself in a relationship with him, he will probably be very possessive and smothering. You will run from him and never consider wanting to remain friends.
Since these guys lack self-confidence, they think the best way to score with a woman is to be so nice, and to give her so much time, attention, and trinkets, that she "can't" say no. What he is saying is, "You owe me." (UOMe) You might think that this reflects a condescending attitude towards women: they are capable of being bought. However, I think these guys don't really think of women that way but they simply never stop and look at the situation from any perspective other than their own selfish needs and insecurities. With experience, these guys may mature beyond this childish "courting" behavior.
Calling the UOMes "nice guys" is really an insult to true nice guys, just like it would be insulting to call every girl who ever had sex a "slut." So please don't confuse us nice guys with those jerks!
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