Why Women Should Approach Men, And Not the Other Way Around

Us guys get rejected so often, it's ridiculous. But 95% of the time, it has nothing to do with us, because we're just not their type.

But, ladies, how can we possibly tell if you are interested in talking to us or not if you're not willing to talk to us? Approach anxiety is like the plague of men, but it's caused by YOUR rejection. Rejection makes us feel inferior, makes us not want to live in the real world (e.g. start playing World of Warcraft or Guild Wars) and even causes suicidal thoughts [or do you not care about our feelings or whether we live or die?!]

Like I have tried countless times to approach girls at the pub, and even in clubs, and all the places you're expected to talk to girls. I smile, make it obvious I'm open to meeting girls. I wave to them when we catch eyes, and pat the stool next to me to encourage her over.

But she always rejects me...and not even in a remotely polite way either. More like how a Nazi German treats an Auschwitz inmate, yelling hurtful slurs and flipping me off, and even physically abusing me [because I can't fight back against a woman].

That is another reason girls need to approach men first. We'll know strait away you're interested, not playing some mind-fucking game with us, and all hassle and complications will just vanish, no joke.

I can already hear in my head what you're about to say to me...

"But it's not lady like to..." SHUT THE FUCK UP! This isn't the 1930s. You want equality? Then stop conforming to the obsolete stereotypes of your gender.

"But if I do, he might do something horrible to me." What? And risk life in prison or as an S.O.? Get real!

"Oh I'm so fuckin' sick of guys approaching me. Wah wah." Well as long as you're too lazy--or think you're too good--to approach us instead, get used to it, sweetheart.

It is truly that simple. The problems of both genders will never die, unless girls approach guys first, and end a complication-inducing tradition that should have died decades ago.


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What Girls Said 28

  • I have no issue approaching men, if I don't approach you, it's because I don't find you appealing. Period.

    Though I'd have to disagree on the concept that everything should be flipped around completely. I say going for what you want should apply for men and women. If you think that girl is hot, approach her. If you think that guy is hot, approach him.

    I also disagree that OUR rejection is the cause of YOUR approach anxiety. Rejection isn't this evil, traumatic thing that everybody needs to be destroyed by, that's such a melodramatic perception. Rejection should be a learning experience, and a way to further build up your confidence. It shouldn't inspire you to stamp your feet and demand that everybody come to you from now on.

    @fearless_banana made a good point about this in an article he wrote. www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a29185-men-learn-to-take-rejection-with-a-smile

    While not everybody is the largest fan of him or agrees with him, he makes some solid points in this take.

    Just my opinion, though.

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  • Why women should approach men?
    No, more like why everyone should approach everyone. The act of approaching shouldn't be only one gender's "burden".
    Rejection will always exist. Even if women approach men, there will always be those women who get rejected. There will always be those women who misinterpreted the man's "signs", who didn't understand he wasn't interested in her like that. Guys aren't exactly well-known for being straightforward about their feelings all the time, either. Y'all play just as many games.
    This is why the "burden" is on everyone. Yes, women could do a lot more approaching than they do now, but that doesn't mean men should just sit back and expect shit to start falling from the sky right into their laps. EVERYONE should make an active effort to go for what/who they want, and that applies to many aspects of life, not just dating.
    Everyone experiences rejection. And if not in dating, they might get rejected by their family, by friends, when they apply for jobs or for a place at a school etc. Rejection is a necessary evil that everyone should get used to dealing with. It's a part of life you just have to accept. And you can't force others to deal with those consequences for you. If you want to make things happen, it involves a certain risk. So either you can choose to live in your tiny bubble and never experience anything, and wait for shit to happen on its own (which it rarely does), or you can take matters into your own hands and try your best. The latter will give you thicker skin and more life experiences.
    But then again, if you're a whiny bitch, the latter will just make you even more bitter and self-entitled. So if anyone is a sore loser, maybe they shouldn't be dating at all.

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    • us men do but you women have to make excuses for why you don't want to be with us men always claiming that we're the "NICE GUY" that always bitter

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    • @Shorty1991 right? It's just as annoying as girls who just sit around and wait for Prince Charming to come sweep her off her feet. Everyone can and should put more effort into dating. I'm honestly so tired of people whining about never having a relationship or never having anyone confess to them etc. If it's not something you actively pursue, you can't assume that anyone is going to do the job for you. Your crush won't just magically realize you have feelings for them. You have to tell them that. And whatever happens, happened for a reason. If you get rejected, it wasn't meant to be and you wouldn't have worked out. If they reciprocate, great. Less time wasted.
      People are just too scared, and for no reason at all. Yeah rejection hurts, but it's something you eventually get over.

    • Lol. Exactly. But trying to tell people that is like talking to a brick wall.

  • I've approached men and haven't gotten turned down. The thing what women must know when doing this is the guy must notice you when you walk in a room and must be checking you out , when this happens you know there's no rejection.

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    • That's pretty much a guarantee, but I'm quite sure even guys you don't notice checking you out would still mostly say yes. I've seen it quite often: if you were to ask a whole bunch of guys out (separately!), most of them would normally say yes; if a guy did the same, most of the girls would say no, wouldn't they? That's the point of the article: women have a much better chance of success than men when doing the asking!

    • @JamesS1980 no it not really a guarantee. Just because men notice women and check them out doesn't always mean that they want out with them. There are men who are already paired off or married that do this with single women. I don't read too much into it now. I would rather have more concrete proof. JamesS1980, your clearly not thinking of the point where the woman goes to act on it and the guy does not find her attractive. No man is going to say yes to someone they aren't really attracted to. He'll more than likely make up stupid excuses or blurt out. "I'm taken". So overall, women are not always going to have better success with men. Men are just as guilty of playing stupid games with women they don't even like.

  • "Pat the stool over you..."? You mean like she's a dog? And you wonder why you're rejected? You didn't ask anyone out, you called over an animal to take the chair next to you...
    No woman in her right mind is going to 'accept' that 'invitation'.

    But yeah, I agree - women should approach men and men should APPROACH women - not smile coily and pat stools... Or that's all they'll be patting for the rest of their lives. Hahaha

    Good mytake... made me laugh. xD

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  • You need to realize if women where to be the ones to approach those men who have a problem with women not approaching won't be aporoached because your most likely not attractive enough for her to take the risk. Hot guys get approached ALL THE TIME.

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    • Thank you for helping me! I'm ugly I understand now! Thank you! My life is complete!

  • So in other words girls, go over and take that guy by the hand because he has a crush on you but doesn't have the balls to even talk to you, let alone ask you out. I do not have any issues with approaching men who I find appealing to me. It just always turns out, that the ones I like are already paired off. I always discover that before telling them how I feel or asking them out. Nothing I can do apart from move on. I still think that its one sided to put it down to gender roles yet again. Common sense tells you that if you have the crush , then its up to you to make the move. If the shoe was on the other foot and you found out that some quiet shy girl had a crush on you and couldn't act on it. I doubt you would take her by the hand and make the first move for her.

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    • well she doesn't make an obvious hint that she likes you, then that's her loss

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    • that is true, I say this though, try to start the conversation, if they (the guy) doesn't want to talk or continue, just end it, it'll make things easier

    • @lacorine197 my mum told me that she shouted hello to the guy one morning and he just looked up at her then sunk his head. So, nah I'm not bothering with them. Nor am I bothering with that guy who liked me three years ago. He's history now and that's where he staying in the past where he belongs. If he ever has the balls to talk to me he can. I'll be civil with him and pleasant enough to him. But if he's deluded enough to still think he has a chance with me. He can think again, he missed that boat 3 years ago.

  • Both should approach and neither should be mean in letting the other down.

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  • People should approach people they like, and for me, it's as simple as that.

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  • The same way guys are afraid of being rejected is the same way we women are afraid of being rejected. Bottom line- If you are brave enough to approach, do it, irregardless of what gender you are

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    • While it's true that both genders experience this fear, for some reason guys are always expected to be the ones to overcome it!

  • Whoa where do you live? I've never heard of a girl cussing a guy out or hitting him unless maybe he approached in a disrespectful way.

    I get approached randomly like where I wasn't even looking at the guy! I still talk but I don't like being off guard.

    I wouldn't like a guy to pat his seat, I'm not a dog!
    A wave would be nice but guys don't do that for me haha

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  • I understand your logic, but me being slightly nerdy and socially awkward whenever I approach a guy they think I am weird and let me tell you spending a year isolated from everyone else on a 30 minute bus drive is not very fun bro. Some girls do want to approach dudes but are nervous of the same embarrassing rejection as guys are especially if they really just want to be friends, but still I see your point.

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  • I hope you don't really pat on the stool next to you. If you did that to me I'd reject you too. You mentioned equality but said only women should approach men but if it's going to be equal then both genders should approach the other if they are interested.

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  • I'll approach a dude if I'm interested. I guess no one is interested in you, bro.

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  • you don't have to be so butt sore about it. I mean... Girl 101 for you... Girls at the club like to feel superior. not sure what other places you're trying but that's a 401k deal.

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  • I dont have a problem approaching a guy, Im just NERVOUS as hell he'll reject me. I've been rejected twice and I didn't like it.

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    • Okay, but guys get nervous and hate rejection too! SO why are we always expected to go through the suffering of rejection?

    • @GodHelpMe mega lol! Your a fool if you believe that rejection only happens to guys.

  • Lmao wtf is this take? xD

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  • If you really feel this way... then let the woman come to you.

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  • I know how you feel , no one has ever asked me out either I went throu high school and college without a boyfriend l get that
    At that same time it's not looks that bring two people it's chemistry

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    • no it's commitment and trust that bring two people together

    • Much is the same with me. All through school, there was barely a guy that noticed me. Then again, I walked around like a nerd with glasses and two pigtails. :p. But I truly started blooming right after graduation and into college.

  • If you like someone approach them, thats all

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  • Every time I approached a guy, he rejected me. It made me really sad but whatever.

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What Guys Said 34

  • Mom and Dad taught us never to talk to strangers when we were little. The problem with this... is that strangers have everything we need from selling them something,, to getting directions to having relationships. We grow up with a stigma about strangers that certainly doesn't help later in life. Approach anxiety for men comes from long ago back in the village days where if men approached a woman and that woman belonged to someone important in the village... that man's head might get chopped off. This has been hardwired in our brains and has carried on throughout generations. Most guys are nervous before approach but have no idea why. There is no real consequence on rejection these days but our hard wired minds still feel that threat.

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  • Okay boyo. There is a reason why women are rejecting you. Women pick up on vibes very quickly and if you are talking about suicide due to rejection as if it's normal that says a lot about your character.

    Women are going to reject you no matter what. I get rejected all the time.. It literally has no bearing on my self worth. It's as simple as moving on to the next one.

    I can already tell that you probabaly give off desperate creepy vibes when you approach just by the way you are typing. Stop feeling bad yourself. That mindset needs to change before you reach any success in approaching. Your take isn't going to be seen by every woman in the world. Nothing is changing.. you aren't single handedly changing the dating scene. You need to change.

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    • Exactly , an IDGAF , combined with " I'm having fun " vibe works best.

  • I always consider approaching women first. That way I always get the ones I like. If I want someone, I go get them. This reverse psychology bullshit that some women try to pull only ever rarely works and even then its a fluke.
    You see it does not take a lot of effort to approach a girl, I don't think too much about it, if she reciprocates. The keyword here is 'reciprocate', we usually connect and it just feels way more natural to me.
    Whenever a girl does approach me, its flattering but its really not necessary, because I always initiate if I like the person enough. Its never let me down so far.

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    • IT always fails for me, because they always tell me i'm thirsty or desperate or whatever, or laugh, I try not to waste my time with even bothering with it, it's more easy just going about my day.

  • You have tried approaching girls in pubs and clubs.

    There lies your problem. People at pubs and clubs are (usually) looking for a hookup or one night stand (both guys and girls). And for hookups, girls usually have a much higher bar in terms of looks, for who they sleep with. Besides, when drunk, people's judgements can be a bit off.

    Another thing is, by default it is assumed that people who approach (or are open to being approached) in a club setting are only looking for sex. So if a girl is NOT lookin for just sex and you approach her, she'll obviously reject you because it's a club and she assumes you just want to pump her.

    Just change the setting, and start approaching girls in places like libraries, parks, cafes etc., and your outcomes are likely to be much more positive!

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  • Totally agree. As always, US girls play games, either want you to play the traditional role, or get on their high horse about equality, whichever gives THEM the advantage!

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  • lol.. this makes a lot of sense man. but this whole approaching thing isn't just tradition. its instinct, it gies wayy back and is natural. thats why girls rarely approach.
    i never cold approach women. never. seen enough shit hapoen to guys when they do it. i dont need any first hand experience.
    ill do it online, but not irl. call me a coward, i dont give a shit. i only approach if were already somewhat close , and it isn't socially acceptable to completely destroy me.
    on the flipside , some girls do approach you. i have had two girls approach me in the last 4 years.
    so yeah,, i got that going for me.. lol

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  • I'm sorry you've had to go through that with chicks. Most women don't approach because they're taught that the guy should do it - which I don't have a problem with. But more than that, women don't approach because they actually fear rejection and being turned down much more than guys do. A lot of guys do find it odd when a woman is making the first move.

    I don't necessarily think it's wrong for women to approach, but I do think guys should still do it. I would encourage you not to give up. There are always going to be the females who just aren't into you, and there are others who will be. It may take some improvement on your part, or it may be that you need to get out of a certain environment altogether, really not sure. But don't stop approaching, man. There will be somebody.

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  • For many years I was approached by women every day multiple times a day. It was to the point that I didn't know what they wanted, talking about confusing stuff I couldn't really follow. My friends made fun of me for it, calling me Zodiac and other nicknames derived from what the girls would say.

    One time a friend (who was a girl) said that I get hit on all the time and prolly don't even know it. I guess that was true that I didn't know it because of the random and nonsensical stuff they say; it really catches you off guard. It doesn't seem like they are hitting on you. I found it much easier to know what they wanted if they are way more obvious about it.

    So girls, if you're going to approach, all you have to do is say something like, "hey, I like your shoes" or something that a dude can understand. The other stuff might be misinterpreted as "wtf are you talking about" and you will feel like the guy doesn't like you or rejected because he gives you a weird look and is confused.

    I think a far better way to begin an approach is making eye contact first several times. This goes for both men and women. You should be able to tell if you should approach if the other person reciprocates eye contact a couple times. Plus it ramps up attraction and creates some tension.

    With eye contact first, you never get rejected. You can tell if they will welcome your approach or not right away. I make eye contact and sometimes right then the girls will shake their heads yes or no, and give other signals. Of the ones who shake their head no, a lot of times they subtly show their engagement ring. Or, they may be in a relationship. They are saving you from rejection if you do it this way.

    Some are very confusing though; I met this girl while she was working at a grocery store and giving all kinds of positive signals. Saying nice things, striking up conversations, and generally being obvious about what she wanted. She wasn't wearing a ring so I thought I'd ask for her number. When doing so she said, "I have a boyfriend... but I'm sure I'll see you here." Very stange but I didn't feel bad about it. Some just want attention it seems.

    Bottom line, use eye contact first. If they want you, they will reciprocate eye contact; if not, they won't. It's a very 'soft' non verbal way of saying yes or no and you can save yourself from feeling rejected. In my opinion, this is the way it was meant to be done, with talking being far more awkward and having far more chances of failure.

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  • "But she always rejects me... and not even in a remotely polite way either. More like how a Nazi German treats an Auschwitz inmate, yelling hurtful slurs and flipping me off, and even physically abusing me [because I can't fight back against a woman]."

    Yeah that's the problem with pubs and clubs.

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    • It's not the problem with pubs and clubs per se. It's more that she's a psycho lol

    • That's the experience I got in bars and clubs... was that yours?

    • @Mrwoo99 I've had that from a few girls tbh (but they are psychotic/self obsessed/think they're better than they actually are) but for the most part girls in bars and clubs are okay. You just have to know which ones to approach or strike up a conversation with. Women, even though they don't approach guys give out signals when they're interested in talking to you. You just have to know what to look for.

      Or, just have a laugh, make a funny comment about something that's going on or the place where you are or whatever. it doesn't matter because at the end of the day if you involve a stranger in a decent conversation they're not gonna remember how it started in the first place.

  • You should never expect anyone to approach you, man or woman. Men do more approaching but we are most likely to be assertive and take risks plus we already know a woman is less likely to approach a man, whereas women are less likely to take risks and already have a higher chance of a man approaching them so there is less of a need to do so. Men will always approach more but regardless if you see someone you like than you should take the chance and approach him/her. The less you are willing to put yourself out there in a social environment the less likely you will find a person to date, period.

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  • Nah I'm cool with approching women.

    Besides rejection is part of life, you best get used to it and learn to move on from it, because it's everywhere in many shapes and forms.

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  • I don't think they should, but I hate that some women shout about "gender equality" and "death to traditions" while acting like the exact opposite...

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  • Guys and women should approach someone they like. Are you trying to say unless women do the approaching there is 0% chance if knowing if a women is interested in you or not?

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  • Get some balls, and life will bless you.

    So what if you get rejected? The world doesn't end, if she's so butthurt about you approaching her then it's her problem to deal with (unless you do it in a creepy way).

    Will you forever reject good opurtunities just because you might fail? Failure is just a sign you need to better yourself.

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  • I think you need to stop focussing on an ultimate rsult whether it be dating, a relationship or a one nighter. THat's what causes this whole fear of rejection in the firs place. You should just approach a girl and start a conversation and have a bit of banter. See where it goes from there. At the end of the day just because some girl is great to look at doesn't mean she's right for you or even a decent person so you're literally only worrying about whatever you've built up in your head.

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  • I agree 100%, great Take :D

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  • The writers way of speaking "YOU women!"
    "US men!" Is so cringey. Please don't speak about us. I don't ever want to be associated with someone like YOU.

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  • if both genders approach the people they want to approach with no insecurities an no shame then we have maximum chance of sex.

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  • It is what it is. You can't control other people's actions. Like a girl, you went up to her and she didn't want you. It sucks I get it but oh well.

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  • Complete, utter BULLSH*T. It's a guy's job to ask women out! PERIOD! Women want to be desired and valued. They want to be flirted with and asked out. NOT the other way around.
    It is this false, dumb mindset, why so many White women date non-White men. Because non-White men desire, love and even worship White women, whereas so, so many White men, WAY too many, expect White women (and all other women) to take the first step.
    Just f*ck off with this idea of women taking the first step. Seriously.

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