My Dating Standards, From Health to Respect of Animals

You may wonder why this isn't a poll question, but I thought I'd get more replies in a Take; and I'd be able to type more. I'm also interested in what others seek in a partner. Here's my list:

Health and Safety

I mean no disrespect, but these are just my personal values.

Alcohol intoxication, smoking (tobacco or weed), vaping and tanning are deal-breakers for me: I want a woman who'll be there with AND for me for as much time in this life as she and I have, so I won't date girls who harm their health for fun or because they think they can "look better". There may be debate on whether or not some of those things are indeed bad for you, and I only voiced my *opinion* on them, so I leave that up to you.

I spoke of health in the above paragraph: as far as safety, neither am I interested in girls who don't wear helmets when they bike/skate, who don't wear seat belts, nor who text while driving. The sad thing is that I didn't think the seat belt part would be an issue, but there's a girl I've been having high interest in for a while... Interest that decreased when I rode in her vehicle to help her unpack things in her new house, and noticed when she went into a convenience store that she didn't wear her seat belt - and she returned onto the road without clicking it, but did when I said "Are you going to wear your seat belt?"

However, I eventually considered that she's been very busy working full-time, studying full-time and moving things into her house and unpacking them (thus also very tired, further indicated by the energy drinks she bought), and I grant her that she *may* not have thought about her seat belt for those reasons: no one's perfect, but that was a few days ago and I haven't yet had the chance to ask and be sure, given her aforementioned busy schedule.

Looking back, the helmet, seat belt and texting things are all road-affiliated: and fittingly, for if she refuses to do something as simple as those things (or for the texting while driving, NOT doing it), I'd more than likely have bigger problems down the road with her - maybe literally. *At least* if you get drunk/stoned, it's recreational: I believe that disregard for your helmet or seat belt because you "don't want to wear it" and disregard for attention to the road are plain and simply among the purest forms of utter disregard for your well-being.

Bigotry

One type of female who's as low on my list as she can get is a bigot: it tells me a LOT about her character not only when she acts inconsiderate and snobby toward others, but also when she *views* people in the same manner. I won't date any girl who's racist, xenophobic, anti-Muslim, cop-hating, homophobic, transphobic, nor militant with her LGBT support (especially when it involves Christian-bashing) nor militant with her political nor religious views.

Don't support undocumented immigration? Okay, but don't spread hate against people who want better for themselves and their families NOR against the ENTIRE race of those people. What about radical Islam? It is an issue, but don't trash a whole religious group for the violent acts of a few. Don't believe in homosexuality nor being transgender? That's fine, but refer to "love thy neighbor" instead of throwing ANY stones. Support homosexuality and being transgender? Awesome, but leave the bigot-shaming OUT of your debates with people who think contrarily (thus also ruining your own causes).

Not necessarily hatred, but it'd also tick me off to see her park in handicapped lots if she doesn't have anyone physically disabled in the vehicle; or if we're out and we see an older person working a low-wage job and she says something like "THAT's why you should stay in college", that bit of classism will make me think less of her as well; or if she's the anti-U.S.A. type, burning the flag and such to defile the nation I was born and raised in... Also no. Oh, and girls who call themselves 'bitch'... let alone 'bad bitch'. Yuck.

Having mentioned all of that, there's a form of bigotry I feel I should address with its own heading...

Man-hitters, & defenders of man-hitters

The first people to cry out at the top of their lungs that men should NEVER hit women are women who hit men. Oftentimes, the woman will count on the social stigma of the man hitting her back to get away with it just because he "pissed her off", and people will give her a free pass - if the genders were reversed, society nor the judge will accept "she pissed me off" as justification. Women hitting men, shielding themselves with the mentioned stigma on the man's behalf, is just as much an act of cowardice in the purest form as men hitting women because they're smaller.

As for instances in which a girl hitting a guy will even be commended, such as him calling her a racist slur, him cheating on her, or him making up and spreading a dirty rumor about her, guys would be viewed as monsters for hitting girls for any of those same reasons; and for ANY reason, period. People commonly make the "men can do more damage to a woman" argument, but when a woman hits a man, she's not doing it "gently" nor "not too hard"... She's trying to make it hurt as much as she can (even if it involves using hefty objects), just like a man who hits a woman. So she has no care for causing serious injury to him, and neither does society appear to if she does as long as *she's* fine.

It goes far beyond women treating men like objects when they're angry: it normalizes domestic abuse committed by women against men. Men assaulting their girlfriends/wives should NEVER be justified NOR tolerated: I don't care how irate he is over ANYTHING she said or did. Same goes for girls assaulting their boyfriends/husbands: I don't care how offended she is that her boyfriend called her a slut while he was playing around with her, I don't care how angry she is that he called her a bitch in the heat of an intense argument - I don't even care if he, nor if she, forgets and leaves his/her baby in the vehicle during a hot day while (s)he went inside the grocery store to grab a gallon of milk for a dinner recipe.

To be romantically involved with someone, it takes the maturity of resolving issues (minor or major) with communication instead of thinking with your hands, and using your hands won't undo any mistake that your partner's made - no matter how big of a mistake (s)he made. This goes for man-&-man and woman-&-woman relationships too, not just man-&-woman relationships: assaulting your partner is abuse.

To sum it up, I'll make it clear to any girl I date how I feel about hitting in the relationship: so if she still assaults me, that'll be the end of it. I'll never date any girl who will treat my gender as punching and slapping bags of human meat for her own gender to physically vent their aggravations on for any reasons that they see fit; and any girl who laughs along with her as she does it, even if she doesn't physically partake herself, I'll have just as little respect for as far as maturity, class, intelligence and compassion in a potential partner. If a girl expects a guy to have enough integrity to not hit her back, she should speak to him instead.

So as to not misinterpret myself, do I believe that a woman hitting a man is EVER justifiable? Yes, if he hit her first or if he sexually harassed her physically. Any man who violates a woman physically should be prepared to be responded to in self-defense. That happens to also go for hitting in general, and for women who instigate violence/physical sexual harassment on men - because, after all, women hurting (and raping) men *IS* existent.

I wouldn't have it in me to use physical retaliation toward anyone, unless it's in *last-resort* self-defense; but for anyone who'd call a man a wife-beater in the circumstance of him hitting a woman who hit him first, she would've deserved none other than the courtesy for the housewife if she tried to resolve a problem without violence: but she chose to act like a thug instead, and while I'm not TELLING anyone to hit anyone back, she'll have no sympathy from me if she gets treated like a thug. Because you can't make a thug a housewife, right?

Animals

This may sound random, but half of it is on account of my pursuit for an animal conservation career; the other half is pertained to an animal I want to have as pets someday; and both are due to my all-time love of animals.

Though not the animal I'm pursuing a conservation career for (that'd be flying foxes, from my long list of options that was VERY hard to narrow down to just one option), one of my largest pet peeves is when people base animosity toward hyenas on "The Lion King" or misconceptions that I disprove. It's one thing to be unfamiliar with hyenas beyond movies like "The Lion King" and "Life of Pi" and such stereotypes as "they only steal food from other predators" that they may have heard about them; but if I try to explain to a girl why hyenas aren't the "nasty and worthless brutes" that she thinks they are and she still dismisses me, then forgive me if I sound arrogant, but she'll be too small- and closed-minded for me to hold a stable relationship with.

Next up, let's talk domestic rats. I've had interest in conservation work for an animal that doesn't get the awareness that animals like elephants, tigers, etc. get; and for pets, I have interest in ones that get greater undeserved animosity. I mean, as much as I'd love to have as many animals as I want, I can't.

So many people look at pet rats and think "EWW", immediately affiliating them with wild rats and spouting crud off like "They'll give you germs!": but many of those people will jump in defense of pit bulls whenever there's a news story about a pit bull tearing a child's throat out, saying "NOT ALL pit bulls are deadly!!" Though the biggest thing to be cautious of with pet rats is rat bite fever, you're just as likely (if not even more so) to get it from an outdoor dog or cat if it bites or scratches you; let alone the other diseases that could be in a dog's mouth whenever it slobberly licks you.

It saddens me just as much that so many people hate snakes and spiders so much, and I also want to have snakes and tarantulas as pets someday for that reason. I'd appreciate a female more who still respects snakes and spiders instead of hating them, but I suppose that everyone has at least one animal they think little of (like there are people who hate cats and who hate dogs); so I suppose I should get used to it. Hating an animal because of fear, however much I don't like it, is at least a reason - as opposed to hating an animal for practically no reason whatsoever. But perhaps she can look at my snakes and spiders and have more respect for them, since they're *my* animal babies. :)


2|5
7|11

Join the discussion

0/2500

Submit

What Girls Said 7

  • 2d

    well done.

    0|0
    0|0
  • 1mo

    I am guilty of the very occasional drink but other then that I don't smoke, do drugs, vapping (I had to look up what this was) or tanning. I use a helmet when biking and sking (if not in a rink... I don't use a helmet in a skating rink) always where a seat belt and I don't text ever or talk on the phone when driving ( I normally don't even have my phone with me). I also hate class-ism and racism and the like.
    I actually love spiders... I catch them at home and research what they are before letting them go :D
    I am a vegetarian and have recently started to cut out products that test on animals... I have already switched out a handful of things.
    I couldn't date a guy who's views were too far off from mine or a guy who didn't read or appreciate art :D

    0|0
    0|0
  • 1mo

    i'd date you... <3 you rock dude!

    0|0
    0|0
  • 1mo

    Well, you're a pretty sensitive guy. That's fo' sho.

    1|0
    0|0
    • 1mo

      Define 'sensitive', lol.

    • Show All
    • 27d

      "Sensitive"... yeah, that's a nice way to put it.

    • 27d

      Why do you think I am?

  • 1mo

    Kindness to animals is on my list as well. I don't like snakes, but I love rats. I want one myself. My dog is actually pretty good with rodents too so I could see it happening

    0|0
    0|0
  • 1mo

    i agree with everything you said. violence is not a reasonable response for either gender, and i would never date someone who is a bigot or who didn't like animals.

    i don't trust a person who doesn't like animals, but i sure as hell trust an animal when it doesn't like a person.

    0|0
    0|0
  • 1mo

    I agree about the animals. When people act prissy and won't touch a dog or say all domestic rats are nasty or say the only good snake is a dead snake... I'm like *byeeeeee... with your tiny mind* I tried to date a guy who acted so prissy and small minded about the other species on this planet. Never again.
    And I agree, no abusing men or being a bigot.

    0|1
    0|0

What Guys Said 11

  • 1mo

    You have really good dating standards. I used to have the same before I became celibate.

    0|1
    0|0
  • 28d

    I'LL SAY WHATEVER THE HECK I WANT
    THUG LIFE LOL

    0|2
    0|0
  • 28d

    Your take on animals really is a bit over the top. It should be expected that any normal American woman will probably get freaked out at the sight of spiders, snakes alligators, etc.,... This isn't an issue that should be a deal breaker for you unless she's some kind of crazy animal killer or something. If she abuses animals then she'll probably abuse you as well. So what if you wife can't handle having a pet boa constrictor in the house.

    If you really like animals then you should start off by adopting dogs and especially cats; and then get your pet rats and snakes later. FYI, far to many cats get euthanized needlessly and this is a national tragedy. Snakes, rats and spiders can survive in the wild but cats live longer and are happier in a loving domestic environment. The problem is that we have many more adoptable cats living in shelters than we have people who can and will adopt them. The slaughter of our domestic cat population is an absolute crime. If you care about animals than saving the lives of adoptable domestic cats should be your first priority. IMHO, of course...

    0|0
    0|0
    • 27d

      I didn't say that the fear of snakes and/or spiders was a dealbreaker. And I'm actually interested in adopting macaws someday, since they're facing a crisis of their own in rescues (not without getting some experience caring for them beforehand).

      People who get cats have a better idea of how to care for them; as opposed to people who get macaws, not knowing that it takes more advanced care than for cockatiels and budgerigars. I don't know how that's actually going to work out, though, as far as neighbors since they're so loud.

    • Show All
    • 26d

      Macaws should be fine if you own a house. Good pet! The more the merrier...

    • 26d

      With screams like this, I hope you're right about macaws. Lol. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHTc603tUhQ

  • 1mo

    Nice take friend.
    Nice points and pretty logical

    0|0
    0|0
  • 1mo

    I don't get pets; because I don't have faith in myself to care for them properly. I have a hard enough time keeping a houseplant alive. Doesn't help when I discover that the retailer failed to mention the plant has developed an incurable blight, and now I'm suddenly having to trim off blight spots to slow infection to the rest of the organism.

    Yeah, if they could sell me a plant that doesn't have cancer, that'd be great.

    0|0
    0|0
  • 1mo

    Excellent mytake, I agree 100%.

    0|1
    0|0
  • 1mo

    Good take - A lot of your list would be on my list but maybe more in the turn off category rather than the dealbreaker area.

    0|0
    0|0
  • 1mo

    I reject this whole women who abusing men phenomena. Next we're going to have movements to protect parents from their children. I'm sorry, if you're five year old slaps you, throw the turd maker in timeout; if your girlfriend "abuses" you, leave her or step it up a notch.

    0|0
    0|0
    • 1mo

      Define, "step it up a notch."

    • Show All
    • 27d

      FYI, 50% of dating violence and domestic violence is started by women. If you really think that a woman can't hurt you then I have a stack of medical records that say you're wrong. Female on male violence is a real issue and I'm glad to see the OP calling it out.

    • 27d

      @castratedwhiteguy Okay. It's never happen to me and it never will. Just saying. If you want to let your girl beat your ass.
      I'm still waiting on the children violence against their parents movement.

  • 1mo

    You have good standards, great framework. I agree through and through. You sure have your work cut out for you, though. Those gems are not that easy come by.

    0|0
    0|0
  • 1mo

    I'd date you!

    0|0
    0|0
  • 1mo

    Wait your okay with girlfriend a slut?

    0|0
    0|0
    • 1mo

      What do you mean?

    • Show All
    • 1mo

      How would you define a slut?

    • 26d

      I made a Part II (it'll explain why in the first paragraph), if you want to read it and tell me what you think of it too.

      www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a32596-my-dating-standards-part-ii

Loading...