What It's Like Being a Female Player

[Anonymous]

My personal journey...

Here goes! I wouldn't describe myself as drop-dead gorgeous. In fact, I simply take care of myself. Hair, makeup, nails, dressing up, fit body and with a smile on my face- pretty much always. To the public eye, I am the sweet, innocent girl with a great sense of humor, and an easy going personality.

It all began in high school. My best friend Tina had her heart broken by a guy who was dating her and 4 others! She didn't know at the time, but when she found out...for some odd reason she wanted him more? I watched from the sidelines, girls talking about what big "players" boys are. Girls getting stood up, toyed with and treated like they are the flavor of the month...

In fact even movie culture and TV shows portrayed males as the usual cheaters and players. I found it funny.

I entered college and started dating. I wanted a boyfriend and was surrounded by lots of males, and it wasn't long before it all spiraled out of control.

I remember one evening I had agreed to coffee with a classmate; he was cute and I was looking forward to it. Alternatively, another classmate of mine had also asked me out the same evening. The thought of options and plans made me excited, so I scheduled one after another. It was exciting!

The first guy was super funny, but the second was extremely intelligent. I just couldn't believe how comforting it felt to see different attributes from different people.

I got my first "playing" high! AND I LOVED IT! It wasn't long before I was scheduling several dates a night! It was so fun to come home from a date, change and then head out for another adventure! I mean some nights I had to have 2 dinners, or see the same movie twice in 1 week, or even have to go to a different part of the city so I wouldn't be spotted by my previous dates. It was so exciting!

Guys would try to make me their girlfriend but I just blew them off and acted unattainable. And WOW did they pursue me even more, it's like I was on top of the world!

In my second year of college, I met a guy and he was different. He was a gentleman and actually seemed to possess all the qualities I look for in a guy. Two months in we were official, things were going great- until the fights started to happen a year in. We would break up and get back together every week! And that's when the old me came back. I started to date again, in the midst of my crazy so called "relationship".

I was seeing my "bf" and 2 other guys that I liked. I would hide my phone, worry about being seen, watch what I say and ultimately it would all come to an end. I cared about my "bf", and had hopes that he would be the same person I met again. I didn't want to let go of the comfort. Meanwhile, the other guys provided me with what my boyfriend didn't. One was a stockbroker and would take me on expensive shopping sprees and dinners, the others would be at my beck and call and would follow me around like a puppy...... and it was just so tempting, I never really thought about my next move.

A few months later, it all came to blows. My suitor dropped me off at home and I gave him a hug goodbye. As he drove away, my "bf" jumped out of nowhere and proceeded to question me, about who that was. I was taken back and before I could say a word, he grabbed my phone and saw the text messages. I could see the pain in his eyes. He smashed my phone on the ground and drove off.

This was the first sign...that what I was doing wasn't a game for everyone. It was fun for me, but people have feelings. What was I doing?

It was spring break and I took a few days to spend alone. I thought about the two guys I was seeing. And where was it all going? Nowhere. It was a matter of fun and convenience.

Exactly one month in, I told both that I'm seeing someone else (which was the easiest way I could find getting out of this mess). Eventually even my "bf" came back to try and make things work. I said "no".

This whole experience changed me. I went from being a kid that wanted to have fun and didn't care about people's feelings, to someone who finally decided: I CAN'T. The stress of it all made me focus on things like myself.

Today I am living with my current boyfriend of over 3 years. I am loyal and dedicated to him. Unfortunately, a big part of me misses the fun and games of dating so many people, but it's time to grow up. At the end of the day, I filled a void with meaningless dates and people, but at the end of the night, it is me who wasn't pleased with myself.

[thesunstillshines9]

Never feel back for breaking a mans heart
Most would do the same to you anyways
They're just mad because you're up with other men and they can't control you

[MrMysteryMan]

That's a bit bitter of a comment. But you must have reason to feel this way about men. Sorry for the pain you felt before. But you should never group people.

[thesunstillshines9]

And bad **
I'm not bitter, it's the fucking truth
Men would break a girls heart if he fell In love with someone else, and have no problem with it

[MrMysteryMan]

You could say the same about any human for that matter. Don't exempt women if you talking about matters of emotion.

[Borginborg]

Thank you for sharing. Yes playing does hurt those we grow to love. I hope you are able to stay on the straight and narrow and avoid the game. Some can't. If you have one you need a dozen, if you have a dozen you want everything that is taken, you take what is taken and you want more and more. A never ending circle of self satisfying indulgence in a never ending spiral. Until you reach the point that your very self identity lies in the number of people at your beck and call, causing anger if they don't respond or don't respond like you want them to. Until you finally hit bottom and look around then realizing, it's all gone and you're alone and have nothing left inside to give. Nobody can or will be with you forever because you are an emotional black hole. So you spend your days giving out your body while you still have some of your looks, praying that someone will once again love you and be able to keep those 3 little words we just wish they would have all kept 'forever and always'
But what do I know, that is just my opinion

[Guy83]

I don't call that playing the field, that's dating. It's playing when you are lying to people and telling them you're monogamous. I'm going to go ahead and give you the benefit of the doubt and say that you probably weren't sleeping with all of these guys? Players close and are clinical, and unapologetic. Their mindset is best exemplified by the Jay-Z hit"Big Pimpin'" . Google the lyrics. Players have a certain mindset of living their lives to the fullest and making the most of their youth. So they don't just date, they can get into a girl's head and get her to give up the ass very early on. They turned of their heart so they never actually fall for the girl, so they don't get attached or hurt. Players are extremely intelligent, if they're good at it the women they date will never know. It's also an addiction, once a player starts it's hard to give it up. Players are really selfish people. The attitude is " I'm only young once, if I can pull it off... why not?" But they can seriously damage a woman's psyche. You have to be almost sociopathic to do it over a long time.

[Chief16]

No. Sorry. Somehow all this is supposed to be based on the fact that your bestie in highschool got cheated on? So you decided it is alright to cheat cause some asshole did? And that wasn't even on you?
No. You've no right to play someone else's feelings, I would have agreed if the guys had it coming or were players themselves, but no, you're just as bad as any of those assholes who think they're entitled to use women. I'm sorry, I rarely ever say this, but, you were just a bitch who got caught.

[Mimam1142]

This isn't being fair. Yeah not all guys are jerks but no girl (or boy to be fair) deserves to be cheated on and she didn't exactly cheat on her 'bf' see those speech marks genius? They're there because it wasn't official because he was a douche and they liked each other but it wasn't enough she's happy now and that's all that matters so please find something better to do with your life than criticize hers

[YourFutureEx]

@Mimam1142 Okay then it must be okay if your boyfriend cheated on you and lived happily afterwards because "that's all that matters".

[Chief16]

@YourFutureEx lol, kids these days...

[YourFutureEx]

considering she's lv1, this must be a troll account.

[Chief16]

@YourFutureEx yeah, but then, most of the u-18s on this site do talk like her.

[ThisDudeHere]

Upvote 4 u bruh

[Chief16]

@ThisDudeHere thanks bruh.

[Anonymous]

This takes me back to a time when i was at uni. I met a girl there who i had feelings for and it took me at least 3 months to ask her out. Eventually she agreed to me taking her on a date and i could not have been happier. Spending time with her was honestly the best feeling in the world. I would love taking her places and walking on the beach together and all the little things we would do for each other... it was amazing. She was my first kiss and i did not want to ever be far from her.

6 months later, she broke my heart and i can never forget the day i found out she was having a friends with benefits relationship with 2 guys from my own class. Do you know how many tears I shed everynight after that? It hurt SO MUCH.

But i still live in hope that one day i can find a girl who would learn to respect my heart... so i havn't given up hope yet.

Can i ask... when you dated all those guys... did you not feel anything inside you? like guilt or that you are playing with someones heart?

[GoldMeddle]

I think a better title for this MyTake is "what it's like being a female narcopath."

No, seriously. You enjoyed the feeling of power you got leading these men on and making them think they had a shot. You didn't know what your next "move" would be. You lived a life of secrecy and hid your phone messages so you could have your cock and eat it too. You used men to get various things you wanted. You "decided" to have feelings. You just suddenly switched feelings on one day. You manipulated dates so they wouldn't find out you were dating other people.

You were playing chess with other people as the pieces. That's not a typical mindset, what the actual fuck?

[GoldMeddle]

Let me just add, it's not that it takes exceptional talent or intelligence to do something like this- on the contrary, seeing that you got caught. It's just that most people don't choose to. If I wanted to lie to people and mentally fuck with people and go out of my way to crush them, I probably could, but I never would because that's fucked up. Mentally playing mind games with others as pieces is crossing the line in my eyes. Even if you're intelligent enough to do that, that doesn't mean you should or can.

[GoldMeddle]

I think this might be a troll anyways, but if it isn't let me just add this, to anybody who does this sort of shit. Your success is less due to your own strengths and more do to others weaknesses. Other people are naturally trusting. People who are willing to abuse others find it easy to use that trust against them. If I walked up to someone and said "My grandma just died, can I have 5 dollars bus fare so I can go to the funeral" and they give it to me, that's not because I'm smart, that's because they are trusting and good and don't expect me to lie.

[GoldMeddle]

Alright, I apologize for the outburst. There are some things that bother me, and anything having to do with manipulation bothers me because of the effect it can have on people.

It's not so black and white. You realized it was wrong and you stopped. That's the important thing. Apologize for my outburst, this just made me feel really angry for some reason.

[supernerd99]

no real intelligent or ethical person would live this way. only a broken manipulative narcissist... .

[Truthatanycost]

There is a reason why you don't hear the term 'female player''. Also, notice that the phrase had to specify the gender but you never see the term ''male player''.

The reason is simple, women don't need to do much, they can just sit back and wait for a guy to do all of the chasing.

This Take is a joke, there is no such thing as ''female player'' because they have never had to be one. A guy on the other hand has to risk rejection, spend time, talk the talk, improve himself and make an effort.

[BuchitaBuchys]

While I am not defending your past behavior, in fact, I nearly vomited reading how little you cared about those men and merely used them, it's really fucked up how you're automatically labeled a "hoe" while men are high fived and looked up to as "players".

[hellionthesage]

Yeah that doesn't happen seriously where the hell does this come from? High fiving doesn't happen, men looking up to guys who are "players" doesn't happen and if you think that then clearly you have very little interaction with men.

[BuchitaBuchys]

@hellionthesage you're seriously going to deny that men don't get praised for it?

[hellionthesage]

Yeah because they don't at best you have indifference but in general most guys will look at a man who cheats and uses women as a piece of shit that's a pretty common reaction, just as most women don't "high five" women who do this kind of crap, why would you think men would be different? Unless you really look down on men that is. The fact is most either look at you like your a piece of shit or are indifferent. As for having one night stands, again no one gives a damn though its acknowledged that a guy has to work harder then a woman to do it that's not stating they wish to do so or that they wish they could be that guy. You have to have very little interaction with men to think men go around "high fiving" guys who cheat and use women. That's just idioticly stupid. You have never witnessed this happening I have never witnessed that happening so why you would make the claim is beyond me.

[BaileyisDarcy]

@hellionthesage
My teacher witnessed a girl fall pregnant to a guy who dumped her as soon as he found out. She had to go through school being called a whore, a slut, a tramp, while he was LITERALLY getting high fives, clapped on the back and getting called a player like its a good thing. It DOES happen.

[hellionthesage]

@BaileyisDarcy one incident in highschool that is coming from a third hand source is utterly meaningless. Don't know if you know this but I am a man, I have five brothers I have many guy friends and not once, NOT ONCE did any of this kind of behavior get exhibited. In fact your story sounds fake because if he got her pregnant he would be paying child support and then that in turn would make him less inclined to admit to it so he could try and get away with it. So again, this doesn't really happen, in the real world, highschool maybe but highly unusual outside of highschool? Never no one would tolerate that behavior. Sorry but this is fact, if this was common practice some one other then women would have heard of it happening and quite frankly I have yet to see it or know of any man who has seen it, I have actually asked and I was looked at like I was an idiot.

[Kkaos]

@hellionthesage Sorry man, as a guy who's into pickup and going out to clubs and bars, men in this community definitely do get praised for being players. There's one guy I met who had a girlfriend and he was out with me seeing how many girls he could get with in one night, do I personally respect that? No, but everyone thought it was hilarious that his girl was at home while he was out grinding on 4 girls at once and a lot of the less experienced guys were watching him in admiration.

[hellionthesage]

@Kkaos Clearly we run in different circles, and again is the man respected? However I will state this is not something guys do, this is something some guys do some times which is completely different then what is being claimed that it is as if all guys or even the majority function in this capacity.

[Maik567]

I'm gonna have to agree with hellionthesage, I really don't get where girls get this idea that guys are looked up to if they fuck a bunch of girls or if they have side chicks or something. Honestly if I hear that a guy is cheating on his girlfriend that is just gonna make me think less of that guy. Who the fuck would go "Damn bro that's wicked! High five!"

There are some groups of guys who are like that but there are similarly some groups of girls who's life seems to center around fucking a bunch of guys. I agree that women get treated worse for sleeping around much, but men are absolutely not looked up to for it.

[BuchitaBuchys]

@Maik567 read the opinions on female promiscuity vs male promiscuity. The whole "a key that can open any lock" analogy

[BuchitaBuchys]

@Maik567 @hellionthesage
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2112965-does-anyone-thing-it-s-worse-to-cheat-for-women-than-men

[Maik567]

What am I supposed to read? I mean the asker was probably a troll, and there was only 1 opinion out of 9 that said "Fuck your ego. Women are the biggest cheaters."

[BuchitaBuchys]

@Maik567 that's not the only question. There have been many on here that say female infidelity is worse than male infidelity, that's including without paternity issues.
Also that guy is not a troll, he's been a user for a while

[Maik567]

Yeah but are you just gonna ignore the fact that 8 out of 9 comments were against what he said? I still he was trolling cause that was too stupid to be true. I think you just have a case of confirmation bias here, where you notice it everytime someone is trolling or being an asshole but not realizing that the majority of guys don't actually believe that. And like I said I agree that women who sleep around are treated worse for it than guys who sleep around but guys are not praised for sleeping around outside some brodude circles.

[BuchitaBuchys]

@Maik567 no, I'm not ignoring that as I said though, many questions like that have been asked before

[Maik567]

Yeah, mostly by trolls. www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2112950-do-you-see-male-female-cheaters-differently

Look at the comments even there, I'm just saying that you are straight up wrong when you say that "men are high fived and looked up to"

[BuchitaBuchys]

@Maik567 no, I've explained to another user that ghetto and rap culture looks up to male players I'm not white if that's not obvious. Your reality does not negate mine, as mine does not negate yours. Some men do, some don't

[Maik567]

Well you're the one who started talking about this website specifically. And you shouldn't make assumptions about "my reality" I know plenty of guys like that. Also ghetto and rap/ghetto culture also looks up to doing drugs, crimes, sometimes even killing people. I think guys being players being looked up to is pretty insignificant compared to those things. And it also should tell you that no one should aspire to that kind of lifestyle.

[BuchitaBuchys]

@Maik567 they're all problems

[Maik567]

Yeah but my point is that no sane human would take life advice from gangsta rap, and if they do it's most likely because of them having a terrible childhood and poor education. In which case those should be top priorities. Even if you somehow changed rap culture those people would most likely still end up doing bad shit because of the circumstances they were raised in.

[BuchitaBuchys]

@Maik567 many people look up to it

[Maik567]

Ok you obviously didn't even read what I said.

[BuchitaBuchys]

@Maik567 I did. But this has gone long enough bye

[imissedit]

I know what u went through im just like this now im not in love with no one i been doing this for 4 years now. But i dont have a boy friend. Im 24 . it is fun but later in my heart its meaning less i haven't found who i wanna b with yet. i dont even know how to have a Boy friend im so to dating different men and not having feelings. im not sleeping with them but i do have a different man every day of the week if i want. sorta , kinda. i beeen heart broken before i get scared of being mistreated. And taking the way i feel for granted. so there's walls with me. so i call the men i date my hoes aka bitches lol its sad thou its no glory in this. never ending men meaningless men i dont feel nothing for but what can the next man do for me. or i say fuck him on to the next hoe

[AleDeEurope]

Sounds too embellished... fake.

It's funny though, to see how girls are admiring you but then they're the first ones to cry if a guy plays them xD The hypocrisy is quite beautiful. They don't do it cause they're ugly and can't, but if they could, they'd be players too.

Anyways, nice story, but if you wanna make a fake story believable, you gotta learn how to sell them.

[krash2002]

I've met girls like yourself in the past, and always stood clear of their paths. Having sex with a "female player" was never a way I wanted to go.

Going on dates with no serious commitment is one thing, but having an official relationship, and then dating other guy's on the side is entirely something else. Sorry, but you cheated and your officially labeled as cheater. You played the game, and then you became a cheater. Which at that point, this mytake took a whole different direction.

People playing games with other's for the purpose of receiving materialistic things or favors is just bad judgement. If both parties are OK with the scenario. Then that's fine, but most often it's not. Not to the point that you make it at least. Hope going forward people realize the downfalls of playing those they date, and perceive the idea of what the other person is feeling.

[Luci92]

There's no justifying using someone else for your own personal egocentric reasons, and for cheating on your boyfriend. You really didn't give a shit about those guys, it was all about the thrill for you, (at least, that's what I gathered from this take) and even though you say 'a big part of me misses the fun and games' I really hope you *have* grown up.

[mooky06]

When I think of player, I think of an individual who's arrogant, self absorbed and able to manipulate people into doing things for them along with using the other gender for sex.

What you did was date men and cheat on your boyfriend.

[RedHood7]

BS. She pretty much took advantage of every guy she had, while letting them believe they were important in any way beyond inflating her ego. She didn't give a damn about any of them and might as well have dumped them and/or humiliated them just for fun. Think she isn't that kind of person? Think again.

[mooky06]

@RedHood7 I'm unsure where you gathered that information from. You awfully know a lot about the situation then it even said in the description. She was dating men. At that stage it's whatever. No one is exclusive till both says so. She got a boyfriend. She still went on dates with two people she liked during that relationship. That's cheating. She did not accumulate a mountain of men and told each of them "oh babe, I love you so much, we'll be together forever and ever." While taking advantage of them. No.

[RedHood7]

So false hopes and expectations dont count? What is your guarantee they were aware of the situation? It seems pretty clear shewas in a casual relationship with them, but they obviously kept them invested. She even mocked one of them in here. It seems obvious she was merely using these men for what they could offer. She pretty much says so. How the hell is that not manipulating/taking advantage of them?

[mooky06]

@RedHood7 "Guys would try to make me their girlfriend but I just blew them off and acted unattainable"

"misses the fun and games of dating so many people"

" filled a void with meaningless dates and people"

She said so herself. Yet those guys still wanted to "chase" her after gotten blown off.

[RedHood7]

Oh really? Are those the same guys she was datin while she had a bf? Are you even paying attention to the conversation?

[mooky06]

@RedHood7 nope. She didn't want to be exclusive. Those guys chased her. How she's a player? Is beyond me. She dated men. Don't expect much when it's just DATING

[RedHood7]

"One was a stockbroker and would take me on expensive shopping sprees and dinners, the others would be at my beck and call and would follow me around like a puppy..."

This right here is called playing. It is described as takin advantage of sexual prominence to gain other favors - like expensive dinners and idiotic worship. Players are not only the people that promiss you the world and discard you afterwards. Anyone who pretty much puts on a mask for selfish reasons or who keeps people stringed around, never really going anywhere, is a player. Dating is a game, but it's a terrible one when an actual player is involved.

[mooky06]

@RedHood7 she cheated on her boyfriend with the stockbroker. Who was a date. If he insisted to pay for her (as dates are traditionally orientated that way. Guy pays).

"Players are not only the people that promise you the world and discard you afterwards" that's how I see players. People who just mask themselves and use people for selfish reasons are just selfish people in my opinion

[Anonymous]

Make a move towards honesty, slowly but surely. Old habits die hard. Repressing it isn't obviously what you wanna do. Try to overcome it by opening up.

You'll live a better life for it. You'll be a better person. You'll love better, you'll love yourself and learn to love others.

You can be completely honest about your desire for polygamy and have loving polygamous relations based on communication and trust. You won't be breaking people and walking all over them for your own personal thrill. And if you truly can't resist playing with people, when you have a pang of conscience next time, if there is one, you should truly seek out a therapist.

[Anonymous]

Yes I understand, i'm the type of person who doesn't judge people because nobody is perfect first of all and when one is young especially one is not mature well in modt cases it's that way. Thanks for sharing your story, I feel like that is the reason why woman cheat, because their boyfriend is not being a good boyfriend or in your case he wasn't the same person that you met. In the end of the day things happen for a reason and that is to teach us a lesson. It's great that you took the time off to work on yourself and glad to hear that you have changed your ways (:

[Anonymous]

You're a boss!!! I always wanted to date diff women at once like you did but never was able to cause i was too shy or too blind to see the signs orr too nice. Unfortunately i got the chance to cheat on my girlfriend and i took it and thats how i got all the fun out. But this is a great mytake. Its interesting to see what you went through and now you can look bad and say " i was a player once" and feel good. Not that is a good thing but at least you got it out of your system and you had fun while it lasted!

[Mrwoo99]

There's no such thing as a female player because its not her biological imperative. A woman who fucks around, uses men and manipulates them is just whore, plain and simple. It's a mans job to spread his DNA so it's not as bad if men do it becuase it understandable but am not like that anyway, am sorry but that's how god made us. What your doing is going against nature and making it unbalanced.

So yeah... you are officially a whore, congratulations. I hope mummy and daddy are proud of you.

[SovereignessofVamps]

Why? A girl could simply not care enough about the guy. She could just want sex with a hot guy. I think guys sometimes say this because they want to either matter more to the girl than they do, or they just want her to be the problem instead of them. But I don't think there's a problem; she just wants to fuck a hot dude.

[RedHood7]

@SovereignessofVamps Wanting to fuck someone you think of as hot isn't abnormal. Manipulating others for self-satisfaction is.

[Mrwoo99]

@SovereignessofVamps That was poor argument against my comment. What points have you made here cupcake except that you women are encouraging each other to whore around. You have bad upbringing or something? It's not very lady like, you should a have relationship with a good caring nice guy. Don't be so dirty becuase if you want commitment and relationships with a good caring nice guy then we don't to find out your vagina is so deep I can fit my head in side their do we.

[SovereignessofVamps]

@RedHood7 I would agree but... at least OP knows how to survive, acting nice won't save you form mean people.

and @Mr nice guys are cool, but YOLO

[mostwomenshouldstfu]

@SovereignessofVamps So we perpetuate the cycle by sinking to the level of mean people? Not riding the wave, not fighting it, but sinking beneath it. Dumb.

[RedHood7]

@SovereignessofVamps she doesn't need to manipulate others to do that.

[Mrwoo99]

@SovereignessofVamps I'd feel sorry for the boyfriend you ever get when he finds out he you have a long history of been with pyscopathic boys and players.

[Mrwoo99]

Bad boys*

[SovereignessofVamps]

@Mrwoo99 But why? I haven't had hookups yet, but I want to! But I wouldn't do anything wild since I don't know him lol I'd be more wild with a boyfriend so I don't see why anyone would be jelly.

[niahc]

I think what you were looking for was just friends. They might not pay for eveything for you, but you can go on adventures. And the best part is, you can have as many friends as you want, all at the same time

[Gommers]

What she should be looking for is solitude so as to not continue to damage other people.

She's going to cheat in a few weeks here, otherwise she wouldn't have felt the need to previously define her reasoning for her actions here and now.

[Romeotte16]

I think the most reason is attention players love it actually we all do but we don't get to experience this

[Hopefuldreamer8]

Girls like you bother me. Guys never give me a second look because I am ugly. I've never been asked out because of it. You have all these guys who want you, and you treat them like trash. It's not fair to lead people on like that. I'd give anything for a guy to like me, and I'd do anything to make him happy.

[10dsw]

Haha yea... and then people take dating seriously =P

What's the point of monogamous relationships anymore? I used to do monogamous relationships but then I got hurt by one of these girls hehe.

Now I go on Tinder, hook up with chicks, talk to 3 or 4 at once... I have seen tremendous improvements in both my physical and mental health and I attribute it to avoiding actual dating lol

[Anonymous]

You just made yourself sound like a terrible person. I can understand dating multiple people when you're just getting to know people amd you've only been on like one or two dates but you literally cheated on your boyfriend with two guys, not one but two, just for the fun of it. I don't think taking someone's trust and then destroying it is fun. I don't understand why people cheat. If you're unhappy with your relationship the either get out of that relationship or break up with them.

[Opinion Owner]

I meant to say get out of that relationship or talk to your partner.

[Gommers]

She didn't make herself sound like a horrible person; she is one.

[mostwomenshouldstfu]

@Gommers That was funny