Tips and Advice for Shy Guys on How to Approach - and Get! - Women

I've noticed a lot of guys on here are talking about how men always have to be the one to approach woman and how it's almost damn near impossible to get a woman to approach you. That if you are a shy guy, then you basically have no chance at getting with a woman and need to change yourself in order to do so. I don't agree with nor like that idea. You shouldn't have to change who you are to be with someone. They should take you how you are and love every part of you. So by telling you, "you need to gain confidence" and "be forward" and to "just get over your fear" is basically telling you to change who you are and that you aren't an attractive person if you have any of these traits. It's not true.

There are girls out there that don't mind shy guys and some even like or prefer them. Just because the majority of woman want that "Alpha male", take control kind of guy doesn't mean there aren't girls who would date you. It just makes them harder to find and harder for you because you are shy.

But in the world today most woman, even the ones who don't mind the shy guys, subconsciously expect you to make the first move and approach them because that's "how it is" and was bred into our minds. Well what if I told you, you could be the one to make the first move without even having to approach her, but have her approach you instead.

Here's some advice:

EYE CONTACT

I've been thinking a lot about what would make me want to approach a guy. For me, to be approachable you need a combination of a few things. The most important one is to make eye contact. A woman will not approach you if she can’t make eye contact with you; she needs to see your eyes and know you have noticed her. Eye contact is a big give away that tells her you are interested and is the first step to getting a girls attention. It indicates and proves to her that you have taken notice of her. Now, you don't want to come off as a creeper, so I'd say no more than 3-5 seconds and then look away slightly and then back again and continually do this every so often.

HOW YOU DRESS/APPEARANCE

Dressing well also makes a big difference. If you want women to approach you then your outward appearance counts a lot. I always notice the guys who are nicely dressed and well kept. We don't like guys who look like they just rolled out of bed and who haven't showered. Stick to your style, but keep it nice and yourself well kept.

PRESENTATION


You need to pay attention to your presentation; remember, how you look is one key thing and presentation is another. Its a first impression and if you make sure your appearance is good; women will see you as a nice, approachable and friendlier person.

BODY LANGUAGE

Body language is another key aspect. It conveys information about the type of person you are both conscious and subconscious. So, if you want women to approach you, then you have to ensure you have the right body language. You should show that you are relaxed. If you look tense and upset, you will make the people around you feel uncomfortable. If you feel relaxed, they will also feel relaxed.

Avoid showing slumped shoulders, crossed legs and arms and also avoid looking down on the floor. This to me gives the message “do not approach me”. Do not turn your shoulders away from someone or away from where the women are. When you turn your body towards a woman it gives her the sense of openness and you look more approachable. This ties in with eye contact and what I'll be talking about next. Your smile.

SMILE

Have a real smile to get a women's attention. Nothing makes us melt more than a great smile. It screams an invitation and makes us feel liked and welcomed. A smile is the best way of making woman approach you. An example: I remember one time when a guy smiled at me when I was out at a bowling alley playing pool at the table next to him. At the end of the game I went straight over to him and introduced myself and told him how I thought he had a great smile. He ended up showing me some tips on how to play pool and we ended up having a good time. He seemed more shy and so I did more of the talking but his body language was very open and I remember liking that.

A pleasant and relaxed smile in combination with eye contact is enough to make you appear approachable. You will need to practice this and it will get easier the more you do. Make eye contact with the woman and smile. When your eyes and hers meet, smile at her, if she smiles back then she would also be interested in you.

GIVE THEM AN INVITATION


If you want to let women know that it’s ok for them to come and talk to you, you need to offer them an invitation. Women who want to be approached have a subtle way of showing their approachable signs; some make eye contact, and look away when you look at them, these are good signs. You need to make eye contact again and give a smile. So, a similar strategy can be applied if you want women to approach you – just make eye contact with her. Smile and show your body language that you are interested in her.

Show a visible sign like an eye brow flash, a head nod to confirm to her that she should come to where you are. Subtle signs work. The eyebrow thing gets me every time and is a sure sign of interest and will make any girls heart flop.

AN OPENING

You also need to give her an opening. To make the woman approach you, you can offer an opening by detaching from your group a minute or so. You can buy a drink, check something you had seen or even just give yourself a short chance to allow the lady make a move towards you. We are just as afraid to approach you in a group, so if you separate yourself for a minute or two it gives us the opportunity to advance. Make sure to catch her eye as you walk away and also again when you're alone so that she knows you haven't lost interest and it gives her the reassurance that you would like her to come over and talk to you.

And just in case you find it not working, don’t get discouraged. The women, who do gain the courage to approach you, are very rare and so may take a little bit of time to find.


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What Guys Said 36

  • 2mo

    Very helpful considering I'm a decently shy person.

    Honestly eye contact is the hardest because for some. reason I just dislike looking into people's eyes.

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  • 2mo

    I've never noticed that shy guys have a disadvantage actually. I also noticed many young women think it's "creepy" when guys approach them anyway. So I never understood this complaint in the first place. This may have been true in previous generations, but not our current Millennial generation.

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    • 2mo

      Guys who don't do cold approaches are not at a disadvantage, but the guys who can't look a girl straight in the eye definitely are. Whenever you read the term "shy guy" on the internet they mean the latter group.

    • 2mo

      @JohnDoe3000 Right, I would agree-But those are usually people with a social anxiety disorder. Even shy people don't mind holding a conversation from time to time, and making eye contact.

      Interestingly enough, guys who are wealthy, and privileged don't have to worry about any of this.

  • 2mo

    Unless a guy knows he's really good looking, it's kinda hard for shy guys to actually carry out those actions in real life situations.

    Keep in mind that they're shy and less reluctant to initiate contact.

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  • 2mo

    Scribble all this out.

    1) Be hot.

    Done.

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  • 2mo

    Thanks for the advice, I hope I won't get discouraged. Maybe I could practise smiling and eye contact in front of the mirror...

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  • 2mo

    Don't bother. Your "shyness" is a defense mechanism protecting you from worthless women. Let your "princess" come and rescue you.

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  • 2mo

    A lot of girls in my college have hit on me and flirted with even though I have a girlfriend. I'm shy. I find it quite easy for me to get girls. Most are fuckgirls just trying to get in my pants but I don't have any problems whatsoever getting girls.

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  • 2mo

    My forced smile is really bad hahah, something like this:

    www.amusingtime.com/.../...g-and-showing-teeth.jpg

    But good tips anyway! I liked them :)

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  • 2mo

    nonsense. women can do the approaching.
    it's time for men to just take care of themselves.

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  • 2mo

    Very good advice - For me shyness is not a condition but something to gradually get over - Each time you are more sociable, the next time will be easier.

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  • 2mo

    your advise sucks because those things are still telling the guy to not be shy. and act like an alpha male. shy guys want the girl to approach on her own terms. without us having to do anything to get her to. and plus the advice you gave still doesn't work. so here's a better advice for you: girls have to approach the guy she wants no matter what, because its the girl and its always been the girl who decides on who she wants when she wants anyways.

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    • 2mo

      You make it sound like a guy will fawn like a puppy over any girl who approaches them no matter what, and that girls, no matter how pretty other people tell them they are, may not fee it, and that we aren't scared of rejection.
      We don't mind approaching, but we need to know its ok to aswell.

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    • 2mo

      I know, I was just joking with you :)

    • 2mo

      @Napoli i figured that.

  • 2mo

    when i see women giving advice on how to approach women im like. "whatever bruh. let the retardation unfold!"
    so you practically say to shy guys to cease being shy guys, to be successful with women. lol what a failure... .

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  • 2mo
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  • 2mo

    After so many rejections and hearing "I have a boyfriend or I am married." I just stopped trying.

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  • 2mo

    I look like shit when i smile

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  • 2mo

    Great take. Something new.👌🏻 👌🏻 👌🏻

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  • 2mo

    I just think that women will never approach guys but I've read this, so let me try these things.

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  • 2mo

    Once again, this goes to prove that men should never take dating advice from women.

    It never ends well.

    Simply put, if the intended audience of this take read it and did what it said - girls would think that he's being a creep.

    So... How does a guy get over his shyness and learn how to talk to women? Simple.

    Go to Hooters. Pay the girls a giant tip, and just flat out tell them that you suck at talking to girls and you want to practice and not be so shy.

    If there are no Hooters where you're at, go to a strip club.

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  • 2mo

    Well if the women looked approachable maybe it wouldn't be so hard for the shy guys. I have no problem approaching women or making eye contact but a lot of times I do hesitate because most women have a negative vibe, especially in bars or in city center like closed body language, unhappy facial expression and look stuck up. It's women who need to make themselves more approachable.

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What Girls Said 3

  • 2mo

    Hey, I was going to write a take very similar to this, but you beat me to it ;)

    What really really wish shy guys knew was that when they're too shy to say something in the fear of messing up, ANYTHING is better than nothing.

    Short of accidentally calling her fat or something, there is no such thing as the "wrong" thing.
    Women aren't mind readers, it can and take a long time for us to realise they're shy. It's not the first thing we think. The first we think is "this guy really doesn't like me" ( if we've already tried talking to them)

    Shy guys think it's because they're shy that they sometimes find it hard to pick up women but it's nothing to do with that. It's their mixed signals.

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  • 2mo

    This is great advice!

    I would only like to add:
    That girls also need advice on how to approach guys to give the guys an excuse to talk to the girls and to give the guys courage to initiate further.

    Because, unfortunately, most of the guys who are confident enough to approach the ladies first... means they approach ALL of the ladies ALL the time. It's appropriate and gentlemen-like for a guy to be considerate of the lady and their space. And sometimes approaching all the time isn't always a desirable trait.

    If you want to approach, because you're afraid it's a one time opportunity and you just want to say hi to see how things go... then go for it! Or if you want to practice getting comfortable approaching girls and you want to go out and try, then go practice. But don't be that guy that gets cocky with all the ladies and tries to hold a conversation until the girl gives up a number or whatever. Lol

    I'll just leave this here.

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  • 2mo

    I don't know I never trust eye contact no matter how much of it there is

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