Happily Never After: The Story of How I Led a Guy On

[libertynap]

Here’s a story of a time I led a guy on. If you’re reading this, J …Sorry.

This guy and I shared a class together and for almost half the year we never acknowledged each other’s existence. It wasn’t until one day I moved seats and incidentally sat next to him. Naturally, we started talking. From then on we had very interesting conversations. (FYI, we talked about religion, philosophy and certain genres of music.)

In the beginning, we were just casual friends who only talked when we saw each other… until I asked for his phone number. I genuinely wanted us to be friends beyond the classroom. We’ve already showed each other that we could be really good friends. I took the initiative by doing that, which probably gave him an idea that I might be interested in something more. I had accidentally typed my number wrong in his phone, and for the whole long weekend he couldn’t get in contact with me. He got annoyed about that. On another note, absence does make the heart grow fonder.

As our friendship progressed, I didn’t take into account my casual sexual jokes and flirty behavior around him. I didn’t think much of it and I thought he didn’t, either. My friends noticed and when they asked about him I just shrugged. We were just really good friends in my eyes, maybe even with the possibility of being more in the future. A turning point was when I invited him to run with me at track and field try outs because that was my thing then, and he agreed even though he wasn’t sporty at all.

Long story short, I cut him off completely when he asked me about us getting into a serious relationship. I recalled that I was at a salad bar buffet when he texted out of nowhere about wanting to “go steady.” Right then and there I told him that it wasn’t happening anytime soon. It’s not like I didn’t like him that way, I just didn’t want a relationship with anyone at the moment. I also said that he should leave me alone to avoid complications. I was pretty straightforward when telling him all that.

I felt bad about it for a bit since I initiated our “friendship” and got his hopes up. It was as if we never knew each other just like in the beginning for the rest of the school year.

-

Please, take your “you heartless bitch” and “people like you make me sick” comments elsewhere. Even though this post sounds incredibly pretentious, shit like this happens all the time. And if you find yourself in his situation, it’s almost always never your fault.

[Alwaysonmymind]

Hold up... didn't everyone read the title... " the story of how I led a guy on" if you can title that then it was intentional and you were just playing with him. If you really wanted to BE FREINDS then you wouldn't have cut him off... period. You would've been honest with your intentions and remained friends. Js

[Anonymous]

Don't worry you'll get your heart broken one day and you'll be crying to your girlfriends about how all men are assholes.

[melmel4ever]

Not to mean, but this is why guys don't ask girls out because we have people leading them on. Actually with any gender. It wasn't cool that he got frustrated with you when you gave him the wrong number, but at the same time it's not right that you didn't make it clear you weren't looking for anything. You probably knew he liked you and that probably made you feel great, I mean, who wouldn't that make feel great? But in the process it hurt someone. Usually when I see people make post like these it usually means that they got hurt as well and are angry with them. That's human and it's okay. I just hope you don't let it happen again and other people don't.

[simon84]

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 well said

[19magic]

Whats wrong with exchanging numbers I've done it with all of my friends male or female. Sure I have more female then male but what gender doesn't. But if she mentioned anything to him like oh by the way I'm not interested in dating you. She would seem like a bitch and a girl interested in her own life who thinks she can get whomever she wanted like any stuck up bitch.

[melmel4ever]

@19magic I think you didn't undertake what I said. Nothing is wrong with getting somebody's number. I've done it with guys that I've liked and didn't like in that way. What I'm saying is, a lot of girls and guys have a tendency to lead people on bc it makes them feel good. And in all honesty, would you like to be lead on or would you have liked someone to be real with you and tell you the truth their not interested; regardless of whether the person is or is not interested in you. It's protecting yourself and the other person from getting hurt. And it's not making them bitchy. Bitchy is being rude and nasty about it and total disregard of the other person's feelings. Not to starting stuff just trying to be clear at what I've said.

[melmel4ever]

* understood* my bad lol.

[19magic]

Okay that makes sense, so what are you saying that if we ask for numbers we have to say not looking for anything other than friendship. I don't know how else to put it. And no your totally right I wouldn't like being lead on, or be the one leading on. Yet it seems I keep leading people on, without having a clue on how I did that.

[melmel4ever]

@19magic Yes, in that way, yeah. People now of days (in the dating world) the rules seem to be much different. I think what helps, in my opinion and my own experience is giving hints that you're only friends. Something I used to do for guy pals was call them my friends like, " oh (insert Guy's name) thanks for being an awesome friend. Or mentioning really cute guys. I know it sucks, but I rather do it that way before it goes on much further. In a way, overtime maybe, a guy will respect that and know you're not being bitchy or mean, but being real and in a polite way. Hopefully that makes a little more sense lol, I suck at describing stuff haha. XD

[Mishan97]

I was in a similar situation so I understand. Me and this guy sat next to each other in English and we got to be pretty good friends and we joked around a lot and all that and then eventually we started texting like every day and this went on for the whole school year and into the summer. Then in the summer he told me he liked me but I knew that my best friend kinda liked him too so I had to tell him that I didn't wanna be such close friends anymore. So he got kinda hurt and like blocked me on all social media lol and he pretty much ignored me. But it all ended up working out good cause now he's with my friend who likes him!

[Bvroon]

Your story made me think of a relationship that was about the same for me, only I broke things off with her, and like you I felt kind of crummy about it. However I still take a certain degree of pride in knowing that I never took advantage of her.

Granted yes we did kiss a few times, and she definitely seemed very into it, which I will admit was flattering for me, but I also knew I didn't want to have sex with her, and then dump her, as I would have felt even worse than I did, as I never wanted to hurt her feelings, I just didn't want a relationship then, because I knew I was going to be going into the service and I didn't feel it would be fair for her to have to wait for me to make it through all of my training etc, etc.

[brain5000]

I think it is great that you wrote this! No "you heartless bitch" reprimands from me! It is a confession and act of contrition. I get it! My only thoughts:

1) What did you learn? What can we learn? How can we avoid leading others on? What would you have done differently?

2) Don't ever use phrasing that includes contradictory wording like "it's almost always never." Maybe "it's almost certainly not your fault?" (people like you make me sick ;) )

[Romeotte16]

What's wrong wichu

[RedVulcan]

Right. Never do that to anyone again. Seriously that would mess me up really badly if it happened to me. The worst part is that you initiated, that alone would lead me on into thinking you were the one.

[SovereignessofVamps]

I don't think she did anything. They didn't talk sexually or even romantically.

[RedVulcan]

@SovereignessofVamps If a woman gave me her number I'd assume romantic motives, but that's mostly because I communicate with my friends via social media and not at all through cell or landlines.

[Toad-1]

@SovereignessofVamps "I didn’t take into account my casual sexual jokes and flirty behavior around him"

[SovereignessofVamps]

@RedVulcan and @Toad-1 I didn't see that before! But that's still sounds simple. It doesn't sound like she was heavy with it, so I still think the guy took it too seriously. Lots of people IRL just act that way all the time no matter what. If they'd been dating then I'd agree, but to not even have gone out on a date or hung out... he didn't make things clearcut for his own self.

[TheRebel69]

You're an inspiration to all women and the reason why men will begin to take women more serious in life and the workplace. Congratulations. I commend you for your bravery and will write a letter to my congressman suggesting you for an award for your civic duty.

[WhaChaChaKing]

I don't know why people are always getting mad at women for doing this. We're just trying to make a friend and they're just waiting to have sex with us. Occasionally they do actually want something more but women do nothing wrong by just wanting a friend.

[NatashaJ]

Ok I agree with you there because perception is a big thing what a horny guy sees is different from what a woman see.

[bloodmountain1990]

I think guys who are horny or just haven't gotten much attention from women in general mistake any communication from women for actually being into them.

Once they talk to more women they, for the most part, filter out who's interested and who's just being friendly. Though there have been times where a person was into me and I didn't realize it but my friends did. It happens.

[bulat1990]

Well it sounded like you two had some chemistry, maybe he should have been more patient with you, but him getting hostile with you was bad on his part even though I could understand his frustration, hopefully things will work out better for you next time.

[Anonymous]

This is precisely something I worry about. I get along with guys more, and therefore am more likely to befriend them. Sometimes I can't tell where their intentions are... is he suggesting we hang out because he likes my company, or because it's a veiled way at asking someone out? Maneuvering this is terrible. I hate to assume things, so I usually go along until it becomes extremely apparent.

[thewanderingme]

you didn't lead him on. he simply misunderstood what you wanting. not a big deal.

[brain5000]

It's his fault! He simply misunderstood, the hapless oaf! People like him suck. #victimblaming

[thewanderingme]

@brain5000 lol. what a moron you are. you're horribly confused as to what a victim is.

[Anonymous]

And this is why i don't feel bad or give a shit when women get used for sex and cry their hearts out on social media or in public.

[Nothanks700]

Nope. It's definitely your fault even if it does happen all the time. You probably should have picked up on the fact that he liked you that way.

[TayTay21]

And your point is... ? I think anyone who's been alive more than 10 years knows this happens. The real question is, how do you make your intentions clear when dealing with members of the other gender so that this sort of thing *does not* occur?

[NatashaJ]

I usually just tell them straight up the truth if he pisses me off ignore him and not contact him again works like a charm.

[19magic]

@NatashaJ would telling a guy, I think of you like a brother, be truthful. Cus if it is then that did not work for me.

[NatashaJ]

@19magic Honestly I think that is a insulting way of rejecting someone like think about it if you pour your heart out to someone and the only thing they came up with why they refuse to date you or give you a chance is because "your more like a brother/sister to me" would you really be surprise if they got upset about it? I personally avoid that line at all costs and just say I don't see you that way or whatever way you want to put without bringing up "your like a brother to me".

[19magic]

@NatashaJ no I told him this a year before he confessed. He was bi and so I used to talk about other guys in front of him and he would join in and say which guy he thinks is the best looking.

[NatashaJ]

@19magic Well also they could easily mistake your actions for hitting on them do there nothing you can really do about it other then telling them straight up you don't feel that.

[19magic]

@NatashaJ it was weird he said he fancied me then said after I'm not gunna ask you out 1. from what you said before (brother thing) and 2. Drunk me would end up cheating on you

[NatashaJ]

@19magic huh weird or maybe something changed his mind.

[SovereignessofVamps]

It sounds to me like he assumed way too much. I mean you guys didn't even flirt.

[simon84]

Ok, define flirting, i mean I'm kind of in the same situation, the girl i believe is leading me on... Hugs me tightly, sometimes for far too long, talks about marrying her + having kids together, holds my hand, kisses me on the cheek... says that people will talk, but still carrys on! Invites me to have tea with her and her mum, Gets upset when i ignore her.. gets annoyed when i speak to other women. I'm 100% sure she's leading me on. but you can see how i fell for it😔😔😔

[SovereignessofVamps]

@simon84 that's really really obvious flirting dude.

[0112358]

"I didn’t take into account my casual sexual jokes and flirty behavior around him"

[SovereignessofVamps]

@0112358 Oh she did say that! But... I didn't see that before. But that's still so basic... unless she was heavy with it, I still think the guy took it too seriously. Some people just act that way all the time no matter what. If they'd been dating that'd have been different, but to not even have gone out on a date or hung out... he didn't make things clear for himself.

[0112358]

Agreed he should have made things clear, but he didn't know that. He will learn, if he hadn't by this expeience, to avoid emotionally investing in girls who aren't obviously into him back. And flirting isn't enough. Pretty much don't emotionally invest till there's physical action.

[SovereignessofVamps]

@0112358 semi-basically true yeah.

[19magic]

There's flirting like sexual jokes and a few innuendos which I do to all my friends. Or there's flirting like touching each other arms or face or touching your self while their looking at you. Pinching each other asses, holding hands, finding a way to accidently touch something.

[SovereignessofVamps]

@19magic Yeah. But i think people should make what they want clear. It's his responsibility if he wanted a relationship right? Same for girls. Why complain about fucking him and then him not wanting to be with you, if you never established that you even wanted that?

[0112358]

Definitely.

You'll notice the people who get burned on this (both girls and guys) tend to be young and inexperienced. We just don't teach kids this, and then they get hammered.

So I would tell the guy, if he were here, 'it's your fault you should have escalated faster'. Because that's what he needs to hear and learn.

But I also tell people 'if you can tell you're leading someone on, you're being an ass if you don't clarify it'

[SovereignessofVamps]

@0112358 Yeah, agree! The last part... for my generation the lines are so blurry it can be srsly hard to tell. But I think upfront talking about it is best.

[0112358]

Blurry lines could and do always happen. But this is dramatically compounded in the inexperienced. Most guys who get 'friend zoned' have never actually had a girlfriend who they were physical with. They've never -actually- experienced a girl who was sexually into them. Male-female friendships tend to have an emotional intimacy that's similar to female-female friendships, but VERY different from male-male friendships. So they have this close friend, and they are open emotionally, and she flirts a bit, and as far as they know, this is how relationships start. Because they've never experienced the real thing.

[19magic]

@0112358 that's the best way I've ever heard of it being put.

[SovereignessofVamps]

@0112358 I always thought they nvr had girlfriends!!! That makes so much sense.

[Pacificblue62]

Pat yourself on the back and give yourself a medal and cookie. You've performed a noble deed worth boasting about. your charity and kindness should not go unrecognized.

[someguy3091]

You just got caught up in a sticky situation. That's life I wouldn't beat your self up too much about it just learn from your mistakes and move on.

[SillyMilly]

Lol this was a shit story. So basically your a flirty bitch who led someone on then cut them off when they caught feelings? Uh.. okay thanks for sharing. Lame

[Anonymous]

To be honest, I cannot see what you did wrong. It must have been disappointing to him, but you can never know what another person wants. At least you've told him that it wasn't going to happen (although it was a bit harsh... and maybe a bit late)

[slimstiffy]

I dont understand how anybody can actually be this dumb not to notice the other persons interest.
I know a guy who " unknowingly" does this to girls. Just how does that even...

[sasuki]

Thank you for sharing this. It was a good read. Also I guess I learned something? Will find out eventually I guess :p