Why I've Been Single Forever

I'm 18 years old and single, and have been for 18 years. Whether it be my choice, someone else's or the universe. Overtime, I've begun to wonder why this is. Is it me? Was it them? What could I have done? What can I do?

Reasons I'm Single:

I'm not ideal for the area I live in

I know that there are plenty of people where I'm from that will find me attractive but I am a minority where I live. In high school, I was 1 of maybe 5 non-mixed African Americans at my school, most of were females and related to me. It didn't mean I was ugly or something was wrong with me, it just means I wasn't the preference of most around me. That's okay. I'm also not sporty, which was another big thing guys in my area looked for. There were a few guys over the years but not many. There are a few black guys in my area but a lot of them like white girls, nothing is wrong with that, I like white guys quite a bit, since those are the types of guys I see the most, so it's totally fair. However, I have no type at all.

Resting Bitch Face

Super common, it runs in my family. I constantly look displeased with my setting. I've tried to come off friendly but it's hard to remember to look like I'm having a great time, and usually I am, it just never makes it onto my face. This makes me seem very intimidating. I'm actually rather outgoing (I'll get to that later). Guys, or really anybody, don't really want to talk to a girl who looks like she's going to be a raging bitch. Oh well, I guess I won't have harsh smile lines in the future.

Bold

I've been told that B-O-L-D, Bold is what I wanna be. I'm pretty outgoing, well, actually and introverted extrovert, or an extroverted introvert? Hmm? Anyway, if you get me going, I'm loud, I mean, loud. I have an abrasive personality that most take a little time to warm up to. You love me or hate me. I'm a required taste. A side from this, I talk a lot, and FAST, better keep up, cause I can't slow down. I'm a lot to take in. I also come with lots of interesting party tricks, strange stories, and constant jokes.

Bitchy

I guess it comes with the face. I never go out of my way to hurt someone's feelings, but I'm quite honest about how I'm feeling. I'll be the first to admit, that I'm rather moody. I wasn't always this way but I used to be a huge pushover, one day something just snapped, or clicked. Ever since, if you're doing something that's upsetting me, I'll let you know, which tends to be threatening to most. I tell you I'm upset, not to start shit, but so we can work it out. It's this way with friends, family or romantic interests. It doesn't matter, stable relationships need conversation, even if it involves some tough love. I need someone who won't get too butthurt if I get a little snappy, and someone who isn't afraid to just tell me to get off my high horse.

Commitment Issues

I've been single since I came out the womb. Naturally, I'm very independent. So when someone gets to close, I try to make a run for it. I'm scared of losing my independence. I can't be tied down, man. If a guy expresses interest in me first and I get uneasy, I'll just start being boring, childish, I know, but it gets me out of trouble fast.

I Fall Hard

Once I find a guy that I like, I'm fall so hard and I can't get up. I will turn guys down because I'm so determined to get the guy I'm hung up on. It usually doesn't matter, cause there aren't that many guys in my life anyway. But if there is someone on my mind, I really struggle to focus on another. I'm in this bind right now, and I don't have the courage to ask him out.

Fear of Rejection

No one likes being told no. It happens to all of us. I've been rejected before. It's not even that that bothers me the most, it doesn't feel good, but the part that hurts is the embarrassment. I can handle someone not feeling the same way, I can't handle thinking people feel bad for me, or laughing at me. That sucks. What if they tell all their friends some loser asked them out? I don't like being vulnerable so I also don't want them to avoid me cause they told me no. I'm a big girl, you don't have to like me back. People lose friends all the time cause they express their feelings, it just seems easier to watch from a far, eventually I'll get over them, right?

Interesting Taste

I like interesting guys. I wouldn't call myself picky. But I'm the artistic type. Some people call that hipster but I just like when people like what I do, which happens to be "hipsterish". I like "indie" music that I won't have to hear on the radio until I want to pull my hair out, and not to be cool, but cause that honest to God what I listen to. I'm also a visual artist, so it's nice to have someone who isn't going to constantly put down my artistic talents and ask why constantly.

Selective

Ya like what you like. Now before I'm called shallow, let me explain.

Race doesn't play a factor, see I've never had a boyfriend so I don't think that really matters.

Weight, I've always been pretty thin, but I do cardio and I try to eat healthy. I don't mind a guy with a little extra weight, I like fit guys, that's just a plus, as long as he keeps it under control, I'll eat what I want, he can eat what he wants, but if it gets out of control, we are gonna have to work on it. But yes, the teddy bear type is fine.

Height, again, tall guys are a plus. But I really don't mind a guy whose like 5'7" and up. I'm about 5'5" so I'm not sure I want to date a guy shorter than me.

Facial features, I can find beauty in most, I think my love for painting portraits makes this possible. There are so many faces out there, each one different, and I really love that. This doesn't guarantee I'll think you're hot. But I love full lips, and a strong nose. I won't lie a nice jawline is a plus, I give in, I'm a sucker for them. EVERYONE LOVES MALE MODELS, OKAY!

Personality really does mean more to me though. It really does. I can't stand the douchey type. they do have an appeal, the whole "whatever, i don't care" is hot, for about 5 minutes and then I actually want to know that you have a soul under there, preferably a funny one. If you can make me laugh, major brownie points.

I also have learned that I love your classic, primal man. I have found just about every type attractive but I really love just a macho man. I hate to admit it. But overall, the way you carry yourself matters the most.

Conclusion

I could go on. I know who I am, I've learned a lot about myself. Sometimes it's other people, sometimes it's me. I know someone will come along and we will understand each other. I am grateful for the fact that I've been single for so long, rather than see it as a weakness. I've learned to love myself. I know that if I'm not happy single, I won't be happy in a relationship. People can't fill voids for you. I'm strong. One day I will be able to ask the guy I like out. I will find guys who think I'm cute, who like that I'm loud, love my skin, who can except that I will have my moments, not all my art will make sense, and I will most certainly look pissed off a lot of times (I swear, I'm fine). I don't think I'm ugly anymore, in fact I know I'm not. I may not be everyone's preference but that doesn't mean anything is wrong with me. If I like who I am that's all that matters.


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What Guys Said 28

  • Wow. All these thoughts about relationships at 18?

    Geez, you've got your whole life to agonize about love. Just be 18. ;) I think all I cared about at 18 was having a decent car to get me back and forth to college, and whether or not I'd have enough spending money for a new CD. :P

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  • No 18 years isn't forever

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    • Don't take 18 years too seriously. People read forever and see as me saying "I'm gonna die alone cause nobody likes me" I say forever, cause there has only been 1 me, and I have been single the entire time existed.

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    • What response do you want them to tell you? I like your ending. It's good to be optimistic and value yourself. That's most important.

    • I'm not expecting any response, just that people are capable of understanding mytake, not a unsolicited confident boost

  • I call your idea of what a "macho man" is into question.

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    • I have my idea, you have yours. No need to question it.

    • Of course there is. If your idea of a macho man is a girly guy, then you don't like macho men.

      (This is based on the picture you posted under the "macho man" blurb.)

    • Macho behavior, not appearance. That man also has a very renaissance sculpturesque physique. I find that very manly.

  • "EVERYONE LOVES MALE MODELS, OKAY!
    Personality really does mean more to me though."

    Hahahaha. No it doesn't, apparently.

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    • I'm in the process of writing a take on personality right now. I'm a visual person, I'm attracted to beautiful people. Being able to appreciate someone's appearance but be strongly attracted to their personality is not a complicated thought. If that's too difficult for you to understand, don't bother.

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    • "EVERYONE LOVES MALE MODELS, OKAY!"

      Guys who aren't male models, according to you?

    • You've got to be joking. Is that your logic? I find people who work in an industry that focuses on appearance to be attractive, so that equals that anyone who is not is unattractive to me? That's basically what you're saying. I think attractive people are attractive? You know so much about what I find attractive. You sound absurd, stop.

  • Well, we have pretty similar personalities, except I'm pretty good about fixing my "resting bitchface" in public. Taste in the opposite gender though is so different.

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  • I was single for my entire high school experience as well. Ironically, I had way too many relationships post-high school, so I wouldn't be too down in the dumps about it. Be glad you didn't hit your peak in high school

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  • I've only had relationships with women in China, long distance. I'm confident to say that no woman would date me in the united states. Been on dating sites for over 3 years and messaged just about every girl in my area and girls I liked in longer areas. No replies. If I do get a reply it's usually, "yes", "maybe", "idk".

    I have given up trying to find a woman in America because women just don't want to date me. Asian women are more likely to date me for the fact that I'm a white male and I'm seen as a trophy. I'm okay with that because I don't really have the option of being selective.

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    • you're only 22. a lot of people have never had a relationship by your age. Why do you think some women jut dont want you?

    • @AriadneSky I don't know hard to say. I look a little mature for my age. I mean, i do more things than most people in the world. So I don't think it's a lack of interesting topics. I really wish I knew so I could change it

  • Welcome to the club. I'll be turning 20 in 2 months and when that happens it means I will have officially missed out on teen love for all of eternity.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Za2PJnCAkUA

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  • Yeah ı never have a relationship too. But I'm handsome.. Why I don't know but in these days there is a movement.. Or I want a movement.

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  • Come on everyone can have a relationship if they want to.

    Many people are alone because they do not just cut down the standards a little bit.

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    • Well, I not trying to be in one. You could hardly evaluate my standards based off of my take.

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    • This only applies to women. All my life girls have not given a single shit about me.

    • My only standard is I have to be attracted to you. I don't care if you're abusive or anything. As long as you want to date me, I'm okay with that

  • Wow, this is very insightful, and probably something i can relate to myself, throughout my life i've attempted at love, but never been very good at it, i always ask girls out, and either get rejected or later get dumped, but i've found mainly it's my sense of who i am which makes me more or less attractive to someone, a lot of the times in my school i had been considered an odd person, and i didn't really understand much about how society works until i was 15, i'll be turning 18 tomorrow, and i've finally got a sense of who i am and what i want to do, so i understand where you're coming from, and in fact have a friend just like you, of whom happens to be much like me.

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  • Sounds like a challenge
    Bring it

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  • Google solipsism. Your picture will be there.
    And it's not about 'race' - we're all so over that.

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    • Yes, you grew up where I grew up. You act like I said "Everyone thinks I'm ugly where I live" but that's not what I said, I said I'm not ideal. Which is fine, I said people have preferences. There is a very small population of black people where I live. Not sure why everyone takes this so personally, I stated my own personal beliefs for my relationship status.

    • uh, you don't know where I grew up.
      I didn't 'act' like anything.
      what does the number of black people have to do with anything?
      What was taken personally?

      You really are confused aren't you?

    • No, I'm not confused. I just have a good understanding of what the area I grew up in is like. Where white people date white people. It's not hard to understand at all.

  • I'm single due to the following

    1) I'm white more and more women are starting to hate white men

    2) I'm a fat piece of lard was on the path to lose weight but gave (for now)

    3) I have only one true friend been friends since HS

    4) I'm ugly

    5) I don't have a job on disability

    6) I can't drive see #5

    7) I'm a white jobless can't drive ugly fat pos with very little friends
    who lives on a disability.

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    • Okay well since you're obviously not happy with yourself what are you doing to improve yourself other than living in self pity?

  • Wow i can totally understand that

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    • Thank you for not commenting on the whole forever thing and try to inspire me or something. I know I'm young, and I'm not in a rush.

  • You're only 18!
    Before you know it, you'll find a bangin lad 😉

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    • I know I'm only 18, I've commented many times, I'm not looking for anyone or in a rush. My take is about how I want to get a boyfriend, rather why I'm happy and content with being single.

  • I think it should have been renamed to Why I'm still single for now, and maybe I might be single forever.

    The only way to validate and know for certain if you're had successfully made it to single "forever" is if you are still single and made it to your final moments in this world and you've never had a significant other at that point.

    Besides, relationships are ABSOLUTELY NEVER guaranteed to last forever, if you aren't in one, you save yourself of having to face the drama, and having to compromise with the other person, there will be unavoidable fights and arguments sooner or later. If you have nobody then you have NOBODY TO LOSE.

    And if it's gonna be your first time when you are in an actual relationship you haven't had any other prior experience yet, so all in all it's really going to be just a learning process and and learning experience more than anything else. And very very rarely the very first relationship someone ever got into will end up their very final relationship or the relationship that ends in a marriage or married and happily ever after kind of outcome as that's just a fantasy. More often than not the very first one ends up in heartbreak or a breakup. Not saying it absolutely will, as who knows? You might get very lucky and get it right the very first time.

    At 18, you have plenty of time either way. At 18, I'd be more concerned about what career path and how I'd be able to support myself after when school's done, and what I really want out of life and what to do with my life and what goals or dreams that I have. What are your aspirations in this life?

    Life is short, don't even worry or stress about having or Not having a relationship, just have fun and enjoy whatever there is as we never know when our time in this world is up. Just live for the moment, as they say.

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    • And I still think people are taking the title the wrong way. I've had to tell nearly half the people who commented that when I say forever, I'm not saying "oh I'm 18 and still single and alone" when in reality I mean, "I've been single this entire time, no boyfriend, no first kiss, and no sex and I'm happy with it because I'm not in a rush". I appreciate your comment but everyone is just saying the same thing over and over again. Yes I regret the title but too late now. People are just trying to be nice but they aren't tell me anything I don't already know.

  • I can relate to falling hard. The girl who dismissed me from her life seven years ago is in physical therapy now, and I'm actually tempted to pay her a visit. While I have come to accept that her and I are never going to truly be a thing, she left a mark that I simply can't tear from my pages. I still care. And even if the Huntington's disease kills her, I want to be there beside her in her final moments, to say goodbye properly. I never got to say goodbye to Emily properly. It'd burn me up if Merre passed similarly.

    Gals I've fallen for a decade or so ago, seem today to be in a big hurry to die. It's very unsettling.

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  • Reason most girls are single for long time. They holding out for a high status male and/or got pump and dump too many times by guys who were way above them and now have commitment issues.

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    • But none of those things apply to me, I'm single mostly cause I want to be.

    • Hm yeah, she hasn't been through it, many of us on the other hand have had it not work with lots of guys. I can't seem to find my equal :(

  • Because you don't like real video games, that's why.

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What Girls Said 27

  • You only been alive for 18 years come back when stop acting yours so wise and special to be honest there plenty of people at your age who been single for 18 years,,,, nothing special.

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    • If you would have scrolled down, you wouldn't have sounded so stupid. Tell me where the fuck I said I was super wise and special? My whole point was that I am young and have plenty of time to date. When did I say I was the only one? When did I say I was special? Why does it even matter to you? Like you aren't 18 too? It's not like I'm being Princess Ariel trying to get married at 16. Christ, scroll at bit.

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    • Yeah I know I saw the other comments that's why I knew you took it out on me because you were annoyed and its ok.

    • I appreciate your maturity and honesty with me. Thank you.

  • Beautifully written mytake. The comments about you being eighteen annoy me... Yeah she's eighteen doesn't change anything she said.

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  • you think deeply about relationships as do i and it's not a bad thing

    but you were just born !

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  • I thought this take would be about a 32 yr old Lady whose been single

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    • Yeah, I would explain but I've already done it too many times.

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    • 3mo

      So like just say anything thats gonna get attention

    • 3mo

      If you want to understand the title better, you can read the many replies I've given.

  • Did you just describe me? We're totally alike (except for resting bitch face). What I've learned about guys till now is that they get intimidated by girls like us, most guys in my school go crazy for some shy pretty princess. If what theyre looking for is confidence then i shouldve been asked out at least once in my life. And i also dont have courage to ask a guy out, pls help me

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  • Resting bitch face... LOL!!

    I get that sometimes. Guys would ask why I'm upset. I'm like what do you mean? I think I'm usually uptight all the time becuase I'm on defense. Now, I just typically keep my head down when a guy crosses my path or act busy.

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  • its ur life, u can be alone, no one cares

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    • You'd be surprised how many people try to hook you up and ensure you the right guy will come around real soon, but thanks for the obvious facts.

    • dont think that its only with guys try to hook up... they do it with every female, so no surprise

    • That's not what I was saying. I was saying when people try to pair you off, like set you up on dates. Not actually hooking up.

  • GOSH we're the same !!

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  • Yup I got resting bitch face like a mofo 😂

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  • wow, we should be best friends. lol

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  • I'm 18 and have been single for a while as well. All those things you said about yourself don't have to be seen as negatives. It just shows that you know who you are and what you want and that's a good thing. So I guess just continue being yourself and being patient until you're ready to date or meet a guy that comes along.

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    • I know, everyone took it as me like crying myself to sleep every night. Like thanks but I'm doing just fine.

  • You sound like you're trying to hard to be something, like these girls who go over the top trying to get noticed for being outrageous/bitchy/cool/sexual. The way you write about yourself makes it sound as though you've carefully cultivated a persona. People can see through this so easily, and it's not attractive.

    Just tone it down and you'll find that guys will be more willing to engage with you. You can't be this atomic stage bitch and expect anyone to want to deal with you for more than 5 minutes.

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    • I somehow missed this from days ago. However, I can assure you that isn't it and your assumption is wrong. I get no enjoy from pretended or putting on an act. I will not even fake a smile for someone. What's so hard to believe that someone is genuinely bubbly but can admit that they aren't the nicest girl you'll ever meet? Surely from a take you can't decide the entire personality of a person. I think I'm a little more complex than that. If that make's me seem fake, oh well, people on the internet don't believe me, shucks. But that's the internet for ya, especially GAG. What can you do? Maybe I'm simply honest. Check my other takes, I've always written this way. If that's unattractive, so be it. I'm not really looking for a guy in the first place. But interesting analysis you got there. Thank you for the advice but I think I'll keep my over the top persona intact for a little while longer. I'm sure someone will be very attracted to it.

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    • I don't think the reasons I listed makes me self centered. I just know my flaws, in fact I like to know them to be aware, maybe even better myself if I want. Honestly, a few paragraphs isn't enough to assume how someone dates, it just isn't. Better than someone who thinks they're absolutely perfect and has no idea.

    • 3mo

      Again, you're giving a take-it-or-leave-it message to the world. That's fine, but just be aware that most people will choose the 'leave it' option. If you're okay choosing from among the few suck-ups who will do anything to be in a relationship, then that's your choice.

  • I'm bold, I fall hard and I'm selective... it's nice to know there are people like that out there... just stay you! :)

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  • I may not be up to par with the whole dating scene, but I feel like you have been single for 18.5739 years, because you should have been dating while you were in your mum's whom.

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  • 21 and also never had a real boyfriend... I think I'm learning to be open and fearless and ths will help... Also a black female, and also with the non settling choice, anyone can have just anyone and who wants a mediocre guy. I'd rather not settle, so I get the whole not being the 'type' in your geographic area feel, and I think it was so brave for you to say that, because you're not alone and you can see many people have a similar experience:) but here's a little secret: your differences will make you all the more someones type or just an awesome person in general :)

    I have to commend you on this take again so relatable! I had no idea there wee so many other single ladies here (who haven't had a bf),

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    • 1/3 of people are single in part because we can all be picky obviously don't be with someone you don't want to but also don't hold out for mister perfect rather than find someone you might enjoy being with mister perfects are looking for misses perfects and most of us far from perfect.

    • Thank you! Also I'm glad rather than taking away the fact that I'm very young you took away the fact that I'm just expressing that I'm okay with being single

  • Uh, you're only 18. Like, it shouldn't be of discussion.

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    • Did you read the comments I've made at all? My whole point was that I don't feel the need to be in a relationship and that I'm in no hurry.

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    • Doesn't mean I cannot respond to this pointless mytake and give my two cents to say it for what it was: pointless.

    • It was pointless to you. Other people liked it, if you didn't that's fine but since you're 26 and so grown up, why don't you be mature and read something else?

  • I been single since I was born 45 years ago and I believe I will remain like this until I die and not becaue i want to be single ause I want to expeience wht feels to date at least a guy but because no man seems interested in me, cause guys do not even ask me out and If im the one asking them o ut some guys believe im chasing them and they dont like to be chased.

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    • 45 consecutive years, wow, that's impressive for a lady. I made it to my mid 30s and still single forget about what the age is displayed in my profile as it does not reflect my age in real life.

    • @JudgmentDay Well to proof what I said I have never had a boyfriend in my life before, not even date or hang out with guys on a often basis, which means I dont know what it means to be loved or to love someone, or of a guy is interested in me. I have 0 love experience.

  • Has no guy ever shown interest in you, ever?

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    • A few. One very much so, he was very open about it. Even used the L word. But we have an interesting past and friendship. So I requested that we out things on hold

    • Well, not to be rude, but you're only 18 :) your more 'negative' traits haven't really had that much time to settle in. And if you love them, good for you. But really, you're only 18. I got my first boyfriend at 17, and was basically never single for longer than 6 months after that. Things change faster than you think once you leave the high school crowd and spread your wings some.

    • Well like I've said a bunch of times in the comments, I'm not in a rush or even really trying right now. I haven't even kissed a guy, so trust me I'm not in a hurry. I gave more negative traits, just didn't think they all needed to be stated and I think those depend on who you ask. I know 18 is really young, I'm completely aware, I think a lot of people took this as me being like "I'm already 18 and still no boyfriend" and that's not really how I feel at all. I'm graduated now as well, and usually didn't talk to school boys anyway. I'm doing my own thing, have been and will continue to.

  • I turned 26 and I'm still single but I only had a boyfriend once online when I was 22 some were around there I think and I was one to break up with the guy because I wanted to be single and that was when I felt like I didn't get to be single because online there were a lot of guys that kept trying to ask me out

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    • I'm actually grateful that guys just weren't in my life. Yeah they were on my mind but I was free of the stress of dealing with them. I'm happy and that's all that matters.

    • that's good that you're happy

  • I have my first Boyfriend when I was 21, and we have been together for 2 years now. To be honest, I was looking for love throughout my teen and when I turned adult. Lots of heartbreaks in between to find this great man. And I rather I didn't have those heartbreaks.

    Someday you will meet that someone special :)

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