5 Ways To Overcome Your Fear Of Talking To Women


Have you ever wanted to talk to a beautiful woman, but you talked yourself out of it. You might have made some excuse as to why it wasn’t the right time like:

“She’s too pretty, and probably has a boyfriend.”

“She looks like she doesn’t want to be bothered.”

Or “I am not dressed right today, and plus I didn’t shave.”

So many times I have heard many of my fellow men; my brothers at arms say,

“I am tired of trying to talk to women!”

A lot of men cower at the very thought of it, for three reasons A) they are not comfortable with talking to beautiful women. B) Rejection hurts and C) Most men don’t know how to communicate, without coming on too strong.

I was that guy, a guy who had talked to women in the past and because I wasn't comfortable, had no confidence and either came on too strong that they were counting the seconds until I left.

Later in life, if I wanted to talk to a girl, I would just wait for a girl to fall in my lap, or rely on a blind date. So what changed you ask? I got tired of watching my friends getting all the hot chicks, and I ended up with their fat unattractive friends. Wait now, I know that came off as really harsh, and by no means am I a super-model, but don’t you think for a second that attraction is not a key factor and being the DUFF in your entourage is fun.

So gentlemen in this article I want to highlight a few points that will help you with talking with women, and not passing up on a great opportunities to meet beautiful women who could potentially be your wife and the mother of your children… Keep in mind there are no tricks of seduction, they don’t work…Corny lines get old, unless you can make up one she has never heard, but still it’s risky. Just being yourself in a calm controlled and captivating way might do the trick.


Men never make the excuse that you are not ready to talk to a woman. Always look presentable, always carry mints in your pocket, grab a small can of BOD man and spray your body, but not too heavy. Prepare your mind, if you are single and looking, then be ready to at least say hello, how’s your day? Never come to a gun fight, with a knife! If a lion see’s food, he takes it and will be the first to eat. Talk to her with your heart and mind ready for anything, rather it be rejection or a love connection.


My brothers, with women game is not essential, trickery devices, and seduction don’t work. If the girl likes you, she will accept your conversation. However, before you open your mouth practice speaking WITH people. Not to people…there is a difference.

There is a saying that say, (Practice makes Perfect) but I say, (Practice makes permanent) there is no such thing as perfect.

If you are out in public just start communicating with anybody, about their shirt, shoes, ask them how they are, and you will find people are an open book. You have to get women comfortable, laughter is a plus. I can walk up to anyone and make them laugh, just by being comfortable and that comfortably came with practice. A beautiful girl that works out in the gym walks in the store, you recognize her. Do you turn away and pretend she is not there? I think not you gutless yellow belly! Be PREPARED always.

“Hey, how are you, I think I know you?”

“Yeah, you do look familiar,”

“We go to the same gym,”

“That’s right,”

“I always see you working hard; I would love to try one of your work outs,”

“All thank you,”

“Can I get your number and set up a time we can work out together?”

“Well I’m married and therefore don’t hand out my number,”

“No problem, well thank you for your time and don’t be afraid to say hello,” I said as I exited stage left.

So in this example I didn’t get the number, I was rejected, and although I felt a little hurt that she was already taken, maturity has taught me that this is a part of life. Women will say no, but not all of them. Remember guys dating is a numbers game the more women you ask out the greater percentage of a positve outcome will happen. Get comfortable with talking with people and rejection, if you stop and cower, because she turned you down, then you might never get the girl of your dreams. There are plenty of fish in the sea.


Some guys are naturally comfortable with women. It’s not a big deal to start up a conversation with them, it’s no big deal if the girl says good bye and walks away without giving him a shot. That’s because these men, understand that rejection will happen at some point. These guys get a thrill out of doing what most men fear to do, and that’s actually approaching women. Even if she shoots you down, it’s the accomplishment of knowing that, at least I tried. It’s not considered a moral victory because it’s not man vs. women here, it’s Man vs. yourself…

If you have a hard time hearing the word No, or someone telling you that, they are not interested, or are in a relationship, then you need to think about professional help.

The word No or rejection is a part of life, as is death and taxes

Think about if your girlfriend or wife, being approached by a guy, would you want her to entertain another man’s conversation? Of course not! Please consider that rejection is part of the process as well as getting accepted, either way you have to over come yourself.


Just as an author would have a plan to write a story, he must understand there has to be a beginning middle and end. When you see a girl and you want to talk to her. First think how you would approach a guy, asking about his car, or asking about football scores. Seriously, take your excited feelings about her nice curves, pretty face, and images of her naked body dancing on a pole aside. Plan to greet her by asking how she is doing? Wait to see if she has any reaction, if she responds, or not. If you fail to get her attention be a man and try again. Say it louder next time, and get her attention. However don’t be rude, it’s just some girls are very shy and are not sure you are actually talking to them. So clear your throat and put a gentle bass in your voice and politely get her attention. When she responds ask her something about current events, or if she watched the game, find something about her clothes, nothing sexual, throw sex out the conversation unless she brings it up. Get her talking about music; get her comfortable by just asking questions. If she is interested she will stay for the conversation. If she has a boy friend she will tell you. Most women will say my boyfriend loves this or we do that, and then you will know….dead in. Here is an example of using your observations to start a conversation:

Me: “Hey how you doing?”

Her: “Good…” She said with a blank expression.

Me "I'm Joe, what's your name?"

Her "Sally."

Me:"Sally nice to meet you!"

Me: “I can’t believe you’re a Broncos fan.”

Her: “Yeah, my favorite team.” She smiled

Me: “Are you from Denver?”

Her: “Yeah, came here to Arizona when I was 14.”

Me: “I did too, we got a lot in common except the Steelers are the best team ever, which, you and I know, we gave you the game for Payton, so you can thank us!” I said playfully.

Her: “No way, we beat you guys fare and square!” She said high pitched.

Me: Well one can dream, say how about we watch the game next Sunday at Fox and Hound?

Her: That would be nice, take down my number!

In this example I was able to get the girl to engage in conversation, make her laugh and get her to offer her number I really believe it was because I was prepared to talk, I understood I could get rejected, but with good observations I had a plan; greet, listen and ask questions, and ask to exchange numbers.


I had a hard time with closing the deal. Talking to women was easy for me, but then asking for their number was very hard. That’s because I didn’t have patients, wanted to get in and get out with the digits. My friends you have to relax, a woman’s intuition is very strong. It’s like she uses the FORCE to detect sincerity, nervousness and plain old weirdness.

That’s why practicing talking with people and taking your time is best, when your comfortable she is comfortable. Just yesterday I talked to this gorgeous girl at the gym and she could not stop laughing. She hung on every word, and finally I got her number. To me she was a perfect ten, I mean, really gorgeous. The way I did it, was just being carefree, relaxed, and asked questions. She said something and I asked questions about what she said, got her talking more, and then at the end, I said, “We should hangout.” Then BAM! my friends she gave me her number with a smile on her face.

… My friends no more shall you cower at the sight of a pretty woman, no more shall you make petty excuses for why you can’t at least try and carry on a conversation with her. Let this be the last day you turn your back on the opportunity of a life time. Be prepared, practice, understand rejection, have a plan, and close the deal.

If you like my articles please follow me. Also, check out my other articles on GAG, if you have any questions about my dating experience; feel free to contact me via email.

Wisenguber is a GirlsAskGuys Editor
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What Girls Said 4

  • Those fat unattractive friends you labelled in your article... I laughed.

  • Love this... It does works guys. May not be easy. But it works.

  • Nice. I think more people need healthy ways to deal with rejection. It's a fear among men and women, but it happens.

    Any tips on how "DUFF" women can ask out men? I ask guys out and they always reject me. I know my numbers pale in comparison to what men go through, but I'd like to know how men like to be approached. Minus flirting if possible because I'm not very flirty.

    • I will work on that actually. Good suggestion, most times girls would start off with off the wall conversation and ask if the guy is single and then the number.

    • Also, if she's not very attractive would help with tips on that. Like would guys just prefer we didn't try? Or is still just at least a confidence boost even if she's not that pleasing on the eyes?

    • Ok but I really think beauty is in the eye of the beholder... its soo true... Additionally it starts with your mindset, who you are as a person, and then the physical comes... new clothes, makeup, working out all helps, but being beautiful is you being the confident, strong woman that I believe you are.

  • Great myTake, a guy who says "hey, how are you" is always bound to get my attention! It's much better than just staring or saying something stupid like "hey babyy". Dudes of G@G, I'd really take this myTake to heart.


What Guys Said 19

  • A problem I've noticed is the one sentence answers.
    Perhaps these girls are shy, but I'll say something they'll respond and that will be it. I have to start the conversation up again from scratch.
    Is there a way to make them talk or should I just go for more outgoing girls?

    • Great question in my research, and just plain old experience its not low interest level... body language is the key, smiles, eye contact, touches from her are all signs she is interested, her one liners could be just nervousness. If she doesn't display those signs its just she's not interested and you might get her number, but she may not respond or could flake on you... but I think its awesome you stepped up and gave it a shot.

    • Show All
    • @Other_Tommy_Wiseau Why because I'm QuestionMan?

    • well played, sir. well played

  • It's never been an issue for me, and pretty much a day can't go by without me having any opportunity to flirt or talk to hot chicks.

    But actually, a lot of guys feel this fear because women and the media have made them feel like they as being guys alone, that's never good enough for a woman. Guys are pretty much taught they have to bend over backwards, know this, understand this, because a woman really isn't going to accept you or like you otherwise. So guys are puzzled as to what it is they should do or say. And often times, women just want a guy to approach in a particular way that satisfies her ego, not necessarily because the way he normally would or could is even really that bad.

  • Good mytake, this will defiantly help guys have problems talking to women

    Personally I think you just gotta not look at them as women so much but more as just people, talk to them like you would anyone else. Be natural and normal and be friendly it helps a lot, and of course try to steer a conversation towards common ground, a mutual interest and be observant. And course go into the conversation knowing that it could go either way you could succeed and get her number or make a date to meet up at a later time, or you could get rejected which if it's the latter don't sweat it, it happens, part of life.

    I used to not so much of a talker myself but I decided to change that somewhat I mean I am in general a listener not a really chatty person but I can hold a conversation alright, my job is what really helped me with that because I work in customer service at the front desk so I converse with quite a few people every day, and it helps to get into the groove of things.

    I think people who have trouble talking with other folks should do something similar not so much get a job that lets them practice on people but just putting themselves in situations were they have to talk to people that way it doesn't feel so alien and feels natural instead.

    Again good mytake, good advice.

  • You wrote a plane conversation it's book stuff! ... Conversation are easy but if she starts to interrupt and you shuffle and fail to plant the bomb... It's a failed mission...
    Running a conversation can be much easier with a wingman

  • I find that drugs help in this situation. Like LSD or Xanax.

  • Great take. Still I do say that a lot of times women are so tired of being approached by drooling fools just trying to get in their pants they tend to want to shut us down from the start so it's important that you not act like you're just trying to get them naked.

  • Learning improv comedy works well.
    It helps you learn to take any situation and make it yours.

  • Here is the best way to get over the fear of women...
    Realize that no matter how hot they may be.. they are people who poop, get diarrhea, pimples on their ass, they get gross infections in their genitals or have a myriad of goo or fluid come out of them regularly, they are more likely than you are to be self conscious about themselves, or think they are not good enough in some way or for some reason. They likely fixate on one or two specific body issues they have and are constantly assuming it's the only thing people see.

    SO when you see a female you think is "hot"... unless she is an arrogant C word... chances are she isn't as high on herself as you think she is. You only see the fantasy you picture without all the other stuff, she knows herself and all the things that her body look like or is doing underneath that persona.

  • I'm not a talker, even with close friends/family so talking to a woman I don't know is like impossible for me. I just don't have anything to say or know what to say. So unless it happens naturally somehow (like we work together or something) it's never going to happen for me lol.

    • And some guys get women just being silent, but one day you might see something you like, and just go for it remembering some of what you read.

  • Good take - That is very helpful advice for men who are having those impressions about talking to women and need to break out of their shell a bit.

    • Yes sir, I was one of them, and very passionate about stop making excuses, because I passed up beautiful women who virtually stared me down with smiles, because I was afraid.

  • This is good I just think I'm too sensitive of a person to do it though. I asked a girl out once about 6 1/2 years ago and I just haven't had confidence since then to try again. I talk to other people just fine including women but that's because I have no romantic interest in them.

    • Yes I see, and I been through that too... but in life we have to rise above ourselves, we are our own enemy, you might have passed up many women who would have you... im time you may just over come this.

  • I am kind of shy with no natural ability to BS. So these are some good tips. Thanks for writing it. And I will give it a shot.

  • Awesome myTake, dude. Keep em coming!

    I know this might sound a tad ridiculous but my favorite statement was this,

    "my fellow men; my brothers at arms"

    Amen to that, brother! LOL.

    • Thank you my brother we are in this together... it's sad to hear men say, "I give up talking to women" there's a saying a closed mouth won't get fed.

  • Excellent Take! Love this part:

    Think about if your girlfriend or wife, being approached by a guy, would you want her to entertain another man’s conversation? Of course not! Please consider that rejection is part of the process as well as getting accepted, either way you have to over come yourself.

    • My brother right on thank you for the compliments,... it's true we are fighting against ourselves to keep pushing for what we want, if it is not her, then it will be the next one.

  • It sucks they don't teach this stuff in school

  • Great mytake man.

  • Good Mytake, nice advices, I'll try to gather some courage to use them.

  • Nice take. But doesn't it mean that you're hitting on her? Doesn't she take it like that? And her friends around her, don't they think you're just another guy trying to hook up with her?

    • Possibly, but at least you didn't talk yourself out of making the opportunity.. if she turns you down, she wasn't for you... hold your head high, knowing that you at least had balls to step up.

    • Well that's right, i agree. What do you think of talking to girls online, bc where i live people dont really date, but what i am thinking about from a long time is to embark on a journey to find my soul mate, online, how's that sound?

  • I think it's totally spot-on! I think you just explained how to put the Law of Attraction into practise! Thanks so much. And I think it's awesome that you mentioned women's sharp intuition because it sort of proves the belief the native-americans' had about the correlation of having long hair and having a sharper intuition! (not saying that all girls/momen have long hair) Thanks again!