6 Reasons Why I'll Never Date a Guy Who Doesn't Want Kids

I know there have been a lot of myTakes recently about how girls DON'T want children. And how they don't care about dating guys who do want kids. That's all fine. Do what you want, you're entitled.

However, I thought it'd be nice to have a perspective from a woman who does want children, and who will never date any guy who doesn't want them.

6 Reasons Why I'll Never Date a Guy Who Doesn't Want Kids

1. Guys who want kids generally ARE kinder and gentler

I know it's a stereotype to say that men who like kids are "softer" or whatever. And it's wrong to say that just because a guy likes children he's somehow less of a manly man. But in my experience, it's absolutely true that men who don't want kids seem colder, more distant, more stand-off-ish. That's just the way they come across to me.

2. I'm 31 and if you don't want kids, you're wasting my time

Maybe when I was 20 and the guy wasn't sure about wanting a family, I'd date him to see if he might change his mind. But I don't have time for that anymore. My biological clock is starting to tick and I want a husband and a father, so there's no point in me dating you if you've flat-out said you don't want kids. Hell, at this point, I don't want to date anyone unless they're 100% certain they do want a family.

3. Kids do something to me...something good

Every time I'm around kids, I ache. Most of my friends have kids now and all I ever want to do is babysit them. I want to be around them, hear their laughter, see them fooling around, etc. I want all this because I know I want to be a mother; it's just something I was always meant to do. Parenting is both a responsibility and a gift and while it may not be everyone's bag, I know it's mine. So sue me.

4. I don't want to be an old lady and have no children or grandchildren

Once I passed 30, I really started to take stock of my life. I looked down the road and envisioned the future. I saw this dried-up old hag with no family, who was just plain miserable and felt as if she'd wasted her entire life. I will not allow that to happen. Even if I can't have biological children (and I believe I can), I will adopt. One way or another, I will have a family and I won't be haunted by that tragic old lady in the future.

5. Family memories are the best

All my best memories come from my family. I grew up in a big family (three brothers and two sisters) and we just had one of those wonderfully idyllic childhoods. You know all those cliched memories, like everyone huddling under a blanket on a winter's night in front of the fireplace, or those reams of family vacation photos adorning every wall? I'm familiar with them all and it's long past time I created some of my own.

6. Guys who don't want kids seem to be way more selfish in bed

Again, another personal observation so don't leap down my throat. In my experience, guys who don't want kids really aren't great lovers; they're all "me, me, me" in the sack. Maybe that's part of the reason why other people accuse them of being selfish when they say they don't want a family...? I don't know. All I know is that my best lovers have always been guys who wanted kids as ardently as I, and that's important to me.


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What Guys Said 44

  • 3mo

    What's interesting for me to see is how many women claim they don't want kids, but when they reach your age that opinion often changes...

    Anyways, you're making unfair generalizations. Just because you're reaching the wall, and want to settle with a man who wants kids in which, sure, you're in your right to do so, you can't claim all the other men are jerks and lazy in bed.

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    • 3mo

      It's kind of like how women shame men in their age range for going younger when they went for older more establish men when they were younger.

      blob:http://imgur. com/e8140e0b-dc09-440c-8606-f77dc962da9c

      Tick tock biological clock.

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    • 3mo

      @madhatters4 Ok, lets go straight to it, she. is using "in her experience" to label all like that. I liked one of the other comments here from a girl, because really, it comes down to this:

      "The main reason that I won't date a guy who doesn't want kids is that it will cause future conflict when I'm ready to start having them and he isn't. We have different life paths/goals that are not compatible."

      Everything else she said about men. who don't want kids it's unfair because she is projecting. Her "experience" with them is simply a way to make all men who don't want kids look bad.

    • 3mo

      Don, t worry after sometime, You will start to love kids every one wants to pass their awesome genes to next gen.

  • 3mo

    1 and 6 are not true. Psychological inquiry isn't (and shouldn't be) based on personal observations.

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  • 3mo

    Great Take. I feel the same way about girls that don't want kids. I could never date them, even now that I don't want kids yet, I still want to date a woman thay wants them in the future.
    Kids are a goal life of mine that I can't just say no to that.

    I hope you find a man and have kids with him. Best of luck :)

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  • 2mo

    hun i want 19 kids lets go lol :)

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  • 2mo

    Lol First is not true cos there are guys that dont like way world is and dotn think life is something enjoyable and beautiful so why would i want to bring someone to this world to "suffer" and this is not mentality of unkind person its probably more kind and empatic than almost everyone.
    Why would that he dont like kids or that he is not happier and kinder when he is amoungh kids? That he is not enjoying their sillines...
    6. Really? It all depends on person...

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  • 2mo

    Lol. I don't know what to say about this other than I believe you. But there are a lot of legit reasons why a person might not want kids. First, look at this country. Look at this world. Do you really want to bring kids into this crap? Do you know why the guy doesn't want kids? Maybe his childhood was traumatic. Maybe there is a history of mental illness in his family and he doesn't want to bring an unhappy kid into the world. Also, would you be open to adoption?

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  • 3mo

    Be aware of the fact that you may not even like the man you had children with a few years down the road , I'm a single dad & binned my ex as I had enough of her , this is one of the main reasons having children is not for everyone , proceed with caution.

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  • 3mo

    Excellent take! But you've certainly attracted a lot of bitter guys here.

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  • 3mo

    God bless you! People need to have children, and people need to remain committed in their relationships. Too many children are born with only one parent around. It is a delusion that escaping marriage will give you freedom to be truly happy. The truth is, our grandparents were much better at being happy.

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    • 3mo

      I think otherwise, if someone don't ever want children then either sterilize or keep using contraception. Better to be responsible about it than having an unplanned for pregnancy or an unexpected pre

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    • 3mo

      @plinkett

      As long as you don't meant that a society that forces people to reproduce and procreate when they absolutely don't want to. Having children aren't for everyone. It is a "want" not a "need".

      If you want the real truth, it's "emptiness", everyone and everything will eventually cease to exist, and that all births will inevitably lead to deaths. But we procreate to always try and deny the possibility of extinction and yet we are only temporary, very vulnerable and very fragile no matter what we do. if people marry for the right reason and marry because they are certain they are right for each other, then great, I'm sure they'll stay together no matter what happens. Otherwise if they have a really bad and nasty split or divorce, guess who pays the ultimate price for their failures? That's right, their children. It would probably be best of both parties made sure they are "right" for each other before rushing and jumping on the bandwagon and follow the crowd of blindly

    • 3mo

      follow the crowd blindly of having kids just because someone else such as their co-workers, friends, other family members and relatives without having the proper understanding that it's a serious commitment, that it requires the proper planning and readiness and willingness of both parents to work together and provide the best possible environment for their children to thrive and grow up in.

  • 3mo

    why didn't you think of this ten years ago? at 31 you're kind of putting unfair pressure on a guy.

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  • 3mo

    fine you win, how many kids do you want from me?

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  • 3mo

    I don't want to procreate kids: I'd be very paranoid of anything going wrong with a being during the time of his/her life in which she's most helpless and dependent on me; it makes me sad hearing babies and little kids cry; and I don't want to bring anyone into a piece-of-shit reality that they never asked to be a part of {but I know that a vast majority of people don't see the world so pessimistically as I do in regards to having kids}.

    Yet, I wouldn't mind adopting three kids. What I said about paranoia and crying apply - for *me* - more to having kids who are biological, since I'd prefer to adopt two kids who'd be 3-6 years older than a newly born baby, and another who's at least 13. But even at that, I really don't know how decent of a father I'd be; and if I have to *think* of a GUESS, I'd probably be better off without kids (and the kids better off without me as a father, but I don't know).

    I'd like having adopted kids for two reasons. I'm an animal person above anything else as far as my fascinations and hobbies go, and I'm pursuing a tuna conservation career - tuna decided on from my list of options of animals that don't get the conservation awareness that animals like elephants, tigers and etc. get. It'd be a major accomplishment for me to have raised kids to potentially pursue wildlife conservation careers themselves for some of the animals that I had on my list, to not fear snakes nor spiders and to respect them and other animals that are commonly scorned at for following their natural instincts to survive: cockroaches, mice and rats, etc.

    Also, if my soul mate dies before I do, having adopted children who we raised together will help me cope - especially if the sad scenario happens where she passes while at least one child hasn't moved out yet - as I'll have a big piece of her that'll still be alive because of it; I do believe that she'll be in Heaven and that I'll be there with her someday, but I'm speaking in regards to living the rest of my life without her: it wouldn't be possible for me to love her any more nor less than my kids.

    On the other hand, if I decide that I'm not up for the task of fatherhood, I'll still have my animal kids that I'll love with the same passion as I would human kids... because I sure as heck want pets. Being kid-free would at least leave me with more time and $$$ for adopted animals, and that may even be a reason for me to not WANT kids for all I know. Only time will tell whether or not I want humans for kids.

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    • 3mo

      Are you an Anti-Natalist also? Because you sure sound like it buddy.

  • 3mo

    1. Guys who want kids generally ARE kinder and gentler
    FALSE: See Jerry Sandusky, Michael Jackson, Flava Flav, Adrian Petersen,

    2. I'm 31 and if you don't want kids, you're wasting my time
    Then be financially prepared to support them or go to a sperm bank. Sounds like you want a checkbook to finance the kid more than a husband.

    3. Kids do something to me... something good
    They can do lots of bad things too. Do parents brag about home damage, bills, lawyer fees, acting out, messes, drugs, sexting, hookey, sex. Some just give up. Like Miley Cyrus' father...

    4. I don't want to be an old lady and have no children or grandchildren
    OK. Adopt a teenager or find some other purpose in your life.

    5. Family memories are the best
    Break that tradtion and create new memories. Travel more. Break out of your shell.

    6. Guys who don't want kids seem to be way more selfish in bed
    Date up, not down.

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  • 3mo

    This is why I love to hook-up with twats my age and let them think it's "leading somewhere." I string them along for a few months of sex, then dump them over something silly that I blow out of proportion. Haha. Fuck these cunts. Hit that Wall. Enjoy your cats, cause you ain't getting a baby from MY nutsack!

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  • 3mo

    One reason I never dated women who didn't want kids when I was single.

    1) I wanted kids.

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    • 3mo

      That's pretty much a staple big deal breaker. When someone wants children and offspring and the other person don't that's automatically incompatible more or less. Although I've heard some really rare cases some couples end up together and made sacrifices for the other partner that did not want children, but they had big negotiations and compromises to make prior to the wedding or something.

    • 3mo

      @JudgmentDay I bet that's pretty rare though, it would be interesting to see how to see how the compromises measure up.

  • 3mo

    I think people should stop reproducing and walk hand-in-hand into extinction. We've done nothing but destroy the planet and everything good in it.

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    • 3mo

      If I wanted to procreate (which I don't), I'd have China's two-maximum policy for having biological kids.

    • 3mo

      I similar once I had realized the truth. I believe humans are inherently evil for most part and is very easy to tempt and corrupt no matter what. It is entirely in our very nature to destroy ourselves, our world and everything else within it. The more balance we create or even try and create the MORE UNBALANCE that there is!

      There's also a total absence of fairness or justice in this world. The truth is that it's also an illusion or delusion and that those that have the authority and hold the power or positions of power and great wealth and fortune easily have the law and judges on their side. The whole fucking system is corrupted badly and rigged where everyone at the top, the elite ruling class are like the king and queens on a chessboard and everybody else like you and me the commoners, regular people or "peasants" are just a bunch of pawns on the chessboard. We regular common people are really just expendable to them, and we serve them because they are the system.

    • 3mo

      @JudgmentDay We meet again! Well said, I agree with everything you said 👌👏

  • 3mo

    Kids are awesome!

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  • 3mo

    A guy who doesn't want kids will spend eternity building his dynasty alone.

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  • 3mo

    Wow.. I dont want kids, but if I ever fall in this so called "love" and she really wants one, and we can afford to , and have time to ourselves. Takes so much time, money, and ebergy to have kids. I love my friends kids so much.
    1- im kind and gentle
    2- sure
    3- kids scream a lot , and get tantrums
    4- Well, I just dont want to die alone
    5- family memories are good, but what about with frirends, sweep those memories under the rug? I can't picture my life without my friends.
    6- oh Im not selfish at all, if anything Id give too much and not recieve enough. And when you have kids , prepare to have sex like once a year, do 6 becomes invaild lol.

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    • 3mo

      Sex is not as spontaneous but it can still be pretty regular. Of course that's after the baby is in a regular sleeping pattern, which can take 1-4 months.

  • 3mo

    i respect that its your choice
    but to me kids can go to hell

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What Girls Said 21

  • 3mo

    excellent take!!! a guy who doesn't want kid is a deal breaker to me too

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  • 3mo

    All of these are true - generally speaking, for the majority. =)

    Yup, I agree.

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  • 3mo

    The main reason that I won't date a guy who doesn't want kids is that it will cause future conflict when I'm ready to start having them and he isn't. We have different life paths/goals that are not compatible.

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  • 3mo

    Can't say I agree with 1 and 6 at all... my current partner is by far the kindest, gentlest and most generous in bed of any guy I've ever date. He also happens to be the only one who hasn't tried to convince me to change my mind about not wanting kids.

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  • 2mo

    I like this. I want kids too and while I'm super young and not in a hurry, I agree with you. Why date a guy who never ever wants kids? Why would I do that? It's wasting my time. I'm seeing a lot of guys comment that they don't want to bring a child into this miserable world. While I see their point, I would never have children with a pessimist. My father is and having a positive conversation with him is a shit show. There is fucked up shit, I know, but I see the positivity that people overlook. That's enough for me to have children. Plus I plan to adopt too, those children exist regardless so what's your point there? If you don't wan children, why do you care about what a woman with children thinks? It's common fucking sense. She said she finds men who want kids to be kinder, so you flip out and write an angry comment about how much you hate children?

    You just proved her point. You played yourself.

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  • 3mo

    There is only one LEGITIMATE reason why a woman would never date a man who doesn't want kids: because she wants kids! Same rule applies vice versa.

    If you want kids, it's very important that you date someone who also wants them! If you don't want kids, it's very important that you date someone who also doesn't want them!

    There are some things in life that are too big to be compromised on. It's one thing if both of you are on the fence. But if you already know whether you ever want to start a family or not, you HAVE to be with someone who shares that viewpoint. Otherwise, one of you is going to end up having your life go in a direction you already knew you didn't want it to go in---which will only result in resentment.

    So, in review, this whole MyTake about six crappy, baseless reasons as to why you'll never date a guy who doesn't want kids is garbage, as the only real reason is simply because you want them!

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  • 3mo

    True I mean I want six or more kids and if the guy I date doesn't want any then he can go and find some one new or pay me back the minutes of my time he wasted (obviously not possible).

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  • 3mo

    Jim not wanting kids is enough reason s for me an ultimate deal breaker. It would suck to find someone you love and feel connected with only to find out he has no interest in raising a family.

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  • 3mo

    You're entitled to your opinion. I have two kids and I can't imagine my life without them.

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  • 3mo

    Just because a guy doesn't want to have kids doesn't automatically mean he's a selfish, unkind person. Not everyone is meant to be a parent and kids are difficult to put up with.

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  • 3mo

    You really could've ended this with "I want kids and we're not compatible." and not went on to insult guys for not giving you what you want.

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  • 3mo

    1 &6] bullshit
    3] good for you
    4] so you rather be old and broke?
    "Dried up hag with no family"
    so your husband or potential husband isn't family?

    Good to know you HAVE to have kids with someone to be loved and have a family and that your spouse isn't family enough [see: spouse isn't good enough]

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  • 3mo

    I normally am not one to be all smoochy about the idea of kids, but reading this truly made me understand your reasons and where you come from. I can understand all of your reasons, except 6 becuase I just never heard of that idea before.

    I can understand the idea of a man being gentler, softer, and more lovelier if he were to prefer kids, becuase it's the idea that as a father, a man is selfless, sacrificial, provides for his family's needs, etc. He will put all of his energy, investments, and responsibilities ahead of himself for his family. So, that's understandable.

    Being an old lady at the end of your life can be very frightening, especially if you have no one to pass things down to. It's like if you die, everything with you does, or it'd be auctioned off somewhere or just thrown away. For me, I planned to be a Golden Girl. I want old friends to live with like on that TV show.

    Family Memories was my most favorite. I just turned 30 and I find myself trying to go back in time. I visited the apartments where I grew up and had a really huge nostalgia affect on me. Memories are a gift and when children are in it, it's richer. That, I can understand.

    Good list!

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  • 3mo

    Thinking about memories of my boyfriend and how attentive he is in bed when he visits. How gentle he is. And how much he wants kids. <3 gentle guys are the best

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  • 3mo

    My fiance doesn't want kids and he's the most giving, generous, rational, mature guy I know.. that might be your personal experience but I think science suggests that men who don't want to have children are usually more intelligent.

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  • 3mo

    1 Reason Why I'd Be Happy to Date a Guy Who Doesn't Want Kids: I fucking hate kids.

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  • 3mo

    I completely agree with you. Especially number two. I worked at a daycare for 4 years and their spirits are always so uplifting. They're so naive and aren't aware of all the bad in the world yet.

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  • 3mo

    #1, #4, and #6 are not true for me; my man and i are child-free by choice, and he's the sweetest, most gentle soul i've ever had the pleasure of knowing. he's also the best i've ever had in bed, because he's the only guy i've been with who gave a damn about my needs.

    if a guy is "me, me, me" in the sack, it usually means that he's only using you for sex and has no interest in a relationship with you.

    i grew up in a big family (i'm the oldest of 4 kids and 15 grandkids), so i can understand #5; that's why, when i was younger, i wanted a big family too. it was only in my early 20s that i realized kids weren't for me; not because i'm selfish or unfeminine, but because they don't fit into my life plan, now or ever.

    i'm a big kid myself and will always be. but we have 6 nieces and nephews between us~ we love them dearly, but we also love our freedom, and that's okay too.

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    • 3mo

      Childfree by choice is actually more "generous" than "selfish". If you look at it from an Anti-Natalist's perspective on how this world and reality really is everyone that had been brought into existence will suffer harm that they never wanted nor asked for in the very first place, you will realize the truth or the whole paradox of selfishness on choices of whether to be a parent or to never be a parent.

      By not procreating and having any biological children you had just saved someone all the fucking miseries, disappointments, pain, illnesses, and an inevitable death!

    • 3mo

      @JudgmentDay And they call us childfree people selfish :P The irony. Stupid people are going to remain stupid. We are freaking heroes for some souls, who would have otherwise been existed on here.

    • 3mo

      @Unit1

      That's why I think it's really a paradox.

      I get that some childfree people may be childfree by choice solely because they absolutely hate kids or because they absolutely want to live a completely hedonistic and care-free lifestyle, as logically that can be considered "selfish". But who gives a fuck? Their life, their choice, their path. Nobody can fucking control or own anyone else and make them follow and conform to what they judge or considered to not be "selfish".

      But to me, the whole "concepts" of selfishness are subjective, paradoxical, and even merely delusional. People are going to be people they always want to judge this or judge that, but the judgements and opinions we have of this or that is just all in our fucking minds!

      Selfishness to me is really just another delusion. After all whom or what established the "concepts" of selfishness?

      That's right. It's us. The humans, again.

  • 3mo

    Wow! You're a great writer! Neat article. Assertive, clear, and to the point.

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  • 3mo

    Sadly I have known more men with kids who are more selfish than those that dont. I think being selfish is just part of someones personality not on if they want kids or not.

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