Why I Have "High Expectations" When it Comes to Men

I've been accused of being "sexist" countless times on GAG just because I have high expectations… so here's why I have them:

1) Why I prefer the guy to approach me

I want a guy to look at me like I'm the only girl in the room, like there is no other girl he would rather be with.

For all of those saying this is a fantasy- you're wrong. There isn't a marriage that will work if the person you're with doesn't physically stand out in a crowd. That would just lead to infidelity later down the road.

That is why I prefer the guy approach me, because it shows he noticed me out of everyone in the room. I know it sounds cheesy but every guy that I've tried to take the initiative with, hasn't worked out because i end up liking him more than he likes me.

2) Why I hope he walks up to my front door to pick me up

Yeah, its a very simple gesture. Its just walking up to the door right? But it means a lot. It doesn't cost anything but 30 steps and is way better than a text saying "I'm here" or even worse, a honk.

It appears lazy and as if you don't care when you don't walk up to the door. Ever since i was 16, my mom has not let me go on a date with a guy who didn't walk up to the door to pick me up. Even though it may appear anal, its what i grew up with and it shows a certain level of respect.

3) Why I hope he pays for the first date

I can easily pay for my own meal- i make my own money. It is simply a nice gesture and makes me feel like he is enjoying his time with me. I know this is a huge controversy on gag but i've always had a guy pay for the first date and its never been a problem. This indicates that he likes me enough to invest in me after meeting me once.

Side note: If its a first date and I'm not feeling him- i won't let him pay. For all of you men saying that girls use men to get free meals- not the case all the time.

4) Why I hope for a text goodnight

This means that he really enjoyed his time. He isn't playing games and likes me enough to want to talk to think about me before he goes to bed. Every guy that has genuinely been interested in me has done this. Plus, I smile like a little school girl at my phone every time it happens, haha.

In Summary:


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What Guys Said 69

  • 2mo

    This is okay, these expectations are not high. I do these things because I want to show her that I'm interested in her, not because it's something that is expected of me. I wouldn't mind if she approaches me first. I wouldn't lose interest because I was approached first. If I wasn't interested in the first place, then I would decline the offer in the beginning.

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  • 2mo

    Got no problem with any of those.

    Except with me, I don't text unless it's a meaningless communication (i. e., "be there in 5 mins."), so you might get an actual mini-letter as an email or a call.

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  • 1mo

    You are sexist, ignorant and most women especially women like you are unworthy of respect.

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  • 1mo

    If no problem with religion...

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  • 1mo

    Good take. I have done these things all the time in past dates/relationships, because it shows i'm really into her. Over time, I have approached women I think are cute, and would like to get to know better, less and less because it ends up being that I am more interested in them than they are me. And this becomes a problem because I tend to get attached to people quickly and easily. And when it's over its hard to let go and move on. It's not cheesy at all.

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  • 2mo

    I'm fine with doing all of those things and actually prefer it however, the issue is we live in a society where many women, and some men, have said they want complete equality between the genders. So it is confusing to know how to approach and deal with women because gender roles are changing and not everyone agrees with it.

    There are some women that even will accuse men of being misogynists for doing the things you expect. I don't think those are high standards but simply traditional values. I would prefer those values but also do not want to be labeled by radical feminists as a misogynist. Also, if in those areas a man is expect to fulfill traditional roles than to be fair, the woman also needs to fulfill some traditional roles as well. It can't be a one-way street.

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    • 2mo

      Just look at the comments, although there are a few feminazis, most women appreciate these little things

  • 2mo

    An what do you do for men? Besides nothing... or whenever you feel your ready to blow him

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  • 2mo

    NEVER, EVER feel like what you want is anything but the right way to go. I don't know your age, but there was a time not long ago where what you want was the "normal" way things went. Because of bra burning women libbers, men decided not to do those things because this idiot women felt they were above a man pulling out their chair or other things men did to make their lasdy feel respected and special. Somehow the libbers turned that into meaning a man thought the woman couldn't do it for herself. Ever since then, many men aren't sure what they should do. Young mean today have no problem not doing these things. They have no clue what a woman gives in return when a man does these simple things. I did online dating for a while and I was amazed at how many women told me they loved the fact I treated them that way. Stick to your guns and don't let the know it alls change your mind.

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  • 2mo

    Good take

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  • 2mo

    I agree with items 2 and 3. That's just how a gentleman should behave.

    I disagree with item 1. There is nothing wrong with a woman approaching a man; in fact, I ended up getting married to a woman who approached me. I didn't even know she was interested until she approached me. Don't knock it until you've tried it. Keep in mind, men ask women out all the time and get rejected a large percentage of the time. It really helps a woman's chances when the guy knows she's interested in him.

    I disagree with item 4. Machete don't text. If taking her out on a fun date and showing her a good time isn't enough, it's not going to work out. I want her to wonder if I'm interested in seeing her again.

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    • 2mo

      i did try it.. lol i said that in my text

      i can see what you mean by 4 tho

  • 2mo

    "every guy that I've tried to take the initiative with, hasn't worked out because i end up liking him more than he likes me."

    Have you ever thought about the other side of the coin? That if he approaches you, he'll never know if he likes you more than you like him? (the same way as you've described in previous questions/takes)
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    Getting you from the door: hmm, only cool if it's a formality. In the rush of real life "ain't nobody got time fo that", it's more, "hop in, let's go"
    -----
    The goodnight thing wears out very quickly, and becomes boring if done routinely. It really does.

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  • 2mo

    1 doesn't have anything to do with a "good guy". doesn't matter who approaches who or doesn't. simple ex. sex drives many men to seduce women. how do you think they do that? by being what you want - temporarily.

    good night text doesn't mean much. there is articles upon articles on mens dating to text her after the date or not too. once again - absolutely nothing to do with a "good guy".

    infact all these are far too simple. you dont know a person till youve lived with them for a year. even still people marry and still dont get each other.

    i heard a very accomplished financier say. wait 5 years.

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    • 2mo

      these things only tell you one thing and thats that the person likes you or likes you more and that the person is capable of understanding societies expectations (which have nothing to do with success, because 50% of marriages end in divorce) why they like you? doesn't say.

    • 2mo

      lol im talking about the initial stages and if he is interested in you on the first couple dates. you're talking more about love.

  • 2mo

    kind of forgetting the "must be tall and good looking" part.

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  • 2mo

    Excellent way to handle the who pays on first date issue.

    Especially awesome how each point is phrased as a "hope" rather than a demand. This is the kind of girl that deserves everything on that list.

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  • 2mo

    Great Take. I love all of the points and I love doing them. If I'm with someone I ensure she feels as appreciated and thought about as I do.

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    • 2mo

      It is, however, a sick disturbing trend that males these days don't feel much if this is necessary or even standard. If I ever have a daughter I will impress upon her the importance of this (and, of course, much more).

  • 2mo

    Its okay to have expectations, even if you dont meet them yourself. Essentially you're limiting your own choice and if you can live with that without blaming the other sex, then I salute you. I agree go for the best you can find- after all in the end of the day it is your life and your relationship.

    Everyone has the right to have expectations. You dont even need to rationalise it lmao. But I guess I'm sort of the minority here?

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  • 2mo

    I agree with all of these and practice all of them. Truthfully I have questioned for a couple of years the first one but you explaining the reason helps my understanding. Thank you.

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  • 2mo

    That's high expectations? Lol I was expecting something else...

    Your expectations are normal :-)

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  • 2mo

    You seem like a decent young girl and all and I can sort of see why you might have these desires.

    Here's why you might see none of this happening nowadays however: because 9 times out of 10 this sort of behaviour gets guys absolutely no where in the dating world, and in all reality, most guys have realized this.

    It's not that a lot of us don't want to be chivalrous and all, however being chivalrous gets us no where. Showing marginal interest, showing that we care but not too much, pushing sexually... these are unfortunately the behaviours that have gotten a lot of us much further in the dating world.

    Hope this helps

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  • 2mo

    Cool take. Most of these seemed pretty obvious to me, like of course a guy should be nice and a gentleman. But it's nice to know that a good night text would be appreciated and it's cool to read the female perspective on that.

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What Girls Said 16

  • 2mo

    I mean, sure... but wtf are you doing for him, to show him that you're just as interested in him, to show him that he was the first guy you noticed in a room, that you respect him, that you enjoy spending time with him, that you think about him before bed?
    Because, while this take is all fine and dandy since everyone are allowed to have their own standards, I can't help but ask what you yourself are doing to show him all of the above mentioned things. And I don't think "I let him pay, I let him take me out, I let him *feel like a man*, I let him do this, I let him do that" is not you showing gratitude or interest. It's you being passive and expecting him to think you're interesting for just sitting back and literally doing nothing. I'm not saying you specifically are like this, but this is usually the type of mindset I see in "traditional" girls. Like they think he'll think you're interested just because you "let" him do these things for you, and that that's somehow enough when he's basically jumping through hoops to show you the world, and you're doing nothing.

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    • 2mo

      "And I don't think "I let him pay, I let him take me out, I let him *feel like a man*, I let him do this, I let him do that" is you showing gratitude or interest." *
      Didn't mean to make it a double negative.

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    • 2mo

      Now I think that it looks as her bad previous experiences are conditioning the way she regards boys now. And I'm sorry to see that. I think that if you start with this untrust in the deepest of your heart, and the boy has to prove he's not like the ones that made you harm... In my opinion that's not a good way to start from you. You should forget about the past, and not judge a person for a detail such as if he gets off the car and goes to ring your bell. Maybe he thinks it's faster to send a whatsup from the car, maybe he doesn't want to ring the bell, wait for your mother to open the door and spend two hours answering questions to your mother, or maybe that day he has pain in his leg...

    • 2mo

      @marckbcn I'm not hurt lol

  • 2mo

    Very Nice take as usual 👍🏼

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  • 2mo

    I agree with all of this. I feel a little awkward if a guy pays, the last time a guy paid for me I stuffed money in the tip jar later. He won that round because he bought a large coffee when I told him not to. I later realized I should let him pay for the meal because it makes him feel appreciated. I think it's good you have these expectations it means you have self respect.

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    • 2mo

      so when he does something for you it makes him "feel appreciated" lol

      are you serious? can you actually hear how entitled and stuck up that sounds?

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    • 2mo

      I think we should not block those people who don't agree with us, he was very interested and participative in the debat. I feel sorry for him. Even if I don't agree a lot with him, because he seems to see feminazism everywhere, kind of obsession. Maybe he's gone through a bad experience and he is very sensitive now.

    • 2mo

      @marckbcn I really don't care. We've all had bad experiences. Including myself I don't men as a result. He harasses me daily so yes he is now blocked.

  • 2mo

    You seem to be ladylike with a high level of self esteem. I'm sure you have dealt with some haters because of that. we live in a society where more and more people have grownup in broken homes and are excusing promiscuity. so women like you are going be seen as an enemy because you are disrupting the status quo. you're not easy

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  • 2mo

    I'm more of a "be there during my ups and downs, stay true to your word, never lie to me, and speak directly instead of playing games." in short, be a trustworthy Person I can rely on and adore and be someone who can be a great role model for out potential future kids (should we decide to have some)

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    • 2mo

      This is just for the initial stages of dating

    • 2mo

      Yeah a guy who courts a girl and act all gentlemanly can be doing all that just to get into her pants.

  • 2mo

    I've met plenty of men who fit this template, so they definitely exist. They are called gentlemen. And even though i am capable woman and i believe in women's rights wanting to date a gentleman is perfectly normal in my opinion. As someone who prefers more agressive (initiative wise, not angerwise), i will say if you try to make it work with someone passive you will likely be disappointed.

    As for the title... I don't know if it's smart to go into any setting with an expectation. Maybe thats not the best word? Knowing what you are looking for in a mate is a different thing in my opinion and i agree with you

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  • 2mo

    look that s how I ve been brought up too
    in lebanon this is sort off the norm really and you re not a "man" if you don t do some of those stuff.
    of course each country has different expectations and culture

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  • 2mo

    There is nothing wrong with having some standards. However, you need to show him he is valuable to in small ways. I don't see anything wrong with any of these except paying for the first date. That's fine for you, but it never has and never will be an expectation of mine. My mother raised me to believe that you should pay for your own meals unless you're in a relationship, and it's a special occasion that he is treating you to. However, you should also treat him to special occasions too.

    And that's the thing with most of these. I see nothing wrong with your expectations, only if you're willing to treat him the same with other gestures. You shouldn't be entitled to certain treatment just for being a woman. It's the small things you do to show each other that you respect and value each other.

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  • 2mo

    I don't understand all the butt-hurt triggered men here either...
    These weren't even that bad.

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    • 2mo

      Ikr.. lol

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    • 1mo

      Here come the feminazis.

    • 1mo

      @bobbyxx you're guna be single for awhile

  • 2mo

    Gimme five ✋

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  • 2mo

    Worst 60 seconds of my life

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    • 2mo

      Dear Touchmehxx, I support you. I think you are not better or worst depending on your age or how many experiences have you had. I think you have very good feelings and a man can be very happy with a girl like you. I wish you luck in your love life, a good boy for a good girl!

  • 2mo

    Just like you, I love a good gentleman.
    Well done on your take. 👏

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  • 2mo

    Hey, I'm with you there! There's nothing wrong with having standards :) I love seeing a guy go out of his way for me, that's such a turn on and will guarantee that I'll put some extra effort in, too. A gentleman is so sexy.

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  • 2mo

    Aww Lol cute. Tbh I feel the same when it comes to this.

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  • 2mo

    Not high at all. It's how it should be.
    Sets him aside from others.
    Good MyTake, hope you meet him soon.

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  • 2mo

    I liked this. However, you know how the guys are on here. They'all get triggered no matter what you say. :) It's inevitable.

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    • 2mo

      Hahah agreed 😬

      Ready to take the heat 💪🏼

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    • 2mo

      lol these guys are so funny. They're allowed to desire thin women with huge boobs and a nice butt but as soon as we want a guy who is financially stable and treats us right we are considered sexist. Get out of here lmaoooo

    • 2mo

      You know good and well that if the roles were reversed that women would also be getting butthurt. Many feminists have said a man fulfilling those roles is a misogynist so thats why a lot of men are conflicted as to what to do because either way, women don't approve.

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