Genuine Guy vs. Nice Guy: Ladies, Try and Tell Me I'm Wrong

5 minute read

Guys, you're all doing this to yourselves. In fact I almost put this in the Guy's Behavior section instead of the dating section.

Guys, despite how this article may sound to some of you I am on your side. I'm on everyone's side. Ladies please chime in.

First of all, nice guys don't exist except in your minds. The "nice guy" isn't an actual person. It's a mentality. An attitude. A vibe.

This mentality is faker than plastic boobs. Girls sense that shit. Nobody is naturally extremely nice.

This mentality generally comes from guys who think they're not enough so they overcompensate by acting nicer than they normally would. They act like someone they're not. That is fake. An asshole even how shitty he might be is still more real and genuine than that. And that is what women want. No they do NOT want what they can't have and they do NOT want an asshole. What women want is a man who is happy enough with himself to present the real authentic him. How is a girl going to be happy with you if you are not happy with you?

That's right. Girls would rather be with a genuine asshole than be with a fake extra kind person because there's just something off-putting about that fake vibe. How fucking sad is that for women. This is the unfortunate reality girls have to deal with: 90 something percent of creepy vibe nice guy or genuine real assholes.

I once met a classic "nice guy" but as a girl (does the term nice girl exist? idk) and this girl tried to win me over by being extra sweet to me. I could just tell. I could smell it. Other guys didn't want her either believe it or not. I knew from her friends that she was a virgin and her dating life was struggling. I'm not badmouthing this girl I'm just stating the situation. Let me tell you something: that shit was uncomfortable. Extremely off putting. Major turn off. That's what girls deal with all the time.

We can all agree on one thing: this "nice guy" mentality had to start somewhere right? I guarantee it started with guys who think kindness earns them something because that’s what girls want right? Wrong. Girls don’t want a guy who treats them well out of misunderstood obligations as men. Girls want someone who is fucking real with them. The fact guys have expectations shows they’re being disingenuous and that’s the exact reason why girls reject someone with the “nice guy” mentality. They want a genuine guy. This nice guy mentality comes from guys that expect a certain outcome and then are unhappy with the results. There’s no arguing this.

I don't give a damn even if you really are perfect and a girl rejects you. If you really knew your worth and were genuinely happy with you and your life then you would laugh at how this girl missed out. You'd continue doing you and being happy because you would know you didn't need her. If you really believe a girl is "using you" or taking advantage of your good nature then dump her. Know you'll be happier without her. Stop blaming her for using what was presented to her. If an eager to help person is in front of her then that's what'll happen. Don't be eager to help. Be fucking you. Not the extra nice you the real you deep down inside that you're too shy to show. If your kindness is this easily earned then girls might assume you show this kindness to anyone and that she herself may not be all that special to you.

Don't give me this "but I really am a super nice guy" crap. Get off your high horse. You're not Mother Teresa. Nobody is that nice. We as human beings are all selfish to varying degrees. A nice guys’ goal is to get a girl is it not? It is. And that is selfish. No harm in admitting it. I can hear some of you guys, "ok sounds fair but I'm tired of being hurt and rejected or played by women I think I'm going to explode!" Well you know what: if you want a good woman then you have to become a good man.

Guys: work on your mentality. Work on yourselves. Admit that you're actually kind of selfish. It's not a bad thing. Everyone is. You don't have to broadcast it to anyone. Just internally come to the realization that you're not the nicest person on planet earth and neither is any other guy. You're all actually kind of selfish. Now run with it. Be a little selfish in your life. Do NOT do that by hurting others. Focus on you. The inner you. Just do you. Become a better person for fucks sake. Stop pointing the finger at women and blaming them for your sadness and for not wanting a creepy vibe dude.

That is your fault, your mentality's fault. Stop doubting yourself. The real you not the unnaturally nice you. Work on yourself. Work on your mentality. Work on your happiness. Your happiness without a girl. Work on yourself mentally emotionally spiritually. Be selfish. Make yourself happy without a girl. When you take care of your shit and are happy on your own terms girls will like that. They love it. If you love yourself then a woman will be capable of loving you. That's what every woman wants is a man that is happy with himself.

Do not become misogynistic. Do not become cynical. Do not hate women. They simply just don't deserve it. And realize something. Hate breeds more hate. If you snap and treat a girl badly and then she snaps and treats another well-meaning guy badly and that guy snaps and the whole viscous cycle keeps going. Do everyone a favor and become a better person. Become so amazing that you inspire others to be better themselves.

I really wish this would be the last of this nice guy talk. I wish I could apologize to all the decent girls out there that have had to deal with this nonsense. I wish I could apologize to all those decent guys out there that are in a lot of pain and are struggling to figure out their shit. But my apology wouldn’t go too far so I share my knowledge instead. I wish guys who are dealing with this ugly part of their lives could take my advice and better themselves. Sadly I anticipate most guys won’t listen to a word I said even though this shit’s gold. But if I can help even one person, whether it be a guy out there or give a lady out there some hope that some guys do grow up and figure their shit out, then awesome.


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What Girls Said 12

  • u not wrong

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  • "That is your fault, your mentality's fault." Yep, that was it. I like how this encourages guys to just be their self. You here is a lot for girls, but not so much with guys. Everyone needs to stop being someone, especially if it's in order to please anyone. I'm not a fan of the "nice guy" either. I don't want a douche, but I certainly don't want to get someone who is too nice, just so it can end up being a slap in my face. A lot of girls would rather be with a true dick, than a fake nice guy. I really actually liked this, didn't know if I did. I know a lot of guys in the comments probably have your head about this but at least you were honest. See that guys, we like em honest. Do not hate women, ever considered your lack of action, is um, your fault. I constantly see guys comment on random girls posts on here, and flip out and just say stuff like "See, that's the problem with women..." and go off on a tangent. Sounds like someone got their feelings hurt. It's not like women are perfect, but your luck with relationships is not on us. I come to hate whenever a guy says he's a "nice guy". He can just say he's nice. But a "nice guy", oh, give me a break, cry me a river, get bent. I can't stand it because I know he just lied, or said it as if that would make a difference, do you really think I'm that easily manipulated? You saying doesn't make me want you, you just being genuine, now that's attractive, I'm not looking for a Disney prince, I'm looking for a human. Girls want too much? Don't start out that way, filling her head with expectations that you can't live up to. Someone who comes to me with flaws and broken pieces, that's fine by me. Cause everyone's got them.

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  • I agree with a lot of this. But I don't think the true issue with "nice guys" is that they are pretending to be nicer than they really are. In my experience, the true issue with "nice guys" is that they THINK they're nicer than they really are. They believe that because they aren't the stereotypical alpha male jerk, that makes them a "nice" person. But often they are bitter, petty, and judgemental- not qualities that are conducive to being nice, kind, and good to others. So yes, this is absolutely an issue of mentality, and how people see themselves versus how they behave. But they aren't necessarily pretending to be nicer than they really are. Rather, they feel entitled to get what they want (because they're so "nice", they must deserve it) and this leads them to act bitter and spoiled- not nice in the least. I've never met a self proclaimed "nice guy" who I considered to be an actual good, kind person. The nicest people I know are the ones who understand that they aren't perfect, and that they're not entitled to anything, but who treat people with respect and kindness because they truly care about others.

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  • I haven't read all, but I wouldn't say fake thing is true... nice is always good, the problem is if you are a pushover... be nice, but stand up for yourself!

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  • I agree! One thing I want to add is that being nice is the bare minimum for being a decent person. Being nice isn't enough. Oh, you held a door open for that lady? You should hold the door open for everyone. You listed to your female friend rant about her problems? Well yeah, that's what friends do. And it works the opposite way too: I'm sure most guys would say they want a girl who is more than just nice.

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  • I agree with the point about being fake. I have noticed that the really "nice" guys I have met ended up being very draining once I got to know them. If they weren't jerks they were selfish or overly negative people. I have found that some men who seem "mean" at first have a kind side after getting to know them. So, I do get skeptical of the sterotypically "nice" guy from time to time, especially the one who always complains about no girls wanting him because he's "nice". He may be nice in simple ways (holding the door, paying for dinner, etc) but this is all on the surface.

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    • Someone being an overly negative person doesn't make them not nice. So many women are negative and complain a lot. Does that mean they are not truly nice?(sarcasm).

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    • I didn't say being overly negative makes someone not nice. It makes them draining though. So what is the point if someone is "nice" but drains you with their problems 24/7? That ends up being really selfish.

    • You really misunderstood my comment. I am not saying that nice guys aren't nice. I'm saying I am skeptical of guys who always make it a point to SAY they are nice. I think I made t pretty clear in my comment that most actual nice guys aren't so obvious about it, they let other people see it for themselves.

  • Yes agreed women want a man who is genuine & nice but not trying to be extremely nice for underline motives. I do believe there are people who are out there who are genuinely really nice :) However, there are people who are being extremely nice cuz their being fake. I rather be by myself then with a guy who is fake or a jerk. I hear a lot of guys think girls want jerks but in fact a lot of them don't. Who wants a bad boy, when all he will do is either get you in trouble or leave you with a broken heart or both.

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  • Yes and no. Extremely nice guys have always been a turn off to me, but I wouldn't say it's always fake. There are guys who are genuinely very nice, I just don't like super nice people. Personally I'd pick a genuine asshole any day (not an asshole to me, obviously).

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  • Yeah my Husband was genuinely nice, a real good guy. I feel like this "nice" guy thing comes from woman for the longest time saying "You really are a nice guy but..." so guys think that's why they get turned down because they are tooo nice when really it was someone just trying not to hurt their feelings (or to get flipped out on and has nothing to do with their nice factor), girl just wasn't interested. Nice, decent guys are a good thing, self-proclaimed "Nice guys" are not. Most of the guys that label themselves this way do not behave in a way I would define as remotely nice.

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    • Yup a lot of the guys who make it a point to emphasize how nice they are are really far from it.

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    • Most "nice guy" put out a vibe that makes them very unattractive.

    • Yes I never heard of a good looking guy being rejected cause he is too nice (pushover).

  • My boyfriend is a genuinly nice guy...

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  • Amen.

    It seems like a lot of the guys raging about how they're so nice don't like women at all, just want the "cheat code" to get laid and feel validated.

    Being authentic and gasp! actually liking other humans without just wanting an idealized doll gets both sexes pretty far.

    Gals - this goes to you, too. If you're whining no good men are left take a long hard look at your efforts and how you think of men.

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    • Per other responses:
      People need to not confuse "getting women" with "pulling hot chicks" ...

      If you're not hot and charming, you're probably not going to score a hot and charming partner without major work on your appearance and social skills.

      That doesn't mean you won't meet a nice person that you get along with and makes you feel good who looks roughly the same level as you and have a happy life/.

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    • didn't say evil or terrible. Evil and terrible is when you do something intentionally. Ofc there are girls that do it intentionally. Thing is that even good normal girls that are good persons with no evil intent do that crap cos thats how they are wired. Nothing evil about them or about how they act its just something that is in female nature. Man do same games when they want only to get laid or if they start to think there is no other way around even when you want something true and honest you won't have it without manipulating things and holding all cards in your hand cos "women can't do true and honest". But there are guys that are stubborn about not using that kind of crap and when they want something real, want it without that nonsense. Cos they probably won't find it ever without that nonsense well they rage, hate, end up being bitter... Getting laid, you can get its not hard this days but getting something real and true is hard or impossible.

    • Oh no not you again.

  • thumbs up !

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What Guys Said 30

  • For anyone interested in full complete discourse topic of nice guy, girls, good guys and good girls please follow here.

    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a28827-nice-guy-nice-girl-fully-analyzed

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  • this is all very well and good to talk about, but there's a hell of a lot of factors you neglected to mention in your discussion.

    let's start with looks. now I don't think looks are the be all and end all of dating - at least not for women, who are much less visually inclined than men - but we can probably agree that looks do have SOME influence on women, especially the ones who DO give a damn about looks.

    next thing, money. again this isn't a huge deal but for gold diggers, and gold diggers are never attracted to the man carrying the wad of cash but to the wad of cash itself.

    finally, moving on to status. this is actually more of an important factor than looks in a lot of ways. men with high status can and do bag extremely attractive women. these are men with good careers, dominant personalities and a bunch of other "alpha male" techniques. they might be rich but that is not the reason the women are attracted to them: wealth just adds to their high status appeal. they might also be good looking, but again not the reason women are attracted to them: looks just add to their status appeal.

    so what does all of this have to do with your take? simple, you neglected to mention how other attractive qualities - including, but not limited to status - affects a woman's perception of a man.

    if a confident, attractive man approaches a women, he is charming, suave and has good social skills. if a not-so confident, not-so attractive man approaches one, he is weird, creepy and has poor social skills.

    if a confident, attractive man is nice to a woman, then he is one of those "genuine guys" you talk about in the take. if a not-so confident, not-so attractive man is nice to a woman, then he is one of those "nice guys" you talk about in the take.

    do you see the double-standard that get's employed not so much by women, but by feminist women? do you also see the shallowness of female attraction compared to the shallowness of male attraction, and that the only difference is that while men are willing to admit their shallowness, women (specifically feminist women) will deny it altogether.

    This take I wrote might help to elucidate matters for you:
    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a28841-the-difference-between-the-good-guy-the-nice-guy-isn-t-looks-it-s

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  • Sir I don't know who you are but if you look at my comments on other questions and articles you will see I have been preaching this ALL DAY I'm so happy someone has this mentality!!!

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  • As long as there are single guys out there being passed up for other guys, then this argument will continue. I was a late bloomer. Non virgin girls wanted to date me because I finally bloomed and I was a nice guy who would treat them better.
    Guess what, I don't like non virgin girls. I don't like girls who have been treated bad. Thats not good enough for me. Nice guys should do what I did. If the non virgin girl is not up to your standards, then lead them on, use them for sex, then dump them.
    Nice guys need to take advantage when they finally get the opportunity to date a girl. Nice guys need to use the non virgin girls like i did and dispose of them. Stop complaining, start using, start doing if the non virgin girl is not up to your standards.
    You don't have to be a nice guy if you don't want to. Just use non virgin girls, treat them bad, and you will shed the nice guy label forever. I was a nice guy late bloomer who turned bad when in had my chance. And nice guys should do the same.

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  • "Nobody is naturally extremely nice." :( :'( :(

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  • May I copy your post into my journal, so that when I am down, I just pull this out and read to myself?

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  • Hey you bring up some points but you are also seriously mistaken as well, knowing you need an attractive girl in your life to be in happy in the end doesn't mean you are less confident or don't know yourself, ever thought maybe a girl rejecting a guy means a lot because he really actually liked her? Look we know there are fake nice guys of course but there are real ones too, I call them Good Men which honestly your comments show me your not at hat maturity level yet, I'm not offended by this post kind you as I am not a self proclaimed nice guy however some of your points about that supposed girl wanting something who was a virgin or struggling dating that's a bit wrong, you obviously lack empathy of those and what it means to them. I'm a virgin does that mean I don't have worth dating? No it means I've told a decent number of girls no to sex as I'm waiting until marriage (which tenfold sky worth in this age) others are the same. I've said it before, there is a difference between being self conscious and insecure. You act as though confidence could save you from a free fall with no parachute, it doesn't I would know given I'm a skydiver. My point is that many guys do care a lot what a girl they like thinks of them and I think that makes them all the more 'real' because they value her enough her opinion really matters, you claim that shows weakness when you're wrong, sometimes being vulnerable and actually really caring takes the most courage and strength and regarding real affection and when a guy falls for a girl that's the best example. If you can honestly shrug off a rejection from a girl you cared for you really didn't care for her in the first place. Period.

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  • i disagree because we all have different personalities with different tastes which means one girl will like a nice guy and one girl will not.

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  • this made me laugh. i know heaps of nice guys. genuine nice guys. also telling people to be selfish is just fucking retarded by the way, selfish people tend to be leeches and users and in some cases theives! i have no time for selfish people as they are very boring to be around and seem to be lifeless. sharing is caring man, the trick to it is to give and expect nothing in return! i agree on the work on your self first idea, but that doesn't mean sink to their level.

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  • nice guys are fakes. nobody ask you questions out of the blue and try to make himself likes he's special or one of a kind unless is for his own personal gain. i know that well. i used to do that!

    now im pretty much more confident and stand in the middle ground. its all about self respect. if some girl is playing games, i tell her im not willing and see what happens. that's not being rude, that's being real

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  • Actually it's very simple. Guy you don't want to be: desperate, treats women like objects, tries to hard to impress and cater to their needs, has no life, gives too much attention, obsesses over a girl constantly, no ambition, goals, pushover etc.

    Guy you want to be: confident, concerned about other areas of life besides getting a girl, ambition, not overly needy/ desperate, interesting personality, strong social skills, works hard, works on keeping up appearance, not concerned what other people think of him all of the time, goes after what he wants and gets back on feet easily after things go wrong, persistent (in a good way).

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  • if only you knew that the most superficial bullshit was the only things that mattered

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  • Oh my god... I might be one of those "nice" guys :(

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  • i dont think of myself as a nice guy. i think im a bad boy. but most people say im a nice guy. so, am i a nice guy :'( ?

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  • Ladies are scum new rules get over it and screw them over by becoming a greater scumbag or you'll never survive.

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  • Nice guy = nice wallet + nice dick

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  • Nah disagree. A nice guy is a nice guy. Someone who isn't nice is NOT a nice guy.

    So if a woman is using nice guy, he is still a nice guy and she is NOT a nice woman.

    Someone pretending to be a nice guy is in the jerk section of the venn diagram. The only difference with other jerks (the ones who get laid) is that the other jerks only pretend for a short period of time and then hit and quit leaving the woman with regret as to why she went for that. Then she goes back to the nice guy and expects him to not mind that she makes him jump through hoops.

    Do not excuse women using real nice guys. There are guys who pretend to be nice, but there are many more who are really nice.

    Also pls see this question: Pls see updated question www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2060297-can-you-explain-why-women-appear-less-innocent-around-less-good-guys

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    • Thanks for the like. would appreciate thoughts on mine if u can.

      Also I like your take. My question is about a genuine nice guy and what he can do?

  • even if you gave in to what women wanted they would still change their minds constantly they never know what they want cause their never satisfied

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  • growing up I was raised that you treat people (not just girls ) with respect and kindness. there was a time when I took that too literally and it got me burnt a lot. I wouldn't say Im a fake, but I saw it wasn't working out at all.

    so I changed up my style , be a decent guy , BUT be assertive and "real" . I stopped sucking up, I put my value over their and I started to live to my worth and value, and what did you know? IT WORKS. Girls are more attracted to someone who acts like they are a real human rather than a kindness robot. they have their females friends for that. that's not our Job. tease her and annoy her (without going too far ) and Implying she's into you already, you will definitely have her

    this takes me to my next point. while all of you aren't guilty for this, the vocal female population on social media is. Stop putting up unrealistic bs characteristics you want from a guy. like never ending kindness and other bs. cause when you get that person , you still going to ignore him for someone like me who will probably give you the opposite of the bs you ask for on Tumblr.

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  • You are god man, this is some real shit!!! i used to be shy long time ago when i was younger, but then i realized that you have to be a jerk with everyone at first then show your soft side but never let people step over you

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