What It's Like Being a Female Player

My personal journey...

Here goes! I wouldn't describe myself as drop-dead gorgeous. In fact, I simply take care of myself. Hair, makeup, nails, dressing up, fit body and with a smile on my face- pretty much always. To the public eye, I am the sweet, innocent girl with a great sense of humor, and an easy going personality.

It all began in high school. My best friend Tina had her heart broken by a guy who was dating her and 4 others! She didn't know at the time, but when she found out...for some odd reason she wanted him more? I watched from the sidelines, girls talking about what big "players" boys are. Girls getting stood up, toyed with and treated like they are the flavor of the month...

In fact even movie culture and TV shows portrayed males as the usual cheaters and players. I found it funny.

I entered college and started dating. I wanted a boyfriend and was surrounded by lots of males, and it wasn't long before it all spiraled out of control.

I remember one evening I had agreed to coffee with a classmate; he was cute and I was looking forward to it. Alternatively, another classmate of mine had also asked me out the same evening. The thought of options and plans made me excited, so I scheduled one after another. It was exciting!

The first guy was super funny, but the second was extremely intelligent. I just couldn't believe how comforting it felt to see different attributes from different people.

I got my first "playing" high! AND I LOVED IT! It wasn't long before I was scheduling several dates a night! It was so fun to come home from a date, change and then head out for another adventure! I mean some nights I had to have 2 dinners, or see the same movie twice in 1 week, or even have to go to a different part of the city so I wouldn't be spotted by my previous dates. It was so exciting!

Guys would try to make me their girlfriend but I just blew them off and acted unattainable. And WOW did they pursue me even more, it's like I was on top of the world!

In my second year of college, I met a guy and he was different. He was a gentleman and actually seemed to possess all the qualities I look for in a guy. Two months in we were official, things were going great- until the fights started to happen a year in. We would break up and get back together every week! And that's when the old me came back. I started to date again, in the midst of my crazy so called "relationship".

I was seeing my "bf" and 2 other guys that I liked. I would hide my phone, worry about being seen, watch what I say and ultimately it would all come to an end. I cared about my "bf", and had hopes that he would be the same person I met again. I didn't want to let go of the comfort. Meanwhile, the other guys provided me with what my boyfriend didn't. One was a stockbroker and would take me on expensive shopping sprees and dinners, the others would be at my beck and call and would follow me around like a puppy...... and it was just so tempting, I never really thought about my next move.

A few months later, it all came to blows. My suitor dropped me off at home and I gave him a hug goodbye. As he drove away, my "bf" jumped out of nowhere and proceeded to question me, about who that was. I was taken back and before I could say a word, he grabbed my phone and saw the text messages. I could see the pain in his eyes. He smashed my phone on the ground and drove off.

This was the first sign...that what I was doing wasn't a game for everyone. It was fun for me, but people have feelings. What was I doing?

It was spring break and I took a few days to spend alone. I thought about the two guys I was seeing. And where was it all going? Nowhere. It was a matter of fun and convenience.

Exactly one month in, I told both that I'm seeing someone else (which was the easiest way I could find getting out of this mess). Eventually even my "bf" came back to try and make things work. I said "no".

This whole experience changed me. I went from being a kid that wanted to have fun and didn't care about people's feelings, to someone who finally decided: I CAN'T. The stress of it all made me focus on things like myself.

Today I am living with my current boyfriend of over 3 years. I am loyal and dedicated to him. Unfortunately, a big part of me misses the fun and games of dating so many people, but it's time to grow up. At the end of the day, I filled a void with meaningless dates and people, but at the end of the night, it is me who wasn't pleased with myself.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Never feel back for breaking a mans heart
    Most would do the same to you anyways
    They're just mad because you're up with other men and they can't control you

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    • That's a bit bitter of a comment. But you must have reason to feel this way about men. Sorry for the pain you felt before. But you should never group people.

    • And bad **
      I'm not bitter, it's the fucking truth
      Men would break a girls heart if he fell In love with someone else, and have no problem with it

    • You could say the same about any human for that matter. Don't exempt women if you talking about matters of emotion.

Join the discussion

What Guys Said 62

  • No. Sorry. Somehow all this is supposed to be based on the fact that your bestie in highschool got cheated on? So you decided it is alright to cheat cause some asshole did? And that wasn't even on you?
    No. You've no right to play someone else's feelings, I would have agreed if the guys had it coming or were players themselves, but no, you're just as bad as any of those assholes who think they're entitled to use women. I'm sorry, I rarely ever say this, but, you were just a bitch who got caught.

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    • This isn't being fair. Yeah not all guys are jerks but no girl (or boy to be fair) deserves to be cheated on and she didn't exactly cheat on her 'bf' see those speech marks genius? They're there because it wasn't official because he was a douche and they liked each other but it wasn't enough she's happy now and that's all that matters so please find something better to do with your life than criticize hers

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    • Upvote 4 u bruh

  • I think a better title for this MyTake is "what it's like being a female narcopath."

    No, seriously. You enjoyed the feeling of power you got leading these men on and making them think they had a shot. You didn't know what your next "move" would be. You lived a life of secrecy and hid your phone messages so you could have your cock and eat it too. You used men to get various things you wanted. You "decided" to have feelings. You just suddenly switched feelings on one day. You manipulated dates so they wouldn't find out you were dating other people.

    You were playing chess with other people as the pieces. That's not a typical mindset, what the actual fuck?

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    • Let me just add, it's not that it takes exceptional talent or intelligence to do something like this- on the contrary, seeing that you got caught. It's just that most people don't choose to. If I wanted to lie to people and mentally fuck with people and go out of my way to crush them, I probably could, but I never would because that's fucked up. Mentally playing mind games with others as pieces is crossing the line in my eyes. Even if you're intelligent enough to do that, that doesn't mean you should or can.

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    • Alright, I apologize for the outburst. There are some things that bother me, and anything having to do with manipulation bothers me because of the effect it can have on people.

      It's not so black and white. You realized it was wrong and you stopped. That's the important thing. Apologize for my outburst, this just made me feel really angry for some reason.

    • no real intelligent or ethical person would live this way. only a broken manipulative narcissist... .

  • Sounds too embellished... fake.

    It's funny though, to see how girls are admiring you but then they're the first ones to cry if a guy plays them xD The hypocrisy is quite beautiful. They don't do it cause they're ugly and can't, but if they could, they'd be players too.

    Anyways, nice story, but if you wanna make a fake story believable, you gotta learn how to sell them.

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  • Monogamy isn't for everyone.

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    • RIght you are, but Polygamous persons should only stay with Polygamous persons, just as Monogamous persons should stay with Monogamous persons.

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    • Oh, I see, I thought them to be the same thing.

    • @Giacomanzo It's a common misconception.
      Personally I support polyamory but not multi-spouse unions. I feel like the latter would be too unstable especially when raising a child. To each their own though.

      I would never tell anyone they couldn't be in a multi-spouse union.

  • There is a reason why you don't hear the term 'female player''. Also, notice that the phrase had to specify the gender but you never see the term ''male player''.

    The reason is simple, women don't need to do much, they can just sit back and wait for a guy to do all of the chasing.

    This Take is a joke, there is no such thing as ''female player'' because they have never had to be one. A guy on the other hand has to risk rejection, spend time, talk the talk, improve himself and make an effort.

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  • https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=JXRN_LkCa_o
    LOL kidding this was an interesting read :D

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  • Thank you for sharing. Yes playing does hurt those we grow to love. I hope you are able to stay on the straight and narrow and avoid the game. Some can't. If you have one you need a dozen, if you have a dozen you want everything that is taken, you take what is taken and you want more and more. A never ending circle of self satisfying indulgence in a never ending spiral. Until you reach the point that your very self identity lies in the number of people at your beck and call, causing anger if they don't respond or don't respond like you want them to. Until you finally hit bottom and look around then realizing, it's all gone and you're alone and have nothing left inside to give. Nobody can or will be with you forever because you are an emotional black hole. So you spend your days giving out your body while you still have some of your looks, praying that someone will once again love you and be able to keep those 3 little words we just wish they would have all kept 'forever and always'
    But what do I know, that is just my opinion

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  • I've met girls like yourself in the past, and always stood clear of their paths. Having sex with a "female player" was never a way I wanted to go.

    Going on dates with no serious commitment is one thing, but having an official relationship, and then dating other guy's on the side is entirely something else. Sorry, but you cheated and your officially labeled as cheater. You played the game, and then you became a cheater. Which at that point, this mytake took a whole different direction.

    People playing games with other's for the purpose of receiving materialistic things or favors is just bad judgement. If both parties are OK with the scenario. Then that's fine, but most often it's not. Not to the point that you make it at least. Hope going forward people realize the downfalls of playing those they date, and perceive the idea of what the other person is feeling.

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  • There's no such thing as a female player because its not her biological imperative. A woman who fucks around, uses men and manipulates them is just whore, plain and simple. It's a mans job to spread his DNA so it's not as bad if men do it becuase it understandable but am not like that anyway, am sorry but that's how god made us. What your doing is going against nature and making it unbalanced.

    So yeah... you are officially a whore, congratulations. I hope mummy and daddy are proud of you.

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    • Why? A girl could simply not care enough about the guy. She could just want sex with a hot guy. I think guys sometimes say this because they want to either matter more to the girl than they do, or they just want her to be the problem instead of them. But I don't think there's a problem; she just wants to fuck a hot dude.

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    • Bad boys*

    • @Mrwoo99 But why? I haven't had hookups yet, but I want to! But I wouldn't do anything wild since I don't know him lol I'd be more wild with a boyfriend so I don't see why anyone would be jelly.

  • GREAT Take! This is what most female players wind up feeling, I'm sure. But our media tends to glorify them as 'hip' 'smart' women who always come out on top, just as it tends to do with guy players.

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  • very interesting, I haven't seen or heard that before. sounds like you conditioned yourself for a certain high and it may be hard to sustain that in normal life, but as well, you weren't pleased with yourself.

    Taking after corrupt males isn't really a great strategy...

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  • Actually what you did was quite sensible. How can you possibly choose a reliable lifetime partner if you only date a few people? By dating many men you were able to successfully weed out those not becoming to you and give yourself the opportunity to find the right guy.
    Unfortunately there are certain male traits all successful women learn to deal with: sports, hobbies, etc. But if you can live with that then perhaps the two of you really have a great future together. If not, keep on dating!

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  • "I cared about my "bf"" Clearly you didn't.

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  • Well that sounds like a sociopathic thing to do (for both sexes) but if you really want to keep doing it get a job as a undercover cop

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  • No such thing as a female player.
    Men play, women are the game.

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    • Then women couldn't get sex so easy. I think guys like to flip things so they don't have to admit, they already lost lol

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    • @SovereignessofVamps You're kidding right?

    • @SovereignessofVamps I'm not flipping shit, it's the truth. Your logic implies the incorrect assumption that for one girl there is one guy. So if women are getting it easy, then surely guys are? Nope, not at all. A few guys get most of the women. So John gets 10 girls and Bryan gets jack shit. so John is the legend (and plays the game very well), the 10 ladies are his trophy and all get easy sex (women are the game) and Bryan becomes a gag member ๐Ÿ˜‚

      The best way I can put it: would you say I'm a playa if I'm juggling 5 prostitutes? Would you define me as a good playa? No. That's because I'm not playing, I'm choosing with a guarantee. That's the same as being a woman. You just receive the requests, you don't play the game. Men on the other hand have to play. I have to compete with John or else I will end up like Bryan. Poor Bryan.

  • ok... so you want a parade or what? lol

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  • Hahaha Damn the lives of extroverted people never cease to amaze me, the enthusiasm you possess as you greet the various situations and people you encounter is inspiring. Perhaps as I grow to maturity and begin to involve myself more prominently into the lives of others I can come to know this kind of excitation.

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  • I don't call that playing the field, that's dating. It's playing when you are lying to people and telling them you're monogamous. I'm going to go ahead and give you the benefit of the doubt and say that you probably weren't sleeping with all of these guys? Players close and are clinical, and unapologetic. Their mindset is best exemplified by the Jay-Z hit"Big Pimpin'" . Google the lyrics. Players have a certain mindset of living their lives to the fullest and making the most of their youth. So they don't just date, they can get into a girl's head and get her to give up the ass very early on. They turned of their heart so they never actually fall for the girl, so they don't get attached or hurt. Players are extremely intelligent, if they're good at it the women they date will never know. It's also an addiction, once a player starts it's hard to give it up. Players are really selfish people. The attitude is " I'm only young once, if I can pull it off... why not?" But they can seriously damage a woman's psyche. You have to be almost sociopathic to do it over a long time.

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  • You are not a player. Just a cheater trying to justify it on social media. Real classy players don't pull that shit. All they do is talk smooth state what they want and not get with people who want relationships Have to respect the game and peoples decisions in order to be a player.

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  • so for me being a "player" means faking feelings for a person in order to make them want sex with you.

    as a girl, why would you need to do that? guys donยดt need to be "played" xD most just agree to sex without any persuasion.

    isnยดt what you describe being a "promiscuous" woman, not a female "player" ?

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What Girls Said 24

  • While I am not defending your past behavior, in fact, I nearly vomited reading how little you cared about those men and merely used them, it's really fucked up how you're automatically labeled a "hoe" while men are high fived and looked up to as "players".

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    • Yeah that doesn't happen seriously where the hell does this come from? High fiving doesn't happen, men looking up to guys who are "players" doesn't happen and if you think that then clearly you have very little interaction with men.

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    • Ok you obviously didn't even read what I said.

    • @Maik567 I did. But this has gone long enough bye

  • When I think of player, I think of an individual who's arrogant, self absorbed and able to manipulate people into doing things for them along with using the other gender for sex.

    What you did was date men and cheat on your boyfriend.

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    • BS. She pretty much took advantage of every guy she had, while letting them believe they were important in any way beyond inflating her ego. She didn't give a damn about any of them and might as well have dumped them and/or humiliated them just for fun. Think she isn't that kind of person? Think again.

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    • "One was a stockbroker and would take me on expensive shopping sprees and dinners, the others would be at my beck and call and would follow me around like a puppy..."

      This right here is called playing. It is described as takin advantage of sexual prominence to gain other favors - like expensive dinners and idiotic worship. Players are not only the people that promiss you the world and discard you afterwards. Anyone who pretty much puts on a mask for selfish reasons or who keeps people stringed around, never really going anywhere, is a player. Dating is a game, but it's a terrible one when an actual player is involved.

    • @RedHood7 she cheated on her boyfriend with the stockbroker. Who was a date. If he insisted to pay for her (as dates are traditionally orientated that way. Guy pays).

      "Players are not only the people that promise you the world and discard you afterwards" that's how I see players. People who just mask themselves and use people for selfish reasons are just selfish people in my opinion

  • There's no justifying using someone else for your own personal egocentric reasons, and for cheating on your boyfriend. You really didn't give a shit about those guys, it was all about the thrill for you, (at least, that's what I gathered from this take) and even though you say 'a big part of me misses the fun and games' I really hope you *have* grown up.

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  • Very honest take, thanks for this! And great to hear you've grown and now have a successful long term relationship.

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  • I think what you were looking for was just friends. They might not pay for eveything for you, but you can go on adventures. And the best part is, you can have as many friends as you want, all at the same time

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    • What she should be looking for is solitude so as to not continue to damage other people.

      She's going to cheat in a few weeks here, otherwise she wouldn't have felt the need to previously define her reasoning for her actions here and now.

    • I think the most reason is attention players love it actually we all do but we don't get to experience this

  • I think it is ok to date a lot of guys at the same time as long as you don't tell them lies like you love them, you are exclusive or you see a future together. How else would you know what you want in a guy or who to really be exclusive with

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    • Fine. Make GOD D*** sure you are upfront about it before coaxing them in which I almost GURANTEE you have done before. Then decent men can tell you to go f*** yourself before you waste their time for your own selfish indulgement, then tell you to have a nice day.

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    • @mostwomenshouldstfu I never treated anyone like a commodity, more like friends. We learn about each other and we learn about ourselves while dating. We learn more about how to socialize and be comfortable with the opposite sex. I highly recommend being friends with the opposite sex. Like a respectable relationship.

    • This is true. I much preferred that clarification. Multiple times I see the lines of interaction crossed because it gets too personalized. But often times, it seems unavoidable. Like, is it intimate to know someone wants cheese on their burger? It's like a begetting/acclimation thing. And self control is key.

  • Brings back memory, college was lots of fun. Except i wasn't intentionally leading them on. I was innocently being fun and flirty and went out with guys not realizing they were dates.

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  • While most of the things you said are probably true to some extent, many of the details just seem impossible. Like your boyfriend being an apparent magician...
    But yeah, I guess all stories could do with some embelishment... or half-truths.

    The moral of the story, however, was made.

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  • I know what u went through im just like this now im not in love with no one i been doing this for 4 years now. But i dont have a boy friend. Im 24 . it is fun but later in my heart its meaning less i haven't found who i wanna b with yet. i dont even know how to have a Boy friend im so to dating different men and not having feelings. im not sleeping with them but i do have a different man every day of the week if i want. sorta , kinda. i beeen heart broken before i get scared of being mistreated. And taking the way i feel for granted. so there's walls with me. so i call the men i date my hoes aka bitches lol its sad thou its no glory in this. never ending men meaningless men i dont feel nothing for but what can the next man do for me. or i say fuck him on to the next hoe

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  • Wow just wow u should write a book on this man ud be best seller. I'll be first to read it too.๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜›๐Ÿ˜‹

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  • Girls like you bother me. Guys never give me a second look because I am ugly. I've never been asked out because of it. You have all these guys who want you, and you treat them like trash. It's not fair to lead people on like that. I'd give anything for a guy to like me, and I'd do anything to make him happy.

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  • you cheated on your boyfriend.. and you lead on other guys into thinking you were interested in a relationship when you were not... you were a terrible person.. I hope you really have changed

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  • You were a serial dater and dishonest. A player is much more than you've actually done.

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  • This just seems like drawn out take to justify your cheating. You're not s player, you're a cheater. Stop making excuses.

    As someone who plays the field and doesn't date exclusively, this is just bullshit.

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  • "As he drove away, my "bf" jumped out of nowhere and proceeded to question me, about who that was. I was taken back and before I could say a word, he grabbed my phone and saw the text messages. I could see the pain in his eyes. He smashed my phone on the ground and drove off."

    Wait... what? I call bullshit.

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  • This is an informative and honest take. Thanks for sharing.

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  • Oh good ending, at first I thought you were gonna say you got pregnant and didn't know who the father is... I can't wait to see that new Bridget Jones movie

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  • Good take

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  • Was your boyfriend you have now a player before?

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  • Yes I understand, i'm the type of person who doesn't judge people because nobody is perfect first of all and when one is young especially one is not mature well in modt cases it's that way. Thanks for sharing your story, I feel like that is the reason why woman cheat, because their boyfriend is not being a good boyfriend or in your case he wasn't the same person that you met. In the end of the day things happen for a reason and that is to teach us a lesson. It's great that you took the time off to work on yourself and glad to hear that you have changed your ways (:

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