There I was sixty pounds heavier than I have ever been, my friends invited me to a birthday party at a restaurant, and of course there are women all around us. I wear the biggest shirt to hide the protruding belly that fights me every time I bend over to tie my shoes. I planned to walk in and not smile, because I knew that my overlapping teeth would protrude forward like a 3D action movie every-time I would move my lips. My face was puffy and the hair that used to be on top of my head is now growing out of my ears, and I forgot to shave them because It took twenty minutes to tie my shoes. I’ve been in the restaurant for an hour and my best friends, are surrounded by women, and I am alone thinking to myself, am I the DUFF?
I tried speaking with the women that kept us company but everything I said was met with a cheesy smile and an awkward look away. My friends would say something simular to what i just said and the girls would laugh and playfully slap his shoulder. The waitress didn’t even look at me when I ordered, but looked at my friends, square in the face with a smile and even joked with them. Honestly, I got served last, it’s cold and rubbery, while theirs was steaming hot and smoothly going down thier satisfied stomachs. I felt alienated, depressed, and downright helpless as I went home and drowned my sorrows in another bucket of ice-cream alone....
I watched a movie called the DUFF and I thought it was very entertaining, until I had time to reflect on the message and thought, “OMG, He is I -and I am him, DUFF with the tilted grin….What’s my name…Snoop DUFFY DUFF!”
For you who don’t know what a DUFF is, it is an acronym that stands for
(Designated Ugly Fat Friend)
I decided to write this article, because I felt it was a needed subject that could not be ignored. I must submit to you that this is not my normal get the dating thing right type of article, and although this one- maybe hard to swallow and digest, I do hope it will shed some light for at least one of you, who may read this (MY Take). I hope it will inspire change in the way you think about yourself and the outcome of your life.
THE DUFF DOES NOT EXIST!
Since we can’t change reality, let us change the eyes which see reality- Nikos Kazantzakis
Margret Wolfe Hungerford, is an author who is known for one her famous quotes which says, (Beauty is in the eye of the beholder)I sat down to think about what that meant, and considered that no matter what I may consider beautiful or delectable to my eyes; it may not necessarily mean that this is truth for the rest of you. So while you feel unattractive, and think he or she would not like you, you maybe suprised to know, that you may be wrong!
A young lady asked me if there were some tips that I could give to women considered DUFF’s that would help them to talk to men, or feel comfortable with being around them. I immediately felt her pain, having gone through this myself. My answer was short, but I felt that more had needed to be said, and what I wanted to highlight is, YOU as a person have to change how you view yourself. Low-self esteem makes the DUFF real. You make it real if you believe in it. It is like the monster living under your bed when you were a child, because you believed it was there, it was real to you. My friends we become our own worst enemy, because your unattractive qualities started when you decided that you were not attractive.
LOVE YOURSELF
Beauty is when you can appreciate yourself. When you love yourself, that’s when you’re most beautiful. Zoe Kravitz-
J Cole is one of my favorite rap artist, he wrote a song called “Crooked smile,” and, “Love yours.” The message behind these songs is that before you can get anyone to love you, you have to first love yourself. Loving yourself doesn’t include late night fondling of your private parts, sorry fellas! It means that you have to change the way your mind thinks about ones self. Change comes from within. You have to stop devaluing yourself and realize that it’s not everyone else throwing shade on you, it’s you.
The BUCK stops here!
I have seen GAG members put there photos on the feeds asking strangers what they thought of them. At one time I thought about doing that myself, until I took time to think about what that meant. What it meant, for me was that I didn’t know I was handsome, and that sadden me, because I needed affirmation from strangers to tell me something I should have already believed. I developed over time inward self worth, by not looking at what other people possessed, or caring what others thought about me. I made a decision to once and for all to become beautiful because that’s exactly what I AM. Changing how you view yourself takes practice through meditation, reading positive literature, and excepting that you are who you are and that is just fine. Also knowing what you can control and change to make you feel better about yourself.
CHANGE, AND CONTROL WHAT YOU WANT
Without your mind, will you do nothing- Wisenguber
I believe that finding self worth inside your heart and soul is the quintessential importance of changing what you want on the outside. Having a nice outer appearance helps with attraction and the way people view you. However, changing who you are for society, is like shooting yourself in the foot. I want you to change what you want, for yourself and be dedicated and consistent for the act of self preservation and evolution. Once I realized that I was beautiful and I wasn’t going to care about what others thought of me, I no longer became the DUFF in my entourage, I started asking myself, what does Wisenguber want? Yes I am happy that I am me, but I want to highlight my attributes, do things that will make me feel even better, so I wrote down goals of what I wanted to modify to complete my soul and body overhaul. I wrote a list which was similar to this:
Loose Thirty Pounds
(If I can tie my shoes without loosing my breath, I can feel better about myself.)
Get Braces
(Although none of my friends noticed my crooked teeth, I hated my smile and therefore always wanted braces. I like to laugh and this was for me achance to smile freely.)
Buy nice clothes
(After my doctor said I was too unhealthy, and loosing breath was bad. I made a decision that working out would be the key to my over all confidence, now I need a smaller shirt to wear when I go out, so I have to buy clothes anyway.)
Get a fancy car
(Truthfully I just always wanted a German sports car!)
a lot people want to change the physical first and what I realized is that is not always the answer. I know people that look like supermodels, drive fancy cars and wear expensive clothes but are still miserable inwardly. Money, cars, Muscles, and a pretty smile won’t make you happy. No my friends that comes from change deep within and once that is changed the physical now falls in line.
SOMEONE FOR EVERYONE
Recently, I met a beautiful woman, when I met her for the first time sitting in the corner of the Starbucks, my heart melted. I greeted her as she was looking at her phone drinking her water, and confidently spoke to her, sure I was nervous, hoping I didn’t have broccoli stuck in my braces, hoping that I smelled great and hoping I didn’t fumble my words. After an hour of talking, she hugged me, she blushed and couldn’t stop smiling. I like to believe that it was because I had confidence in myself that I was just as beautiful as she was and that no matter what, if she didn’t like me, I loved myself. Back in the day, when I believed in the DUFF, I probably would have ran her away….subconsciously sweating the stench of my own disappointment in myself.
In conclusion my friends the money, cars and clothes are nice to have, and it helps with confidence and feeling better about ones self. However, it does not solve the problem of being the DUFF. That can only change when you realize that it does not exist. Many times people can sense your low-self esteem and take it as you don’t want to be bothered. Some may pity you because your body language shows that you feel miserable. You don’t have to change your outer appearance to not be the DUFF, but you will have to change your mind set. In the movie the so called DUFF got the guy, in the end. It turns out she was what he wanted when he realized who she was, and I believe that was because she took upon herself to change her mind; realizing that her potential and self-worth.
If you liked this article, please follow me, and also check out other articles like these on GAG. If you have any questions about this article or my dating experiences please feel free to contact me on the GAG email. Happy reading my GAG soldiers until next week.
Are You The DUFF? Why You May Be The Reason For That Title
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Really meaningful take with good sense of humor.
It's true that you can't love or receive love until you can love yourself. It's really sad to see many people seeking validation from outside instead of within.
Looking your best to lose weight it's about being fit and healthy, being the best you can because you love yourself. Not because you are doing this to I impress others.
If people can really process this take it would save a lot of people from self sabotaging and toxic relationships
Thank you very much for the kind words. Yes I agree it's hard to love yourself when you dont realize you are hurting yourself by devaluing your being, now to solve a problem I had to realize it was there... thank you again.
Its halfway finished and in the process of editing and rewrites... I want this to be one of my best Articles bar none... then I am thinking about writing about cheating hearts broken minds.
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