Women Seeking Financially Secure Men Are Not Gold Diggers

I decided to get back into the dating world and I met this guy on POF- seven weeks age. He was kind, he made me laugh and treated me with respect but I refused to go on a second date with him. Why? You may ask. It was because he was in his mid-20s and absolutely had no stability or consistency in his life. He had a worthless liberal arts degree and hasn't held down a job for more than 12 consecutive months.

I have yet to meet or spoken with a woman that doesn't care if a man is financially stable or not. A woman seeking a financially stable man is NOT a gold-digger. I'm not going to sleep with a guy I've no emotional feelings for so I can have some nice dinners or maybe few lavish shopping sprees. In an age where people enter serious relationships with more financial baggage than ever(student loan debt) it is important to find someone who has a steady source of income.

A Well-Paid Man Is Tenacious

It is not the yearly salary I'm interested in as much as it is the fact that he is hard-working, dedicated, intelligent and persistent enough to hold down a well-paying job. These are desirable and attractive characteristics in a man.

A guy with a mediocre job or bumming it at home, even if he is smart, never fully applied himself. That makes him seem lazy, and laziness is a libido killer.

Raising A Family Is Better With Money

If a woman is seeking to raise a family, being financially stable is extremely beneficial and will give the child a better life. If she is able to work from home, work part-time, or be a full-time mom, this will allow her to have way more parental guidance than if she were working a full-time job. Not only that, but having money will allow the family to live in a safer environment for her kids to play in, and they’ll receive a better quality public education being from a good neighborhood. Or better yet, they can go to private school. Not being financially stressed out makes for a better mommy and family dynamic.

I Don't Want My Kids To Grow up In A Broken Home

Almost half of the marriages in The United States end In divorce. What is the number one reason for divorce? It's money. I wish women would stop dating deadbeat men because of how cute he is or his potentials. In the end, the little ones get hurt the most.

More Disposable Income Means More Fun

I want to be able to pay for my daughter's ballet lessons and my son's expensive piano lessons. I want to be able to take them on vacations to Disney World, Paris, Istambul and explore the world together.

A Stable Man Is More Likely To Commit

He is more likely to put a ring on your finger, want to start a family and pay for your dates.


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What Guys Said 102

  • 3mo

    You're right, a girl who wants a financially stable guy isn't a gold-digger. The problem is, too many girls who ARE gold-diggers use this as an excuse. Many young women (in particular) claim they want a "financially stable" guy, when they actually want a rich guy to spoil them at places. It's the easy way out of admitting they ARE gold-diggers. I notice when women hit their 30's, they realize money isn't everything, unlike the greedy 20-something women I come across on a daily basis.

    "A Well-Paid Man is Tenacious"-Uh, not necessarily. It entirely depends on HOW he is "well-paid." If a wealthy man inherited money, or was GIVEN a well-paying job through connections, that doesn't make him tenacious at all. On the other hand, some people are working mediocre jobs (like me for example) who are trying to get a better job, and have been given an unfortunate hand in life. It's now how hard you work, or what you know-It's WHO you blow ;)

    "A Stable Man Is More Likely To Commit"-There is no correlation to commitment, and wealth. I would be interested to see how committed (or tenacious, at that) Hugh Hefner, Ozzy Osborune, or Kanye West is. Sure, I used isolated examples here, but you get my point. Commitment is a personal trait, which has nothing to do with how much money you make.

    This "MyTake" is decent-But there is a lot of stereotyping. Also, as a final note (And you're going to hate me for this one), if the woman isn't EQUALLY helping out, she has no room to talk. Plain, and simple. The old fashioned notion of the man as the "breadwinner" is in the past, because I can say "Fine, let's go back to the old days where women can't vote." You can't have it both ways. Gender roles should be abolished in general.

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    • 3mo

      @MyTakeOwner Nevermind what I said. I just scrolled down to read your comments on people's opinions, and I've realized this entire MyTake is a clever troll attempt. Except, you're not an obvious troll-You're passive-aggressive, and sneaky about it.(Which is why I said this attempt is clever). Combining this with the fact you posted anonymous, it's clear you're trolling. I wonder if you're even a woman? Probably not.

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    • 3mo

      Whatever helps you sleep t night buddy but you can clearly see why I wanted to inflame her.

    • 3mo

      Good that a woman upvoted you.
      Some of them have balls; and some men have too, fortunately.
      But we are a few :)).

      I mean, after reading something like
      "He is more likely to put a ring on your finger, want to start a family and pay for your dates"
      (translated: they are betas who will cheerfully submit and serve as your doormats, until you get bored and file divorce)
      I had to go to the comfort room for a brief pissing session :)

  • 3mo

    I didn't read the comments but I'm sure there are a lot of butthurt guys whining about how a woman always wants/demands more, that if money comes into play at all it's shallow, blah blah blah. I don't even have to look, I'm sure it's true.

    Bottom line? Reality dictates. No woman should waste their time on a waste-of-space lazy man, especially if she's a doer herself. I'm not saying a woman should only date wealthy guys or anything ridiculous like that, but I AM saying she has ever right to find someone who can provide financial stability. Aside from sex, the #1 issue that plagues all relationships is money. The less there is, the hardest it is on the couple, and that's just the way of the world.

    All this being said, if I sense that a woman is ONLY interested in the financial security part, I'm gone. And ladies, we can indeed sense that. Also, it's important for women to reward ambition and drive in a man, especially a young man. No guy at 22 is going to be financially set. Hell, most guys at 32 can't claim to be that these days. A woman should simply want a go-getter for a life partner because it will invariably result in that security.

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    • 3mo

      Don't worry man, you'll be reincarnated into the untouchable class of India society in your next life. You'll learn what reality is from a perception other than your current one, maybe if you're lucky you'll retain some education from the learning of this life, but just enough to know what you should grasp for.

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    • 3mo

      @Gommers lol ya he's a fuckin tool

    • 3mo

      you are 38 and still think this way? You're fuckin lost. If money dictates a major problem in a relationship... it wasn't much of a relationship in the first place. Money actually ADDS major problems. You become a slave to it, leaving less room for the relationship. I've been across the board on this issue, from earning 6 figures to next to nothing. I find it's quite irrelevant except that the more money you have, the more likely you are to attract fake, lame, worthless women.

      You're a simp, nothing fancier.

  • 3mo

    I agree. Just as I believe that men who seek young, athletic, physically attractive women are not perverts or players.

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    • 3mo

      JRICHARDS1996, AWESOME

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    • 3mo

      I would add however that we should not be morons who pursue only those things. In which case, it becomes shallow, say if a man is only with a woman because she is hot and a woman with a man only because he is wealthy. That is a recipe for disaster and both of them deserve whatever consequences they suffer. Ideally you want someone hot or wealthy whom you are compatible with.

    • 3mo

      compatibility is important to me too.

  • 3mo

    See I'm the same way with women. I don't think it makes you a gold digger to want financial security in life. Dating a guy specifically for his wealth would make you a gold digger. I was fortunate enough to grow up in a family that had a stable income but I had plenty of friends who didn't and their families were always at each other's throats. I'm attracted to women who are goal-oriented and have dreams and a career that they want to accomplish. I admire it and I like to surround myself with like-minded people.

    I want to be able to have the money to travel with someone I love and have a good time. I'm one of those people that desires that kind of financial freedom. I don't really ever want to settle down in the traditional sense. I would need to be with someone who is like me. I agree that financial security matters.

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  • 3mo

    Problem is, most of those women don't wanna move a muscle to make more money themselves.
    If you expect the guy to make lots of money, but you don't wanna work, or just work a minimum wage job... yes, that makes you a gold digger.

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    • 3mo

      That's what I kept looking for in this take, what she is doing to add to the financial stability. Were all equal right?

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    • 3mo

      @AdamThomas that applies for like a year man... you rambled about things way past that.

      your fallacy? strawman argument. FAIL

    • 3mo

      @feminismisnarcissism

      Yeah the breast-feeding part applies for a year, and then the kid still needs taking care of. Then you could argue that the man could stay home for a while, but if he's got a good job and she's just taken quite a bit of time off which could impact her earning potential, that wouldn't make sense. Besides, they might have more children, and that would mean they'd have to get a job, quit, get a job, quit. It's just easier to have the woman at home looking after the kid.

  • 3mo

    This is fine, why would it matter. I don't think schlobs are looking to date financially insecure people who berates them everyday over something they care less about. You'd do well to stay out of each others way.

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  • 3mo

    You're if you don't bring your own money. If you would only date guy's with money and no guy's without that's a gold digger. If money wasn't what was important to you it wouldn't be a issue.

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  • 3mo

    Truth is women spend more time focusing on finding a financially stable guy then actually earning good money out in the real world. Well not all women of course. If a woman earns 100k... you can expect her to look for a guy who earns at least 200k.

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  • 3mo

    How do we know if she is A gold digger or not?

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    • 3mo

      Pretend you lost your job and are broke and see how long she sticks around for.

    • 3mo

      @datgirl But , I'm ugly as you see from my nickname. No girl will ever want to be with me. Even if I have money , no girl could love me.

  • 3mo

    Men seeking in shape female models aren't shallow either.

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  • 3mo

    There is more to life than money, I think the fact you judge someone by how much money they make is quite sad their are simply more important things to worry about.

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  • 3mo

    100% Taker.
    Why would a man with high SMV waste time with a taker when there are so many females out there who are also givers

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  • 3mo

    And any man who understands the concept of depreciating assets will dump your ass faster than white on rice.

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  • 3mo



    That's subjective!

    If they're at an age range of (18-24), and they go out with older men for money!

    Then you're in terms called a golddigger!

    Because most men who turned the age of 26 already have their life together, and moved out of the house!

    Now these men who are 26 are paying mortgages, and bills!

    However the reason why these young women are going for older men!

    Because some feel it's easy to get money out of them!

    Therefore it is subjective when you make that statement!

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  • 3mo

    memecrunch.com/.../image.png?w=400&c=1

    You want guys who can pay for your stuff. If that financially stable guy refused to pay for your dates, you'd be out of there.

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  • 3mo

    If you search for a financially secure man what will you offer him in return?

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  • 3mo

    We know that, a girl wanting to be spoiled and have everything paid for IS a gold digger.

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  • 3mo

    I think it's perfectly fine, as long as you also hold yourself to these standards. If that's not the case, then it is indeed gold digging.

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  • 3mo

    Yes they are. Women should make something of themselves and look for a man who also has status

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  • 3mo

    "Gold-diggers" is an hypocritical byname for "prostitutes".
    Hypocritical prostitutes who love comfort, and wanna work on one man only for some years.

    Other women can look for a "financially stable man" because they love not to do a job.

    Others... may have a personality that inclines to being the old-fashioned house runner and children raiser.

    Other can be just normal average minded people.

    Certainly, if they utter the word "love" the kindest response that is coming from me is a sound grin.

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What Girls Said 32

  • 3mo

    Please tell me you're trolling.

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  • 3mo

    My dad worked middle class jobs all his life and actually got his first job when he was 10 or so, which was a paper route but despite him not being paid the big buck, he's one of the hardest working guys there is. So, guess that first one doesn't apply to everybody huh?

    I've lived in the same house, in the same town since I was 3. We live in a nice quiet neighborhood in the suburbs and my parents have never been rich. They made enough but they didn't have money falling off the trees in the back yard, yet they've always lived in good places. So, guess you can find something you can afford in a nice place without being rich, huh?

    My parents have been married for 39yrs and are currently having some extreme money troubles, yet they never think of divorcing. See, if two people want to divorce they'll find anything as an excuse to make it happen but if you truly love each other you'll work through whatever comes your way together, even money issues.

    I tried activities but quit them all because my heart wasn't in it, so isn't better to wait to see if your children even want to join a group activity before you decide you don't want to marry someone if they can't pay for it? Also, I've only been on two vacations in my life both to FL and the first time I went I was little and we went to St Pete's Beach and it was the best time of my life! So, you can go on fun affordable vacations if you want to and still have a great time.

    Also, if you know ahead of time you want to take a family vacation or your child wants to do an activity, you just set the money aside and plan ahead. It's called being an adult.

    Is that so? Do you have any facts to back this up? Because, my dad worked at a place called EJ&J railroad when he met my mom and it was just a blue collar job. Yet, he still committed to my mom. Guess that last one doesn't apply to everyone either.

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  • 3mo

    One of the many reasons I broke up with my boyfriend was because he'd never had a job in his life, had no money and no car. I've had numerous jobs, two cars and got a good amount of money and I'm at the stage in my life in which I would like to move out and start building a life of my own away from my parents. How can I do that with a guy like him? It would take years for him to get a job and save money!

    Guys think we want men with money so we can take their money when we have our own money, we just want financial security and not a guy who can support you equally. Guys who've had jobs usually have more common sense too which forms them into who they are.

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    • 3mo

      I've had ten jobs, and assuming this MyTake isn't a troll attempt (Which it probably is), I disagree with 50 percent of it. Money doesn't equate successful, and hard-work doesn't make you rich. Also, some of the most uncommitted men I can think of are wealthy. There is a lot of stereotyping, and ignorance in this MyTake to be honest.

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    • 3mo

      @Keyspirit I said one of "many" reasons.

    • 3mo

      But that shouldn't be the reason doe. Not many excel at the same rate as u.

  • 3mo

    Mytake owner ignore these idiots they can't read or they just assume crap that makes no sense from your mytake. I agree with you growing up poor I realize how important it is to have money so you wouldn't have worries or issues because of money. I'm not money crazed I want be able to relax and know no one is going to evicted me because I was late on the rent an 3rd time because I couldn't pull the money through. Money in marriage IS important I wish people realize that since most divorces happen because of money.

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    • 3mo

      Young girls are so pathetic these days... pffft

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    • 3mo

      The my take author makes it sound like men are the only ones that need to bring in money. Unless she wants to be in the kitchen and doing laundry all day, it won't happen.

    • 3mo

      @Thisperson98 well its her opinion if you don't agree fine if you don't agree with mine fine but don't be asshole about it no need for it. Honestly. This is why I told other two go fuck themselves.

  • 3mo

    You want a guy who's hustle matches yours.

    Why dont the butthurt broke guys ever try to go after equally lazy, unambitious broke women? Bums never want to date each other. All the bum ass females I know always demand a guy have money to spend on them. and all the bum ass guys i know demand that a woman overlook his bum assness and date him and pay for everything.

    If money really didn't matter, then broke jobless guys would not care about nonambitious women overlooking them, because they would be just as happy dating women with no jobs or ambitions. however bums are looking for a come up so when they see a successful woman with her shit together they flock to her, and get in their feelings when they see that she won't let him use her.

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    • 3mo

      just because a guy is broke does not make him lazy or unambitious.

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    • 3mo

      There just aren't enough educated professional men willing to work. Most of them dont even apply for these office jobs thats why there's so few of them. why dont the guys with masters degrees in chemistry apply for the office jobs or move to an area that has a better job market? I only hear lazy men making excuses that women are favored. There are too many educated professional men in management positions for lazy broke guys to be crying about women are preferred. Maybe your friend just doesn't interview well

    • 3mo

      you mean people who do studies? they are the ones saying women are favored its just a conformation to what men already know. these are not excuses this is a valid reason. yes plenty of men apply for those jobs they just dont get them because women are doing the hiring. there are plenty of educated professional men who can't get jobs because women are preferred hires. a simple google search will clear up your lack of information.

  • 3mo

    I expected a rich girl to say that. Are you rich?

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  • 3mo

    If a man wants a woman with a job and is financial secure herself does that automatically make him a gold digger as well?

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  • 3mo

    One of the reasons that I want a financially stable man is because I am financially stable myself. I have a professional degree (as well as a bachelor's degree) and I want someone who is as driven as me. If I'm bringing home the bank, then how would a relationship work if he doesn't have a job? I'm never asking for a guy to be making a lot of money, NEVER. But I am asking that he have a pretty stable job. For example, teachers make almost no money, but I would love to date a teacher. You won't live a life of lavish, but I've never wanted that. I do want someone who cares about his work and wants to work like I do.
    It is also true that the biggest cause of divorce today is financial problems. I would also like to note for all men and women, that part of these financial problems also stem from the philosophy of each person about how to spend/save their money. For me, I'd rather live in a small house (especially if we don't have kids yet) and save every penny we can. We can save for retirement, but also live cheaply so that we're never worried if some expense comes up. I DO NOT believe in going into debt. I pay my bills the month that they're due. If I can't afford to buy a new suit/car/furniture/etc., then I won't. Advice to everyone: find someone who values money the way you do.

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  • 3mo

    Agreed!😊 As I get older, I realize that I want someone financially stable, has a car, moved out of his moms house, loves his family and is good with mine. I learned a lot from my past realationship, and I just feel like my views are maturing and I'm getting to a point where I'm looking far into the future now and I don't want to be with someone who isn't all around stable and secure. Doesn't make me a gold digger.

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  • 3mo

    Amazed by how many people here don't realize that financially secure/stable =/= rich.

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  • 3mo

    I agree with you and it's only fair to him if you are financially secure too

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  • 3mo

    What irritates me the most about guys answering this question is that they're trying to support an alternate argument that the original poster proposed.
    What she is saying, is that, NO she is not trying to sit back and let the guy pay for everything.
    YES, she will herself have a stable job and work to financially support the family as well.
    BUT let's say for example that she earns 70k+ a year, and wants a partner who makes around that or more rather than someone who is working 30k a year?
    HOW does that make a woman a gold digger? MIND YOU, she is not saying money is more valuable than love, or that financial stability is the ONLY important thing in a relationship. Geez guys, answer this damn scenario and stop trying to find ways to justify why women should be happy dating a guy from a lower income bracket when she herself is making a fairly decent salary.

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    • 3mo

      Exactly! I'm currently single and financially independent. I pay for my own rent+bills now. I'm not looking for a fuck buddy. I'm looking for a husband and the potential father of my future kids. Financial security is a must when you're trying to raise a family. I don't understand why some naive women refuse to acknowledge that and end up with broke guys. There is also nothing wrong with a traditional woman expecting the guy to be a sole bread winner as long as she takes full responsibility of all the household chores.

    • 3mo

      You realize 70k is way above average right

    • 3mo

      more sexism from myTakeOwner- men have just as much right to be the homemaker.

      god i hate sexism.

  • 3mo

    Having a lot of money doesn't mean much though. I don't have experience with dating, but I always think of my step father when it comes to things like this. My mother had trouble finding someone after she was ready to date again after my dad died. Not too many guys wanted a single mother. My step father came into her life with not much money, but he was willing to be a father to us. They just celebrated their 15th anniversary. He's a hard worker but he definitely doesn't have a lot of money. I admire him a lot for wanting to look out for us.

    There could be a lot of reasons for why someone isn't financially stable. It doesn't mean they are a dead beat. They could have just had a rough time or just got laid off. I grew up poor so I am understanding of why someone might not have a lot of money. I'm not going to turn someone down if we get along well just because they don't have a fat bank account.

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  • 3mo

    Financial stability is great, but there are too many girls who expect a man to provide them with things when they don't really bring all that much to the relationship. If you're a girl who has nothing to offer and expects the world in return, then you probably are a gold digger.

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  • 3mo

    "He is more likely to put a ring on your finger, want to start a family and pay for your dates."

    Yeah sorry, this last statement DEFINITELY makes you a gold digger. Pay for your own stuff.

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    • 3mo

      "A guy with a mediocre job or bumming it at home, even if he is smart, never fully applied himself. That makes him seem lazy, and laziness is a libido killer."

      Alright, so when are you going to get a high-paying job yourself? It's incredibly unrealistic to expect a rich boyfriend, while you contribute almost nothing financially yourself. Guys can do better than you, and they will.

    • 3mo

      any guy with anything on the ball would not take a 2nd look at her.

  • 3mo

    Notice how the only people who disagree with this are uneducated liberals who support Hillary Clinton, and are usually poor because they're lazy? I'm disgusted by the number of women who disagree with this take. Do you hoes want some lazy guy to bum around? I'm dating a 6'5, 350lb guy right now, and my friends think I'm weird because he's obese, and I'm not. However, he's intelligent, 25 years old, has a great job working in computers, and is mature! His downfall is obviously food. He'll eat some crazy 10,000 calories a day, which causes him to have the worst gas imaginable. Anyway I know these girls who date these lowlife losers because they're "hot" and then they complain about it. And I see these answers on this take and these stupid Feminists are idiots. They'll learn some day.

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    • 3mo

      you see guys it all depends on the girl because every girl has different preference. its impossible every girl likes the same type of guy

    • 3mo

      i disagree with this and im a trump supporter. just because a guy is broke and unemployed does not make him lazy or unambitious. its really not up to you if you have a job or not its up to the employer. all you can do is try.

    • 3mo

      Just assuming this is true (And I think this is another troll post), it looks like her boyfriend is on the road to a short life, if he keeps eating the way he does. Let's say his food addiction continues, and he weighs over 400lbs, that's quite heavy, even for being six feet, five inches tall.

      So, you tell me what's worse: A man putting his health SEVERELY at risk, OR a man who struggles financially, but is able to take care of himself?

  • 3mo

    Well, I agreed with your title, but that's about it. You sound like a secret gold-digger to be honest. My boyfriend is the most tenacious, ambitious person I know at the moment, and we're both broke. He makes $10.00 at a factory, and works overtime hours. The reason he didn't go to college is because he couldn't afford to. He has tried to find a better job, but since he's not White (He's Black), and has no degree, he can't find a better job. He has tired everything. There are weeks he works 7 days a week, and I barely see him. Meanwhile I see rich white college frat boys use their parents money to buy everything and never work. Ever.

    I was raised in a poor, but close family. Money has nothing to do with that either. And a "stable" man is more likely to commit? Uh, rich guys are actually the biggest cheaters, since they have the most opportunities. I'm going to assume you're a rich white sorority girl, right? Notice how all gold diggers are whites girls? Sorry, but it's not racist, it's the truth.

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    • 3mo

      Why do so many black women have des beat baby daddies? A serious question...

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    • 3mo

      Haha no. I think it's obvious black women are more likely to have deadbeat baby daddies than any other race.

    • 3mo

      a guy who works is not a dead beat.

  • 3mo

    Not all msrriges end because of money a lot are from infidelity as well. Having money makes you stable but if there is a problem between husband and wife the family is not going to. stay happy. There is nothing wrong with wanting a man to be stable and holding his own. But you do know that a lot of them do start from. the bottom to get to the top. A broken home can happen regardless if you have money. And there are some wealthy guys who don't want to commit because they have the money to do what they want when they want to. If you require this in a man a lot of them are going to look at what can she bring to the table and can she told her own as well. Guys are doing the same thing nowadays.

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  • 3mo

    BUT - you better be able to pull your own weight lest you become a ball & chain and not a life partner for better things.

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    • 3mo

      When women stayed at home, they WORKED there. I don't mean over decorating for every holiday and making Pinterest crafts with the kiddos.

      The raised gardens, canned, mended clothes, took care of chickens, chopped wood, etc.

  • 3mo

    "Not being financially stressed out makes for a better mommy and family dynamic."

    totally agree, because we never hear about dyfuctional wealth families. never ever. and the mommies are especially great in those situations. the whole 10 minutes they take their kids of the nannies hands are real quality time that'll turn those kids into upstanding members of society someday. hmm.. ok. ;)

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    • 3mo

      true men who make better money are more likely to commit, but their also much more likely to cheat, a lot.

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    • 3mo

      @thewanderingme I was thinking the same thing. I know several wealthy families where the parents basically never mingle with their kids, or everyone is a fighting mess. This MyTake Owner is probably a troll anyway.

    • 3mo

      @BlackGirl23 indeed... money fucks up priorities.

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