Like Attracts Like: Why "Birds of a Feather" for Dating Works

I just read a MyTake about guys who only want to marry virgins, and it inspired me to elaborate on the greater dynamic. Shout-out to @front2back for the inspiration.


In short, I've noticed that some people's desires for a partner don't at all match up to the kind of person they are. Whether it's former players going after virgins or the morbidly obese aiming for gym rats, I think expectations should be tempered by an accurate reflection on one's self. The following list is not exhaustive. There are many other categories of considerations to ponder when selecting your potential mate:


1. Domestic Activities (Cooking, Cleaning, etc.)


Can you cook? Do you require that your partner cooks? If your answers to the previous two questions were not identical, then you have unrealistic expectations. You don't need to be Chef Boyardee, just be able to cook some spaghetti before expecting your girl/man to cook you a feast. If both of you guys eat ramen and eat out everyday, cool.

2. Lifestyle


If you're sitting on your couch absorbing the entire Netflix collection on a regular basis, don't expect to be with someone who skydives, goes bear hunting, and lives like Otto on Rocket Power (and vice versa). One of you will be holding the other back.

3. Money


You broke? You better get used to broke people then because they will be tickling your fancy most often. Bettering your financial situation is a beautiful goal, but expecting your partner to have a wealthy income when you're a few steps away from poverty is wishful thinking.

4. Sex Prowess


You want that girl that can ride it like a rodeo show? You want that man who can lay it down like snakes on a plane? Most people do. However, if you're the type of person to lie there doing nothing while expecting glorious sex, then the person riding you or dicking you down will quickly reconsider their life decisions.

5. Physical Beauty


I'm not talking about whether you're hot. I'm talking about gross mismatches. For example, if you eat junk food regularly, brake the scale, never work out and have terrible complexion, don't expect to be with a vegan who hits the gym everyday and has immaculate hygiene. In my experiences, having a morbidly obese person come up to you with anticipation in their eyes after just having finished a good week at the gym is an unfortunate compliment.

Exceptions/Conclusion


There will always be exceptions to this (non-exhaustive) list. For example, you may be struggling financially, happen to come across that person who doesn't care about your poverty and wants to support you. Your status may be so high that it doesn't matter how shitty you are otherwise. Likewise, you may come across a person who genuinely enjoys cooking for you, is turned on by contrast, etc. My point is that to expect qualities that you in no way possess is quite unreasonable. Moreover, your search for love will be that much harder. Make it easy on yourself and be what you want in a partner. Love ain't magnetism; like attracts like.


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What Girls Said 9

  • Haha I agree with all of this. Nice take

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  • Right mindset attracts the right people

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  • I agree with your point it is important to have realistic expectations and being with someone with similar values and interests. However, some people just naturally have different skill sets and like actually does not always attract like at least not personality wise like what this article says: www.psychologytoday.com/.../why-introverts-and-extroverts-attract-each-other
    Some people do better with skills complementary to their own. I once met a guy whose was a pilot as well as aircraft mechanic and his wife was some kind of medic. He often gets hurt on the job and she's always patching him up. That was actually how they met real nice couple.

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  • Well the first one, my parents are very traditional, and from a young age have been learning how to cook and clean. Also, take care of children. I plan to do this for the rest of my life... and I hope to do this for my husband.
    If he wants to help cook or try something new then that is completely fine and I welcome it.
    So I don't think its unreasonable if I marry someone who isn't too savvy in the kitchen. I also love, love, love to bake.

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    • A dying breed you are

    • Show All
    • Can you be cloned with all your knowledge and traits!.. Experience!.. Etc..
      I took care of my younger brother as a toddler!.. Changed his diapers! Took care of house!.. Understand responsibilities!.. And I get it how hard you trained

    • @Nik1hil well thankyou so much for the acknowledgement. I really don't understand why women are so, unappreciative, for lack of a better term...
      A man works all day and is tired
      The least you can do for him is clean up the house a little and put some decent food on the table

  • If I do all good but I'm poor i can't date rich people? That's not cool

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  • Somewhat reasonable and truthful. Not always though. What about people who don't expect anything but get it anyway?

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  • Awesome take! 👍🏼😊

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  • Great Take. This is the most reasonable argument regarding having fating standards I have read here. I would also like to add education level or degree to this list!

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  • This is true. I'm not saying everyone has to settle, but be reasonable.

    I much prefer dating in "my league" regardless.

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What Guys Said 12

  • Find me a rich hot woman. Send her my way!

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  • just wanted to say that players gi for virgins ciz they dont want to wife up sloots.

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  • "I only date guys who are tall" said 99% of women

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  • Ew what the hell is that black guy hugging that hambeast for?

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  • #3 is hilarious. I have trolled women to make them believe different things about my financial status. Weeding out princesses is easy enough.

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  • Don;t settle and don;t be satisfied. Life is about experiences which is why I think it's just fine for women to reach just out of view. It's natural. There are a lot of choices out there!

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  • Great take.

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  • Totally agree with this 'My point is that to expect qualities that you in no way possess is quite unreasonable'.

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  • Well let's see, I'm poor as fuck, but have a Double Masters, not quite the ugliest man walking the face of the planet, have my own car, my own place, and can pay my own bills. I guess I'm doing OK now I just need someone in my life and I'll be a happy man.

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  • It's not nessesarily true that you need to have the same attributes you seek in a partner because not everyone values the same things. The person you want might not value the same things you do. So even if you don't have the same characteristics they have you can still attract them if you have the other traits that they do value.

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    • So you don't nessesarily need to be a good cook to fet a good cook, rich to get a rich person, hot to get a hot person, or virgin to get a virgin. You just need to have some attributes that the other person sees value in.

      If the virgin doesn't value virginity, you don't need to be one.

      If the rich guy doesn't value wealth un a woman or if he values beauty more, a girl doesn't have to be rich.

      Its not about matching each trait X for X Y for Y.
      Its about matching overall perceived value.

  • I have this problem when it comes to looks. People say I'm a handsome guy with a nice personality, hard working, good dress sense etc. The problem is that I'm only 5'4". It would be ridiculous of me to want to have a pretty girlfriend with a beautiful body and the characteristics I admire in a woman. I know in the physical beauty part you didn't mean looks but I had to put that out there.

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  • Very reasonable and true
    Good job

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