How Having Two Boyfriends Actually Saved My Relationship

I have been dating my boyfriend for the past 2 years. With the ups and downs, breakups, fights, and getting back together...I realized that I am not done with him, or at least I am not ready to call it quits for good. The reason? We have our issues but at the end of the day, I know there is potential; he is just hard to handle.

I met the other guy in my life at work. He fully knew that I have a boyfriend of over 2 years and that we have our ups and downs. But most importantly he was okay with spending time with me, going on dates, (nothing physical ever), and getting to know me, while helping me see what it is that I want.

Over the past few months of my boyfriend being gone off and on for work, and me spending time with the other guy- I started to see that there was a change in how I acted and felt around my 2 year boyfriend.

For instance, I wouldn't nitpick, nor would I fight over things that had some meaning to me like I did in the past. I started to literally not care anymore, to the point where I pulled back so much...

To my surprise however, my boyfriend started putting in more effort and being a man, rather than a boy when he sensed that I was pulling away.

If we were in a fight, I would silently go to my room and spend time there. My boyfriend would wait a few moments and then come to me with an apology. Whereas before I would yell and we would get into a screaming match, leading to us not speaking for hours...

I also became more confident. I wasn't putting all of my eggs into one basket and that made me really feel empowered.

No matter what you want to call it, dysfunctional, wrong, etc... having the other guy in my life- helped me to not only grow, but save the relationship I have with my 2 year boyfriend.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • So basically you are trying to justify you two-timing your long term boyfriend? Tell him about your experience using another guy as a guinea pig to "practice" with, and let's see how happy he'll be then, shall we?

    No. There's no excuse to cheating ever. You're trying to act like a good person and that the cheating was justified, but no. Cheating is a cowardly act that weak-minded people do. I bet if he did this to you wouldn't see things the same way.

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What Guys Said 33

  • I think you should let your boyfriend know how much 'effort' you're putting into this relationship, like finding another dummy boyfriend for practice and stuff. I'm sure he would appreciate it.
    media0.giphy.com/media/cQtlhD48EG0SY/giphy.gif

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  • So basicly your cheating on him, blaming him for it and claiming the relationship is better because you started cheating on him yet ironically admitted that you where the problem to begin with since it was you who stopped acting out that fixed the relationship. Basically you made an excellent case for why you should have no one and he deserves better then you.

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  • So you wanted a man, but you still kept acting like a bitch...
    What are disgusting person you are.

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  • Of course and it's perfectly okay for other guys to use you as a practice girl and have another girl on the side.

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  • here is the part im confused on... so boyfriend #2 knows about bf#1 the main, but the main one does not know about the side bf? now while i COULD agree with ur story, if that is true taht is what most people would call cheating. please tell me u were NOT spending all that time with another man and u did not tell ur boyfriend about it? cause hell no that is not cool at all. u just lost all ur trust points if i was him.

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  • So if you haven't done anything physical with the second guy then isn't he essentially just a platonic male friend you hang out with ocassionally?

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  • hun you are a women feel how you want trust me
    you don't have much power

    I also became more confident
    that made me really feel empowered

    LOL PLEASE STOP

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  • Similar experiences with having two gals when one would turn into Hitler.
    My advice: never go back, no matter how great the reform
    There's a reason people stray or include others into the relationship = something's missing or distasteful and my experiences have proved... these may reform or submerge but only temporarily and if/when they come back, it's a slingshot effect = they come back in spades and with revenge on you, a real nightmare

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  • Damn, I feel bad for the 2nd guy. He didn't get any play nor any real loving companionship from you.

    Sucks for him. :-/

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  • I don't think I could do it - It is a bit dysfunctional at the very least and your first boyfriend doesn't know so maybe a bit wrong, how would you feel if he had a second girlfriend?

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  • This is a terrible take, but w/e floats your boat.

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  • and then i hear that men are disgusting -_- smh

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  • does our boyfriend know about the other guy?

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    • still no answer... im guessing your relationship wouldn't be so peachy if he knew what a slut you are.

  • Nice piece of autobiography, right up there with Mein Kampf.

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  • 2 at the same time? I don't think I can wrap my head around that.

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  • So you boyfriend doesn't know?
    Its wrong if your doing it behind his back.

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  • I came here for the comments ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°

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  • Fan-tas-tic

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  • I'm sure if he did the same to you and ''saved his relationship'' you will give him a hard time if no time by breaking up.

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What Girls Said 7

  • Haha... nice #clickbait title.

    If there really WAS "nothing physical ever" (your words) with dude no. 2... then... you didn't even do anything wrong!

    I mean, OK, I'm sure there was a fair amount of tension in those interactions -- but, tension can be FUN. Tension is something that can be ENJOYED... without any ambivalence, and without any "feeling torn" or "feeling conflicted" or actual sense of temptation.
    From what you wrote, you not only enjoyed that tension -- and successfully navigated those interactions, while still staying faithful in yr primary relationship -- but also learned a fair amount about yr own needs, and about how to manage yr own relationship, along the way.
    Honestly, I'd say everybody wins, here.

    On top of that -- Lots of people would end up dissatisfied with their primary partner after something like this. Grass is always greener, etc.
    Not only didn't you cheat, but you're STILL happy -- even happier, in fact -- with yr boyfriend!
    No matter how this relationship ultimately ends up in the long-term... He should feel pretty damn good about that. <3

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    • What do you think about emotional cheating? Lots of people say that's worse than physical cheating.

    • @SovereignessofVamps Well... I mean... in my experience that doesn't tend to happen unless a girl is already "checked out" of her current relationship. With guys, I really don't know -- it's not as though guys would really open up about this sort of thing too often.

      "Emotional cheating" would be something to look out for in a very long-term rl, **IF** we're dealing with someone (either man or woman) who tends to always IMMEDIATELY see the grass as greener somewhere else whenever there's any hint of a problem.
      In that case, it would really be the more fundamental character trait -- the "grass is always greener" thing -- that would need to be addressed, rather than the isolated instance of emotional intimacy with someone else.

    • @redeyemindtricks Totally agree, and I think emotional cheating is hard to define anyway. I argued with people about it, but couldn't think of more points, on why it's hard to define, so hoped you had some xD

  • "My [Lame] Justification For Emotionally Cheating On My Boyfriend"

    There you go, title is fixed.

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  • Why are the pink anons so slooty?

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  • nice jobb

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  • Well whatever works... nothing physical happened so your good... he was a friend.

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  • So basically cheating is the answer to relationship problems? I can't say I agree.

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  • No, I don't see it.
    Your a two-timer. Using another guy... ha-ha-ha.
    You take relationships lightly. 😏

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