Why The Dating Scene In 2016 Is A Bust For Me (Rant)

I was just asking someone for some advice, and was told that marriage was a bad deal for men under most circumstances. I never plan on marrying...that's something I decided on as soon as I hit puberty and 8 or so years later...I feel the exact same way. Only now, I feel like even dating is a complete bust. A lose-lose situation. Here's why I personally think dating in this generation is a no go...if you can even call it "dating", at least from my personal experience.

This is An Age of Materialism

Up until now, I've never really heard the terms "beta" and "alpha" male thrown around outside of National Geographic. But now, it's more apparent than ever that dating has de-evolved so to speak. Mate selection (or shall we say, date selection) is based entirely on materialism. I have not once seen a girl who wouldn't completely drool over a tall, muscular man. An alpha. There's absolutely no care in the world for anyone who society brands a "beta" in this stupid little game. And sadly, I'm in that category for things I can't possibly change.

For one, I am fighting an on-going battle with Asperger's Syndrome (which is something that will probably never be stopped unless a cure is found). Anyone with this might as well be a "beta" due to their distinct interests (which don't always revolve around manly things such as sports) and the judgement thrown around. If whoever I talk to finds out about my disease, it's already strike one. I'll always try to hide my disorder, but unfortunately, I'm not going to be perfect- and women are very attentive to detail. If they don't pick up my undesirable quirks...they'll notice upfront my other physical flaws. There's my weight, which I'm working on every day. But there's also my height..I'm under six foot and also have a cleft lip. Meaning nasty, crooked teeth. They don't like that stuff and most will be instantly turned off by it.

I've Never Had Many Positive Experiences With Women

I may have had a few girlfriends, but most of them either dumped or cheated on me. Then there's the instance in which I was with a significantly bigger girl who assaulted me (not that anyone here is going to believe that for a second...because apparently men can't go through that stuff). I know some women will read this, laugh, and label me as a bitter manchild. Go right ahead. But I feel as if I have every reason to step out of the dating game for a long while. I'm not saying all are like this, but at this point...I simply don't want to get hurt again. Who does? And might I add, even on a platonic playing field, I've had issues.

My mother is extremely toxic and has said some incredibly nasty things to me as I am struggling to get through college (and the bullying I still endure...community colleges aren't all that great) and work to earn enough money so I can leave St.Louis and everyone in it behind. This all means, of course, I've just learned to be extra careful around girls. Not getting too close, not overstepping my boundaries, and knowing the warning signs of a user. It's not too hard to stay away from them given they are repelled from my height and weight alone. But still, should anyone dare to go near this monster I've become, I know to be careful and not trust them upfront if they start to say I'm attractive (which rarely happens anyways).

Nobody Wants To Get To Know One Another

If you've been following the news, this could go for a lot of situations going on in this generation outside the dating world. But to keep things on target, we are gravitating more towards a hook-up culture. Even dating sites tend to prioritize characteristics not in any way related to personality or establishing any real chemistry. On any app I've ever used, financial status and physical characteristics (height, weight, eye color, blood type...anything surface level) played a bigger part in making matches. That's probably why I never had any luck from them.

The Easiest Way Not To Lose...Is Not Playing

I tend to see modern dating as I would those lottery scratchoff tickets. You go through so many tickets (or people), and more often than not you get burned. Only the luckiest individual is going to hit the jackpot (a person worth keeping around). So to me, it's very simple.- don't invest, and you won't lose anything. I never played the actual lottery except for when I was very young and would go get a $1 scratchoff somewhere (and get crushed every time, of course) and I'm glad I never tried to go that route. Same goes for dating. I'm glad I no longer throw myself out in the open to get trampled on anymore. Sometimes I wish I could get the jackpot, but then I remember my chances of getting struck by lightning are better.

Phew. Feels to good to get that all off my chest. I know it's gonna get me hate, and I know there's going to be lots of hateful comments soon enough directed at me (it's GirlsAskGuys...and it doesn't take much observation to see that everyone here is at each others' throat for the most part)...but I'm at that point where it couldn't matter less.


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What Girls Said 3

  • u need to be more confident in urself

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  • Hey!
    I just wanted to jump in and let you know that although things are looking grim right now, things always get better. I am speaking from experience too!!
    Now, I'm perceived by some of societies members to be an attractive female. I've been told this even since I was young (in kindergarten my teacher said he wanted to marry me when I grew up...). I am well aware of the privilege that this grants me in day-to-day life, but I just want to let you know that dating sucked for me too. Maybe not for all of the same reasons as yours, but I was convinced that I was going to die alone, as I had never had a boyfriend before. You must know how confusing that is... constantly being told that you're good looking but nobody wanting to date you. I beat myself up SO BADLY for not being "good enough" just like you're doing now. I tried to change my personality to get more attention, change my clothes, and even altered my hair texture to fit into a race of girls that I didn't belong to. I was so desperate, and I came up with a huge list of reasons like you did and tortured myself with it every day.
    But then I met someone.
    He opened his arms and taught me what self-acceptance is, and that being liked and being pretty isn't everything.
    We started dating last October when I was 20. He is 5 years older, and I never considered dating an older guy before, which goes to show another point that you really have no idea who you're going to meet on any given day.
    In short, what I'm trying to say is that all of a sudden, people just come into your life that you never thought would, and they may turn your entire life upside down, and show you a new way to see yourself and love yourself!!! (Hopefully for the better :D). I'm not saying you have to date, but it sounds like you want to and are just scared. Please don't be scared, and just give yourself time to find the right girl for YOU.
    P. s. I am so sorry to hear about your previous abuse from an ex. I am even more sorry to hear that you think that nobody will believe or listen to you. That quite literally broke my heart to read that. I'm not sure when it happened, but I am so sorry that it did, and you did not deserve it. It is never a victim's fault, and I hope that you healed well. If not, please, please, PLEASE talk with a professional to sort out any remaining damage.
    Keep your chin up, and I hope you can have a more positive outlook on life soon. :) Take care!!
    -Sydney

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  • " You go through so many tickets (or people), and more often than not you get burned. Only the luckiest individual is going to hit the jackpot (a person worth keeping around)."

    Welcome to dating. That is true, but that's not bad. That's just how it works. You date until you find that one person that makes you say "I don't want anymore. Just this one".

    And alpha/beta whatever, where are you from? I seriously never hear this from anyone in the real world.

    So you're not the most attractive cat in your opinion. Personality can make or break this about you. Use that.

    You have asperger's? Don't try to hide it. Wear it. I'm a firm believer in put all your crap out on the table so that people can decide from day one "do I want to give this a shot or is it too much?" Then you don't have to play the date and hope she doesn't find out game.

    Also on a positive note, I have a friend who wpuld be a gag definition of Beta... non confrontational, under 6 feet, slightly overweight, and guess what? He has a learning disorder, but not one you would ever guess because he's a super smart dude. You know what he has going for him? He's one of the few genuinely kind people that exist. He is 100% real and honest and kind. And it's refreshing, and it's attractive in its own way. Maybe I'm the only one who feels that way?

    Nope. He has a very pretty fiancé who is just as humble and sweet.

    Anyway, the point: embrace you first of all. Then decide, play the game of love or don't.

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    • "You have asperger's? Don't try to hide it. Wear it. I'm a firm believer in put all your crap out on the table so that people can decide from day one 'do I want to give this a shot or is it too much?' Then you don't have to play the date and hope she doesn't find out game."

      Anon, don't listen to this advice. You have to only put your best foot forward until she's already fallen for you unless she asks questions that require you to honestly give you "crap." After she's fallen for you, then you can tell her the deeper stuff.

      As for you @Rocket_Queen, what are you trying to do, exactly? If I didn't know better I would say you were trying to ruin his chances of ever finding someone.

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    • Yes, it's not working for him, but what you're suggesting will only make it worse. And I don't care how YOU would feel about it. You're not the norm. This guy is looking for the highest possible chance of finding someone. What you're suggesting will increase the chance he'll find someone like you, but will still dramatically shrink his dating pool smaller than it already is. "'Alls fair in love and war'... that right there speaks volumes about the kind of person that you are and about the integrity that you lack." How do you think the most successful people got where they are? You think big business CEOs got where they are by playing it fair? No. They had to step on a lot of people to get that kind of power. Same thing in the dating world.

    • @HeWhoPonders my apologies brother, I didn't know you were an all seeing psychic and thay your crystal ball had already shown you my failed advice...

      And live by the all is fair in love a war quote. Step on people. Hide things. Be deceitful. You're right, that's how people make it today, I'll give you that. But that doesn't make you a desirable man. It makes you a punk. It makes you and whatever you did by doing all of those things a lie.

      But hey, thanks for you thoughts!

      Anon it would seem you have 2 choices: take the honest way or step on people to get where you want. Good luck!

What Guys Said 2

  • It's alright, you will be fine in time. Do not let the bitterness overtake you, it is a wasted emotion. Look inward, learn how to be happy with yourself as you are and eventually you will come to realize women are not the focus. Explore your hobbies, your other desires in life. You will see that life is simpler that way, and that the anger you now feel is replaced by apathy. Then you are free!

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