* This is a satirical response to 7 Reasons Why Nice Guys Will Always Finish Last. If you take offence, then please take it up with my official complaints committee at https://butthurt.com *
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My mytake is obviously tackling stereotypically self-proclaimed "nice girls" and not real genuine nice girls. That's because their are no real genuine nice girls, just ugly girls that wasn't to date way out of their league and then if the super hot guys won't date them, it's because all guys are shallow and only date similarly hot girls that happen to actually be in the same league as them. (Nice girls are never nice - hot girls are always bitches.)
1. Victim Mentality
This victim mentality is a sign of weakness. Who wants to be with someone weak who blames all their problems on men and hot bitches?
Nice girls are always looking for a scapegoat, someone or something to blame their lack of success in the dating world on. Nothing is more unattractive than entitlement (joke: it's because they're ugly).
2. Lack of confidence
We can all agree that lack of confidence is one of the biggest turn offs. Other than rage, anger and bitterness, insecurity and lack of confidence are what most nice girls have to offer...Actually, wait... Those things are pretty sexy as long as the girl is a hawt biatch ... my bad.
3. Bitterness towards men
Nice girls hate alpha studs because these guys are totally not materialistic and only looking for what's on the inside of a woman. Of course it helps of she's facially aesthetic and carrying a nice pair (melons, of course).
Nice girl: Hey man! You're just a sexist pig. All you do is degrade women and case after them for their bodies. How dare you suggest women are sexual beings also and how dare you look for women in your own league. #DOWNwiththepatriarchy
Here are some things many "nice girls" say to men:
- Men are useless without two keys
If he doesn't have a key to his car and a key to his apartment, the guy's probably a useless late twenties virgin basement dweller. Ditch him, my sisters!
Hot bitches are usually confident enough to secure the right kind of high status male. Nice girls have a way to go however!
- Men in their twenties are immature and just want one thing
That's right: we need more rich, patriarchal sugar daddies in their thirties snapping up the hot blonde bombshells in their twenties so that younger, resentful men will go ahead and do the same thing. Fuck marriage, fuck commitment.
Of course, ugly nice girls always feel the most entitled to Rolex wearing swag. Given the chance, they'd happily jump on the alpha fuck boy bandwagon, it doesn't matter what is age is.
- All men want sex
"Nice girls" usually are the loudest when it comes to voicing their hate towards open-minded sexuality because "guys only commit to some so they can fuck and chuck" (chances are they don't even have the looks to get a guy like that anyway).
Nice girls tend to have this very pessimistic view of men and think they're all sex-crazed players. Why can't they get a man? Oh silly, it's because confident attractive alphas like hot bitches of course... oh wait... that's true, damn, my point is invalid!
4. They constantly hate on hot bitches instead of fixing their looks with plastic surgery
This is very common with nice girls. They try to bring hot bitches down by labeling them "insecure", "plastic" and "fake"... wait there might actually be some truth to that. Damn, I'm not having a very good day today...
Guess what? Hot bitches are not necessarily manipulative, gold digging divas. Ok well a majority might be but let's take a moment to honour the silent minority though, eh?
*1 minute's worth of silence dedicated to the hot bitch victims of gender discrimination... They have life so hard*
These nice girls want us to think that hot bitches are just superficial, materialist good diggers and who won't talk to you unless you buy them a drink and the second you sign over the marriage deeds without a pre-nup, they scram like a fleet of Canadian geese. How dare they insinuate such atrocious generalisations!
5. Nice girls aren't really "nice"
Let me put it this way: baking your man a nice apple pie and then promising to be a faithful wife to him doesn't exactly mean you're entitled to that trip down the aisle with your godlike alpha stud dream partner. Saying that all men are looks oriented shallow pigs because you can't get one to commit to you doesn't exactly make you a "nice" person. Even hot bitches are nice too... Damn, I keep doing this, it's something about Wednesdays.
6. "Nice girl" became the new definition of a boring, unattractive practising Mormon
Saying your a nice girl basically means you have nothing else to offer except your "niceness". No humour, no confidence, no looks and no career/money because let's face it, no attractive woman ever had problems getting a guy and no nice girl was ever confident or attractive. #generalisationsforthewin
If you were really nice, you'd just accept your impending doom and stop bothering hot bitches and alpha studs about it. Face it: you're gonna be single for EVER. Take your tears and cry else where. Nope, nope ... don't come to me with your legitimate complaints. Don't come to me asking for constructive advice because you won't get it. Nobody gives a damn about "nice" girls. Nobody.
7. Nice girls are shallow.
The ' nice girl' specimen is very shallow. She can't even be bothered to do girly aerobic workouts and she expects to get the most masculine, confident men. They're usually the ones to set the highest, craziest standards for men and feel entitled on getting the creme de la creme because they had the oh so unique quality of being "nice".
Listen doll (and don't you dare cringe at my poor choice of sexist, patronising language, doll) the dating world is competitive like at any other world (let's not even bring the 80/20 theory of female hypergamy into this, ok doll?). Confident attractive men want hot bitches. So stop saying they are shallow because they won't date you: after all they're a small percentage of men and they already have a large pool of hot bitches to deal with. What do you expect from them?
I'm not saying this is a rigidly set rule (it is a rigidly set rule) and average people can't date out of their league. That's because average girls can but average guys can't. Nice girls: go for an average guy. * insert some feel good, cringe worthy dribble about genuine niceness *
(e.g.here is a pic of an average girl with a confident, successful man. See - average people can date above their league ... well, women anyway)
If a hot bitch wanted to date a confident man, she had to do a really hard Pilates regiment and slap on some make up. Hard working people deserve to date each other.
Don't feel entitled to date a super hot high status masculine man because you still have your pick of millions of other men way above your league.
Real nice girls don't finish last: they finish first in every baking contest known to man
If they never get laid or marry a man, it's not a big deal because they're nice and nice girls always have that feel good factor regardless of how much their life sucks. #realitydealwithit #suckitupnicegirls #femaletears
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