It's Shallow To Have a Physical Preference In Dating

Having a physical preference in the opposite sex when it comes to dating and relationships is, literally, shallow - since it's something that you can see right off the bat.


But not having that dictate your choice overall - makes you, your behavior and your choice of an SO, in its entirety, not shallow.

Simple as that.

Yes, preferences are sometimes looked down upon - mostly because they tend to exclude people based on superficial traits they may or may not possess.

BUT > the smart person always knows that you shouldn't exclude anyone because they aren't tall enough or skinny enough or booby enough...

Yeah, sure it's nice to fell those traits in someone, but on an emotional level, you don't really, truly need them. You just simply want them.

Needs > Wants


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What Guys Said 12

  • 3mo

    I agree with you. People are shallow because a good personality alone doesn't make us date someone. If a good personality isn't there then the looks won't matter anymore. Looks are more important than personality.

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  • 2mo

    Only White girls who thought they can't do better and settled down with uglier non-White men say it's shallow, if you have a physical preference.
    White girls prefer White guys and find them physically more attractive, and there is NOTHING wrong with this. A white girl NEVER has to settle down with a non-White man she doesn't find physically attractive. There will always be White men around who want White women.
    Yes, I am fully aware that non-White men constantly approach, hit on and ask out White women; grovel before them and worship them. And most White men nowadays are very weak and lethargic and never hit on White women and ask them out.
    But if you, as a White girl, settle down with a non-White guy and then hold a grudge against White guys and say you prefer non-White men out of spite, it makes White men even less inclined to ask out White girls. White men who had nothing to do with your misery in the first place.
    NEVER settle down with a non-White guy and never say something out of spite against White men. There will be the right White man for you eventually. White girls NEVER have to settle with uglier non-White men. NEVER convince yourself of this. It's wrong. Totally wrong.
    Why don't White guys ask out White girls anymore anyway? That's a very complex topic. Too complex at this point.

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  • 2mo

    This was written as satire right? 1. Evolution dictates standards men will naturally find certain traits more attractive because they yield better offspring (though that is more subconscious than conscious thought. 2. Similarly women like a man who is in good shape, tall, etc because he will produce better offspring and can more easily hunt for and protect her (this all adapted in caveman days). 3. I could just as easily say not wanting to date a serial killer is just looking at one aspect of a person but I doubt you are gonna date serial killer just cause I said that. 4. I guess the final point is that you can complain all you want but trying to fight evolution is like trying to fight a storm it doesn't work nature will always win.

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  • 2mo

    When you're finding someone to potentially spend the rest of your life with it's actually very important. To me, it's unfair and cruel to be in a relationship with someone you aren't physically attracted to. It's unfair because he/she probably believes you do think their handsome/beautiful. It's cruel because he/she deserves someone who finds them handsome/beautiful, and attractive.

    Can you imagine the hurt and turmoil someone would feel when their SO reveals that he/she thinks they're ugly?

    Or when they won't make love?

    Preferences are not shallow. They are there to maximize compatibility and happiness. If both have the personality they've been searching for, that's great. But, if both have the personality they've been searching for plus there's physical attraction and they not only find eachother beautiful on the inside but on the outside too.

    Like, what's the downside? Uglier people get rejected? And it hurts? Yes, ofcourse it does! It hurts bad. But what hurts worse? Rejection or finding out the person who's been with you for years thinks you're ugly? Why not skip that earth shattering hurt and be honest instead?

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  • 2mo

    No. I think you're thinking way too much.

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  • 2mo

    This makes no sense. Everyone prefers something whether it's tall, short, big, skinny and so on... Having a physical preference isn't a problem.

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  • 2mo

    Honey, you gotta go with what you like, shallow or not. It never works to try and be with someone you don't find hella attractive. Remember, if you marry them you'll wake up EVERY MORNING to that. It better look pretty good to you. :)

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  • 2mo

    eh i dont this i possible anyway but... i did it. kinda fucked up i know but to me real beauty lies into the person a Whole. personality and phisique
    but other than that some people just look at you and you can look at them just as a walking piece of meat

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  • 2mo

    explain to me how you can be happy dating someone you have zero physical attraction for

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  • 3mo

    Well, it's not shallow, but it can lead to miserable life (if a person you like/want doesn't like you back)... basically, all you can get is unrequited love.

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  • 3mo

    bollocks. looks is important.

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  • 3mo

    I don't see personal preference as being shallow. You paint it as if having a physical preference is a bad thing. It is not. It is a natural tendency that almost all animals have for the opposite sex. Generally, most people find the same physical appearances attractive, with some influence of their culture or the society they live in. That preference is the first indicator of whether someone is fit to be a partner. I have a hard time believing that you would choose an ugly, obese person as a partner, simply because he has a great personality and was a good provider.

    Simply put, you are the type of person to shame someone just to make yourself feel better. You said "preferences are sometimes looked down upon". I have never heard that before.

    EVERYONE has a preference, whether that preference is physical attractiveness, specific physical traits, race, wealth, power. To think that preference over any and all of these factors somehow equates to a person being shallow show more ignorance than anything else. Or at the very least, a very naive idealistic view that all people should be considered equally in the dating realm.

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What Girls Said 8

  • 3mo

    Wouldn't it be worst dating someone you know you have no attraction to and they found out? how you think someone will feel this is why when you turn down someone for that be nice about it! that is all no one is going to date someone they don't want.

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  • 2mo

    I'm sorry... I can't be with anyone who's not booby enough.

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  • 2mo

    Umm yeah it's shallow until the guy goes out with you and starts eyeing all the other women. Or even worse, needs to think of physically attractive „things” when you two have sex. This is a very idealistic take and while it might work out with some women, I highly doubt it would ever work out for men. (not that many men don't live out their relationships this way anyway... just saying, might not be the best option). In the end, nothing is „objectively” attractive anyway.

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  • 2mo

    Everyone has preference it's normal. This doesn't mean you'll reject every guys who don't fit your ideal type.

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    • 2mo

      Exactly my point... Shallow isn't a bad thing - it's just what it is.

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    • 2mo

      Taste is not the same as look...

    • 2mo

      For me it's the same it's a preference. Prefer something over another one don't mean you don't like the other things

  • 2mo

    Is it shallow? Yes. Does it save the other person the annoyance of meeting you? Yes! That too! Everyone wins. Honestly, not everyone has to like short women. Not everyone has to like freckles.

    I am tall. I have freckles. And i would 10 x rather date a man who prefers tall women with freckles then someone whose ideal is 4'll with alabaster skin. Why would i want some one who sees a petite freckless woman walk by and think, "shes so much hotter then my girlfriend."

    In the day of plastic surgery heavy women can get lipo, flat chested women can get implants, blondes can dye their hair black. Inject those lips and look like Angelina!! And we do that to fit a mans ideal. Why? Wouldn't we be better off waiting and or looking for someone who considered our natural state ideal?

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  • 3mo

    You have to be physically attracted to someone if you want to spend the rest of your life with them.

    It's not like everyon has the same preferences either. I like guys with big noses- that isn't usually seen as the most attractive quality, but it is for me.

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  • 3mo

    Why is it shallow? A lot better then dating someone you feel sorry for or someone you feel obligated to date. I guess then having any expectations in your partner is shallow.

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  • 3mo

    I disagree. In order to date someone, you need to find them physically attractive and it's not shallow to date people you find physically attractive. What I find shallow are people (men and women) who look like they've been hit by a bus think that they can and should date someone who is super hot. As long as you're on an equal league with the people you wAnt to date it's not shallow.

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    • 3mo

      Agree, attraction is needed, and it's only natural to want good for ourselves.

    • 3mo

      I got none of this... Or just didn't read fully.

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