How Having Two Boyfriends Actually Saved My Relationship

[Anonymous]

I have been dating my boyfriend for the past 2 years. With the ups and downs, breakups, fights, and getting back together...I realized that I am not done with him, or at least I am not ready to call it quits for good. The reason? We have our issues but at the end of the day, I know there is potential; he is just hard to handle.

I met the other guy in my life at work. He fully knew that I have a boyfriend of over 2 years and that we have our ups and downs. But most importantly he was okay with spending time with me, going on dates, (nothing physical ever), and getting to know me, while helping me see what it is that I want.

Over the past few months of my boyfriend being gone off and on for work, and me spending time with the other guy- I started to see that there was a change in how I acted and felt around my 2 year boyfriend.

For instance, I wouldn't nitpick, nor would I fight over things that had some meaning to me like I did in the past. I started to literally not care anymore, to the point where I pulled back so much...

To my surprise however, my boyfriend started putting in more effort and being a man, rather than a boy when he sensed that I was pulling away.

If we were in a fight, I would silently go to my room and spend time there. My boyfriend would wait a few moments and then come to me with an apology. Whereas before I would yell and we would get into a screaming match, leading to us not speaking for hours...

I also became more confident. I wasn't putting all of my eggs into one basket and that made me really feel empowered.

No matter what you want to call it, dysfunctional, wrong, etc... having the other guy in my life- helped me to not only grow, but save the relationship I have with my 2 year boyfriend.

[RainbowFanGirl]

So basically you are trying to justify you two-timing your long term boyfriend? Tell him about your experience using another guy as a guinea pig to "practice" with, and let's see how happy he'll be then, shall we?

No. There's no excuse to cheating ever. You're trying to act like a good person and that the cheating was justified, but no. Cheating is a cowardly act that weak-minded people do. I bet if he did this to you wouldn't see things the same way.

[RainbowFanGirl]

I eat downvotes for breakfast.

[RationalMale]

So in other words, you are two-timing someone who has been with you for two years. At best, you're a cheater who doesn't deserve any man's commitment. At worst you're basically cuckolding him. Either way, your two-year boyfriend should dump you and find a girl who is worthy of a man's loyalty.

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[Girlanony]

Lol I love your response... I thought exactly the same xD

[RationalMale]

@Girlanony why thank you.

[redeyemindtricks]

Haha... nice #clickbait title.

If there really WAS "nothing physical ever" (your words) with dude no. 2... then... you didn't even do anything wrong!

I mean, OK, I'm sure there was a fair amount of tension in those interactions -- but, tension can be FUN. Tension is something that can be ENJOYED... without any ambivalence, and without any "feeling torn" or "feeling conflicted" or actual sense of temptation.
From what you wrote, you not only enjoyed that tension -- and successfully navigated those interactions, while still staying faithful in yr primary relationship -- but also learned a fair amount about yr own needs, and about how to manage yr own relationship, along the way.
Honestly, I'd say everybody wins, here.

On top of that -- Lots of people would end up dissatisfied with their primary partner after something like this. Grass is always greener, etc.
Not only didn't you cheat, but you're STILL happy -- even happier, in fact -- with yr boyfriend!
No matter how this relationship ultimately ends up in the long-term... He should feel pretty damn good about that. <3

[SovereignessofVamps]

What do you think about emotional cheating? Lots of people say that's worse than physical cheating.

[redeyemindtricks]

@SovereignessofVamps Well... I mean... in my experience that doesn't tend to happen unless a girl is already "checked out" of her current relationship. With guys, I really don't know -- it's not as though guys would really open up about this sort of thing too often.

"Emotional cheating" would be something to look out for in a very long-term rl, **IF** we're dealing with someone (either man or woman) who tends to always IMMEDIATELY see the grass as greener somewhere else whenever there's any hint of a problem.
In that case, it would really be the more fundamental character trait -- the "grass is always greener" thing -- that would need to be addressed, rather than the isolated instance of emotional intimacy with someone else.

[SovereignessofVamps]

@redeyemindtricks Totally agree, and I think emotional cheating is hard to define anyway. I argued with people about it, but couldn't think of more points, on why it's hard to define, so hoped you had some xD

[Chief16]

I think you should let your boyfriend know how much 'effort' you're putting into this relationship, like finding another dummy boyfriend for practice and stuff. I'm sure he would appreciate it.
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[damnwinter]

this right here is my opinion. dafuq did I just read

[skykidx1]

Dude i camt even say anything becuase this ks perfect

[FatherJack]

Love the Gran Torino gif !! Clint Eastwood is the epitome of badass !!

[hellionthesagereborn]

So basicly your cheating on him, blaming him for it and claiming the relationship is better because you started cheating on him yet ironically admitted that you where the problem to begin with since it was you who stopped acting out that fixed the relationship. Basically you made an excellent case for why you should have no one and he deserves better then you.

[NexAngelus]

here is the part im confused on... so boyfriend #2 knows about bf#1 the main, but the main one does not know about the side bf? now while i COULD agree with ur story, if that is true taht is what most people would call cheating. please tell me u were NOT spending all that time with another man and u did not tell ur boyfriend about it? cause hell no that is not cool at all. u just lost all ur trust points if i was him.

[FemWorship]

Similar experiences with having two gals when one would turn into Hitler.
My advice: never go back, no matter how great the reform
There's a reason people stray or include others into the relationship = something's missing or distasteful and my experiences have proved... these may reform or submerge but only temporarily and if/when they come back, it's a slingshot effect = they come back in spades and with revenge on you, a real nightmare

[nothappyatall1]

same sit but neither is aware. met n fell in love while guy , an on line rel. was being a jerk bc he is young. both relationships r very intense emotionally. only one is physical. guilt is pure hell. never intended this, bc guy #1i was ready to stop online rel. but as i distanced myself he became more committed to point of devoted. going through difficult time n I absol cannot break up. If i were looking out for myself, would break off bc its online, and im in love w an amazing literal angel irl. I don't know wtf to do and so much stress. if i werent in this situation, i would prob. b just as judgmental. i could easily break up w online by provoking a fight , so that he doesn't feel dumped, but i can't do it. Im unable to, even realizing that this situation may lead me to end up alone

[Elarra]

"My [Lame] Justification For Emotionally Cheating On My Boyfriend"

There you go, title is fixed.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like it turned your boyfriend into a pansy if every argument just ends with him having to ask for your forgiveness. That's a huge disproportionate amount of power in the relationship.

It may have saved your relationship for the time being but that itself is going to create a whole brand new set of problems eventually when he starts to evaluate where he stands in the relationship.

[AleDeEurope]

So you wanted a man, but you still kept acting like a bitch...
What are disgusting person you are.

[skeptic002]

hun you are a women feel how you want trust me
you don't have much power

I also became more confident
that made me really feel empowered

LOL PLEASE STOP

[John_Doesnt]

Of course and it's perfectly okay for other guys to use you as a practice girl and have another girl on the side.

[Saoirse_Nua]

I don't think I could do it - It is a bit dysfunctional at the very least and your first boyfriend doesn't know so maybe a bit wrong, how would you feel if he had a second girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

This is obviously a troll. Here are two similar Mytakes from the same person:

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a32216-yes-i-m-a-cheater-here-s-why

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a32125-i-had-sex-with-my-bf-s-mate-i-m-glad-i-did

[SovereignessofVamps]

I had thought so...

[Bandit74]

So if you haven't done anything physical with the second guy then isn't he essentially just a platonic male friend you hang out with ocassionally?

[Prof_Don]

Damn, I feel bad for the 2nd guy. He didn't get any play nor any real loving companionship from you.

Sucks for him. :-/

[sedrftvgyhujik]

So you boyfriend doesn't know?
Its wrong if your doing it behind his back.

[Kuraj]

Nice piece of autobiography, right up there with Mein Kampf.

[bloodmountain1990]

2 at the same time? I don't think I can wrap my head around that.

[Anonymous]

Cool he should have gotten another girlfriend your reaction would have been great

[AnonGod]

If you can have multiple boyfriends, then I should be allowed to have multiple girlfriends, right?

Alas, I never had a girlfriend, and probably never will.