How to Get a Girlfriend: Attractive, Decent, Or Even Unattractive

Important point:

Most guys who get attractive girls get them because those girls find them attractive AND they don't mess it up.

How most relationships happen is when someone's intially interested in someone because they're phsyically attracted to them. Then the more they hang out around them, they start finding things about them( that the WERN'T attracted to before) attractive. Then they grow on them.

In that phase of getting to know each other and dating, as long as the guy she finds attractive doesn't turn her off from him with huge flaws in his personality, she'll most likely like him.

That's one way it happens, these relationships don't last as long as another way.

Which is when someone chooses a partner based on their initial attraction to personality traits, rather than looks. Those tend to last longer and are stronger then the previous way. Which was finding someone attractive , and whether or not they were intially attracted to other traits, they then start liking traits they weren't originally attracted to.

That's the basis.

Now I'm going to give the "minimum" it takes to get a girlfriend.

What it takes to get a girlfriend

For an attractive girlfriend:

1) 9 times out of 10 they have to find you attractive to consider dating you

2) Don't be creepy, a douche, scary, a loser , too meterosexual( gay guy personality), boring , hurt her feelings, or awkward

• if you're attractive you can get away with some doucheyness and awkwardness but too much or certain kinds of it ruins your chances
- How much ruins your chances depends on the girl and the type of doucheyness(some kinds are untolerable), how attractive you are, and your other personality traits

There's girls that won't take any awkwardness or douchebag like traits. There's girls who will put up with it if you're really attractive, whether they're aware they're doing it or her finding you attractive subconciously clouds her judgement. (It usually won't last very long once she gets used to your looks)

If you're funny when you're not being awkward or having douchey moments, it will help a lot. In some cases being a nice gentle person can sometimes help overcome some of your flaws.

3) Not required but being funny helps tremendously

Keep in mind that if you're attractive girls will "give you a chance" even with flaws, but those flaws will make it hard to "keep" a girlfriend.

Being attractive and not being offputting personality wise is what's needed to get a hot girlfriend. Whether or not she stays long isn't guaranteed by this.

Important point: (Rementioned)
Most guys who get attractive girls get them because those girls find them attractive AND they don't mess it up.

For an unattractive girl:

1) She most likely won't care about looks, so personality is a bigger factor here

-If you're a nice guy, or funny , or confident you will likely be able to get an ugly girlfriend
-I have seen big ugly guys with shitty personalities get girlfriends and get laid

Those girls were at the bottom of choices but they at least got girlfriends

2) Don't be creepy, incredibly loserish, hurt her feelings, and you can get away with a lot more awkwardness and douche like qualities than with a hot girl, but too much and certain kinds will ruin it for you

Decent looking girl :

1) From my experiences, they usually couldn't find you unnattractive to date you

-I have seen some decent looking girls date ugly guys they liked for their personality
-Most decent looking girls didn't date an ugly guy though

2) Don't be creepy or scary (dealbreaker) , a douche, a loser , too metrosexual( gay guy personality), boring , hurt her feelings, or awkward

- However, if you're attractive you can likely get away with more of these then you would with a hot girl

3) Being funny helps as well but not required

4) Being nice usually helps you more than with a hot chick

Some key points:

•Most relationships start because their interest in each other was primarly based on finding their partner physically attractive, the longer they stay around each other , start liking things about them they weren't attracted to initially

•Relationships can also start by someone liking someone for their personality traits intially rather than looks, those relationships last longer and are stronger than the one's primarly started on physical attraction

•Someone finding someone attractive can make them subconsciously or consiously cloud their opinion about them

-So if you're attractive, you can get away with a lot more than if she didn't find you attractive
-Majority if guys who get attractive girls get them because those girls find them attractive AND they don't mess up when they're given a chance (they don't blow it with really offputting personality traits). That's getting a girlfriend, "keeping" one is a different story

• Hot girls 9 times out of 10 have to find you attractive to consider dating you

- If they find your personality attractive but don't find you attractive they'll like you as a friend

-Your looks gets you in and its your personality that keeps you there

•Surprisingly higher status hot girls are more accepting of socially off "hot" guys than higher status ugly girls are


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What Girls Said 11

  • A good guide for the clueless gaggers here. I have seen a few people asking "how do i even get a girl?" As if they require a manual for it.

    • This is why i wrote it. The reason they can't get a girl is usually these reasons. Whether its the personality traits thats wrong or their not attractive enough for the girls who are rejecting them.

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    • He sounds like he cannot empathise in general... Autism?

    • Maybe, that could be , he might just be looking at it assuming they know he doesn't mean harm by it. A big mistake because usually when people do that its not a good thing. Some people do things that are socially weird because they dont mean any harm by it while ignoring that what their doing is usually a red flag somebodies "off" or stay away from them when other people do it.

      They might not even know what the social norms are so they think their being normal but are coming off as weird instead.

      Im not sure what can cause aside from autism. Im not a pych major or anything tho

  • 3mo

    mens are weird...

  • I'm a pretty average girl, I can turn heads when in a dress and makeup. But a guy has to be genuine and normal to get my attention. He also has to not be scared to approach me, the worst I can say is no, like if you're scared of a short female like me, who are you not scared of haha. I have no use for a supermodel guy. Once in a relationship, I want to be treated well, I want a gentleman, and respect and care, taking my feelings into consideration and I will treat you with the upmost care and respect. It's easy.
    Say hi, talk about yourself, listen to what I have to say. Ask me out and we have drinks, be yourself, be cool, be respectful and you'll get your average girl too!

  • This is quite elementary. Am I the only one who finds this a bit laughable?

  • Can you write a guide for girls? I need some help!!!

  • Dating is a lot more simple then you think! Seriously!
    To catch someone
    1. Attraction- you don't have to be the most attractive person in the room. Keep your appearance neat and tidy. ( make an effect). And smile and be open
    2. Share common interests, backgrounds and hobbies

    To keep a relationship
    1. Appreciate each other
    2. Learn to forgive ( I don't know how many times I have heard on this website, 'that if my boyfriend/girlfriend did this then I would leave them'. You can't live life like this. We all make mistakes, and we become a better person when we learn to forgive.

    • you forgot to add communication but besides that, YES. THIS ^^^^

    • @SweetHomicidalQueen

      This is good but this take was directed at the guys who post, "Why can't i have a girlfriend?" "what are the requirements to have a girlfriend?" "Why dont girls like me?"

      This take covers majority of the reasons why those guys dont get girlfriends.

      The title might of been misleading but this shouldve been the "minimum" requirements to at least be considerable for a girl to give you a chance.

      Even if he has all you mentioned, if he's creepy, a douchebag, a jerk who hurts her feelings, they would still get rejected and come on here posting "Why dont i have a girlfriend? What are the requirements for a girlfriend? "Why dont girls like me?"

  • Russell Brand (Katy Perrys ex for those into pop culture) is the definition of a man that can pull the ladies.
    He has talked/joked about if you can make love to a woman's mind, you can do anything with her.
    A man that respects women as people tends to get the most girls.
    We can see right through someone who only sees us as a commodity.
    There aren't separate rules for three categories of women!

  • Mega lol! Yes, physical attraction is part of most relationships. I've been on dates with guys that were not exactly my type looks wise. What you would call average or less than average. I gave them a chance. They werent even on the same wavelength as me. Most of the attractive guys I've met are either paired off, gay, or have a lack of confidence or have a shit personality. So looks aren't everything, confidence and personality are the key aspects for me to even consider getting into a relationship with any guy. I won't just go with him for his looks. A good sense of humor does help. I can't resist a good bit of banter. I can't stand those shy guys that stalk you and never talk to you. I don't think they know just how creepy it makes them come across.

    • "I can't resist a good bit of banter. I can't stand those shy guys that stalk you and never talk to you. I don't think they know just how creepy it makes them come across."

      OMG YES x 100000000000

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    • @bloodmountain1990 hahaha sorry, I went back to typing in Scottish slang. Yes wae = with @redeyemindtricks got it spot on. Lol.

  • When interns get hold of the state department twitter account lol:

    Also, wow, so no need to try to not be scary toward ugly girls? Or boring? You do realize that ugly doesn't mean stupid, right?

    In general people shouldn't be douchey regardless of their attractiveness level, and your take implies that it's ok to be douchey toward a girl if she's not hot because she'll supposedly be ok with being treated less well than her hotter counterparts when it comes to a guy paying attention to her. Ew.

    For me, at all attractiveness levels that I've considered myself/been considered: you have to be attractive and I have to like your personality/you have to treat me well. Seems like pretty basic "math."

  • Great take! Thanks for the honesty and not bullshitting men. This is why guys should follow others guys advice and not a females advice. Experienced guys know the true art of getting women and I don't find that "demeaning" or "dehumanizing".. its what men have been doing since the beginning of time. This is literally modernized nature, picking up women. Animals in the wild do their best during mating season to impress a female until she decides to mate with him. That's essentially what humans do.

    • Thank you for your response. I dont know why everyones getting offended over this.

    • Whereas women don't know what they want, at all? I could agree with that.

  • Girls are not "accessories". They are people too. Sorry but this post just seems dehumanizing.

    • What? I wasn't even being rude. I just shared what I thought. No need to call me a bitch.

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    • She is stupid. She just wants attention.

    • How did i say girls are accessories?

What Guys Said 17

  • Eh.. if "attractive" girls have to find guys "attractive", why do so many elderly rich men get good looking girls?

    • I forgot to mention having a lot of money attracts girls who are gold diggers. But they aren't in it for the relationship with those old guys.

  • Great, but with the attractive girl why do you say 9 out of 10 times she has to find you're attractive? I think it's 10/10 lol. And being funny humor is a requirement, not just a bonus, for the hot girl.

    • 9/10 times hot girls need to find you attractive because I've met 2 hot girls that dated someone they thought was ugly because they liked their personality. It happens, just not very often.

      Funny isn't required if you have other attractive traits, but helps a lot. But chances are the funny attractive guy will beat out the more physically attractive guy who isn't funny but has other attractive traits.

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    • You dont need to be jacked, im skinny and toned and hot girls love me.

    • Congratulations lol
      Ya it's just what types you go for

  • Nice to know these

  • 3mo

    You really have no idea what you are talking about.

    Any guy can get girls. Any guy cannot get any girl.

    The secret to successful dating (or bedding if you prefer) is to figure out what kind of girl likes the characteristics you have. Once you have learned to identify that girl, often from a distance, then it is easy to get them into bed or a relationship. You can see the girl across the room and say to yourself, "We are going to have sex", and be right about it. Note that the kind of girl that likes you may not be your first choice.

    I have discovered that smart, ambitious women like smart, successful (rich) men. I therefore, ignore the airhead psych majors who are chasing the jocks for their looks. Each guy needs to figure out what kind of girl finds him attractive and concentrate just on them.

  • Lol so simple!

  • How about average women?

  • i think that most ugly women dont lower their standards while being ugly.

  • Some broad questioned my decision to make maccaroni last night then ran away when i got irritated. Like seriously that's how they approach? she might as well have said fuck yo mac n cheese

  • I really don't agree to this article for many reasons. Girls generally want handsome guys or big guys. Big guys , I mean broad shouldered , ideal kilogram or muscle. Apperance is really big issue for girls. No matter they are ugly or beautiful. All girls want this. But they don't find those guys. From 16 to 25 age. Girls want to date with this type of guys. After marriage starts. 1 handsome guy date with many girls while ugly men no date. But when marriage time starts there are not so many oportunity for girls. So they start to look other things also.
    But I have to add this. İf you are a strong communicator , if you have self confidence enough you can effect women everytime in your life. No matter age. But apperance can give you more advantage. But to being a strong communicator is also not easy. You have to improve yourself on it.
    Money , handsomeness , apperance and strong communicator are all impressive things.

    For girls this is same. One girl I met she was so sexy and beautiful but wasn't smart and has no good personality. Even I didn't enjoy in sex so much. Cuz she wasn't so good at it. But she was extremely sexy. I didn't continue to talk with her. But an other girl I met was normal beautiful , not so much. Still she was sexy actually but not as much as other girl. But she was more funny and smart. So she was more attractive for me. She was better than other girl. This is what I mean. I hope people understand what I mean.

    • This is the "minimum" requirements to be "considered" as a partner by girls. The other traits you need but if you fail these personality traits really bad, they aren't going to want them. (Ex: Creepy, too douchey, hurts her feelings so bad she crys alot)

  • how to get a Girl.

    - Be yourself

    thats fucking it. Dont try too hard, dont be something you're not. just do you and girls will fall for you.

    HOWEVER, looks do play a role if you feel you dont have the looks. then look in the mirror and point out 3 things you need to fix (THATS DOABLE) and fix them.

    HOWEVER, If you can't get a girl because you keep going for supermodels while Ignoring the girls who DO LIKE YOU, but look like Fiona on Shrek then thats ON YOU. Not girls.

    This is pretty much the Girl version of "Good guys get friendzoned" that everyone here does when they get rejected. You got people who are into you but you ignore them cause the looks aren't there.

    build up your self esteem as well. one thing i notice on here is that TOO many guys have LOW self esteem about themselves. (here and on the reddit am i ugly page)

    • When you say be themselves, what if theyre a douchebag or theyre always hurting girls feelings, or they appear creeepy?

      there's more to getting a girlfriend but these are the minimum requirements to be considered by girls

    • assholes can get girls. looks > Everythings. Just gotta keep the asshole at a minimum. this is me. im myself but i can tone down my assholeness to the point where she knows what she's dealing with, but its not over the top. once you look good you are able to get away with more BS than a person less attractive.

      Example? go on tinder with 2 profiles, one model and 1 guy that looks like peter griffin. and find a way to get matched by the same girls and send lets smash. or something outlandish. more than likely the model will get a response that says ok or something funny while peter is cursed at.

      as for being creepy. looks play a role in this as well

    • Yes i know looks help you get away with stuff. And you said you keep your assholeness to a minimum. This is for the guys who dont keep their offputting traits to a minimum so it overrides their looks. Or guys who go for attractive girls when their ugly and wonder why they can't get a girl. Or guys without looks who have these bad personallity traits and have too much of them for regular girls to want them.

      This is usually the problem when guys on here post "why can't i get a girlfriend?" "Why do girls ask for my number and always stop responding to me?" "Whats the requirements to get a girlfriend?"

      Majority of the reasons why those guys can't get a girlfriend is because these reasons i listed. It was meant for them in particular.

      What you said is true though assuming these negative traits aren't too bad, someone will like you.

      And again attractiveness helps you, my looks help me get away with shit, but i have nice gentle personality and vibe as well. Together it makes up for it. :)

  • I'm not sure that would work...

    • This is the "minimum requirements" you need to be able to get a girlfriend. To get girls interested in you that werent originally, and make yourself seem more attractive to the ones who are already interested Requires more than this. Going out and getting a girl could require more detailed info. But this is the "minimum" requirements to be able to go out and get a girl. (Ex: Dont be scary or creepy, no matter how many you approach you won't get anybody if you appear scary or creepy)

      What parts dont you think aren't "minimum" requirements for girls to consider dating you?

    • The thing is... I have no self-confidence, I'm too shy... so most girls consider me just as a friend.

  • 9.5/10 / 10

    • Why? This take wasn't about the details about how to proceed to get a girlfriend. It was about the minimum requirements to have for girls to at least give you a chance. there's more to getting a girlfriend then this.

      But this take was directes at the guys who post "Why can't i get a girlfriend?" "Girls ask me for my numbers a lot but Why do girls stop responding to me?" "What are the requirements to get a girlfriend?"

      This take covers most of the reasons why those guys can't get a girlfriend. If you fail these requirements, chances are you'll get rejected, (ex: being creepy, hurting her feelings , being really insecure, etc) . This was meant for them.

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    • For example haven't you heard many good looking people don't know their attractive? Everyone hates on looks (because of competition) - when you tell people they're surprised and grateful. Just an example. What you thought was obvious wasn't obvious to them.

    • No. I've never had a girlfriend but I have slept with 3 women? if that's weird and never had female friends or healthy male friends.

  • Dude, you don't need to tell guys how to get an unattractive or even average looking girlfriend. That's basic. When guys ask questions or complain that they can't get a girlfriend, they are talking specifically about not being about to get hot girls. Anybody knows how to get a girlfriend. Literally anybody. It's hot girls that a lot of guys have problems with.

    • Yeah exactly, some people don't realize that it's not a guy can't get a girl, but he can't get a girl he's interested in. Finding mutual interest can be the hardest part of dating. We want the ones who don't want us and don't want the ones who want us.

  • I'm a average guy who has to shave his head bald from a condition that cost me my hair, I still expect an attractive looking girl and I won't settle, you just keep going until one says yes.

  • Lol you talk about attractive/unattractive/decnt girls like they are different species. And everything you said was completely obvious

    • Lol, yes, I was thinking the exact same thing. We aren't wild animals!

  • Guys only get girlfriend when the man is more valuable than the woman and shows that he does not need to have the woman in his life but would like her to tag along.

    Essentially. Women are hypergamous. If you act ego and show interest in wanting to be with her too soon the woman's brain goes off she is more valuable than you and therefore you are not a suitable candidate for a relationship.

    If you act indifferent the woman cannot gauge correctly who is more valuable but the fact you aren't sucking up to her like other guys shows you are different. This can go either way and you can either end up being friends with her or her chasing you.

    If you act like an asshole then this could in most cases be perceived by the woman to mean you are higher value than her and your disrespect comes from a place of power.

    Another way you can demonstrate value is if you get rejected by a girl/friendzoned and end up with an even hotter girl for your girlfriend. Many women compare themselves with other female and if she sees that you have an even hotter woman (woman more valuable than her) then she perceives that your value matches with her and she'll chase you.

    This isn't often because she is interested in you but because she is competing with the other woman to show she can take you away from her and she is better.

    • I think a certain amount of immature women may *act* as you've described, but I doubt that they would agree on the same explanations for those actions as you've put forward here.

      Ultimately though, does it matter what the reasons are, if your predictive model works?

      In my experience, the more mature the woman, the less she is likely to act as you've described here. For example, far less likely to care about competing with other women (or their mothers, or their mothers-in-law, or that co-worker she thinks of as a rival, or that sister who was always moms favourite...) and far more likely to be taking steps which improve her life directly (or the lives of her kids, etc...)

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    • Outside of sitcom moms, I've never encountered any in the real world. Maybe I've been lucky.

    • @Belgie Well i've encountered that behavior quite a bit among older woman. A large percentage of the conversation is trying to impress the other mom at how well their kid is doing.

  • A "girlfriend" is not a commodity. ... Or at least I don't think they are.