BYOS – Why I Believe Men are NOT Obligated to Pay For Dates

BYOS -
Abbreviation
Definition: Buy your own shit. Suggests that an individual is obligated to pay for whatever it is they desire.


TGIF G@G community, I hope you’re all rockin’ and ready to be a-rollin’ into this weekend, I know I am, but not before a few words.

I saw a frankly sickening take some time ago arguing that men paying for dates is “gender equality”, because women have to pay for the likes of pads and makeup. Hilarious, I know, because technically speaking these purchases are not obligations. You could just be ugly and bleed on a rag.

BYOS – Why I Believe Men are NOT Obligated to Pay For Dates

Relax – I’m just kidding, don’t take me too seriously. I’ve gotten sassy over the years.

Jokes aside this is an important subject that I would love to touch on, because I was actually beautifully surprised at the amount of women who shared a similar opinion as me: expecting a man to pay for your food because he is male is in fact sexist.



Now let me elaborate on this really quickly, it won’t be too long, as I have done a similar take before, I just wanted to update my previous train of thought.

The reason I believe it is sexist to say a man has to pay for the dates is because there is ZERO logic behind it; yes, there is the argument of how women statistically earn less money than men, but it doesn’t entirely add up. So, given that logic, if a woman makes more money than a man annually, SHE should in fact have to pay then, right? Because if it’s based on income, it wouldn’t be equal or fair to say otherwise, so that theory suggests not that men should really be paying for dates, but that the higher paid party should. But wait, no, because men still statistically make more so we want em’ to pay up now. Okay … is that HIS fault? Or is that just the fucked up society we live in? What if he wants women to get equal pay, does he still have to be punished for something out of his control?

I think not.


With that argument aside, there is no other logical reason to say a man should have to pay for a date, and no, the fact that you have to buy tampons and choose to buy makeup, high heels, and get your hair done doesn’t earn you a steak sweetheart. It doesn’t work that way.

The reason people say it is simply because THEY ARE MEN AND MEN SHOULD PAY FOR DATES! Why? Because of gender-expectation of course! But wait … we don’t like it when men expect us to be subservient stay at home wives who obsessively try to control our physical appearance, and those are both gender expectations … this seems hypocritical….


Ding, ding, ding! That’s because IT IS!!


Equality, for those of us who really want it, expect it to be taken in its raw form, it is what it is; you don’t get to pick and choose the benefits of being completely equal to men and then leave out the parts of it you don’t want because it means you don’t get free shit anymore.

Until penises shoot out money men should never be expected or feel obligated to buy a woman a meal, or show tickets, whatever the case may be. ~ RJ 2016

If you want men to pay for your food all of the time and plan on belittling their masculinity if they don’t, you can’t get mad if they turn around and say: “Well as a woman I want you to do x, y, and z then, since we’re going with traditional views here after all.”

Because it’s the same shit.

NOW! Before I lose all of the women here, let me say this: there is NOTHING wrong with men paying for your meal if he OFFERS and WANTS TO. Especially if he is the one who states he wants to take you out to dinner. I only ask that you don’t throw a fit every time a guy asks you to pay your half, its common courtesy for you to have your wallet ready and at least offer to pay. Half of the time you know the man will pay for you anyways, just don’t be spoiled about it and start getting snooty if he doesn’t.

If you’re both traditional folks to the T, no ish Tish, the issue I take with it is when an unfair gender biased is forcibly pushed onto somebody with no logical reason to back it up. As women who have had to fight for our equal rights for as long as we have, we more than anybody should understand how unfair it is to say “Your gender dictates what your actions should be, or you are assumed less than.”

No man, woman, or in between should have to face that. Because that just isn't fair.

I’m not saying that if you are the kind of person who is into dudes that pay for your food that you’re a bad person, even if I don’t agree with you. What I don’t like is the type of women who put down non-traditional men for not paying; going to the extent of belittling their masculinity by stating “a real man pays for their food.” I have been unfortunate enough to actually witness this first hand.

You have NO RIGHT to complain. Can it turn you off? Fine. Can you only date dudes who pay for everything for you? Of course! Just don’t turn around and throw a temper tantrum over the fact that times are changing and people are no longer locked in this dated way of thinking. So don’t sit there and say “I’m a feminist but I expect my man to pay for the dates and buy me stuff!”

Bite me, princess. You found the cash to buy that $120.00 purse, I’m sure you can find the cash to buy some sushi and a few drinks. Get over yourself.

Okay, I know I sound a bit ticked and bitter but let me just say that there are fewer and fewer women like the person I described. In fact, a lot of women now get that they are not entitled to stuff, and don’t have these expectations, so I don’t want anybody to jump in the comments and start taking a dump on all women calling them materialistic whores. Because that isn’t true; it’s just a rare breed of princess-complex girls without any perspective.

Alright, that was my rant for the week. Hopefully you all got where I was coming from. I don’t doubt that I will tick off a few people but hey, it happens. I hope you all have a great weekend and as always, I look forward to your feedback.


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What Guys Said 29

  • Traditionally, men paid virtually all expenses for dates - because traditionally women didn't work outside the home and thus had no income other than what was provided for them by men - either their father/father-figure, or by the man they were dating/in a relationship with. Women didn't have an income, but they "earned their keep" staying at home, keeping the house, raising the children, and taking care of the man's needs (cooking meals, washing clothes, etc.) In other words, there WAS a balance there, it just wasn't the balance that every woman wanted.

    Today, MOST women want (or at least, THINK they want) equality. Women can work outside the home and generate their own incomes. Most don't want to stay home and be a housewife and take care of their man's domestic needs (some don't even want a man!). And that's just fine too... but as @RJGraveyTrain points out, this also means that to balance out the scale, women need to pay for their own expenses, just as the man pays for his.

    Obviously, most guys will understand if he has a greater income than she does (often not because he's a man, but because he's often older and further along in his career) and if he wants to do something more expensive than she can afford, that he'll have to pay for her sometimes, or pay for a percentage of her expenses. Most guys don't have a problem with this.

    But expecting the man to pay for everything date-related because you buy clothes and do your hair is absolutely hypocrisy. Women may spend more on those things than men, but men also have date-related expenses that most women don't (often a car, gas money, parking, tolls, and ultimately, his own living space to bring her to because she often can't bring dates home).

    in my opinion, it's fine to have a traditional relationship if you both want that (yes, even in 2016, some people do!), and it's fine to have a modern one. Hell, it's fine to be somewhere in between, too. But whatever you choose, you have to balance the scale. You don't get to pick the higher privileges of one lifestyle and the lower obligations of another - that isn't balanced and it isn't fair or morally right.

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  • I see the point you're trying to make with some of it, but as a guy I really don't think it's wrong for a guy to pay on dates. It really should not even be a topic of debate. I mean, when women get their hair done and get all dressed up to go out on a date, guys aren't paying for what it took for them to look nice, so what's the big deal about him paying for dinner? It's simply a male courtesy for his date. And I don't feel offended, oppressed, or castrated for it.

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    • If you want to, that's up to you. Offer to pay, and I'm sure your date will be very grateful.
      However it should NOT be an expectation, and people shouldn't think less of a guy for not doing so, particularly if they are earning less.

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    • Damn you should be cloned

  • Lol we know we aren't obliged to do anything and if I pay it's because I want to not because I think I have to.

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  • You're gonna get hate from girls, but what you said is true.
    I know the man paying for the date is what men used to do, it's what's "traditional"... but it's also traditional for the woman to make men sandwiches and give us sex whenever we want, but that has changed.

    Whoever invites for the first date should pay, but after that, it should be split, unless one wants to pay for the other, obviously.

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    • Haha I don't see any 'hate' from the girls. o. O

    • @LittleSally It surprises me, every time there's a girl siding with the guys there's always girls that criticize that. I remember posts from this same Take Owner (RJGraveyTrain) where she got criticized for siding with the guys, as if she was doing it to get our praise.

  • Thats why i always tell the women to bring their purse... :)

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  • images.firstwefeast.com/.../...2k8psfcisolcc4i.gif
    I don't believe in equality; I'll still pay anyway!

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  • Here's the rule I usually go by.

    If you asked first, you pay first. Unless of course the other person insists on paying their share.

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  • why I believe women are obligated too give good head

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  • If we didn't you would still judge us.

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  • I wouldn't buy a meal for a woman, call me an asshole if you want. But it's part of a long line in dating, I don't want to go on a first date with a girl and buy her a expensive meal just for her to dump me to the curb the next day. I'm not paying to make you look like a princess on your throne, I want a real relationship. At least have the decency to pay for yourself the first time at least.

    Ladies, not everything is going to be spoon feed just because you are a woman. Grow up and pay for yourself every once in a while, not everything in life is free, don't expect us to pay for you.

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  • Ironically , that take comes up on the same page as this one , another ace take , your fellow females need to take heed of you , in fairness to women , " media " brainwashing fills female heads with negativity towards men & viewing men merely as a utility , at least you can think for yourself.. my kind of person !!

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  • I'm 24 and I have never paid for anyone's food or drinks on any date. Call me cheap but there are plenty of girls who will go on dates with guys they don't even like just to score a free meal and an opportunity to get out. Some of them even openly brag about it on websites rofl...

    But well I blame the guys 😊

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    • I wonder how frequently that happens and what the signs are to detect it.

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    • lol I totally got you on both points. I guess I haven't really encountered a gold digger but I have come across attention whores like the ones who will talk to you for a week or more but by the time you ask them out, they're like oh I'm not looking to date, I'm hesitant to meet up with people offline, or I get flaky at this point.

      I've dealt with a few of those and it's like well why the fuck are you even talking to me then? Haha

    • @bloodmountain1990 Oh yea dude I dealt with a few of those as well. I Tinder date a lot so I see it frequently. My strategy has always been to mention getting together within 1-2 days and if I get any sort of resistance, I'm out.

      Lol call me an asshole but sometimes I call them out for having to use Tinder for attention (it's fun seeing them rage). It's much easier for women to find attention, be it in bars, parties, or wherever really. So any woman who uses the hopes of love-starved men in the ONLINE world for attention sucks just as bad as those men really... can you not find attention in real life lol?

  • I pay only because I feel the need to I don't know why maybe its because how I was rasied. but I once spent $120 just for a move&food. Almost $30 tickets

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  • I should pay because of my gender?

    Hmm, I expect a nice blowjob by the end of the evening.. considering...

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  • One opinion is individualist, "People should agree on what works for them."

    The other is authoritarian in that it expects that everyone should conform to some kind of standard.

    Yet, both call themselves feminist. Makes me think.

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  • I like this article. While I am perfectly willing to pay for a date, I will only do so if I am asking her out. If she is the one asking then I might pay for the date if I can get into her pants or if I like her enough.

    However, I will never insist paying because I find that ridiculous. If some one insist paying then I will stand aside and be happy to eat.

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  • I absolutely love this article. This is the direction we need to be going.

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  • A girl don't have to pay for anything as long as she's going out with me, she should just sit back and enjoy and me enjoy her company

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  • It's not a problem, I'll pay for all the dates.

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  • I m paying for the date.

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What Girls Said 22

  • Ahhh such a good take... just split the bill and be done with it!

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  • I believe that whoever asks the other person out gets to pay for the date or outing.

    If the man asks the woman to go out, then the man pays. If the woman asks the man to go out, then the woman pays. It is only fair. It is important to bring enough money for two people. Alternatively, a free or cheap date may be more worthwhile than a fancy date at a luxurious restaurant. Now, I understand that some women never ask out men, expecting men to ask out AND pay. In that case, I believe that men, if they do not earn a lot of money, should just discuss this with their potential partner and suggest a cheaper/free alternative.

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  • I personally think whoever asks the other out on a date should be paying. Like if I asked my boyfriend to go to breakfast, I would pay, but if he suggests the movie, then he should pay. I think you should do stuff for each other. Men should not be the only buying gifts but women shouldn't be the only ones cleaning and cooking. It's about being equal partners.

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  • Yup, yup. =)

    Independence and equality. I concur. ^-^

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  • Of course men aren't obligated to pay for dates. But it's good if they do.

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  • Awesome take and agree 100%.

    Though it sucks if you have to turn down a date, due to being a poor fag.(I know I am) :D

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    • I think if you would say that to a guy: "I'd love to but I'm broke right now" they will probably offer to pay for you, I know I would.

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    • Haha or cheap ;p

    • @jjmarvin Naw not a creep since it's always a challenge to find free games to download and play.

  • i always feel sorry for psuedo feminists who dont think that they deserve to be taken out and treated. men biologically are protectors and providers for women they care about. if a guy is not doing that with you, then on some level he doesn't value you or care about you. guys have no problem spending money on a woman they want to impress. now they will ask you to go dutch, or expect you to pay, or even worse come over your house and chill if they dont think that much of you, or if you are dating a low class guy. but why dont some women feel that they deserve better?

    maybe this is why there are so many single mothers out there raising kids alone. i mean if y'all entertain men who won't even take you out on a date, how can you expect that man to stick around and support a family if you get pregnant? the same guys that dont pay for dates because they dont think that much of you are probably the same ones who are gone with the wind when they find out a babys on the way.

    im just saying dont let real men and traditions die out. you will be sorry you did.

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  • wow you're so angry

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  • I dont know why people talk about it so much. It just depend from the person, some girls want their date to pay for them and some want to share the bills. Just let's people what they want.

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  • Spilling the bill is actually very feminist. As a firm believer in gender equality, I wouldn't let my partner pay just because he's a guy.

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  • the way i see it, it's 2016~ times are tough for everyone and, as long as i am working and have disposable income, i'll happily buy my own dinner. sticking the guy with the tab just because he has man parts is old thinking.

    when my now-boyfriend and i went on our first date, i came fully prepared to pay for myself. i let him buy me a drink, when he offered, but i paid for my own meal.

    now that we've been together for almost 2 years, we take turns paying for date nights. either we'll alternate or split the tab in some way (for example, if i've paid for dinner, he'll pay for the movie).

    that said, part of the reason i have a history of paying for my own stuff is that a lot of men still expect sex if they pay for the date.

    fyi: i owe you nothing, so let's just get rid of that expectation straight out of the gate by splitting the tab (i'll still have sex with you, if i want to, but at least you won't suggest that i owe you just because you bought me a drink).

    and hey, if the date doesn't go well, i can keep my lady parts to myself and you can keep your dignity. lol.

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  • NOPE! HELL NO!!
    MEN ARE NATURAL BORN PROTECTORS AND MAINTAINERS! HE IS GOING TO PAY!
    There is an article I want to kick myself for not saving about how women should never tolerate a man for not paying.
    Do not emasculate a man! thats the issue with you feminists! men do feel a sense of pride when they pay for women, hold doors for women, etc. Taking care of women is a biological need for men! shut your feminist antics down!!
    if you want to be equal with a man.. i want to see you PHYSICALLY fight a real man! or lift as much as a real man!

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    • Oh this is wonderful. I was waiting for a woman to come along and educate me on the male experience. Now go ahead and list all of your rules i must follow to be independent and strong.

    • I know who I'm not paying for :)

  • I completely agree.

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  • I don't care who pays, as long as it gets paid.

    Shit, I'll pay.

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  • Usually men I go out on date with pays but I have absolutely zero issues for paying for myself and him

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  • I mean... lol. That's the sad kind of lol.
    Not at you -- but at the fact that there are so many people who make SUCH A FUCKIN' BIG DEAL about this.

    Honestly, the RIGHT way to go about this is...

    ...

    ...

    ... wait for it...

    ...

    ...

    ... to NOT MAKE A BIG DEAL about it.

    That's it.

    * If people have to insist on separate checks... that's a bad thing. So petty. I mean, really? Can't you just... approximately split a bill? Or just have one person pay it, with the understanding that the other person will cover it later? Or just have one person put it on her/his card, and then the other person toss her/him some cash to make up his/her approximate part?

    * If one person WANTS to pay, and the other person is OK with that... great!

    * If the two people NEED "rules" for who pays the check and who doesn't... that's a BAD thing.

    Really, this is only a problem when it's a source of significant and ongoing tension.
    If it IS a source of significant and ongoing tension, then, honestly, that's a pretty good sign that the two people are incompatible with each other -- because, in the big picture, this is a pretty fucking trifling issue, and should be something that's easily resolved with a few lines of chitchat, a wave of the hand, and a little bit of unwritten human understanding.

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    • issue is when everyone is generous and they're all just like 'no I'll pay! let me pay! you paid last time I should!' but yeah completely agree with you

  • There is something called chivalry...

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    • .. chivalry does not equate to obligation, though. It's up to the guy to decide if he'll choose to conform to the gender-norms of them paying for everything that began because women literally couldn't. Back in the day, women were not even permitted, by law, to have an income of their own.

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    • @Panay yeah, I agree with that. I'd never wish to date anyone who holds you to ridiculous obligations like that, despite you two both having comparable incomes/expenses.

    • Possible gold digger...

  • If you ask me out YOU ARE PAYING ! If you I ask you I Am PAYING! IF we both agreed to hang WE SPLIT! Now, if you ask me out and expect me to split , I'm not going out with you again UNLESS I know you and your financial situation. But just like women shouldn't always want a man to pay, a man should expect sex or a sex act as a " payment ". Their is a lot of notion that if she don't put out by a certain time he is revisiting his time, I guess for some women them not paying is a way to get what they want to. So technically you both are in the wrong

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    • If she doesn't see a date with me as just as much a treat for her as for me, i don't want her to say yes. There are escort services where you pay an uninterested girl to hang out with you.

      If she says yes to me, she should be excited for more than a free meal.

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    • But be honest with us, how often do you actually ask guys out on dates?

    • @Toad-1 Actually I have several times. I'm the kind of person who doesn't care what people think of me so if I get to know a guy yes I will ask him out to dinner, lunch.. whatever

  • Yo mah dear are the WOMAN!! **FIST PUMP***

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  • I think whoever did the asking should pay for it. Girls, if you ask a guy out then you should pay. Guys, if you asked the girl out then you should pay. Unless they decide to go Dutch from the start then the asker should pay. :T

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    • That's reasonable.

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    • @Toad-1 Yeah, but there's a difference between handing out with friends and going on an actual date. When it comes to dating there are certain unwritten rules which is why I think it's a good idea to talk about things before hand.

    • And again my issue is with such unwritten rules.

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