There's No Such Thing As Dating Out Of Your League

I'm sure we've all heard about someone talking about someone else or perhaps you've said it yourself, that this or that person is, "out of my league," or you've been told, you have no chance with him or her because they are so far out of your league. Most people are apt to say someone is outside of someone's league if the other person has more money, are more famous, are royalty and the other person isn't, have vastly different looks, or are more popular. I don't believe in that concept at all.

Firstly, I think it's fair to say that people experience some form of rejection from all types of people whether they are considered to be inside or out of your league or even below it, so what's the difference? Aren't all the people who reject us, so called "out of our league." Out of your league means you conceivably have no chance with them, so if you ask someone out or are trying to date them and they say no, you're still in the same boat. Why you think you have more or less of a chance with someone, a someone I might add who generally tends to be a perfect stranger, is based on what?

Add to that, there are just some people on earth, league or no league, who are thoughtless, heartless, mean spirited, and have ugly hearts...why would you, who aren't that, and hopefully don't want that in your life, waste time chasing after someone like that? If someone thinks their money makes them everything, or their popularity, or that their sh*t doesn't stink, they aren't all that great to begin with. Just because someone is considered attractive, popular, or has more money DOES NOT mean that they are a good person or a better person than you are.

Secondly, if we take a look at the so called more attractive person as an example, you look at the roster of the people he or she dates, and you notice that they all tend to look the same or be the same sort and since you don't, you figure, that person is out of my league, however, this is just that persons personal preference, which we all have. So in essence we're saying that we believe this person is punishing or excluding people from their dating pool more so than every other person on the planet, and yet, we all have such preferences no matter what we look like, or how much money we do or don't have, etc.

Thirdly, a lot of what we believe, again, about these perfect strangers, is hype. It's easy to say the jock, or the model, or actor, or the good looking guy has slept with all these people because either that's what they want you to believe or the people behind them create about them, or both, but often times it doesn't exactly ring true at all. If you just take yourself out of the running automatically like so many people do, you'll never truly know if they just have a preference for a certain type of person, again, like we all do, or if they really do want to date people who actually forget the hype and the press and everything else, and just want to get to know them. Many, in fact, crave someone like that who wants them, and not the machine behind them telling everyone that's how they are or the common perception about them that certain people think and act a certain way.

Lastly, I think you're doing a disservice to yourself by automatically disqualifying yourself. You're literally saying to yourself and the world that something is somehow wrong with you and/or that you aren't good enough for someone else. League or no league, that's a self-confidence issue. I don't think you should let the mere idea of someone intimidate you and make you feel less than.

Think about that...just the idea of someone whom you think is attractive, or smart, or funny, or all of the above, makes you feel small and unimportant. If you really like someone, anyone, know your worth and that you are worth it, and go after them because you believe you are good enough. Don't fall into the trap of believing that you can't because others say you can't or shouldn't or aren't worthy enough.


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What Guys Said 43

  • This is Jessica Alba
    www.cracknext.com/.../jessica-alba-sexy-photos.jpg
    celebmafia.com/.../...a-bikini-wallpapers-6-_1.jpg
    Her networth is $197 million.

    This is Benito Pena Jr.
    He is a broke pedophile facing 16 years in incarceration.
    cbsdallas.files.wordpress.com/.../benitopena.jpg
    dfw.cbslocal.com/.../

    __

    Are you saying that Jessica Alba is not out of his league? It's a good thought in theory but it's not reality.

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    • I shouldn't even need to justify this with a comment, but sure, I'll try. I don't know anyone who wants to date a pedophile. YOU shouldn't want to date a pedophile. There would be a massive problem with Jessica Alba or any other woman or man for that matter wanting to date a pedophile as they are criminals who love children in a very sick and unhealthy way. That has nothing to do with what I'm talking about.

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    • Okay, what's your definition of league?

    • Completely agree with you.

  • I get rejected most of the time by attractive girls, i have to ask many many of them before I score one. I have far less rejections with less attractive women. What is that, if not a league?

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    • Maybe a coincidence. 😁

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    • Well I'm a confident person and i stand by what i believe in but you have your views i have mine.

    • @Cosytoasty
      Oh, good... lol ๐Ÿ˜‚

  • So I take it you'll look after my cat after I've been rejected a thousand times, feel I'm totally worthless, end up hating women, decide to have my revenge by going on a killing spree, and get sentenced to a mental institution? Thanks!

    Truthfully, I do agree that people should be more willing to approach others they think they have no chance with. Even though the probability of success is very very small, the reward is potentially very high, and when your expectations are already low, the rejection often doesn't feel as bad as you think. There is actually some sound logic to it.

    On the other hand, it's just not true that it's worth it for everyone. Telling somebody they're not entitled to anything with one breath, then telling them that they should accept being rejected over and over with the next is being completely unrealistic about the way humans cope with failure and rejection.

    "If you really like someone, anyone, know your worth and that you are worth it, and go after them because you believe you are good enough."

    The fact of the matter is that most Nice Guys (TM) absolutely DO believe they they are "worth it" and "good enough," exactly like you suggest. When they get rejected over and over, the message they are being delivered is that women really are so stupid and shallow that they can't recognize a great man when he's right there in front of them. Then you shame them for thinking as much, even though they aren't seeing the results you told them would be there if they just believed in themselves and kept trying.

    Incidentally, your feelings on this subject would also be echoed by attention whores and the like who get an ego boost out of men vying for their attention, stringing them along, and then, when they have no more use for them, putting them down. You're recommending a scenario that would reward women for that kind of behavior.

    Also, if everyone is constantly shooting above themselves, people who might have matched had they been looking around their "league" are no longer matching. Sorry Miss. Average, but all those Mr. Averages you could have made a nice life with are trying to date 8s and 9s. Actually, there are no small number of men would argue that average women believing they deserve Channing Tatum have ruined dating and marriage over the last two decades, because they are no longer able to be truly happy with "lesser men."

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  • Completely agree- all humans are equal and one should never believe in labels like 'leagues' that try to perpetuate classes or a more emotive term, 'caste''

    Believe in yourself and hold your head up high regardless of any company you are in :)

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    • I agree, however we have to accept that not everyone is equal, socially, economically etc. I don't believe anyone has to conform to the idea of leagues however it's obvious that for the most part if you're interested in dating someone who's wealthy, successful, important, attractive etc.. You've got to have those qualities yourself otherwise you're going to have a very hard time... Obviously everyone is capable of changing and improving themselves. I don't believe anyone is out of anyone's "league" but with that being said, people can't expect that that also means that they've got a chance with everyone from a lower class background up to the top 1%.

  • I agree, there is no such things as leagues coming from a physical attraction standpoint. Beauty is subjective (With some rare exceptions), and not everyone is going to have the same definition of "attractive." Sure, the female athlete might want to date the male athlete, so she rejects the "punk rock"-looking guy. But the "Rocker-looking dude" will be loved by the rocker-girl, and she would reject the buff athlete, because she wont' find him attractive, and so on.

    I definitely think people limit themselves by thinking they're not in a "league."

    With that being said, I do think money leagues exist. It's very unlikely a man living in poverty will date a wealthy woman, because she probably won't accept him (Men do seem to be more forgiving about money).

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    • You're thinking more of having things in common, which I agree with. A person can be very attractive and yet still share common interests.

      If there's no common interests and just physical attraction alone, it may not work out and vice versa.

    • Well Oprah is dating Stedman, so there's hope for everyone.

  • Well written but I disagree. Leagues do exist, they just aren't determined soley by looks like people often assume. They are determined by total value.

    For example an average or mediocre looking person can date a really attractive person if they are wealthy or have exceptional personality traits to counteract what they are lacking in physical attractiveness. However an average looking person with an average salary and mundane personality traits probably won't.

    Generally people date those who are similar to them in terms of attractiveness, intelligence, and status. So I do think it is reasonably to assume that someone is out of you league if they are noticeably better than you in those three categories.

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    • "Well written but I disagree. Leagues do exist, they just aren't determined soley by looks like people often assume. They are determined by total value."

      This sums up what I said exactly. Beauty is subjective, where as money is not. A girl might find a heavy set guy attractive, but poverty is poverty (There is no arguing that).

  • Not true at all. There are most certainly "leagues" in dating. All people are equal in the sense that they all have the same rights as people, but people are not equal in terms of what value they bring to a job, a friendship, or a romantic relationship.

    Some people are more successful, some people are more attractive, some people are healthier, some people are more fun, some people are more charming, etc. It's not an exact science and sometimes the only way to know if the person is out of your league is to go for it, but other times it can be extremely obvious the person is out of your league. If you make 30k a year, and are 50 lbs overweight, and are anti social, then you have zero chance at dating someone who makes 75k, has a model figure, and whi is charismatic and social.

    The good news is that you can easily increase your romantic value significantly if you are willing to put in the time and effort to develop in the areas you are lacking.

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  • you think many people to have a quo to date someone or being friends with and even who is worthy or even have a lot money and even who has a better job guys and girls can you see it is not about the status quo from the high school musical it's not about being out of the league or being in it why you can't not see the morals and values in a person that's believes in christ and the power of love that helps a relationship and to communicate to understand a person's feelings about another it does not take someone beauty or there good looks or even money or popularity we need people to give who is in need for service and to give confidence to someone on who they care for and people should not discriminate people on who they are this is not a sport of a league this topic is about relationships love conqures all here how to have grace and sincerity money is not everything and not even power it's love and understanding people's feelings

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  • this idea is perpetuated because men fantasize about these supermodels and have no clue what these people are actually like in real life (spoiler alert, generally not that fun to be around) and underestimate the detractive effects their other traits will have on their overall appeal, when added back into the mix. in an image, it is possible to separate between the physical and the personality behind it--in real life, not so much. and so when you realize how self absorbed, mean spirited, uncooth or just plain boring these kinds of people can be... well lets just say the physical response between your legs can be staved quite dramatically.

    And its not to say that even if there is a good personality behind that good body, that you're somehow unworthy or undeserving of it (and if they think you are, that is just evidence of a very unsettling personality flaw that ironically makes them worth incredibly less as a person).

    one of my favorite comedians KT tatara actually has a comedy routine about dumb girls that is right on the nose:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5oyrG3PcgLk
    the point is, that you have to be smarter than a woman, taller, funnier, and pretty much better in every way than her to get your dick wet, because those are the personality traits she looks for in a man. which i totally agree with him on, break the stereotype, date a short weak dumb guy. leagues don't matter. what matters is that you're comfortable and happy with a person.

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  • i rarely listen to man's unwritten rules. Its partly one of the prereqs to becoming successful and getting what you want. So whether leagues exist or not is irrelevant to me because i don't follow/stay in them

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  • Your my take is one of the best I have read. . Having the conference to go after someone that feel is out of you league isn't easy when every time you have ever tried you where shot down and ridiculed for it.. personally I have would rather date a 4-5 with a great personality than a 10 with a poor personality.. most
    10's I have meet are a 3 in the personality department.

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  • For me " Dating Out Of Your League " concerns the financial side, not looks. I never wanted to date much richer or much poorer.

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  • Great take.

    I've sometimes been told after the event that someone I considered above my league found me cute, funny or good to talk/listen to but by then, it's too late. I've given my first impression (which is oblivious/not interested/underconfident) and my chance won't come up with that person again.

    I've also considered a few to be in my league or recognised what I thought were the signs of them liking me, only to be rejected.

    I also know some dreadful girls with substandard looks and personality that get more offers than I do. It makes me sick.

    All thus proving your conclusion to be correct.

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  • There maybe some exceptions, there are no "defined" leagues. But your premise is not true. Generally people expect what they think they deserve. Chance in hell Karlie Kloss will settle down with overweight guy working at McDonalds.

    But that's not why I am against perpetuating this myth that there is no out of your league. "No such thing as out of your league" ... gives guys unrealistic expectations. That they deserve a model. They waste time on girls they have no chance with, time they could've used wisely and actually talked to girls who they actually did have a chance with.

    So I don't agree with this myth at all especially due to the fact I mentioned, guys start living in fantasy land. No one would take a 30,000K a year stressful job when they could easily get 80,000K a year comfortable job. Same way no one will date below their standards they will date people equal or higher value to them.

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    • So basically, guys should go around and say "You know what, that girl is too good for me, so I won't even take a chance."

      That sounds like a positive thinking, confident man, doesn't it?

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    • Inexperienced*

    • @EnglishArtsteacher
      No keep taking your chances BUT reality ain't going to change. Take your chances but what are the statistical chances of ending up with that number?

      No one dates below that just doesn't happen, rare instances it does he/she must see something in them that makes up for rest.

      Their is positive thinking and then there is realism.

  • I used to think there were leagues. Now I don't... I think my thinking just slowly changed. Plus this movie is funny.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6M9UfytUPM

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  • Very well done!

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  • Here here! I didn't read the entire take but I already know I agree 100% No such thing. People are people. I've never liked when people say that.

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  • I do not believe in leagues in the dating world either but more, that people create such a perception that there is and are using it at a basis.

    On a side note: People that are 8/10 9/10 and 10/10 generally tend to be assholes I think but I would never not go after them without knowing them first.

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  • You should do a mytake about does she really have a boyfriend. I never get rejected I get the I have a boyfriend line. When you approach 120 girls and they all have boyfriends I start to wonder.

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  • Beautiful women date attractive men (probably bad boys too). Average good guys date average looking women. That's what we all see most of the time.

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    • In a perfect world, there would be no leagues. This world is FAR from perfect, so...

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What Girls Said 18

  • There really is a such thing as leagues. Now every now and then people may choose to date outside of their leagues, but that doesn't mean that leagues don't exist.

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  • I believe leagues exist. It's not unheard of that attractive people date other attractive people, average people date other average people, celebrities date other celebrities, rich people date rich people etc. There are exceptions of course, as there is for most generalizations. And not everyone is going to follow the "league" system or believe in it. But I still think leagues exist. Very rarely do you see someone who's insanely attractive, date someone who's really ugly. Or a celebrity date someone who isn't well-known and famous.
    And it's not always that you're not "good enough", people are simply drawn to those who are on the same level as them. People who are like-minded, share the same interests and come from similar backgrounds.
    Again, this doesn't mean that you aren't allowed to pursue whoever you want or that you're not good enough. It's just a general framework.

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    • Self-esteem just went down jk

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    • @lumos well said. MHO right here.

    • @Malloy1997 That's cool he must be a really good guy awesome.

  • Thank you for this... this was very well written. We all have some good qualities and some bad, and as long as you are a decent human being, you deserve to be happy with any other decent human being who you have found happiness with. Very well-written piece!

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  • I think I'm kind of pretty on the outside but I'll be honest, some times I sound kind of ditzy. Point being, I got asked out by surgeon that works for Penn Medicine hospital. I was so intimidated that I actually said no. He was attractive and I was totally happy that he asked but I was so scared that I would sound like a dumbass and that my little 2012 Nissan would be laughable. I didn't feel like I would be anything like he expected. Maybe I sold myself short but I felt like he was so outta my league that my pretty smile wouldn't get me through that date.

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  • I totally agree with this MYTAKE. This discussion really spike out to me. Because their is a guy a I've had crush on for 5 months.. and now that i know a little bit of his bckground.. i feel at times maybe he's out of my league amd im not goodd or worthy enough to talk or even date him in the matter. But when i begin to read this discussion I began to open my eyes to what it is thaat MAKES ME WORTHY to talk to him.. thanks for this mytake..

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  • The so called "leagues" in dating do not exist, yet people keep thinking they're real!. Good Take

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  • You're right there is no such thing as dating out of your league and nobody is out of anybody's league , anybody should be able to date anybody they want, it's a free conntry.

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  • Ignore most of the answers on this take. The people who frequent GAG are antisocial shutins who never experience life. Leagues exist in middle school/high school, but that's it. I see hot girls all the time dating ugly, or overweight men in college. I have a fat butt (I get called curvy), and I'm not that good looking, and I'm dating a guy who is quite overweight, but I really love this man. People say I'm "out of his league", and it annoys me. I do think guys tend to be picky about looks, but an unattractive guy can get most girls.

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    • So you're saying leagues don't exist outside of high school? Bullshit lol

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    • @Puppylove94 They might exist for immature women like yourself, but leagues don't exist out of high school for most people.

    • Oh burnnnn. You got me.

  • I think to an extent there are leagues, but mainly in appearance. You rarely even see someone of a healthy weight with someone who is 400lbs or a 10/10 dating a 4/10

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    • In high school, this is probably true. Outside of high school, women (mainly) don't put near as much focus on physical attraction.

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    • @Thebutterfly You're not in college, so quit lying. Adult women go for financial security before looks, and while we do agree with personalities playing a role, a guy with money is more attractive. Why do you think so many overweight doctors are dating thin, beautiful women? I see it all the time. Hugh Hefner is another example.

    • @Malloy1997 dont say I'm not in college just because you werent intelligent enough to be in college at my age.

  • been saying this for years on here.
    we are all just people.

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  • I think leagues do exist...

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    • If they didn't then you could date anyone.. but the truth is not everyone is going to like you or be attracted to you.. therefore they are out of your league.

  • Good job! 👍

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  • This is true.
    There are way too many people who attach too much importance to one's looks or social status, while there are so many more things that work into making a relationship what it is

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  • I definitely believe leagues exist. The attractive men I want to get to know never feel the want to get to know me. And I'm not interested in the unattractive men who pursue me.

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    • You know this is shallow right?

    • @andrewjohnson1993 Yeah, I know. I feel bad about it but if I'm not attracted to you I will have a hard time connecting with you. I've tried forcing myself and it just didn't work. I don't think it's not fair. Man people have rejected me over looks. It's just how things work

  • I think there is such a thing as dating out of your league. Throughout history, people tend to marry people of the same social status. People of the same social background would make compatible partners, because they share the same values, outlook, and lifestyle.

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    • A lot of that was put in place usually by a society usually based on the nobility, who by the way, often suppressed people's rights to education and uppward mobility and put rules in place that nobility could only marry other nobility. Now, most places do not have these systems in place so there is no reason to not venture out and date/marry whomever you want to.

    • In India and China, arranged marriage is an all-class affair. India has the additional caste system, which, though made illegal, still influences class-based relations.

  • almost all model looking women are high end call girls, sugarbabes, or date athletes and rockstars. there are definitely leages and castes in society. the mediocre looking, mediocre income, mediocre everything "beta" nerd can't hope to get a 9 or a 10. especially if that includes personality to the looks. these women are self aware and have equivalent standards to theirs... .

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    • Women date ugly guys all the time. I see model-looking women dating fat guys. Women are less superificial.

    • @Malloy1997 i've seen as well very pretty women with ugly men. can't explain it. insecurities? huge penis? big wallet? it must be something like that... .

    • They are with them because they actually like the guy and he treats her right, you also have to remember what you think is ugly is gorgeous to someone else or she's with him to play it safe to avoid being hurt.

  • Exactly! Not making this about race (as ANYONE can have low self-esteem and feel certain people are out of their league), but to give an example, as a dark skinned black girl, I was fortunate enough to have a wise mother who raised me to feel like I have value, and NOT to base that value off the superficial standards of the world, but I feel bad for the many people in this world who did not have that sort of parental guidance because in the black community you will be led to believe that beauty equals light skin, loosely curled hair, and light eyes. Which leads to a lot of dark skinned girls feeling like they will NEVER add up. I. E. one of my dark skinned girlfriends who has an hourglass body and looks great without a spec of makeup on once mentioned a guy that hit on her and said she was shocked because she had a light-skinned girlfriend with her. I find that sad. Like really? You deem yourself less worthy of a guy's attention simply because of your skin?

    But like I said, this isn't just in the black community. This sort of mentality can afflict ANYONE. I find that the guys with legitimate confidence can get as good-looking of a girl as they want. I know sooooo many short, average-looking guys who successfully play with the hearts of MANY beautiful ladies. Being a player isn't just for the 6'3 jocks with abs of steel, apparantly.

    I have to admit, sometimes I feel down about myself and wonder why certain types guys of guys would ever look at me. Especially when I see so many other girls out here who are, in my eyes, BETTER. But I think it's good to remind yourself that other people don't look through your eyes. I have a BEAUTIFUL (like, notably more gorgeous than every other girl in the room without a spec of makeup on beautiful) girlfriend and every single one of her crushes are lanky, awkward, and average looking! The point being, it's really stupid to assume the preferences of another person, because you Just. Can't. Know. until you try!

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  • There is a such thing as out of my league. I would never date out of it.

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