The Most Important Thing to Remember to Do On a First Date

Be honest with yourself and your date. Breathe. Have fun.

Sounds super generic right and like the most obvious things, and I'm sure plenty of Takes about this already, but here's MINE. Most people on first dates are racked with nerves. How many times have you checked whether or not your shirt or dress looks cute enough. Is your hair curled or straightened the right way? How are you going to say hi, do you hug or shake hands? What if they think you're ugly, what if YOU think THEY'RE ugly, what do you do? If the date goes well, do you kiss at the end? What if it rains? What if they hate what you had planned? So. Many. Questions.

I'm a HUGE planner, literally, all of these thoughts and more will go through my head before, during, and after the date. I'm the type who wants to try and play out every scenario and be prepared in case ANYTHING happens. But in reality, there are just some things you can't prepare for. To me, the best approach to a first date, is a completely open one, no expectations, go with the flow, and follow your own "heart" (at the risk of sounding cheesy). The most important thing to do is to be true to yourself.

Allow you and your date to react genuinely to what's happening and what you say to each other. It may or may not work, but that's the whole point of the date. Most people think they have to put on fronts to impress someone, and this isn't to say that you shouldn't be trying to put your best foot forward, but do your best to stay true to yourself. If they are totally obsessed with their cat and you absolutely detest them because some stray gave you rabies 10 years ago, let them know, don't be like "oh yea they can be cute!". And TELL THEM the story behind it. That's how you get to know people. That's how you can truly assess whether or not this is someone you want to continue getting to know on subsequent dates. Don't be afraid to tell people things. Everyone has opinions, and everyone (*should) have reasons for their opinions, and these are okay to share.

IRL examples:

1. I went to hang out with a guy, we had good conversations over text, he was funny, turned out we went to the same high school but we were different years so we never talked, had a lot in common, he was into music and produced his own so I was really interested in seeing what he did.. we met, the first thing he did was stick his tongue down my throat. Now I didn't appreciate that, whatsoever, but what I DID appreciate is that he was upfront with who he was, how he felt, and his actions were true to who he was and what he wanted. We also talked for a long time afterwards about family, life, goals, education, etc. and about that makeout attempt greeting.. And I found out very quickly that we were not compatible, which is totally fine. But if he had tried to be reserved and stuck to "safe" topics, we never would have gotten anywhere and I would have wasted both of our times.

2. One of my friends went out to pick up a girl for a blind date, got set up by a friend, he picked her up, drove two, maybe 5 minutes towards the restaurant, and promptly turned to her and went, "I'm sorry, this is going to be awkward and terrible for the next few minutes, but I can tell that I do not want to go out with you, nor do I want to have dinner with you, and I would much rather save us both the time of having to go through this date for me to tell you at the end that I don't want to see you again when I already know now." Harsh? Yes, quite. As a girl I would probably be mortified and offended and thinking "how the fuck would you know?? we haven't even spent 10 minutes together in person and you're already writing me off?" but he knew, and to this day, more than making a good story, he doesn't regret it whatsoever, has found someone he really does click with, and I'm sure she's fine.

3. Was texting this dude, I literally told him that I was going to ask him a laundry list of questions to make up for lost time, and he was (awesomely) down for it. So I asked all those bullshit things and got it out of the way first. Age, work, siblings, where he was from, favorite animal, nicknames, etc. etc. but throughout that conversation we were able to branch off and get to know each other more. He has a sister, I got to know what she did, how close they were, his relationship with his mom, what he plans on doing with life. I don't play around, I hit him with a list of 15 questions, and he asked me the same back. It was great, and just from that I could tell that at a very base level, we were at least somewhat compatible in how we were able to talk to each other. We met in person when I got back into the city and it was like we knew each other already because we allowed ourselves to open up that level of communication.

Now, I understand the difficulty here because it's hard for some people to open up on a first date, and it does require a certain type of personality and mindset going into it, but try. Do your best and try to put yourself out there, because that's the only way anything will happen for you. Be honest with who you are, and most of the time if someone senses that you're doing that, they will open up too.

Disclaimer: still be polite and courteous to your date. Do not tell them that their mom sounds like a bitch, do not tell them they look fat in their dress or suit, do not tell them their opinion on something you disagree with is fucking stupid and ignorant, and do eventually spend the time to get to know their favorite color, where they want to travel to most, their favorite dessert and their name.


#BATTLEROYALE #TeamRJ


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What Guys Said 15

  • 3mo

    Lol, 15 questions? But it does relieve the tension of not knowing what questions are coiming along

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    • 3mo

      Haha yea, I listed like 6 of them there already, so really not too bad if you think about it lol

  • 3mo

    The laundry list of questions sounds like a neat idea but I'd wager it'd be hard to convince anyone to do it.

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    • 3mo

      You can try! Worked easy for me lol, just be like "hey, so I hope this doesn't come off the wrong way, but I'm really bad at small talk so would you mind if we just got the easy questions out of the way first?"

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    • 3mo

      Well that was my whole point of this Take.. like you have to be yourself, if this isn't your style then don't do it. And I vibe with people who would be open to getting to know me this way, and if they're closed off or turned off by it then maybe we won't get along. And if any GIRL just writes a guy off because of it, then she sounds close minded as well.

    • 3mo

      The last sentence actually makes sense and I agree.

  • 3mo

    Well I have to agree with u, too many guys and gals focus too much on impressing and not offending and not "turning off" the other person, that said person can come off tense.

    Dates should ALWAYS be about fun, be loose!

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  • 3mo

    007 Style

    Don't fuck it up

    Don't forget your wallet

    Don't take viagra before you go to dinner

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  • 3mo

    Wow rocket science much..
    #teamnotRJ

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  • 3mo

    I couldn't stomach being on a date with a woman that reels off a long list of questions. It's supposed to be a date, not an interview and if that happens, I'll seek to exit the date as quickly as possible.

    Also do we really need a MyTake for something which requires a basic level of common sense?

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    • 3mo

      plenty of things are common sense, and plenty of things still need to be said.

  • 3mo

    Yeah good tak... guide lol. Especially following up on your questions, that's how you engage.

    @rjgraveytrain your team almost isn't fair lmfao. Taken all the MVP's on the site.

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  • 3mo

    I loved BIG BANG Theory!!!

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  • 3mo

    Reading the comments made me scared to ask girls out now😢😭

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    • 3mo

      why? i dont see anything that should make you feel that way!

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    • 3mo

      Oh..😅😅my mistake , I think I'm being too hard on myself😅

    • 3mo

      I think you are too lol don't worry so much :)

  • 3mo

    I didn't have a car so the date was over before it began.

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  • 3mo

    Do. Not. Fart... audibly

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    • 3mo

      This also.

      Sounds like something from experience? Haha

  • 3mo

    " the first thing he did was stick his tongue down my throat. "
    lmfao... i need to try that

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    • 3mo

      hahahaha i'll warn you, I don't think that tactic has a high success rate.. but maybe it'll work for you!

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    • 3mo

      lololol all good!

    • 3mo

      :-) :-D

  • 3mo

    I had something similar happen. I met this woman online. We started chatting then texting. work, schedules and the fact she lived about 30 miles away, we were just not able to set a date for about 5 days. So we texted every night. It just flowed and she was not shy at all about asking me things. We texted at least 3 hours a night all week. Now keep in mind we are both in our mid 40's. Women don't have the same hangups about sex young women do and are very aggressive at this age. I have a rule that I don't even say the word sex until the woman does. I know it has served me well and has gotten me laid a lot quicker. well she got right into several topics. sex, have I done and do I like anal, etc... this was like the 2nd night.
    anyway... by the time our date day came around we were like on date 20. we both kind of hinted around and joked about moving the restaurant close to one of our houses in case we got drunk or needed to go back to the house. Finally she just came out and said "do you want to skip the date and just come here for sex". My jaw dropped to the floor lol.
    I did. literally I walked in the house, we hugged, brief kiss, said hello, she got on her knees and was blowing me within 90 seconds of me walking in her house. We had amazing sex. talked about an hour and a half or so, had sex again, talked more. I left smiling, thinking what a great night and memory. I left with a huge smile and thought that even if she didn't want to continue dating, I had no regrets. We did date for about a month. However, I was only 3 months after my unwanted divorce. I was nowhere near ready to date. I realized that and stopped dating for about 6 months until I was ready. but it is a great memory and we ended it on very good terms.

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    • 3mo

      That's great! Yea I've heard mixed things but there are a lot of people of the opinion that older women are much less worried about seeming promiscuous, which is great because then you can really just make yourself and your intentions known. I'm glad you got some good memories from that experience :)

    • 3mo

      women in their 40's and up are like men in their teens and late 20's. Which is not fair because many of us men start to decline. Most men can't come close to going like we could back then. But it is fun to try..

  • 3mo

    Nice take - Sounds strange but I would love a girl to ask me a laundry list of questions, it gets small talk out of the way which I am really bad at.

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  • 3mo

    Damn, that example nr2 is quite straight forward... too much. The woman must have felt like shit.

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    • 3mo

      Yea pros and cons to it depending on how you look at it I guess but I said the same lol

What Girls Said 8

  • 3mo

    Awesome work girly! Keep it up!

    #BATTLEROYALE #TeamRJ

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  • 3mo

    Pay for the first date. If no then you'll never see her again.

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    • 3mo

      I think that's false, but okay lol

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    • 3mo

      Ahh I see, okay then that might make sense in different cultures.

    • 3mo

      Yes, I'm surprise though I was thinking that at least usa guys paid for the first date. I see a reportage where a cashier asked the couple of they paid together or separate; it shock me really. It'll never happened in my country the cashier will just give the bills to the man for him to paid it all.

  • 3mo

    Aren't u scared that ur first date who's a teen badmouths u to his friends after the date

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    • 3mo

      No, honestly if that's how it goes then he shouldn't be dating anyways. Plus, everyone talks after a date, and it either went well or it didn't. Worrying about what they MIGHT say afterwards isn't going to do anything other than stress you out.

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    • 3mo

      Yea that definitely makes it hard :( but I think if a nice guy asks you out you should definitely give him a chance. Like I said, everyones going to talk, whether its high school or beyond..

    • 3mo

      Yeah gosh 😑

  • 3mo

    Interesting examples, but you make a good point overall! That second example is slightly cringe-worthy, but it's better to have gotten out of the way then instead of three miserable dates (at least for him) later.

    Nice job! #BATTLEROYALE #TeamRJ

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  • 3mo

    Great take. I like the IRL examples. Very impressive.

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  • 3mo

    I love Raj!

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  • 3mo

    id love it if a guy asked 15 questions. its easy to branch off and talk whiteout thinking start small. its great.

    nice take.

    #1 I understand and i agree. better to know.

    #2 It's harsh, but she won't waste any time wondering if he really meant it. id honestly prefer that to going through the motions then getting confused.

    #3 As you know i liked that :-)

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    • 3mo

      thank you! yea some people work well with that approach and others sometimes feel like they're getting interviewed which they don't like.. i get that perspective too but I personally like getting all that out of the way first haha

    • 3mo

      me too. it also gets my mind working so im not even nervous anymore. thinking relaxes me so questions just make it resign and fun. interview feels like when there's silence and no one knows what to say. i hate that. i dont mind the silence but i dont like feeing like he's feeling uncomfortable by it. makes me uncomfortable by extension.

  • 3mo

    Number 2 guy was a complete asshole. Hope he dies single then burn in hell for eternity.

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    • 3mo

      Lol I mean, I wouldn't like being told that, but I'd eventually get over it and not hope he dies.. it's not THAT serious. But yea you really need to read the person and the situation in order to do something like that. Some people can take it and some can't.

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    • 3mo

      Well exactly, so that's how you know you guy wouldn't get along.

    • 3mo

      *guys. UGH

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