A Guy's Guide to Girls, Part 1: First Dates

Over the Years

A Guys Guide to Girls Part 1: First Dates

Over my years of living I couldn't tell you how many relationships I've been in. I get friends ask me all the time "How do you get so many women Connor?" and "I've been single for 9 months! You've had 4 girlfriends in the last 2 months! How are you doing it?"

Well gentlemen. I'm here to share my methods. I feel not many guys know exactly what women look for. There's plenty of "Pick Up Girls Tonight!" style books out there but they are always full of bullshit. Not to mention they always cost way to much. I'm going to explain a little bit about myself here then share a step-by-step guide on how to make yourself appealing. Inside AND out.

Behind the Mask

Most of you on here know me as ThatJarHead. Well allow me to introduce myself.

Hi! I'm Connor! I'm gonna teach you how to NOT get drinks thrown in your face. So a little about how I am with women. I can't stress enough that this is ABSOLUTELY NOT A PICK UP GUIDE!!

If you're here for a quick romp turn away now!

Moving on...

When I approach a woman I am ALWAYS nervous. Quaking in my boots like a kid in middle school asking out his crush. There's a million thoughts running through my mind. Things like: Does she think I'm attractive enough? Will she think I'm a scum bag? What kind of person is she? Does she have a boyfriend? Is he here? Is he bigger than me? What if she has kids? What's the status of those kids' father? All of these and more run through my mind. Complete paranoia. As such I always look a little goofy. I get nervous easily. I say things that are dumb and I get strange looks. Though I don't care. I want this girl. Not in my bed. But on my arm. I never look for sex. Treat a woman right and sex is sure to follow shortly.

So what do I say? That's the thing. I don't really say anything. I'm not sure why but people find me easy to talk to. A kind ear, a hand on the shoulder, and some sound advice is all a person really needs to do to show their character. If someone is at the bar alone it's not usually because they have a clear mind or conscience.

Providing a kind ear to listen to a persons problems shows a few things.

- An interest in their life

- That you're a kind spirit

- That you care about peoples well being

- That you are good person

A few things to remember about this is not to be intrusive. Only listen to what they share. Don't poke and pry. You aren't their therapist. It may take an average person a while to get the right balance of asking and listening without being intrusive but I assure you with enough practice you'll learn how. Besides, learning to listen is always a good skill set to have.

Listening is usually enough to be on the hook for that oh so precious number. Make sure you call her back the next day around dinner time. Don't fall into the trap of "She will think I'm desperate" because if you have a genuine interest in this girl and you don't call her for like a week? She's gonna think you aren't interested at all. If you're definitely interested give her a call the next day about the same as you two met at the bar (or wherever you met) because then you know she will be available. Unless of course you met her while she was at work. Though if a girl is at work odds are she would be open to meeting you after her work is done.

So let's get into explaining the things you can do to grab that special Gal.

Make the gesture

So you've got this girls number. Now what? Call her! Don't text. Texting is a bad idea. Give her a call. If she doesn't answer leave her a voicemail. Keep it short sweet and to the point. Only call her one time! Call, if she doesn't answer leave her a message. Say something to the tune of "Hey it's <your name> from the <place you met>! I was wondering if you wanted to meet up sometime? Give me a shout back! My number is <Your number> around <Time you will be able to answer the phone> and we can set up a meet and hang out! I'd love to know more about <Topic you discussed when you met>!" Then hang up the phone and wait for her to call you back.

So she called you back. You went out to dinner or something. Just an "as friends" date to test the waters. Now it's time for real date #1. What do you do? This is as simple as a quick do or don't.

First Date

When we talk about first dates we usually think about dinner, movie, drinks, or coffee. Let me tell you one thing. DON'T BE GENERIC! There's nothing that says "I actually care about you" than I properly thought out date. For example. Take her for walk around dinner time. Walk out to a local park or field and lead her to a blanket or sheet laid out with a little meal and sit down, watch the sunset, eat some food, and chat. I don't expect every guy to cook a meal. Subway is just as good. It's the effort and the thought that counts. I'd be happy if a girl bought me a Big Mac. I think most girls feel the same. A few first date DO and DO NOTS.

First let's list some DOs.

DO: Be kind

DO: Put your best foot forward

DO: Be romantic. Girls like a little romance. Plus it can be fun for us guys too.

DO: Be a gentleman and buy the food/drinks. Set everything up.

DO: Make what the date is a surprise. Tell her you're going for coffee and surprise her with something better.

Now let's do some basic DO NOTs.

DO NOT: Try to make a move for physical

DO NOT: Expect sex

DO NOT: Ask for sex

DO NOT: Say those three little words

That's very boiled down but that's the most important stuff. The rest of it is just general common sense. Don't start an argument etc.

So your first date (hopefully a success filled one) is drawing to a close. You take her home and you're not sure if you should kiss her or not. There's a simple way to figure out if you should kiss her. This may blow your mind. I hope you're sitting down. If you're standing I suggest you sit because you might pass out by how ingenious what I'm about to say is.

*AHEM*

Drum roll please!

ASK!!!!!

Yes ask it's as simple as that. If you aren't sure just ask her. "<her name> can I ask you something?" she replies "What is it <your name>?" and then you ask "May I kiss you?"

If she says no then respect that. If she says yes then lean in and kiss her. Follow HER lead on the kiss. If she pulls away after just a quick peck then respect that. If it's a deeper passionate kiss then follow her lead.

Now this is all I have to say for first dates. I'm gonna write multiple posts about this topic. People may not realize this but a LOT of thought goes into writing something like this because there is those people out there who are gonna end up following this to the letter. I'll write the next part in a few days. I just gotta get my head around my thoughts before I end up trying to advise anyone. I don't want to spread misinformation and make some guy who's just trying to find a sweetheart out to be a scum bag. I'm not a pick up artist. One thing when you're dating that you MUST keep in mind is that there is no reason to settle. Spend some time to self reflect and figure what you need. Not what you WANT. Take care of your NEEDs first. Then take care of your wants. If a girl isn't satisfying your needs; I don't care how much you care about the person. Leave them! Never settle for second best. Everyone deserves their dream partner. They are out there. You just gotta look and know where to look. I'll cover where to meet certain people and red flags to look out for in the next part to this little series.

So this is it for now. Remember GAGers. Nobody is gonna find your special someone for you.

Cheers!

~Jarhead

(P.S: Any questions you may have or advice you need I will try my best to help if you require it)


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What Girls Said 4

  • 2mo

    You have it on point. Exactly what I would expect on a first date. Especially that you don't expect sex.

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  • 2mo

    This is all great, thank you for writing this. Can you link to Part 2 once you've written it?

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  • 2mo

    I'm with @Caramel_creme here don't ask a girl to kiss you. It ruins all romance. If you want to kiss her go 90 if she pulls away than don't kiss her, if she doesn't kiss her

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  • 2mo

    I agree with almost all of your points. Nice guys that Make a real effort like you described, are the one that appeal to me the most.

    I only don't agree with the part of asking the girl if you could kiss them. Ofcourse I can only speak for myself here, and not all women, but I feel it totally ruins the romance in that moment. I went on a second date with this guy a few months ago. It was perfect. He took me to this really fancy restaurant on a resort island. After dinner, we shared a bottle of wine while laying on a day bed by the pool. It was a great setting, under the stars, with no one around but us. Towards the end of the date, he was holding my hand and he asked if he could kiss me. And truth is, I would have liked him too. But The question ruined it for me. I answered, "I don't like that question," which also was admittedly awkward. Anyway he apologised and he didn't kiss me that night. Lol.

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    • 2mo

      You ruined it. If you don't know if she wants to or not asking is better than making yourself look like a fool. If a guy leans in and tries to kiss you and you don't want it not only does it also ruin the romance but it makes you both feel awkward.

    • 2mo

      I kind of disagree with you. Women need to accept that asking is a necessity now for men, especially since there is such an increased awareness about sexual assault and the like nowadays. If a man does not explicitly ask and get permission for advance he wishes to make, he could land himself in a world of trouble, apart from ruining the mood even more.

    • 2mo

      @JRICHARDS1996 I agree with you on the practical aspect. You have a point there about women mistaking it for sexual harassment. Perhaps I should give guys the benefit of that doubt and go with this new trend. But that doesn't change that it would take away the romance for me. That first kiss will never be spectacular...

What Guys Said 15

  • 2mo

    Hell no. No "asking" for a kiss. Just go for it!

    Even if she doesn't want to kiss u then, she will still respect you as a man for going for what you want.

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  • 2mo

    This was good for instruction
    But never ever can anyone out into words the feel
    The art of making the connection
    You kneo what I mean? Guys who are good fly by wire, they hunt and adapt

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  • 2mo

    It's nice to know that even as a ladies man, you still get flustered.

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    • 2mo

      Don't get the wrong impression. I'm far from a "ladies man"

      I just know how to talk to women. I was raised by 3 of 'em. If I didn't know I'd be concerned.

    • 2mo

      Cool. Yeah, I talk to them as an actual human being, the think for me is to cross over.

  • 2mo

    I was taking this mostly seriously until you suggested I ask her if I can kiss her.

    C'mon man.

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    • 2mo

      read some of the comments where I explained it.

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    • 2mo

      You're free to have your opinion but smart guys cover their asses. In the wise words of Robert Downy Jr.

    • 2mo

      @ThatJarHead

      Well, it's not really asking. Expressing your wants and intention accomplishes the same goal as asking would. But the act is still different. Before I was saying you have a point by verbally having some form of warning vs going solely based off of the vibe or social cues. Some guys have trouble seeing those, so outright saying what you want is better in that case. But going for it, while staying mindful of her reactions is always always always best.

  • 2mo

    Great take. Definitely agree on the physical part. If it happens, it happens. Just never force it otherwise you can shoot your chances.

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  • 2mo

    Thank you, very interesting. I'm shy and for me it's difficult to go where she is to speak to her. This is the difficult moment for me.

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  • 2mo

    Great take jarhead. But i will be little on my own😎. I don't want syntaxes lol but general idea of keeping it short is good.

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  • 2mo

    I have to ask something.
    I've seen some takes similar to this, with both tips for men and women. All the tips seems to always come from experienced people, with perfect situations, and they always describe silver linings to every phase of a relationship.

    I have to ask: do things happen so smooth as you mention on the takes? You, that, like others, seems to have experience, and share these guidelines, do they work for you? Are you able to follow them successfully? Without awkwardness in the way? Without stupid moments that ruin everything with the crush you've always wanted? Does everything work for the best? And when you get rejected, does it really feel like water under the bridge like all the advises in here?

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    • 2mo

      There's definitely been points where I question my convictions on my relationship approaches. There's also times where I can't just brush off rejection. I start thinking about it too much and it gets to me. Thoughts like: "Did I come on too strong?" and "Am I too ugly?"

      Sure awkwardness plays a factor here just like anywhere else. Though my advice is to embrace the awkward. Take an awkward situation and make a joke out of it. Am I always able to succeed in getting the woman I want? No. Of course not. Do I have stupid moments? Yeah of course. I'm dating Jesus. I'm just an average guy who wants to share his knowledge. There's good times and bad times. Take the bad times in stride and try not to let them get to you. That way when to good times roll around as they always do you just appreciate it more because you feel you had to go through a lot to accomplish it.

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    • 2mo

      Don't you know what they can provide already before the date? Simply by analizing their behaviour, and looks?

    • 2mo

      Of course but you always give a person the benefit of the doubt.

  • 2mo

    Never ask a girl if you can kiss her

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    • 2mo

      If you don't know 100% wold you rather look a little awkward or make yourself look like an ass?

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    • 2mo

      @rjroy3 that is much better than asking. That's actually kinda smooth.

    • 2mo

      @tyber1 it is, when it goes well lol

  • 2mo

    I agree you should call, but if you have to leave a voicemail the less you say the better. If this woman wants to go out with you, then you don't need to remind her who you are, or where you met, or why you're calling. She knows you're calling her for a date. Just say "Hey it's John, call me back". That's it.

    And never ask a woman if you can kiss her. That's so pathetically weak. You should know she wants to kiss you by her behavior. I have never had a woman not kiss me back because I can tell when they want me to.

    And you're the man. You don't follow her lead, she follows yours. Women want you to be the leader. If you do something she doesn't like then she will tell you, but you are far more likely to turn her off by being too shy than by being too aggressive. I've had times where I put my hand up her shirt or whatever, and she's not ready and she pushes it away and laughs, and then we continue making out. As long as you listen to her and she trusts you not to keep going when she says no, she will not be turned off by your advances.

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    • 2mo

      I'm only saying that for the people who aren't good at reading body language. Besides if you spin it the right way with the right girl you might be surprised.

  • 2mo

    Lots of good tips in that take

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  • 2mo

    That is the worst advice ever and you made all that shit out to be some kind of secret lmao. The amount of time I've heard a mangina post this garbage. If anything its more of an easy way leading to the friend zone.

    Guys here's the actually no secret sauce to landing your self a pretty girlfriend; be tall, have model looks, be jacked, have money, status, be a violent psychopathic bad boy and an asshole.

    It's simple what women want... just watch around you the guys she's chasing and fucking. An I bet you all the men have those traits that I listed above. That's life bro's accept it, we need to stop lying to our selves because it's not healthy in the long run.

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    • 2mo

      Opinion owner. Why are you so damn bitter about life you even lived yet.. You aren't talking about my trait and I'm not that way either. What 23 and knows everything and can insult other men and women... grow up... !!

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    • 1mo

      @Djaaaaaay... now that was a bad come back

    • 1mo

      Opinion owner. Really... ? Not all women add up to your agenda, get over your self. Stop telling me otherwise and how smart you think you are about a subject you're new at. I'm not having any women problems, but you seem to be having some issues , so how do you explain that. ?

  • 2mo

    Great take here! I especially liked how you worded not to expect sex and just treat a woman nicely and sex will follow shortly.
    I'd love to treat a girl to a romantic date and this take gives some great pointers. And you do suggest to mert up as just friends first right? Interesting.
    Well, I patiently wait for your next installment. Maybe a section on how to initially meet someone and like where to meet.

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