I see it all the time. Women asking question after question on here about dating and relationships, wondering what they're doing wrong. Why no guys are approaching them. Asking others on here if they're pretty enough, or if they have a good enough personality. Being worried because they're "already" in their late teens or early 20s, but have zero experience. Zero guys approaching them. Zero luck in dating.
What I also see is a common pattern in what these girls do – which is essentially nothing. They do nothing. They seem to be sitting around at home or at school all day, wondering where all the guys are. Wondering why nobody messages them, why nobody reaches out to them, why nobody asks them out. It's always "why don't they do this and that", not "why don't *I* do this and that".
The problem is basically this: girls don't put themselves out there enough. You don't make yourself available. You don't put an effort into meeting new guys and sparking their interest. You won't get people interested in you by merely existing and breathing. In today's busy world, you have to make yourself visible. You can't expect other people to come find you, especially when these people might not even know what/who exactly they're looking for.
Here, I'll write a nice little list for you, that will guide you to becoming more visible in dating.
1. Put an effort into talking to him and seeing him
If you're interested in someone, then you have to get to know them and give them the possibility of getting to know you. You do so by actually trying to have a nice conversation with them. Don't sit around and wait for him to pick up the phone and message you. Ask him questions. Help him carry the conversation. It's normal and completely harmless.
Sending someone a message every now and then will NOT make you look clingy, or like a "slut/whore"
. Stop exaggerating and making excuses.
If a guy is into you, he will appreciate the effort, and he will return the favor by also initiating the conversations. He'll be impressed by you taking the initiative.
2. Don't be afraid of asking him out
Rejection is a part of life. We will all get rejected by someone at some point. If not by a love interest, you might get rejected by a friend, or by an employer. Might as well get used to the feeling of getting rejected by throwing yourself out there and taking some risks. The sooner you ask someone out when you've realized that you like them, the less it will hurt. If you drag it out and wait for months, or even years until finally confessing to them, you will be absolutely crushed if it turns out that they don't like you back.
Asking someone out is like ripping off a band-aid. Do it quickly and it will be almost completely painless.
If they turn you down, you'll get the chance to move on. And moving on will be a lot easier if you didn't let yourself fall so hard for them for such a long period of time. Now you know they're not into you, so you don't have to waste any more time on pining for them. Now you don't have to feel so unsure anymore either, by overanalyzing everything they have ever said to you. You can just let it go.
And, what if they say yes? Imagine how exciting that would be! Not only did you ask them out all on your own, but it actually turns out that they are into you too! Score! No extra time wasted on waiting around for something to happen. You made it happen on your own. Congrats!
3. Don't sit by the phone and wait for him to say something
If you want to talk, then talk. It's not that difficult. Unless he has told you that he's going to contact you, there's no reason for you to wait around and waste your time if you want to have a conversation with him.
You have a phone or a computer? ✓
You have a working set of fingers, or voice dictation on your phone/computer? ✓
You have at least a few minutes to spare? ✓
Then I see no reason why you should be the one waiting for him to reach out, when you are just as capable of reaching out to him. Be more active.
4. More often than not, passiveness is seen as something negative
If you act passive, you'll come off as disinterested. That's just how it is. If a guy never made an effort to talk to you, never made an effort to meet up with you, never made an effort to call or message you, never made an effort to keep the conversation going, wouldn't you think he was acting really disinterested? The answer is yes, you would. No sane person would think that showing interest = barely even acknowledging someone's existence. So think about how he sees you and how he interprets your actions. Guys are not mind readers.
People will judge your level of interest based on how available you make yourself to them.
If you take hours or days to respond, if you never ask him any questions, if you never initiate any of the conversations and if you never ask him if he wants to go on a date/hang out, you won't come off as a quality lady who is worth his time. You'll come off as a cold, uninteresting, hard to get person who is emotionally unavailable and impossible to relate to. That's not how you should portray yourself if you're actually interested in dating someone. He might chase you for a while, but get bored after that. He needs a positive response eventually, otherwise he'll just think you have zero interest in him and move on.
5. Dating is give and take
It's important to make yourself available and make your interest known. However, obviously you should also analyze the person you're dating (or trying to date). Are they also making an effort? Are they also going out of their way to contact you and arrange new dates? Are you on the same page? Do you want the same things? Don't waste time on people who act vague, who send mixed signals or don't put as much effort into it as you do. Don't overwhelm someone by bombarding them with messages, let them come to you every now and then. And if they don't come to you, despite you making your interest known, it's obvious that the feeling isn't mutual.
6. Try to actually go out and meet new people
If all you do is spend your days at home/school/work, with little to no interactions with those you're actually interested in, you're basically making yourself invisible. Try to go to more parties and events. Or even pick up a hobby that somehow involves getting to interact with more people. You can't just assume that some stranger is going to come knocking on your door one day. You won't find new guys in your fridge or under your bed. And if you do, those are not the kind of guys you'll want to date. Throw yourself out there. Don't wait for a guy to fall from the sky into your lap. That's not how it works.
These were my main tips, and I hope you'll find them helpful. Of course, there are girls out there who have managed to get boyfriends even if they were playing games and acting hard to get. And that's great, for them. But if you find yourself constantly asking what you're doing wrong and why nobody likes you, chances are you're not really doing yourself a favor by making yourself even more invisible and difficult to approach. Your chances of finding someone will greatly increase if you actually put an effort into getting to know new people and making yourself available.
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