6 Reasons Why I'll Never Date a Guy Who Doesn't Want Kids

[cotton]

I know there have been a lot of myTakes recently about how girls DON'T want children. And how they don't care about dating guys who do want kids. That's all fine. Do what you want, you're entitled.

However, I thought it'd be nice to have a perspective from a woman who does want children, and who will never date any guy who doesn't want them.

1. Guys who want kids generally ARE kinder and gentler

I know it's a stereotype to say that men who like kids are "softer" or whatever. And it's wrong to say that just because a guy likes children he's somehow less of a manly man. But in my experience, it's absolutely true that men who don't want kids seem colder, more distant, more stand-off-ish. That's just the way they come across to me.

2. I'm 31 and if you don't want kids, you're wasting my time

Maybe when I was 20 and the guy wasn't sure about wanting a family, I'd date him to see if he might change his mind. But I don't have time for that anymore. My biological clock is starting to tick and I want a husband and a father, so there's no point in me dating you if you've flat-out said you don't want kids. Hell, at this point, I don't want to date anyone unless they're 100% certain they do want a family.

3. Kids do something to me...something good

Every time I'm around kids, I ache. Most of my friends have kids now and all I ever want to do is babysit them. I want to be around them, hear their laughter, see them fooling around, etc. I want all this because I know I want to be a mother; it's just something I was always meant to do. Parenting is both a responsibility and a gift and while it may not be everyone's bag, I know it's mine. So sue me.

4. I don't want to be an old lady and have no children or grandchildren

Once I passed 30, I really started to take stock of my life. I looked down the road and envisioned the future. I saw this dried-up old hag with no family, who was just plain miserable and felt as if she'd wasted her entire life. I will not allow that to happen. Even if I can't have biological children (and I believe I can), I will adopt. One way or another, I will have a family and I won't be haunted by that tragic old lady in the future.

5. Family memories are the best

All my best memories come from my family. I grew up in a big family (three brothers and two sisters) and we just had one of those wonderfully idyllic childhoods. You know all those cliched memories, like everyone huddling under a blanket on a winter's night in front of the fireplace, or those reams of family vacation photos adorning every wall? I'm familiar with them all and it's long past time I created some of my own.

6. Guys who don't want kids seem to be way more selfish in bed

Again, another personal observation so don't leap down my throat. In my experience, guys who don't want kids really aren't great lovers; they're all "me, me, me" in the sack. Maybe that's part of the reason why other people accuse them of being selfish when they say they don't want a family...? I don't know. All I know is that my best lovers have always been guys who wanted kids as ardently as I, and that's important to me.

[legs_n_sheets]

What's interesting for me to see is how many women claim they don't want kids, but when they reach your age that opinion often changes...

Anyways, you're making unfair generalizations. Just because you're reaching the wall, and want to settle with a man who wants kids in which, sure, you're in your right to do so, you can't claim all the other men are jerks and lazy in bed.

[Lookingforthetruth]

It's kind of like how women shame men in their age range for going younger when they went for older more establish men when they were younger.

blob:https://imgur. com/e8140e0b-dc09-440c-8606-f77dc962da9c

Tick tock biological clock.

[Gommers]

And they wasted the safest years to do it "having fun" by going out, getting drunk, being sluts, and accidentally getting pregnant only to ruin the lives of their future children in the process.

[madhatters4]

she didn't claim all men are jerks and lazy in bed. she said in her personal experience. so that's quite the opposite from generalizing. it is rather ironic that you label her as making unfair generalizations but then you and the two responses to your post do the exact same thing. when she reiterates throughout her post that these are only her opinions based on her own experiences...

i don't disagree with aspects of what you said but just thought it was only fair to point out some of the hypocrisy here

[legs_n_sheets]

@madhatters4 She is claiming all men who don't want kids are lazy in bed, and jerks.

"In my experience, guys who don't want kids really aren't great lovers; they're all "me, me, me" in the sack. "

Sure, she is saying in her experience. But in MY experience is pretty easy to read between the lines here, and know exactly where she is coming from, and how she is projecting her desires onto men. So basically, what she wants makes men who wants the same thing as her "good", and men who don't "lousy". Pretty simple thinking from a woman having her baby fever, isn't it?

[madhatters4]

no she isn't you are insinuating something that is explicitly not there.

in my experience men who don't want kids are lazy and jerks. means very explicitly. among the guys i've had relationships with, nothing more nothing less... you're looking for something that is very explicitly not there. you then you are making generalizations. it's more or less what they call confirmation bias

[Regulatus]

Baby Rabies is a real thing, bro!

[legs_n_sheets]

@madhatters4

"I thought it'd be nice to have a perspective from a woman who does want children, and who will never date any guy who doesn't want them."

"Every time I'm around kids, I ache. Most of my friends have kids now and all I ever want to do is babysit them. I want to be around them, hear their laughter, see them fooling around, etc. I want all this because I know I want to be a mother; it's just something I was always meant to do."

How is what I'm saying "explicitely" not there again?

[legs_n_sheets]

explicitely*

[legs_n_sheets]

Everything here IS explicitely a woman with baby fever projecting her desires onto men.

"One way or another, I will have a family and I won't be haunted by that tragic old lady in the future."

At the same time, even women who couldn't or simply didn't had any children. Like they were some sort of tragic case. I don't think I'm generalizing here, since what she is doing seems pretty explicit for me.

[madhatters4]

but those are not the point i specifically am pointing to. the specific generalization you said was unfair was that guys who don't want babies are jerks and lazy. she never said all guys are. she said in her experience, which is not a generalization by any definition.

but we can stop the back and forth. it's going nowhere and getting away from the point

[legs_n_sheets]

@madhatters4 Ok, lets go straight to it, she. is using "in her experience" to label all like that. I liked one of the other comments here from a girl, because really, it comes down to this:

"The main reason that I won't date a guy who doesn't want kids is that it will cause future conflict when I'm ready to start having them and he isn't. We have different life paths/goals that are not compatible."

Everything else she said about men. who don't want kids it's unfair because she is projecting. Her "experience" with them is simply a way to make all men who don't want kids look bad.

[Darkone1]

Don, t worry after sometime, You will start to love kids every one wants to pass their awesome genes to next gen.

[Anonymous]

Sadly I have known more men with kids who are more selfish than those that dont. I think being selfish is just part of someones personality not on if they want kids or not.

[BlackPantherSpeaks]

Thank God for females like you!!!

[turnpost]

Maybe its because guys who are sleeping around when they already have children are the cheating type.

(The cheating type is probably the selfish type)
selfish only thinking for self
selfish in recieving pleasure. (Most women are recieving lol i dont mind :))

[TylerKuykendall]

I don't want to procreate kids: I'd be very paranoid of anything going wrong with a being during the time of his/her life in which she's most helpless and dependent on me; it makes me sad hearing babies and little kids cry; and I don't want to bring anyone into a piece-of-shit reality that they never asked to be a part of {but I know that a vast majority of people don't see the world so pessimistically as I do in regards to having kids}.

Yet, I wouldn't mind adopting three kids. What I said about paranoia and crying apply - for *me* - more to having kids who are biological, since I'd prefer to adopt two kids who'd be 3-6 years older than a newly born baby, and another who's at least 13. But even at that, I really don't know how decent of a father I'd be; and if I have to *think* of a GUESS, I'd probably be better off without kids (and the kids better off without me as a father, but I don't know).

I'd like having adopted kids for two reasons. I'm an animal person above anything else as far as my fascinations and hobbies go, and I'm pursuing a tuna conservation career - tuna decided on from my list of options of animals that don't get the conservation awareness that animals like elephants, tigers and etc. get. It'd be a major accomplishment for me to have raised kids to potentially pursue wildlife conservation careers themselves for some of the animals that I had on my list, to not fear snakes nor spiders and to respect them and other animals that are commonly scorned at for following their natural instincts to survive: cockroaches, mice and rats, etc.

Also, if my soul mate dies before I do, having adopted children who we raised together will help me cope - especially if the sad scenario happens where she passes while at least one child hasn't moved out yet - as I'll have a big piece of her that'll still be alive because of it; I do believe that she'll be in Heaven and that I'll be there with her someday, but I'm speaking in regards to living the rest of my life without her: it wouldn't be possible for me to love her any more nor less than my kids.

On the other hand, if I decide that I'm not up for the task of fatherhood, I'll still have my animal kids that I'll love with the same passion as I would human kids... because I sure as heck want pets. Being kid-free would at least leave me with more time and $$$ for adopted animals, and that may even be a reason for me to not WANT kids for all I know. Only time will tell whether or not I want humans for kids.

[JudgmentDay]

Are you an Anti-Natalist also? Because you sure sound like it buddy.

[NearlyNapping]

The average age of getting married and having kids has been increasing for a long time now. A lot of younger people today say they don't want kids, but it's really too soon to know that for sure. Some might stick with that belief, but many others will change their minds. For people in their teens and early twenties today, we need to wait another 15-20 years to see what really happens.

Anyway...

#1 Yea, probably true. There is something pretty chill about liking kids and enjoying them. A child walking up, wrapping their arms around your leg, and giving you a hug, is about the best therapy there is. After a long stressful day at work, suddenly all the stress is gone and everything is OK. But then that's coming from someone who didn't raise any kids, but had the benefit of other peoples' kids. Their parents had to deal with temper tantrums while I got to go home. :)

#2 Yep, the female biological clock. More than a stereotype, it's real and very valid. I've seen it many times.

I want to address the whole "alpha" thing that keeps popping up. People have twisted the meaning around to not even be recognizable. If a man gets married, stays married, raises children to adulthood, has a wife and children who respect him, THAT is an alpha. There is nothing more masculine and alpha than raising children and having them respect you when they get older.

[JudgmentDay]

I get the whole "biological clock" thing. But if you can afford it, you can always get your eggs preserved and frozen for later use. Especially if it takes a long time to find the "right" person that you absolutely know you would want to be with and marry. Make sure you are really absolutely positively certain that you are with the "right" person before becoming pregnant or conceiving. Because if something goes wrong with your relationship or marriage after the fact your child has been brought into existence such as a failed marriage that results in a divorce, then your child would be the one to suffer and pay the price of how that all turns out. It's best to be certain about everything and give it time within the first 5-6 years or so of a marriage, plan accordingly in advance PRIOR to getting pregnant. Both partners Need to plan in advance and accordingly and be ready RATHER THAN make plans after the fact a pregnancy had already occured. It's better to wait and see how it goes in the early stages of the marriage first and plan accordingly and should something really don't turn out right in early stages of a marriage or relationship and that both of you had already tried your best to keep the marriage going and save it but can't for any reason it's still easier to split off then than to have brought into existence any additional family members that would have to suffer through the failed marriage and divorce. As both of you would be able to have fresh starts and not any unwanted baggage if something dud actually go wrong in the early stages of the marriage that neither party had originally expected and is not able to fix or change in any way and then no children would have to suffer through their parents' divorce.

[Unit1]

As always JudgmentDay is right again :P :)

[JudgmentDay]

@Unit1

Better to be safe than sorry as the worst case are completely unplanned pregnancies. Because then they will have 3 options, abortion, give the child up for adoption thus abandoning them, or neither of those 2 but the consequences are Not going to be good as then their parents are completely unprepared and unready to face the reality of having an additional family member and thus they may eventually actually totally hate the experience when they have their reality check, but it's too fucking late then since they can't undo and rewind a mistake they've made. It can cause additional problems which may actually and eventually hurt the relationship or marriage and thus resulting in a divorce.

Contraception should ALWAYS be used until both partues are ready to commit and go through the responsibilities of being parents, and have a total understanding and realitu check of it rather than just jump into it for any other reason such as pressures from close friends, family or coworkers

[FashionQueen86]

I normally am not one to be all smoochy about the idea of kids, but reading this truly made me understand your reasons and where you come from. I can understand all of your reasons, except 6 becuase I just never heard of that idea before.

I can understand the idea of a man being gentler, softer, and more lovelier if he were to prefer kids, becuase it's the idea that as a father, a man is selfless, sacrificial, provides for his family's needs, etc. He will put all of his energy, investments, and responsibilities ahead of himself for his family. So, that's understandable.

Being an old lady at the end of your life can be very frightening, especially if you have no one to pass things down to. It's like if you die, everything with you does, or it'd be auctioned off somewhere or just thrown away. For me, I planned to be a Golden Girl. I want old friends to live with like on that TV show.

Family Memories was my most favorite. I just turned 30 and I find myself trying to go back in time. I visited the apartments where I grew up and had a really huge nostalgia affect on me. Memories are a gift and when children are in it, it's richer. That, I can understand.

Good list!

[MrShinyPants]

Id love to have kids, but i want to make sure im financially stable enough before having any, because one their expensive and two i want to be able to have a med insurance to cover them and money to get things they need and enough to feed them, i grew up poorish and i know how hard it could be on a kid not being able to have clean clothes all the time, not eat all the time not have all the school supplies needed etc.. What it felt like to see my friends have all these cool things and what i had was years old hand me downs, i wouldn't spoil the kid but id get him or her a few cool things now and then. Now that im older im glad i didn't grow up with money but kids won't be able to learn what money does to a person until their older. My mom worked so hard to get us clothes and food and would go without food and clothes for herself so we could eat and have things and she always had 2 or 3 jobs and still found time to spend time with us and raise us the best she could, she worked herself so had she had 3 severe heart attacks in about 4 months in one single year, there would be times she wouldn't eat for days because she gave us her food so we could have extra portions. I hope to be at least half aa good of a parent as she was and is.

[vonasaurus]

#1, #4, and #6 are not true for me; my man and i are child-free by choice, and he's the sweetest, most gentle soul i've ever had the pleasure of knowing. he's also the best i've ever had in bed, because he's the only guy i've been with who gave a damn about my needs.

if a guy is "me, me, me" in the sack, it usually means that he's only using you for sex and has no interest in a relationship with you.

i grew up in a big family (i'm the oldest of 4 kids and 15 grandkids), so i can understand #5; that's why, when i was younger, i wanted a big family too. it was only in my early 20s that i realized kids weren't for me; not because i'm selfish or unfeminine, but because they don't fit into my life plan, now or ever.

i'm a big kid myself and will always be. but we have 6 nieces and nephews between us~ we love them dearly, but we also love our freedom, and that's okay too.

[JudgmentDay]

Childfree by choice is actually more "generous" than "selfish". If you look at it from an Anti-Natalist's perspective on how this world and reality really is everyone that had been brought into existence will suffer harm that they never wanted nor asked for in the very first place, you will realize the truth or the whole paradox of selfishness on choices of whether to be a parent or to never be a parent.

By not procreating and having any biological children you had just saved someone all the fucking miseries, disappointments, pain, illnesses, and an inevitable death!

[Unit1]

@JudgmentDay And they call us childfree people selfish :P The irony. Stupid people are going to remain stupid. We are freaking heroes for some souls, who would have otherwise been existed on here.

[JudgmentDay]

@Unit1

That's why I think it's really a paradox.

I get that some childfree people may be childfree by choice solely because they absolutely hate kids or because they absolutely want to live a completely hedonistic and care-free lifestyle, as logically that can be considered "selfish". But who gives a fuck? Their life, their choice, their path. Nobody can fucking control or own anyone else and make them follow and conform to what they judge or considered to not be "selfish".

But to me, the whole "concepts" of selfishness are subjective, paradoxical, and even merely delusional. People are going to be people they always want to judge this or judge that, but the judgements and opinions we have of this or that is just all in our fucking minds!

Selfishness to me is really just another delusion. After all whom or what established the "concepts" of selfishness?

That's right. It's us. The humans, again.

[Sara413]

Can't say I agree with 1 and 6 at all... my current partner is by far the kindest, gentlest and most generous in bed of any guy I've ever date. He also happens to be the only one who hasn't tried to convince me to change my mind about not wanting kids.

[amarahorrorstory]

I like this. I want kids too and while I'm super young and not in a hurry, I agree with you. Why date a guy who never ever wants kids? Why would I do that? It's wasting my time. I'm seeing a lot of guys comment that they don't want to bring a child into this miserable world. While I see their point, I would never have children with a pessimist. My father is and having a positive conversation with him is a shit show. There is fucked up shit, I know, but I see the positivity that people overlook. That's enough for me to have children. Plus I plan to adopt too, those children exist regardless so what's your point there? If you don't wan children, why do you care about what a woman with children thinks? It's common fucking sense. She said she finds men who want kids to be kinder, so you flip out and write an angry comment about how much you hate children?

You just proved her point. You played yourself.

[Anonymous]

1 &6] bullshit
3] good for you
4] so you rather be old and broke?
"Dried up hag with no family"
so your husband or potential husband isn't family?

Good to know you HAVE to have kids with someone to be loved and have a family and that your spouse isn't family enough [see: spouse isn't good enough]

[Anonymous]

There is only one LEGITIMATE reason why a woman would never date a man who doesn't want kids: because she wants kids! Same rule applies vice versa.

If you want kids, it's very important that you date someone who also wants them! If you don't want kids, it's very important that you date someone who also doesn't want them!

There are some things in life that are too big to be compromised on. It's one thing if both of you are on the fence. But if you already know whether you ever want to start a family or not, you HAVE to be with someone who shares that viewpoint. Otherwise, one of you is going to end up having your life go in a direction you already knew you didn't want it to go in---which will only result in resentment.

So, in review, this whole MyTake about six crappy, baseless reasons as to why you'll never date a guy who doesn't want kids is garbage, as the only real reason is simply because you want them!

[confusedgirl239]

The main reason that I won't date a guy who doesn't want kids is that it will cause future conflict when I'm ready to start having them and he isn't. We have different life paths/goals that are not compatible.

[Anonymous]

1. Guys who want kids generally ARE kinder and gentler
FALSE: See Jerry Sandusky, Michael Jackson, Flava Flav, Adrian Petersen,

2. I'm 31 and if you don't want kids, you're wasting my time
Then be financially prepared to support them or go to a sperm bank. Sounds like you want a checkbook to finance the kid more than a husband.

3. Kids do something to me... something good
They can do lots of bad things too. Do parents brag about home damage, bills, lawyer fees, acting out, messes, drugs, sexting, hookey, sex. Some just give up. Like Miley Cyrus' father...

4. I don't want to be an old lady and have no children or grandchildren
OK. Adopt a teenager or find some other purpose in your life.

5. Family memories are the best
Break that tradtion and create new memories. Travel more. Break out of your shell.

6. Guys who don't want kids seem to be way more selfish in bed
Date up, not down.

[turnpost]

Generallly means on average. Just naming a couple of married pedofiles doesn't really prove your point.

[Pacificblue62]

I mean everyone is allowed to have their preferences. I'm not denying that. But it's very wrong to generalize like this especially in your first and last points. There absolutely douchebag/ deadbeat dads out there and on the flip side there are very decent, genuine men out there who don't have kids and prefer a quieter and simpler lifestyle with their wife or by themselves. I don't know where you are getting all these ideas but they are in no way absolute truths.

[GoldenWing]

Well said! 👏

[Pacificblue62]

@GoldenWing thanks.

[AleDeEurope]

Great Take. I feel the same way about girls that don't want kids. I could never date them, even now that I don't want kids yet, I still want to date a woman thay wants them in the future.
Kids are a goal life of mine that I can't just say no to that.

I hope you find a man and have kids with him. Best of luck :)

[amarahorrorstory]

I really don't get why you got downvoted. They act like it personally effects them. Some people are so bitter.

[AleDeEurope]

@amarahorrorstory Yeah, but oh well, that's GAG, even when you're not talking about them, they get offended xD

[amarahorrorstory]

It's pretty pathetic.

[Paul09]

Wow.. I dont want kids, but if I ever fall in this so called "love" and she really wants one, and we can afford to , and have time to ourselves. Takes so much time, money, and ebergy to have kids. I love my friends kids so much.
1- im kind and gentle
2- sure
3- kids scream a lot , and get tantrums
4- Well, I just dont want to die alone
5- family memories are good, but what about with frirends, sweep those memories under the rug? I can't picture my life without my friends.
6- oh Im not selfish at all, if anything Id give too much and not recieve enough. And when you have kids , prepare to have sex like once a year, do 6 becomes invaild lol.

[19magic]

Sex is not as spontaneous but it can still be pretty regular. Of course that's after the baby is in a regular sleeping pattern, which can take 1-4 months.

[Ethrealness]

My fiance doesn't want kids and he's the most giving, generous, rational, mature guy I know.. that might be your personal experience but I think science suggests that men who don't want to have children are usually more intelligent.

[YourFutureEx]

SCIENCE!

[candyaurora]

Any link to that study?

[Giacomanzo]

The one reason you don't want guys who don't want kids, is because you want kids, that's really all it is needed to say.
I'm on the same page as you, but I'm not just gonna rant and talk shit about women who don't want children in their life, they are not any better or worse than other women.

[Guy83]

Lol. I don't know what to say about this other than I believe you. But there are a lot of legit reasons why a person might not want kids. First, look at this country. Look at this world. Do you really want to bring kids into this crap? Do you know why the guy doesn't want kids? Maybe his childhood was traumatic. Maybe there is a history of mental illness in his family and he doesn't want to bring an unhappy kid into the world. Also, would you be open to adoption?

[FatherJack]

Be aware of the fact that you may not even like the man you had children with a few years down the road , I'm a single dad & binned my ex as I had enough of her , this is one of the main reasons having children is not for everyone , proceed with caution.

[mrsingle]

Many Men want kids, but wives expect a man to support everyone and work their body to exhaustion. Being a stay at home mom is a responsibility but one you must do. Working jobs till your body is exhausted for sucky pay is ridiculous and kids just add more stress onto that and from lonely moms who are housebound.
Think of that when men say they don't want kids.

[Carefuloutthere]

As a mother, and now a single mother ( who does work) if you don't think everything that comes with taking care of your child is exhausting just wait until you have to try for just one day.
There are no days off and you don't clock in and out at certain times
I'm not dismissing how hard people work, like i said, have my own job, but when I finished maternity leave, I couldn't wait to get back to work, just to have a break. I love my son to the ends of the earth and back again and I wouldn't change having him for anything, and I again, I'm not trying to underestimate whatever you do, but I really wish people would stop dismissing taking care of your child and your partner as an easy life.
It is something you have to do to really get it, until then, I think people will always do that.

[Paul09]

@Carefuloutthere 2 of my frirends wiveschave a 1 year old, and they freakout how much work it is. Yet! They want more.. Do they think it will get easier after 2 or more?

[Carefuloutthere]

@Paul09 because it's all completely worth it. No matter what you go through, what you have outweighs it all.
People say it all the time, but it is true that there is nothing better than being a parent, but again, that's something you have to find out for yourself to understand... But there is also nothing harder. You can't compare it to anything.
My little boy is two now, and I like to think that I will have another baby one day, but that's a long time off.

[mrsingle]

@Carefuloutthere I'm not a parent, but I do know what it's like to raise babies and young children, not full on but from years of babysitting my nephews and niece. Each 2 years apart. 6,4,2.
My sister got pregnant unexpectedly with her boyfriend and they had no plan. Eventually they got married but not without their own stresses and stress on me and my parents helping because my sister and now brother in law had no life plan.
Brother in law to this day works 3 jobs 7 days a week gets 2 hours of sleep a day (if he's lucky) can't afford to get surgery on broken foot and hurt shoulder, and from all that working barely raised his own kids and would rather work than come home he can't handle his own kids. My sisters house is a wreck but said she prefers not working being home because kids sleep and school and she gets free time where my brother in law doesn't.
I spent hours babysitting babies and kids because my sister needed a break and the kids are closer to me (uncle) than their dad.