Is "Ghosting" the New Dating Nightmare?

We were talking for four months every single freaking day; from our interests to how our day went, to our hobbies, favorite colors, beliefs about life, and the Simpsons. We had so many things in common it was scary, and by the end of the first month we had already given ourselves cute little nicknames. It was a tradition that since we lived far away, I would see him every Saturday and sometimes in the middle of the week. We would cuddle in front of his friends, they all knew who I was, "she's mine" he would say, and he even invited me to a family dinner once. I met his parents, dog, and little sister. Everything was perfect and I was so extremely happy how day by day we were growing closer.

But that's just what I thought. Things suddenly began to spiral down third month in. Daily texts turned into weekly, instant replies turned into hourly delayed ones, phone calls ceased to exist, and our every Saturday tradition stopped. At first I thought that I was just being paranoid, that this was just a phase. But things only got worse. Fourth month in and he was now only texting me during weekends after midnight. Our longest conversations consisted of him asking me "where are you" at 2 am or "I miss you" when we he barely even tried to see me. I knew right then that he was losing interest and that I should move on.

It has been two weeks and this time, we haven't talked at all. This "ghosting" phenomenon has happened to me twice now, only to hurt me much more than before. Being ghosted twice, I now find myself asking: What did I do wrong? Why did they suddenly disappear? Am I a bad kisser? Am I ugly? Maybe if I did this or that... In short, it really, really hurts. It hurts so much and it affects my ego in such a way that I now feel like crap and insecure. The once confident and nice me has turned into a cold closed-off person. I would rather a guy be honest with me - "I am not interested anymore because (the reason)" - than leave me all of a sudden with no hints and out of the blue.

I stare at my phone feeling empty because he would be talking to me by now wishing me goodnight. I have nightmares and every time I see a picture of him on social media smiling with friends or laughing. I ask myself, "was I that easy to forget?" This "ghosting" should really stop. Guys, please never do this. Always always be strong and confront the girl because it would mean a lot to her even though it might hurt her at first. And girls, never feel worthless if you have been ghosted. Its not our fault men who ghost us are just afraid of confrontation and are weak.

Someone disappearing on you does not reflect your worth. It reflects their fear and insecurity.


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What Guys Said 34

  • 1mo

    This isn't a really new thing. It's generally been the case that when getting IN to a relationship, guys have to be VERY active (e. g., asking the girl out, etc.) while girls could be relatively passive (just wait for the ask and respond positively). BUT the opposite tends to be true for getting OUT of a relationship. Girls generally need to be active (e. g., "we need to talk," "it's not working out," etc.) while guys can be more passive (just stop asking for and/or planning the next date).

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  • 1mo

    It may be annoying, but it is hardly a dating nightmare - if you break up and he starts standing outside your house staring, then you can start to worry.

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  • 1mo

    "Someone disappearing on you does not reflect your worth. It reflects their fear and insecurity."

    That can be true in some cases, but sometimes it's definitely reflects on your own actions. I've ghosted girls who have been insanely jealous or just seemed crazy for other reasons.

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  • 1mo

    you'll be over it in a week. that's how women are.

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  • 1mo

    These people, men and women (well, boys and girls), are a product of the digital age.
    They are obsessed with themselves and struggle to put other peoples feeling before their own.
    They struggle to do the painful but just thing.
    They struggle to put themselves in other peoples shoes.
    They struggle to realize that the people they interact with are living a life just a vivid and creating opinions and having emotions - being completely and irrevocably human with all of the aspects of life - just as like themselves.

    This social media has made us everything but social. We spend hours chatting, but we never make eye contact.

    That is why we find it so easy to just leave; we do not see others as humans anymore.

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  • 1mo

    Love the last sentence - Well done

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  • 1mo

    Why didn't you invite him to meet your family?

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  • 1mo

    Nope that was my first relationship, my second one was texting. Texting its over is by far the most brutal.

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  • 1mo

    Yes, we're dating ghosts now. I heard that the ghost of Amy Winehouse is single

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  • 1mo

    never had that problem. And I would never be that shallow to do this to anyone. Then again... if some one did ghost me ide love it because only then would I know they were full of shit , and they aren't wasting my time any more.

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  • 1mo

    Why should we stop ghosting when girls flake at an equally high rate?

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  • 1mo

    This happens the other way around a lot too. Guys are just as much victims of this as girls. Several girls have done this to me. At least two girls have left me and moved on without saying a word even. I've had a relatonship status change directly from in a relationship with me to a relationship with someone else.

    Believe me this is the worst kind of breakup. I'd rather a breakup over text message. Or just something. To be left hanging is the worse.

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    • 1mo

      I'm so sorry that happened to you. It's happened to me many times and I know how awful it is. Hugs.

    • 1mo

      @Njalek85 Hugs back. I would never do this to a girl. Then there's the people who are only there when they need you but as soon as you need them, they are no where to be found. I really don't understand why men and women just can't respect each other and get along and have loyal friendships and/or relationships. I've tried a bunch to reach across the aisle and do this, but get screwed over every time.

  • 1mo

    im in a ghost relationship right now but i have not decided if should break it off since she has 2 kids and some other things i would rather not bring up. but she has been hurt on a lot f levels and trust is not on her top 10 list. im sure will respond eventually but with her situation i think space is all she needs. you can say im dumb or whatever it is you kids call it now.

    but i think when they dont respond its just them not wanting to be hurt like she was but thats part of the whole trust thing and stuff i can't really talk about. and i might know much about relationships since things chance and so do the times but i know enough too know when someone needs the space to do what it is they want to accept things.

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  • 1mo

    Ghosting is for people without a backbone.

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  • 1mo

    I TOTALLY agree with the last statement. It's more a reflection of their character (or lack of it). And yes I've been guilty of it (kind of... I can explain if you want me to).

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  • 1mo

    Moral: make relations face to face only.

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  • 1mo

    It is what it is. 4 months does not exactly scream wedding bells. That dating, it either works or doesn't

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    • 1mo

      Yes, but it would be nice if the guy could at least say "Hey, this isn't working out", rather than being a pansy and trying to avoid confrontation.

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    • 1mo

      @aWes0MeNeSs I love your answer and you are completely right

    • 1mo

      Thank you! :)

  • 1mo

    That doesn't sound all that bad.

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  • 1mo

    This is nothing new. It already happened to me back when I was a teenager, 10-12 years ago and before social media was a big thing. It's possible that modern technology intensifies bad manners but I can assure you that people with bad manners have always existed.
    I even experienced an ultra-humiliating form of ghosting where I once tried to talk to my then-girlfriend during lunch break in school and instead of talking to me, she crept under a cafeteria table where she was "protected" by her female friends and that was it. I was really confused because I thought our relationship was going very well and we had spent a nice time together the day before. So I said: "Please come up. What are you doing under the table? What's wrong? Let's chat a bit." She just looked at me but didn't say anything. So I told her friends to do something. Her best friend just replied in a cold-hearted way: "She's a free person. What am I to do? Pull her from underneath the table? Obviously she doesn't want to deal with you anymore." I was completely dumbfounded. And I was humiliated because there were lots of students sitting nearby, giving me weird stares for getting "worked up". So I left. And that was it. She never replied to my text messages and emails and when I saw her in school, she went hiding under tables or behind teachers or friends. It was absolutely ridiculous. First I was extremely heart-broken about it but eventually the sadness turned into annoyance. I felt like I shouldn't let myself be played with like that. You shouldn't either. A few months later, I found a new girlfriend who was very different and treated me in a very sweet way. This was 10 years ago.

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    • 1mo

      She sounds like a weak person if she seriously had her friends do the dirty work for her. But at least it all worked out in the end!

    • 1mo

      @aWes0MeNeSs Yes, I'm sure she was. So my bottomline here is: if this ever happens to you (guys and girls), don't let yourself be pulled down. I know it's absolutely horrible because I experienced it myself. But I know there are nice girls out there. I found more than one so far in my life. And if there are nice girls, I'm almost certain there must be nice guys too.

    • 1mo

      Yes, you're right!

  • 1mo

    People, guys and girl, who ghost need to grow some balls. Adults should be able to deal with things in a mature manner. If you're no longer feeling the relationship (or whatever you have going on) tell the person instead of disappearing. Going AWOL is a pussy's way out.

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  • More from Guys
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What Girls Said 15

  • 1mo

    If you aren't over pursuing someone they can't ghost.

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  • 1mo

    Yeah, I've heard ghosting is common now too! It's a shame.

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  • 1mo

    I had this happen after four years of every day... it hurt so badly, I questioned everything about who I was, to what I could have done different. However as time has passed and I have finally moved forward, I think I see it that men are wonderful creatures, but when it comes to the emotional, or dealing with an emotional issue, it is just as easy to escape dealing with it. I don't question who I am anymore, I question more about how to open up communications in general.

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  • 6d

    perfect-

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  • 1mo

    Had that happen to me twice. If things aren't working out or there's no time, I would rather the guy tell me rather than disappear and reappear like nothing happen. End it and move on, don't leave me waiting to hear from you only to be ghosted again. It's the norm unfortunately.

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  • 1mo

    I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I know it hurts; I've been through this before. in my opinion, ghosting someone is a very cowardly and immature thing to do. I can't even begin to tell you how much I hate it when people do this!

    For me, I always rather hear/know the cold hard truth (no matter how much it hurts) than to just have them suddenly disappear on me because then I'd be left hanging in the dark wondering what's going on, what I did or said wrong, etc. No closure. It's unfair and very disrespectful, to say the least.

    Anyway, thank you for writing this take. I could feel how much this affected and hurt you from reading what you wrote :( I hope you're able to move past this and move on soon.
    /hugs

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  • 1mo

    Had this happen to me and it's the worst 😕 mostly because there is no closure. But I ended up calling him out on it and saying idc why you stopped talking, but if you don't have the balls to at least let me know we're done then I feel sorry for you because you're certainly no man!

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  • 1mo

    Thank you for posting this, it's so accurate. I went through this a couple months ago, this past July. It still hurts, honestly. I've thought about the guy a lot and part of me still misses him but I also have a lot of resentment and anger towards him for how he erased me without any explanation. We were seeing each other for 7 months. Same thing as you described above; met the family, friends, spent every weekend together, etc. The part I related to the most was when you described the impact on confidence and ego. That one got me. I felt so insecure and worthless afterwards. Like I was just another girl with no significance whatsoever. Easily tossed, erased, forgotten, replaced. This was my first experience being ghosted and it hurt like hell.

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    • 1mo

      Im so sorry that you're going through my pain. It leaves a scar on you and worse thing is you still think about them and get angry at yourself for so. 7 months is not easy at all

  • 1mo

    Good Take. I can see it's written from the heart. These are the takes I enjoy the most. ❤

    I felt a lump in my throat reading it , because it's very sad. I'm sure many people will relate to it, because ghosting happens far too often now. To both male and females

    I agree, people like that are just weak. It's a reflection on who they are as a person . It's an extremely cruel thing to do to anyone

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  • 1mo

    Ghosting is a super coward way of a guy to handle things.

    Its happening to me right now.

    It makes me wonder how can a person ghost so easily- just disappear like nothing happened... wouldn't pulling away be natural?

    then it hit me, the guy must have a lot of experience ghosting other girls, and probably didn't even mean anything he ever said.
    .

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    • 1mo

      I think they're weak minded people who are afraid of confrontation and facing their problems, so they choose to run away from them instead. They will eventually have to come to the realization that you can't run and hide from all of your problems.

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    • 1mo

      @Djaaaaaay i did not say women don't do this as well. But I'm talking about guys here cause a guy ghosted me not a girl. Never said girls dont

    • 1mo

      Asker... I'm not talking to you... just the opinion owner.

  • 1mo

    Id rather be ghosted on than the misery of the dumper making my life hell from moving on to happiness.. creeping about duping me. I've now ghosted on him for the 2 years of hell he has put me through. I've changed number, I avoid online sites he's on even deleted my social media and made new ones up with acronym of my name to never be found..

    I suggest u do the same. That way you aren't waiting for him to text. Once someone dumps you I wish people would follow that advice.. disappear to never be found. you'll feel better for it trust me.. he may try contact u again but it will be floating about dead air. He ghosts on you, you ghost on him. Never look back.

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  • 1mo

    Men "ghost" for good reasons only. That's all I'm going to say.

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    • 1mo

      Eh, not always. Sometimes it's just that they're weak minded individuals who are afraid of confrontation and would rather run away from their problems rather than facing them. Rather than facing the fact that the relationship isn't working out and needs to be ended, and that it should be done the right way, he'd rather run off and disappear because it's easier that way.

    • 1mo

      @aWes0MeNeSs If you understand men, you'd know that they aren't good communicators, nor are they good at dealing with emotions like women are - men deal with logic, ie, the masculine. Is it their fault? No. It all comes down to being a different species. You have two options:

      1) Blame & criticise men for being different
      2) Understand where they are coming from.

      I choose the second option. This is my opinion & the way I choose to be as a woman. ✌

    • 1mo

      I completely understand that they are different, but you can't tell me that they don't have the ability to know the difference between right and wrong, and that a grown man legitimately believes that running away from issues rather than facing them is the right way to handle things. The only guys I've ever known to ghost people (luckily, it hasn't happened to me, knock on wood) were little boys and not even close to being grown men. Grown men handle things a lot differently than immature little boys do.

  • 1mo

    Cowards. People hate to face up and take responsibility for their actions. It's much easier to tell a lie or just disappear than it is to be honest.

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  • 1mo

    That's crazy. I went through the same thing a few months ago. The exact thing you described. And he did it twice. Once I stayed away because of his behavior he pulled me in again and then that's when he just completely ghosted me. That's when hell broke loose! I told him off because he's never witness when someone falls onto my dark side and made him tell me the truth!. Now I show him he doesn't exist to me. Not worth my time or my emotions. especially to feel like crap. I guess you have to let sadness take over until you feel you are over it and then. All you can think lesson learned. I'm worth it damn! > : ).
    People just gotta stop ghosting! It ain't cool.

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  • 1mo

    I think that's a result of casual dating. I personally don't do that- if I don't like someone I'll tell them instead of just not replying.

    People have so many options these days with all of the dating apps. I've found myself doing this quite frequently too. I'll match with a guy on bumble and really enjoy talking to him- he'll ask to hang out a week from now but by that time comes, I'm already talking to someone else. Lol

    these apps are a problem for relationships

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    • 1mo

      Wait what " I personally don't do that- if I don't like someone I'll tell them instead of just not replying. "

      but then

      "I've found myself doing this quite frequently too. I'll match with a guy on bumble and really enjoy talking to him- he'll ask to hang out a week from now but by that time comes, I'm already talking to someone else. Lol "

    • 1mo

      @BubbleBoy69 I don't do it if I meet them in person... I just do it on apps.

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