Step-By-Step Guide Guaranteed to Get Guys Laid (Not So Seriously)

Prepare to be knocked on your arse by how incredibly amazing and dumbfounding this myTake will be. Doesn't it tell you a lot about what I have to do on Saturday night when I choose to write an essay instead of play video games?

The Sooper Dooper Step-By-Step Guide that will One Hundo get you them girls right over there

1. Pick a fine and dandy opening

Everyone knows that all women are gifted upon birth with the "Eternal Book on Recognizing Which Men Are Alpha Enough for You." Yes, it's a long title, but it was necessary for the evolution of the human race. But guess what, guys? I have gotten my hands on that very book and I'm going to tell you some hot and spicy openings to a conversation that are sure to win you the day:

1. *whisper into her ear* "I don't have AIDS"

2. "Well, where I come from, no means yes."

3. "Are you a parking ticket cuz u have fine written all over you baby."

4. "Are your parents autistic cuz they made one special girl!"

5. "Do you want good sex tonight?" "Nope." "Good, come with me!"

And if you say any of these things to a girl she will automatically want your babies.

2. Corner Her

In some rare cases, these incredible opening lines will not be enough for the insatiable woman you are hunting- I mean asking out to hear. So, in case she tries to make her escape, you have to have a plan in order to make her stay. Since I would never dare recommend brute force, I would say one of these three things:

1. "Wait I have candy"

2. "Don't make me call 911"

3. "I know where you live."

And if you exercise any of these statements you should be good to go!

3. Grand Finale

After you've almost assuredly gotten in her pants, you're going to have to make your big finish happen. I would usually go for the helicopter escape, but since you're probably operating on a limited budget, I would suggest having an alpha AF Honda Civic at the ready for the Great Escape.

You might question some of this stuff's legitimacy, but fear not. I have a PhD in woman science from the University of google. And if you are not attracted to the women folk, I can indeed write a separate guide for women folk on how to get your man. Or woman. Except you just read this. So yeah. Women and gay men will indeed agree in the comments, this foolproof plan is your one-way ticket into winning over the girl of your dreams!


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Oh my god, they did it. They finally did it! A guy cracked the secret to ALL women! I thought they'd never get it.

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    • Better luck next life! Good game, but the males have won! Only took us a couple hundred thousands years! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAH

    • Show All
    • Oh thank God, I have lots of the trouble picking up guys... totally... yaeh.

    • Guaranteed if u follow some very simple steps u will be spick and span

Most Helpful Guy

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Join the discussion

What Girls Said 8

What Guys Said 18

  • This, sir, this is up to the standards of GAG MyTakes, certainly. That was fucking hilarious. xD "Wait; I have candy."

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    • And with these self-proven strategies you will win the girl of your dreams guaranteed!

  • This is funny. :P

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  • Thanks man. Got me pussy. Could confirm.

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  • Well said, cornering really helps, the more you corner them the less they feel they need to run off. If they try you can just correct them with duct tape. It works wonders.

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    • Confirmed by the doofydood, confirmed by Jeb Bush, confirmed by myself, I've got all the confirms m8

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    • I remember hearing things about it from fellow memers. Sounded really rough if you ask me. Let me tell you, a man must be wise when investing his shekels these days. All you need is for a meme to go on facebook and bam, you've wasted your investment.

  • A sense of humor is good. Your opening lines suck. The rest is irrelevant.
    You've way over-simplified the process. ;)

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  • "I don't have AIDS" 😂😂😂

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  • And now we need a serious guide to get us virgin boys laid at last :P

    Well, this is something funny.

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  • You forgot '' This rag smells like chloroform.. .. wanna smell?''

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    • Lol I've used that one too many times to seem original

      "Baby I think I'm DNA helicase cuz I'm gonna unzip your genes"
      "You're like my pinky toe cuz I'm gonna bang you on every piece of furniture in this house"
      "Let's test our combined displaced water volume on my water bed"
      "Roses are red, violets are blue, I have a gun, get in the van"

  • Made me smile - Good take

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    • The point isn't to smile, it's to get all the bitches! Leggoo!!!

      Thank u

  • Entertaining :D

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  • I'll never forget "Does this rag smell like chloroform?"

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    • And keep staring, always lock your eyes on her, regardless of what she does. Be Mona Lisa. She'll see your obvious level of committment noticing you follow her around the room undressing her with your eyes. Go with the deer in a headlight look, mouth agaped is always a plus, little bit of drooling wouldn't hurt either. If you want it to escalate, rub yourself while watching her, surely this signals your attraction to her, more conspicuous the better. Try lapping your drink with your tongue to demonstrate your tongue-skillery. Show off your economic prowess and dine on the spoils of your own successful mining operation setup in one and/or both nostrils, she'll appreciate how saavy you are. Actually, the more unhygenic, the better, nothing says filthy animal in sack like a guy scratching his own bare a** in public. Forget winking, double it up and use both eyes, repeatedly, asynchronously, be creative and mix it up, double her pleasure.

    • 100% the Maxemeister brand male bat pheremones will indeed win you the love of your life

  • drive a Mercedes-Benz SLS AMG and u can get laid easily 😂😂😉

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  • I like what Howard said! I'm gonna use that line with girls lol

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  • Lol seems legit. Dood have u tested it urself?

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  • we have different views on things but comedy
    lol love this kid

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  • Yep, it works 100% :P

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    • Nope that one was written by a scrub! Confirmed by moi!

    • nope. written by an ultimate love guru master. confirmed by my majesty.

    • Nope mine's written by a guru future GAG presidential candidate

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