Man As Initiator: Why Courtship Roles Shouldn't Change🚶🏽💭❤️

Yes, I'm a traditional girl. No, I'm not stuck in the 50's.

I believe in gender roles and their benefits, but not necessarily that one must confine themselves to the way society expects an individual to perform.

Society has progressed. Society has opened HIS mind to include the possibility of HERstory too, and I as a woman am thankful to now have the opportunities I do, as opposed to the past.

Education, voting, household duties, rights, the workplace, status... it's all changing, and will continue to. Changes like these needed to be made to produce a society that recognises everyone.

But what about love? ... Well, I don't believe the roles in courtship [as in, a serious relationship] should change at all.

Man As Initiator🚶🏽💭❤️

I believe in man as the initiator-

the instigator.

Now if you are a human who is tired of tradition

then these coming thoughts may disturb you,

so I'll save you some time and bid you adieu.

Let us start with the question

of 'why must I, as man, make the first move?

Why is this not the role of a woman...

and what exactly does this prove?'

The answer appears when she hears these 3 words:



Interpret this 'I' as confidence. Yup, y'all know how sexy it is! You... as a man who is sure of himself, and sure of the decision that he is making. This is the decision that comes from YOUR heart, after all your years of experience, or even lack thereof. Can you see how different it is to "she chose me?"

Think to yourself... "Who is 'she'? 'She' is more prone to emotion than I am anyway, and this is not a gender construction. This is biology, it is proven psychology. So 'she', realistically, could choose me, yet what foundation lies behind her choice that differentiates me from somebody else?"


This is important. It's the central argument of mytake. Most [not all] men have a huge issue with commitment, or envisioning a LONG future with one woman anyway. A lot of women [again, not all] on the other hand, envision that emotional bond quite easily. Therefore, it holds, in my eyes, more value for a man to essentially abandon his instincts and CHOOSE a woman to call his. Linking back to the biological perspective, very few species of animals and birds mate with one partner for life. Across ALL species however, the males ALWAYS begin the courtship ritual AND they instinctively aim to seduce the female they are interested in through various performances or indicators. So, forgive me for this next inquiry... but why is it that the human mind has to complicate 'mating' so much that it's now become a battle of 'who should be doing what'?... Could it be that these animals are in fact, more intelligent than us, in simply not overthinking?


You decided that it was no one else but Her.


Not that other girl whom you once had a crush on,

not the hottest chick on campus,

not the popular one that every guy was trying to get with,

not the one you only wanted to fuck for a night or two,

not the 'going- out-every-night-with-my-boys' life,

not the 'getting-laid-with-a-different-girl- every- night' life,

not the 'i'm- too-shy- to-even- go-near-her' life,

not the 'i'm-scared-she'll-reject-me' life,

not the 'i'll-be-popular-if-i-get-her' life,

... but the 'I Just Want To Be With Her' life. <3

I can tell you boys now, that in the mind of a woman, for you to choose us amid everything else- to be chosen.. singled out as 'the one' or even 'potentially the one', is one of the most amazing feelings in the world. I hate that I can't adequately type it out in description to make you understand.

It takes a strong man to make an effort for a woman- to hold her and say 'I choose you'... because that's not all that's happening.

You're saying so much more.

... God I love controversy. Ready for the shitstorm. ✌🏽

PS: I wanna add a note for any women who will take offence to this or begin talking about how they like approaching men. Never said you shouldn't, keep doing you boo boo, even I've done it a number of times. I have nothing against that. That's not the point of this mytake.


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What Guys Said 43

  • Once you've met a Frenchwman al these silly English-aristocracy ''''rules' look childish and neurotic.

  • 3|26
    • So I read this whole thing, and my first thought was, "you can easily turn all this around". Then I saw this.

      I shouldn't even be surprised. 11/10

    • @93stepsawayfromhome I didn't even read it and I agree with you.

    • @Slikmix technically it's pretty much the same thing except it makes the claim that "yes, gender roles should change" and then "women" is changed to "men" and vice versa. And there were other minor changes, but it's pretty much the same, except it's the opposite :D

  • 3mo

    women divorce more and women have more affairs-so your argument crumbles on that alone. Nice self serving piece there though.

  • Just another instance where women want to be treated equally until the rules displeases them. They want the good and leave the grudge to us. It's true, it's much easier to just stand there and wait for a guy to come pluck you and let him do all the efforts. I get why you would want that. But we're men right? We don't get to have it the easy way...

    • im not sure why people are interpreting men as initiators to men, men putting all the effort into a relationship. it's really annoying, the way people assume I'm so ignorant so as to completely ignore that men have feelings too, JUST because i chose not to write about them.

    • Show All
    • 3mo

      exactly. Feminist bullshit doublestandards, another ME ME ME article... disgusting.

      fuck that-these are the LAST TYPE of women that good men approach. We approach sweethearts, not entitled brats. the brats are for fucking and dumping... sorry, that's reality.

    • 3mo

      To be honest, while my opinion stands, I really don't think SHE is like that.

  • Good myTake.

  • While I don't mind being the person who starts things I do have to emphasize that men enjoy hearing that just as much as you do - Maybe more.

    So I am not against it. Since men are more likely to be rejected I suppose it does show more confidence. That said over here it is (in my personal experience) more common that women initiate than men.
    Same goes for practically everywhere. Here the girl will actually walk up to you and tell you she's into you. In the states she'll wink and flirt from a distance. Show you that inviting smile.
    Women have pretty much always been the initiators either way. Some people just fail to see it.

    • i am aware of the male's point of view, even though i didn't include it. that wasn't the point of the mytake.

      i appreciate your understanding though, so thanks.

    • 3mo

      you dont have the first clue about the male POV justbanANNAz

  • The hypocrisy of modern feminism - everyone else has to change, but nothing is expected of women.

    • for someone with a username of 'brain', that is such an uneducated conclusion.

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    • 3mo

      exactly. and note the ad hominem she responded with proving the point lol

    • 3mo

      the take is COMPLETELY a feminist take, it's all about YOU, how THEY should do the work AND give you 1/2 of what they have... that's not how it works... and things are changing, men are waking up to this bullshit and tossing the entitled feminist thinking women where they belong-at the back of the line.

  • Tryin to make a thug cry?

  • Great myTake :)

  • I'm sorry, i'm a shy guy, i can't be the initiator however some guys can and so can some girls too so it just depends on the individual, we are all different.

  • Interesting take. Seems like I got to make a move here.

  • Actually I agree with this take , good job

  • It's a good perspective. I like that you mentioned how in all of the animal kingdom, males almost always attract the females first. There is truth to that. However, no other animals have progressed as fast and as amazingly as humans have. We rule the world for God's sake. We broke out of our genetic programming and with each generation, our way of thinking changes.

    Personally, I think men should be the assertive ones and the ones to lead women in romantic and sexual courses. Women find it sexy and it's fun to ask the girls out. Kind of like honing a skill to attract mates. So as the world changes i look forward to being approached by women just as much as doing the approaching myself.

    Woman gets mad points for having the balls to go up to a guy and talk to him though.

    • Thanks, i agree with all u said and i loved how u civilly expressed ur own view. Thank u.

  • I like it.

    • Lol seriously? Well ur one of few, thanks.

    • Show All
    • Finally... 5 would be the trolls. If I see a question that I can provide insight on and is worthy of an answer then I’ll answer it. Sometimes it’s just more entertaining to make people laugh and embrace a ridiculous overdrawn stereotype lol.

    • yeah that's pretty much it. i dunno though, the bitterness can really become too much sometimes, especially when it comes to accepting others' views. There's just no respect anymore, online or offline... people are afraid of those who are different.

  • TL;DR
    I want to feel good so do things the way I want them to be done, who cares about what makes YOU feel good.

  • Translation - Women should get all the good of changing gender roles and none of the bad.

    Sorry but it doesn't work that way. Men are becoming less willing to "choose" someone in the way you're talking about. Life isn't a Disney film. Both people have to work at relationships and their is no valid reason, in my opinion, that shouldn't also include starting relationships.

    • Yes, both people need to work at a relationship and do their part, but when it comes to initiating it, guys should show some interest, especially if you have shown it and given him all the signals. Why bother if a guy cannot even make a move and have some initiative? Being confident and getting out there to get what you want is supposed to be a masculine trait. I would not pursue a guy who does not make any effort, and going after a guy usually turns him off.

    • @fleur-de-lys Not really. I've never known anyone who was asked out by a women and was "turned off".

      I do understand the idea that you don't want a man who won't even ask you out but the days where that is the case are gone. I'll ask a women I'm interested in, sure, but the chances I'll ask someone giving me signals is next to nothing. Why? I think the same way you do. If you can't be honest with me and instead feel your "signals" should be enough then I'm not interested in playing this game.

    • @fleur-de-lys

      "Yes, both people need to work at a relationship and do their part, but when it comes to initiating it, girls should show some interest, especially if you have shown it and given her all the signals. Why bother if a girl cannot even make a move and have some initiative?"

      Can easily be turned around and is a non-argument.

  • Things will change and i hope at some point both sexes will move away from gender assigned roles. While what you say appeals to feminine nature it should not be employed by everyone. It simply does not take into account male desires, and labels males as doing something as a whole thus it has no place with some people and may perfectly work for others. One day everyone will have the balls to approach and not cling to old-fashioned courtship roles and childish drama surrounding it. I don't really want any response from you asker. Well written as usual.

  • I unfortunately have to disagree

  • No offense, but doesn't it seem pretty easy for you to say this? Since you can take the passive role, and all. Would you say the same thing if you were a man?

    I'm willing to bet you also expect the guy to always pay for the first date. "Traditional" is just code for "sexism".

    • We're not passive when we have shown interest. If you do not respond, we've done our part.

  • I I feel like the odds of a girl having a boyfriend is somehow greater than the opposite.
    " but why is it that the human mind has to complicate 'mating' so much that it's now become a battle of 'who should be doing what'? "
    Wired into random mammals and other species to do displays to attract the opposite sex, how things go.

    Anyway I personally believe it should change a bit. GIrls are generally pickier than guys and a lot of them sit there and wait for the specific guy to do something , when he never does they get incredibly salty and forget they have two legs + a mouth and can also initiate haha. I wouldn't say most men have a huge issue with commitment when there are so many girls posting here with 'I'm basically bored of my boyfriend now, should I dump?' haha.

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What Girls Said 10

  • Lovely take, pretty much summed up my thoughts on it all <3

    To those who disagree, I tried being the initiator, and let me tell you, it failed miserably. Maybe that's just stupid high school boys, but after that, I vowed never again.

  • I'd have to disagree here. It seems that you're implying that women are not supposed to "choose" their mates since that's only a man's job. You also keep talking about confidence when really, the fact that you don't approach just show lack of confidence on your part.

    And there's no way to know if a guy likes you back unless you actually let him know. If you don't make a move, there's a big chance that you might just have to let him go. This decreases your chances of finding a partner by a lot. It also doesn't help that most guys these days are terrible at reading signals.

    • "PS: I wanna add a note for any women who will take offence to this or begin talking about how they like approaching men. Never said you shouldn't, keep doing you boo boo, even I've done it a number of times. I have nothing against that. That's not the point of this mytake."

    • Yeah I know. I wasn't offended or anything. Just voicing my own opinion :)

  • Although I don't really agree, I do like how you laid out your points.
    As someone has been rejected by every man she has asked out, it can be frustrating and destroys your self confidence temporarily, at first.
    So I can see how bitter these dudes are.
    I feel that "signals" are a bit silly. And that it can be frustrating.

    However, I do feel that the average man does have final say in commitment. So I can see why it's better for them to initiate. But I still prefer to ask out.

  • i agree

  • I totally agree with you. Men should show some initiative and interest, otherwise, why should we bother? They like the chase and being pursued turns them off. It shows neediness and at worse, desperation. I would be more attracted to a guy who goes for it, who is confident and makes a move than the cutest guy sitting at the bar staring at me and not doing anything, even though I have signalled my interest. Most women want to be conquered, to be wooed. If the guy does not make any effort, why should we respond? We'd just be wasting out time and devotion. This also applies to follow-up after a date. If he does not call back or waits a week or 2 before touching base with you, you should not bother. It shows he's not really interested.

    • thanks for that input. I'm glad u can understand my perspective.

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    • ill have a think about that. thanks =]

    • 3mo

      @fleur-de-lys out of curiosity. Can you give an example of how you would show a guy interest an signals that you might give. That also wouldn't be interpreted as you just being friendly.

  • Agree or disagree, this is what WORKS - ALL the time.
    Guys, you want to sweep a girl off her feet, listen to this advice.
    You want to be a grumpy old man alone without a girl, fine. That's your choice. While you are grumbling and explaining and deciding the "should"s and "must"s that are based on some theory, the smart guys out there will be getting all the girls by just going by nature's theories and playing the game by it's rules.

  • thing is regardless of who initiates BEING in a relationship is saying i CHOOSE TO BE HERE. its easy to pick a person to ask out. or even ask to be your parter. its the actual relationship that takes work and hows by being there and caring that you choose to be there. i really think that who initiates really doesn't matter or prove anything bc its being with each other that matters.

    also it is not proven that Women are more emotional. I've read plenty of studies claiming the opposite. What is documented is just that they are more expressive (probably bc its held against gem if they are not). and i think its demeaning to claim a woman imitating doesn't men anything bc she can't tell the difference from one guy to another. And, anyhow, even if a person were 'more' emotional that means they UNDERSTAND they feelings beer it doesn't men they are therefore incompetent to make decisions.

    i dont have any problem y all with your view and i know many people share it and thats ok.. buy can't agree bc i think

    1 initiating is relatively insignificant in the long run its the easiest part.

    2 women are no less capable of making a solid decision romantically.

    3 a lot of women feel really good having the confidence to go after what they want. its who they are or want to be.

    4. we change over time. we are not as we were 100,000 years ago and -hopefully- we won't be the same 10,000 years from now. experience shaped us and continue to shape us. who we were (which we dont really ow exactly bc there are not note books left in caves by or ancestors) does not explain who we are or who we can be. what it indicates is how we have developed.

    but i can see this issue is important and you put effort into the take, without tying to insult any, so can appreciate tat :-)

    • Thank u for ur valuable input. I appreciate your understanding and respect for my views, as i respect yours xx

  • I like a blend of modern and traditional, but it's amazing to me how guys assume traditional roles make it easier for the woman. Really? I could understand that view when it comes to a man who works more and more hours as a single income household feeling very stressed, but most men are working the same amount of hours as women with incomes who simultaneously raise families. Usually traditional women put a lot of expectations on themselves too. Homemaking is not easy, if it was... everyone would be flocking to do it rather than everyone tending towards education and work. The fact that women have been fighting to get away from that and men haven't really rushed to assume those roles says a lot on its own.

    Anyways, I think courtship roles should become whatever they are meant to become. If more and more women become initiators, men will have to adjust and become more meticulous about physical appearance like women in order to keep up. Currently, a man would have his best chance by doing the courting.

  • Meh, I always choose a guy, and I'm not afraid to initiate, I just grab him, and take him ;)

  • I absolutely loved this mytake and agree with you 100%. This is the way it should always be.

    • Didn't you call yourself a "feminist"?

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    • Equality and traditionalism when it suits women preferably you mean. You women make me us laugh sometimes, when we can actually see through your deviant sexual strategy so you can control the dating structure for your own benefit, never mind laws about equal pay. These white knights and mangina's might be fooled but there's a lot of guys that aren't.

    • @Mrwoo99 sorry what was that?