It's 2016: Who Should Pay For The First Date?

It is one of the most controversial and highly debated topics on G@G. Up until recently, I didn't even have an opinion on this subject. But after reading several mytakes and talking to my family members, I've reached a verdict: I don't think there is a definite answer to this question. Every situation is unique. It depends upon the couple's financial situation, age and cultural beliefs. For example, if an able-bodied woman is dating an unemployed quadriplegic man, of course, it wouldn't be fair for her to expect him to pay. If two broke college students are dating and surviving on ramen noodle, they wouldn't even have enough money to go on a date.

Cultural beliefs also play a big role.I have two very opinionated aunts and they never agree with each other on this topic. One thinks the guy should pay and the other one thinks she is a strong, independent women who don't need no man to pay her bills. I don't think either of them are wrong and I will explain why later.They are just two different people with different needs. I will briefly introduce both of them. Let's call them aunt Jenna and aunt Ruby.

Aunt Jenna

She is dominant, assertive and confident. She is a mechanical engineer and her hobbies are playing Xbox and football with her male colleagues( she is the only female at work). She has short hair, always wears a hoody with sweat pants and doesn't wear makeup. She is looking for a guy who can cook, clean, sew and look after her kids when is away for work in a different country. She is very career oriented and work will always be her first priority. She thinks gender is an arbitrary social construct and doesn't consider herself " feminine". She feels offended when a guy offers to carry heavy objects for her at work. She doesn't want a guy to pull out her chair or pay for her meal. Because it makes her feel inferior and weak.

Aunt Ruby

She is shy, timid and inhibited. She is an elementary school teacher and a ballet dancer. Her hobbies are cooking, baking , gardening, home decorating and spending time with little children. She has long silky hair and loves to dress up. She is a traditional woman and conforms to traditional gender norms. She appreciates chivalrous gestures from her husband. She is currently pregnant with twins and plan on being a stay- at- home to raise her kids. She is a devoted wife and loves to take care of her husband. Her husband loves to come home to a home cooked meal and a clean house after a long day at work. She thinks a guy should pay because it is great way for a man to assert himself as the protector. She considers herself to be the nurturer.

I still don't understand why this is such a highly divisive topic among people. Feminists should not look down upon people who believe in traditional gender roles.


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What Guys Said 15

  • 2mo

    Personally I think the guy should pay for the first date because I think it's a good tradition to have. But on the other hand if the woman wants to pay and insists then how can I deny? Being old fashioned isn't always a bad thing.

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  • 2mo

    I do it, I don't care what year it is, I'm old fashioned and it's just the way I am.

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  • 2mo

    It's simple. The one who invites pays. And if you invite someone on a date and are broke, you choose a date that isn't about going to the restaurant. I bet with some quick internet-net search you can find thousands of free or cheap date ideas.

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  • 2mo

    I'm happy to pay for a date. If she insists that she pay then that is fine too, but normally I'll pay

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  • 2mo

    whatever i dont think i will pay for her shit. where's the equality in that lol? pay your part and i will pay for mine

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  • 2mo

    I'm getting the impression, that the first date with whoever pays first is all, that matters whether a relationship develops or not.

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  • 2mo

    I am fine paying for dates if I am dating a girl like Ruby.

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  • 2mo

    Men should pay fullstop. Kill this topic.

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  • 2mo

    I didn't read any of that, but men should definitely pay for at least the first date, and at least a few of the after that. If you actually start a relationship with a girl then I think it's good if she pays, or at least makes a big effort to pay every once in awhile.

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  • 2mo

    As a guy I believe the man should pay for the first date

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  • 2mo

    Dont mind paying. But I mind when Im expected/obliged too. I want to have that option without being criticized

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  • 2mo

    Didn't read, but men should pay for the first date. Everything else after that is debatable. If you can't spend $20 on a dinner date with a girl then you got some bigger issues to attend to instead of your love life.

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  • 2mo

    I think the guy should pay for sure.
    But then again, I feel, if she is special to him, it wouldn't hurt for him to pay for every date he has with her. If he cares about her, it's the least he can do.

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  • 2mo

    women should.

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  • 2mo

    I don't mind paying for the first date, but I do like seeing whether or not the woman will offer to pay her own way. If a woman sits there and makes no offer to split the bill or pay for it in its entirety then that tells what sort of woman I am dealing with.

    I'm fortunate enough that all of the dates that I have been on the woman has always offered to split the bill 50/50 and some have been insistent that they pay.

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What Girls Said 8

  • 2mo

    I think whoever asks should be prepared and happy to pay. Pick a date that is within your budget. Dates don't need to be expensive and I've always felt that the first couple dates should be more casual and not overly pricey. I just think it is good manners if you ask someone to join you somewhere or join you for an activity, you should cover the costs. If they choose to pay for part of it that's cool, but it shouldn't be expected.

    When two people start seeing each other regularly, they should take turns.

    Myself personally, when I have asked guys out I've paid for the first date, and otherwise I've let them pay and then chosen the second date and paid for it. And then back and forth. If we do something a bit pricier on the first date and I decide I'm not interested in seeing him again, I'll usually offer to split the bill.

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  • 2mo

    I also believe in traditional gender roles.
    I don't want my date to pay for me simply because I would feel like I need to repay him by going on a second date or something like that. But I do expect him to suggest paying as an act of courtesy, but I'll insist on paying my share.
    Now, if we're married or engaged, it's an other story, it doesn't matter anymore who pays because his money is my money and my money is his money. Well, technically in my religion his money is my money but my moneys is not his money , but oh well, different times I guess :p

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  • 2mo

    It's nice if a man pays because it shows that he's polite. I know people say about equality but I hardly think that's a breach of his rights because he doesn't have to of course. But he definitely seems makes a better impression by offering.

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  • 2mo

    The one who have more money

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  • 2mo

    Lol wow this question really started trending from my mytake... & i got all the crappy guy opinions on my post almost every guy disagreed... but i also think men should at least offer to pay on the first date. Especially if he asked to take her out. Always will be my opinion c:

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    • 2mo

      No, thousands of mytakes were already written on this subject lol

    • 2mo

      Yeah, but the recent mytakes about this subject where escalated after I wrote my mytake and people had disagreements. & now thousands of more are being written lol

  • 2mo

    For the first date, the guy but the following ones, it should be split but if the guy insists a woman has to let him pay. I mean let them be a gentleman if they want and stop being so feministi insisting no no dont pay and fight with the date, if they want let them do it, if you both agree both of you pay your own food, is ok as well. That is my way of doing things.

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  • 2mo

    Honestly It just depends on each person financial situation

    The 2 broke college student thing is a good example.

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  • 2mo

    This is what I have to say: WHY DO WE EVEN CARE SO MUCH? It's such a simple, stupid part of dating, and anyone who makes a decision based on whether the guy pays first or not. This isn't the Victorian era where there's some strict courtship ritual, it's 2016. Go 50/50, enough said.

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    • 2mo

      when u meant 50 50 it , means each pay what each one consume?

    • 2mo

      @kitty71 Yeah, that's it. Going dutch. I honestly just never understood why we still put so much stock on this part of the first date. Isn't whether you like the person and if they're right for you more important whether they cover $25 for a meal? Living is expensive, not everyone can afford that. Especially a guy who is actively dating, it adds up fast.

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