Dating While Awkward- Or That Time I Accidentally Stalked a Guy

Dating While Awkward- Or That Time I Accidentally Stalked a Guy

Many years ago, before I was in a long-term relationship, before I was the vixen and romantic Casanova that I am today (that was a joke, I'm still a nerd), I was also awkwardly navigating the dating pool, probably more awkwardly than your average 20-something girl. Like a lot of you that I've noticed, I also suffer from social anxiety, and to this day I still struggle with the simple task of calling a doctor's office, or ordering a pizza! Writing is easy, I can carefully decide what I'm going to say, delete and edit as I go, but conversations are hard! What do I say? How do I say it? And there's no deleting something once it's said, it's out there, and never going away!

During the height of my awkwardness, I was a frequent customer of a convenience store near my house, normally stopping in once a day for coffee or lunch or what have you. On one of my trips, I noticed this rather handsome fellow who worked there and I was immediately smitten. He was adorable and nice and everything that I could have ever imagined that I wanted in a boyfriend (f you read my previous MyTake, you'll know that I was most certainly putting him on a pedestal here): I knew nothing about him and yet I was madly in love, but I digress.

So I started stopping in more frequently to see him, and then eventually to start talking to him. The conversations were just as awkward as you can imagine, rife with intense blushing, boring small talk, and me far too afraid to ask for his number or drop any significant hints that I wanted him to ask me for mine. Looking back at these moments I still suffer from feelings of intense anxiety, just thinking about how I acted makes me embarrassed, and I've long since moved on from my convenience store crush! Months passed, I continued stopping by and buying stupid things just to have an excuse to see him and talk to him, and I gradually started to get an idea of when he worked and when he had off.

Thus comes this biggest blunder in history...

So one day I'm there, I'm talking to him, things are going as well as could be expected, and time came to say goodbye, so I told him I'd see him Friday, as that was when he worked next.

“Wait- do you know my schedule?” He asked jokingly, and in a fit of panic I replied- “I'm sorry!” And ran away, never to face him again.

My sister was waiting for me in the car, and when I told her of this interaction, she about died laughing. Here I was mortified, and she thought it was the funniest thing she'd ever heard in her life. She offered up a least a dozen things I could have said to make the situation better, to diffuse it so he didn't know that I was a crazy stalker, but in my intense state of panic all I thought to do was apologize, effectively admitting my guilt and the fact I was crazy and knew his schedule. I knew then that I could never go back in there and face him again, so I avoided it for the longest time, returning only when I knew that he wouldn't be there, because I was insane and memorized his schedule...

I had high hopes that he thought my weirdness was quirky or endearing, but I think in the end he just thought I was strange, which admittedly I was. But due to that mortifying incident, I learned a few things about myself and dating as a socially awkward person...

1. It wouldn't have worked out

Despite my thoughts to the contrary, the odds were that he and I weren't very compatible. I didn't know anything about him except for where he worked, and that he was nice to me, a customer, which I believe was in his job title. If he was already freaked out by me, I can guarantee that he wouldn't have been very tolerant of my other strange quirks, and thus it wouldn't have ended up well. You need to be realistic about your dating aspirations and your feelings (love vs. lust, infatuation vs. liking), and avoiding placing the object of your affection on a pedestal.

2. I should have wo-manned up

Okay I know that I just said we wouldn't have worked out, what with my being a dork and all, but that doesn't mean that I shouldn't have just been brave. When it comes to dating or asking people out, the worst thing that anyone can say is “no.” And I know, I know, that's what everyone says, but it's true. Nothing ventured is nothing gained, and to this day I don't actually know how he would have answered, because I was never brave enough to ask. Considering things turned out the way they did, I would have lost nothing by just asking him for his number.

3. Force yourself to be uncomfortable

This ties into wo-manning up, but you have to be willing to put yourself out there before you even ask for a date or a number. Sure, it's nice and safe at home in your room,but you're never going to meet someone there; even if you're dating online, eventually you'll have to go out and meet that person. Sure you'll be nervous as hell, and the other person might even be able to tell,but the ideal person won't mind, and will maybe even find it endearing. I was terrified to talk to him, but I made myself do it, and I think I'm better for the experience.

4. It isn't the end of the world

So you did it, you forced yourself to be uncomfortable and talk to them, you manned up and asked them for their number, you were positive you were compatible and they still said no. Well that sucks, but unfortunately it happens and it will probably happen again. You may never know why you were turned down, but no good will come from dwelling on it. Instead, be proud that you went outside your comfort zone and take what you learned and apply it towards the next person! I could have easily been consumed in self-doubt and sadness, but instead I moved on to the next fish in the sea!

Dating can be hard, dating when you're socially awkward can make it even harder, but it's not impossible. My best advice is to own up to that awkwardness: it's what makes you, you! You'll never be that suave womanizer or confident gal, but you don't have to be! Just be that dork, be that girl who says the wrong thing sometimes, or the guy who blushes too much; better to be yourself than have to pretend to be someone you're not to get someone who was probably not right for you to begin with. When the right person comes along, your interactions will come as naturally as breathing, and instead of seeing the “creepy” guy or the “strange” girl, they'll see you for who you really are.

Which admittedly, is still going to be awkward, but the right person won't mind at all.


And as a side note, I ended up catching up with my crush on Facebook a year or so after my initial crash and burn to apologize for being a total loser. Turns out that he DID think that I was quirky and endearing, but had a girlfriend at the time, so yeah, dorky girl for life.


4|9
5|18

Join the discussion

0/2500

Submit

What Guys Said 18

  • 2mo

    Lmao. Thanks, I needed that;)

    0|0
    0|0
  • 2mo

    That's a cute little story. I actually did something similar. Not to the point of knowing her schedule or anything though. I've also learned that if you're shy / cautious at the beginning, they won't see the real you. We all are goofy in our own way.

    0|0
    0|0
  • 2mo

    It's takes like this that make me wish I could save or favourite takes for later.
    Great take.

    0|2
    0|0
  • 3mo

    I used to work with a girl who always avoided me but then sat at my same table at lunch and wouldn't speak to me, and when I tried it was like pulling teeth.. never could figure out that

    1|0
    0|0
  • 3mo

    Great myTake. I started reading and I was hooked. You write really well. Dorky can be very endearing. Just think of Jess on "New Girl."

    0|0
    0|0
  • 3mo

    Great take.

    I've dated girls like you... I remember one was really smitten but wasn't sure how to express it. She drank way too much on one of our dates and drunk texted me a little too much (and then admitted that was a mistake), but at the same time, she never really seemed that interested in planning dates or stuff for us to do together. It gradually faded because of that.

    0|0
    0|0
  • 3mo

    I think some peoples awkwardness can make you awkward if that makes any sense.

    For example when I've had dates where the girl is quiet and doesn't initiate of further the conversation, it causes me to freeze up and think about topics to talk about and it feels forced.

    It makes me uncertain if the girl is shy or uninterested but if a girl is like that for over 10 minutes on the date then I'll end it early as I don't want the date to feel like an interview.

    Great take though.

    0|0
    0|0
  • 3mo

    Sure, play it off like you inadvertently learned his schedule. They call you "crazy chicken lady" for a reason.

    1|0
    0|0
  • 3mo

    I have RBF, so that's make it hard for me. Great take by the way

    0|0
    0|0
  • 3mo

    You totally had me in that first few paragraphs about the telephone!!

    I absolutely adored this take. ( I didn't say I liked it, I said I adored it xD )

    1|0
    0|0
  • 3mo

    "The worst someone can say is no." I have to disagree with that. No can do a bit of destruction when there's too many at one time.

    And coming from personal experience, there are "no's" and there are nos with seeking to hurt the person and get really personal. Those are a lot worse than a simple "no."

    "Manning (wo-manning) up." I can tell a woman isn't interested by when she recoils because I touch her (great feeling, by the way) or she waits days to respond to a text. If she does at all. Yeah, you never REALLY know, but I think that gut instinct (and using your brain too) to realize when NOT to ask is a good thing.

    And I have NEVER seen any woman think that my awkwardness is a good thing. I think some women can use that well, but a man being shy or awkward? He'd better be able to make up for that in a huge way. A guy who's cute or rich or influential or whatever, there's more leeway with those quirks.

    0|0
    0|0
  • 3mo

    Something very unexpectedly

    0|0
    0|0
  • 3mo

    your name fits well with how you describe yourself. what you need in your relationship is balance. You stalk people and you may follow them out in public, to balance this out you need a boyfriend who is crazy enough you chain you in the basement until he gets back. Then you guys will live a happy, but weird life

    0|0
    0|0
  • 3mo

    Enjoyed it.

    0|0
    0|0
  • 3mo

    Great article, well written with excellent subject matter. I sincerely believe that the more women take their dating destiny into their own hands, the more likely they are to meet men that appreciate their bravery. When they get that yes, in such a situation, they immediately know they have met someone who appreciates their self expression and initiative. Not a bad way to start a relationship.

    1|0
    0|0
  • 3mo

    Now you just gotta find a cutely weird starker nerd boy to stalk you while you stalk him. Then you can awkwardly bump into each other and stuff for a few fun years until you both finely get comfortable around each other. But I liked your story. I think everyone has done something awkwardly silly that they still think about here and there

    3|3
    0|0
  • 3mo

    With a name like crazychickenlady I think you're bound to stalk someone eventually lol

    1|0
    0|0
  • 3mo

    Omg I know exactly how you feel😅 I'm just as awkward , although I've accepted it and won't change myself for anyone, it can be really really tough when you keep losing your"friends"because they're embarrassed to be seen with you, or girls won't go out with you because you're not a traditional "man" but better to keep your individuality than be a clone😂

    2|1
    0|0

What Girls Said 5

  • 2mo

    Hahahaha I can see myself doing this. Becoming friends with other socially awkward people has done a lot of good for me. Lol.

    0|0
    0|0
  • 2mo

    Wow, great insight into the awkward, confusing world we call dating. I guess you can say I am in a similar position now. I want to ask my cute banker out, but not sure how to do it exactly lol. Would love any of your advice on my question.

    0|0
    0|0
  • 3mo

    well i agree except worst thing is not saying no. worst thing in my opinion is them being rude and trying to humiliate you.

    by the way your stalking the store is a very common thing people do to get to know a person thy like. its just how it works out. of you shared a class youd see him without trying.

    0|0
    1|0
  • 3mo

    Lol glad you got a conclusion+update at the end! See things wouldn't have worked out, sounds kinda like my copy shop crush. Ugh I knew his schedule since his coworkers causally mentioned it. And I avoided it til he finally moved I'm not sure if he quit or what

    0|0
    0|0
  • 3mo

    Who wants to be a whale penis? That's not something to be very proud of 😂...

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...