My Attitude Toward College Relationships: It Isn't All About Sex

[pmjohn]

It is that time of year again, the school year is ending, and high school seniors are preparing to leave home for college... or not. I am happy to say that I am lucky enough to be attending college in the fall! And just like any incoming college freshman, I am looking forward to meeting some interesting people.

After a really tough breakup in high school that I am finally over, I am ready to meet another girl. I'm looking forward to a relationship that really lasts. I'm looking forward to getting to know someone better then I've even known a person before in my life. I want to make a girl happy who really deserves to be happy. You may be thinking "that's what they all say". However I would argue that this is not what they all say by any means. In fact, I would say that many guys in college are looking for sex. Given the downright disturbing statistics regarding sexual assault on college campuses, I would say many guys do not feel the same way as I do about meeting a girl.

I really think that the most important part of a relationship is feeling safe and comfortable around each other. I mean of course in a relationship, you want to laugh, watch movies together, go out to eat, etc. But these all come second to feeling safe around each other. If you don't feel safe, then you can't do any of the other things mentioned. I am looking forward to making a girl feel safe. I want the opportunity to show a girl that I am a good guy, because I feel like I wasn't given that opportunity enough in high school.

Sex is a strange subject. I mean I think almost everyone wants to have sex at some point in their life. Sex should be a sign of love. Don't get me wrong... when I meat this hypothetical girl that I've been talking about, I do want to have sex. But of course I want it to happen later. It should be about love, and it should be something we are both comfortable with. Sex is inherently a good thing because it represents love. When mommy and daddy love each other very much... you know. But the sad thing is that people abuse it, and then it is not so fun... then it is horribly damaging. And I do mean horribly- people don't realize that. Sex is strange because it can either be really good, or really bad. Anyway, the point is that I want to make a girl feel really comfortable with me, and I want to make her feel safe. And if there is any sex, I want her to feel safe with that as well.

I look forward to that first time when we are in bed together- I don't mean sex, I just mean in bed together. Everyone says "sleep together"... is that "sex"... no... it's "sleep together". I look forward to holding her in bed and just falling asleep together. I believe that sleeping together in the ultimate test. If she feels comfortable, then she will want to sleep with me. Looking at someone as they are sleeping must be amazing. I would just put my arm around her and keep her safe.

Is anyone else about to enter college? Do you have similar feelings?

[Unit1]

Good luck!

I dont want to crush your dreams but I'm afraid I have to deliver my message somehow with slightest impact possible.
In my experience the girls in college aren't so different from high school. They weren't obnoxious at least but they are still not mature. But that's only what I have seen.
It's just one level above high school. If you manage to find a like minded person, lucky you.
Oh and parties. Stay aware from them. Make sure it doesn't interfere with your relationship and studies. You can virtually avoid all problems if you do not come to parties at all but that doesn't mean you're not allowed to go every now and then. Find a good balance.

[ikissedtheskyonce]

Good for you. But I bet met so many assholes while in college that it turned me off to dating in college. The guys I dated did not go to college or did not go to my college, but at the same time you should not raise your expectations. Not all girls in college are going to be this girl you picture in your mind. I'm going back to college and I can tell you from experience that you are thinking unrealistically if you expect a perfect relationship from college

[kaylaS91]

I fully agree with you! It annoys me to no end when people have a hard time believing that, as much as I love sex, that doesn't mean that I'm hoping to up the number of guys I've slept with. That's a number I hold no value in, truth be told.

I'm perfectly happy being intimate with just my boyfriend, the second guy I've ever slept with. Ditto on how the perfect night will often be one not even necessarily involving sex, but just spent cuddled up with occasional kisses.

[Azara]

nice take but im confused by one thing... You say in high school you did not have the opportunity to show someone you were a good guy. which you are looking forward to doing in college. but, if you had a girlfriend in high school and a difficult good bye.. the how could you have not had a chance to show her you were a good guy, like while you were in a relationship?

[Anonymous]

As a third-year college student myself, I can tell you that you're going to be disappointed with the vast majority of girls you meet. Most girls (and guys especially) are looking to have fun and are deeply committed to the "hook-up culture". Especially sorority girls. If you're looking for a serious relationship, I'd suggest you meet some grad students or people outside of college. It's not impossible to meet the type of girl that you're looking for in college, however she's going to be very difficult for you to find. Good luck!

[chc0009]

Ugh, don't talk to me about college relationships, they are so fucking difficult. There's a lot of feminazis on campus and college-aged women are extremely hard to impress, especially if they're from Catholic high schools.

As far as I'm concerned, it's better to go off campus to meet women. I'm glad that I have my bachelor's degree and I'm currently working on my master's.

[BigJake]

At my college people don't really have relationships. The top 10% of guys and girls do a lot of hooking up while everyone else sits back and observes with envy. No one seems to want to settle at all, so you get a lot of average/fat guys and girls lusting after really hot girls and guys. I think this generation is a lot more socially stilted than previous generations where everyone dated and had relationships in college.

[vishna]

In college, we have so much more freedom and responsibility and SO many opportunities. College dating has been the best <3 and hopefully the last bit of dating.

[Prof_Don]

I didn't have many relationships in college. I saw way, way, WAY too much cheating, and I ended up being an accessory to cheating a few times.

I casually dated and had some hookups. U can say I was scorned from the infidelity I witnessed.

[JudgmentDay]

And it should not ONLY be all just about sex, unless someone wants it that way but that's just them.

[yololoyo]

It isn't all about sex until after class were you get to have sex

[datgirl]

Congrats and good luck 😄 I hope you find what you're looking for.

[sp33d]

College relationships are, sadly, a distraction. Keep it simple, your real goal is academic success.

[Tdieseler]

You'll find out soon enough...

[pmjohn]

@Tdieseler haha what do you mean

[Tdieseler]

it means..."you will find out soon enough".

[onthelist]

Good take. Love that.