If the Nice Guys Could MAN UP a Little, I'd Date Them

When I was in high school, I remember arguing with my girlfriends about guys. Oh yeah, standard girl talk, you know?

I was vehement in my defense of the quintessential Nice Guy. I was a hopeless romantic and really, I still am (though my definition of that term has altered a bit). I loved the idea of a true gentleman, a guy who is just really sweet and caring and isn't afraid to show his soft side. I mean, I never wanted an over-emotional crybaby but I really liked the sentimental types. Guys who weren't afraid to be themselves and treated me like a princess. And before everyone flips out about the word "princess," I'm not talking about ALL the time and if any female is being honest, they will admit they want to feel like a princess every now and then.

Some of my friends were against the idea, saying the "nice guys" were always people you could talk to, but that was about it. They wouldn't stand up for you because they didn't have the balls, and speaking of balls...they tended to suck in bed. Why? Because they're so self-conscious they can't perform very well and no matter how often you reassure them, they're just going to get it stuck in their head that they're not good enough sexually. And somehow, that will turn back around and become MY fault. That's what my friends said and I still stood my ground. I wanted a nice guy.

So over the years, I've stuck to my guns and sought out the nice guys. Just like I said above, the sweet guys, the guys who were a little shy, the guys who could make me laugh, the guys who held doors for me and were adorably nervous and awkward, etc. I did it for a while. And you know what?

I'm over it.

I still want niceness and sweetness and respect. Who doesn't? But frankly, if I can get a lot of those traits from my girlfriends, what do I need YOU for? Men should be men; I'm a firm believer in that and I don't see why the nice guys can't also just MAN THE FUCK UP. At least occasionally, right? Jesus, just stop whining for two seconds and step into your big boy pants. I'm not your mother and I'm not your friend. I'm not just some girl who likes to hang out with you. If that's all you want, then fine, but that's not a boyfriend.

No, a boyfriend is a nice guy who's also a man. There are times when I get a little bitchy and irrational and yeah, this happens. I admit it. It's one of my flaws. Well, don't go crawl into a corner and hide! Call me on it! Say, "DAMN, you're on that bitchy streak again; maybe shut the fuck up for two minutes." A guy said this to me, as casually could be - not really mean, and with a wry little smile - and guess what? Now I'm dating him and it's pretty great. He holds doors and is sweet and respectful but there are times when he's a MAN, when I know he'll fight to the death for me. There are also times when I don't want this shy awkward lovemaking that so many "nice guys" think all girls love; there are times when I just want to be FUCKED. A good man should know the difference and be able to perform accordingly in both instances.

Unfortunately, if this relationship doesn't work out and I stick to my "nice guys are great" idea, I am going to have to make some changes. This guy and my previous experiences have shown me that the nice guy mentality only goes so far. About halfway, actually. If you can't manage to be a MAN for the other half of the time, step aside so the big boys can come in and play.

I don't like domination or submission, I don't believe there's any excuse for domestic violence of any kind and men should not be hitting women. But men can still be men. They can still be as caring and loving as humanly possible and still manage to make us swoon. I don't need more girlfriends; I want a member of the opposite sex with which to spend my life and I had better know you really ARE a member of the opposite sex. Get me?

One final thing: If you can't hit the sweet spot, guys, it is not - I repeat, NOT - my fault. I will bend over backwards for you and be the freakin' mother of your children and lie and cheat and murder for you because that's how fiercely I could love you. But that's my A Game and I only give it to those who have their OWN A Game.

'kisses' ;)


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What Guys Said 105

  • This made me laugh. Don't really see the need for guys to be see so hostile... all this says is she sort of wants it all (so what else is new from girls, right?) and at least she's honest. Isn't even remotely misandrist and I get the sneaking suspicion most guys who commented didn't read past the title. ;)

    But man, say anything about guys having to step up and be less pussy-ish around here and it's like the gong announcing an MGTOW meeting. :P

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    • Trust a administrator to back her up, proving once again that these social media sites are run by sexist man hating feminists, but it worse when some 'man' appeases them especially in such a cringeworthy way. You are clearly a 'nice guy' who needs to man up and grow a pair.

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    • @Jamesol1 You have a warning for flaming. I'd advise you not to comment again.

    • Suck these big irish balls you dope head.

  • I kinda feel like ripping you to shreds over the fact this doesn't really make sense, but I'm confident a bunch of other dudes are gonna flame you way harder so I'll just sit back, relax and
    media.giphy.com/media/GjYjLvGErsggg/giphy.gif

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  • He said to you, "DAMN, you're on that bitchy streak again; maybe shut the fuck up for two minutes." <--- Okay, that phrase right there proves you don't want a nice guy. That's not a nice guy. "I still want niceness and sweetness and respect." <-- This one officially proves you want a man with multiple personality disorder. "Now I'm dating him and it's pretty great." <---Oh, good for you. Why would you waste your precious time writing this myTake called "If The Nice guys Could MAN UP a Little, I'd Date Them"? You are full of contradictions. Okay now, run along. Have fun dating mr. Right :)

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  • Stereotype, empty words, you have no idea about how " nice guys" think , just trying to make less of a man out of them and cuckolding them. #stfu

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  • No you won't. Let's get that out of the way right away.

    The minute they do assert themselves, you'll "feel uncomfortable" and slap them with TROs out of the thin blue - even if all they did was call you out on something.

    I've seen this movie played out a dozen times, and it never does make good on the promises it so freely doles out.

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  • From your take it sounds like you want a guy with split personality disorder. You want the romance and thoughtfulness but you also want an aggressive "man" that tells you to "shut the fuck up". Maybe you need to tone down what you mean by "man up" to being assertive and letting you know when you are wrong and not letting you walk all over them. Sex is like everything else in life if you aren't willing to tell them what you want don't expect to get it. If you don't tell someone they aren't giving you what you need to be satisfied it is your fault you are not satisfied.

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  • Until women get fed up with being knocked up without a man who will stay, enjoy being beaten, sexually and verbally abused and get tired of what kind of freak their friends think they should be with this will never end.

    Turn off the TV. Power down your Internet device.

    Grow up. Wake up.

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  • I'm just here to observe.
    Also can you actually try making some semblance of sense

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  • Just from the title alone, I can tell you it's women like you that are why I used to be a nice guy but now I'm as mean a son of a bitch as possible JUST for the sake of hurting women's feelings.

    Woman up. It's called equality. You all wanted it, now deal with it.

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  • I am going to put everything out on the table here. Don't get pissed at me for telling like it is.

    When I was on Facebook one day, just surfing through a relationship group, this one girl said the following:

    "I want a man who will tell me shut the fuck up, push me up against the wall and show a backbone with me and tell me when I'm out of line and should set me in my place.. That is how a real man should act."

    I was reading over your Take, you what you said sounds pretty similar to that. So, in your opinion, a REAL MAN is someone who shows respect for his wife, but also treats her like a three year old, right?

    You probably think these are real men as well:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98qw86DsdZ0

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HeHUQAnzpF0

    Do you think that these men treating their women like lesser people is what a "REAL MAN" does?

    It's funny... a lot of women that have all these ideals of a "REAL MAN" are usually the ones that don't have their dad's in their life, and they usually end up dating men who are aggressive, don't do much in life or are in trouble with the law... because they think that is masculinity.

    I had my dad in my life, and he taught me the following:
    1. Always treat a woman with respect. If a woman does not return that respect, she is not worth your time and you need to leave her.
    2. When you get into a relationship, the woman is not below you or above you... she is your equal, your partner, and you must work as a team.

    Those are a couple of things my dad taught me about women and relationships.

    I am a good guy; I consider myself to be one. I expect the woman I am with to be a good woman as well. I understand that all of us have our bad days... BUT I am not going to snap on my woman and tell her to "Shut the fuck up and go to her room"... or any of that bull shit. I am the type of guy that will ask her about her day, have her open up and tell me what's wrong. If she needs space, I will give her that space. That is how a real man handles things.

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    • Furthermore, you are 34 and you are still single. I can see why. I dated a 37 year old (she didn't have her father in her life either... ever)... she she kept telling me her ideals of a real man. She also didn't have a real relationship in 10 years... because all of her exes were abusive towards her. However... when I showed her some respect, she basically said I wasn't a real man and that I need to be more aggressive.

      It's time to grow up and get out of that high school mindset of what a real man is. Once you get out of that mindset, find a good, respectable and healthy relationship with be a lot easier for you.

    • That's some very wise and good advice your dad gave you.

  • What @rossan described were not nice guys. They were sad and frightened males who had serious confidence, communication and self-esteem issues.
    I have always considered myself to be a decent, ethical and honourable man. To me, that is a 'nice guy'.
    I am also capable of acts that some (especially women) would consider to be extreme brutality, because there are times when that is what is required. I am a former soldier and a life-long student of a martial art. Charlie, Jamal and Abdul do not respond to the 'muh feels' approach of today's special snowflakes, nor have they been subjected to gender sensitivity or toxic masculinity lectures.
    It has been my experience and observation that young females do not want good men. They want scumbags, who treat women like shit, have little education (both formal and informal) and have room-temperature IQs.
    Young women confuse a lack of manners and other aspects of civility with the traits of an alpha male. Hence, they become all tingly when they encounter a bad boy, or some other variety of sociopath. It is not until women are about 30 that they begin to be able to distinguish between a bad boy and a true alpha male. Some women never learn the difference.
    I wish @rossan well in her search, but time is not on her side.
    Based on current trends, it would not be unreasonable to speculate that about a decade from now the number of MGTOW in the West will be about the same as the current number of the Soushoku Danshi (grass-eating men) in Japan, where an estimated 60 per cent of men in the 20 to 40 age range are not interested in women (1). No marriage, relationships, dating or even sex. Full MGTOW monk.
    (1) www.shavemagazine.com/politics/The-Soushoku-Danshi

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  • There is a difference between a nice guy and a pushover girls seem to think the two are synonomous. They aren't, i know plenty of 'nice guys' who actually have a backbone and are indeed quite attractive to girls. Much like i know a few pushovers.

    I used to be a pushover till i got a hard dose of reality at uni in the form of depression and since then i've gradually begun to improve myself in the sense of having a backbone

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  • LOL, I say treat women how you wanna treat them. If that's with respect then great. If you wanna treat them like bitches then that's also cool. It doesn't really matter anyways because if you show them a little spine then most of them wilt anyways. Thats how girls get taken advantage of; by guys being dominant and taking what they want, and girls going along with it because they want a 'man'.

    Look, if a guy isn't 'man' enough for you then he's not compatible with you, and you shouldn't shame a guy into changing into something that he's not in order to please you. That's not fair to him and he should find someone that appreciates him. So, stop being a sexist bitch 😊

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  • www.court-records.net/.../miles-shrug(d).gif

    "But frankly, if I can get a lot of those traits from my girlfriends, what do I need YOU for?"

    What traits are you talking about? You keep saying "man" but all I hear is you want stereotypical idea of what society places a man to be. Seems like it isn't a nice guy issue, seems it's just the issue that you don't like guys you don't find attractive.

    Circular reasoning incoming: 'He is a nice guy so I don't find him attractive and because I find him attractive, he definitely isn't a nice guy."

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  • It's always the "I can be anything" types of girls who want to toss men into two categories, the ones who'd rail against similar categorization with their dying breath. Remember, hon, guys are people, too.

    Those dudes who are "here to watch"... I'm sure that's what you enjoy doing when your Honduran lawn boy comes over to plow your woman.

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  • What is this garbage? This makes absolutely no sense. What the hell do you mean by "man up?" I see so many double standards. This is all misandry against men whether or not you like to admit it. I'm not a nice guy, so I'm not biased by the way... Oh yeah, I'm asexual/aromantic so I wouldn't be interested in dating you. This garbage makes so proud that I don't have to deal with women who think like you.

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  • All this talk about how nice guys suck. That is interesting.

    What you really mean is. I want a man that has his life together, he has to look and maintain a certain look. He has to have his life together. Better do what I say and fill my unrealistic expectations. If you don't I will hang you in court since the system swings in my favor. If one thing slips. I am going to show you my true intention and bring on the Armageddon.

    Women scare me these days. Why can't men and women come together with out all of this socially conditioned bullshit. I am going to have to go to a museum to see what a real woman looks like.

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  • Hell yes! Haha nice take. Why the hell shouldn't men be manly? And here's a secret... A lot of nice guys turn into manly men. Just takes time.

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  • I didn't understand this take, but the opinions warned me to not to reread it.

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  • FUCK YOU!!!

    Not you. My computer's deciding that now's the perfect time to be a dick. Just allow me to try my hardest to respond to this without accidentally pressing "submit" or some random-ass link.

    Okay, FIRST. Your demands for a guy are completely reasonable, as is your assessment of "nice guys."

    The only thing I will truly criticize is your belief that the kind of sex a guy prefers has to do with how much of a man he is. A lot of manly guys prefer lovemaking as do a lot of normally less manly guys like to plain fuck. It's personal preference.

    In terms of the CONTEXT of your preferences, it doesn't help that it's rare for a family in modern day America to understand the value of gender roles. Most guys now are either raised by families where the woman is the aggressively dominant figure, single mother, or even worse, single motherS (that's plural). So what knowledge do we actually HAVE to draw from?

    *Pussy-ass fathers who'll tell you to bend over backwards and make every other sentence "here's all my money."

    *PUA which is basically pussies who pretend to know stuff.

    *Or modern masculine men who are on too much of a high horse to share what they know, so they end up saying things like "have a big black dick" or whatever.

    In short, good luck.

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    • On a side note, I was thinking about this Take earlier today and something hit me. What is your opinion on guys who prefer love-making to primal fucking?

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What Girls Said 20

  • The title made me afraid to read this. Nice guys don't have to 'Man up' whatever that means, and that's the thing; people have their own ideas and definitions of what being a man, woman, pretty, ugly, fat, skinny, etc. is. So, how do we know you're right?

    Nice guys are taken for granted so much that it really hurts to see them succeed last.

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    • Wow I am moved by this comment. Want this to have a million upvotes. Thanks, this made my day. 😊

  • This comes across so entitled... you demand a guy be so many things because you're a princess and deserve it? Really? And then you bash any man who doesn't fit into your tiny box but don't seem to offer much other than assuming you're a princess. Nah. This is bad.

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  • All this Take doe is assume what a real man is.

    A real man is a man who will treat you with dignity and respect, not one who is asserting his testosterone all the time. Your Take is EXTREMELY shallow. So because a guy is macho he's not a man? Fuck outta here with that. If I find a guy who treats me right, is straight, and respects me, I'll give him a chance.

    A man doesn't tell you that you're on a bitchy streak and cuss at you, either. That just shows how little respect you have for yourself. Honestly, I just want to vomit all over your Take. Your views are complete crap. You just stereotyped the MESS out of men and that's not right.

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  • A man can be a man and manly yet still be nice, in fact a real wonderful man is nice. Nice doesn't mean pushover or extremely shy it just means he is kind and not mean. You can have both, and females saying that you can not and trying to make nice men seem wimpy is wrong and does a disservice to kind people especially kind men. Thank you to the men who are nice and kind, no matter what some females say..,

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  • You're basically me x'D and your man sounds similar to mine, though we're both southern, so he's got that southern "try not to swear around the ladies" thing.
    He's called me a brat before though, because I think I was being a brat. Like I don't remember what I said, but I'm 100% positive it warranted being called a brat. But like the way your dude said it, he didn't say it in like some mean verbally abusive way, it was like he took a look at how irrational and bitchy I was being and kinda laughed it off and was like "You're a brat, you know that?"

    He treats me like a little princess though it's funny x'D AND I LOVE IT. But the dude I dated almost RIGHT before him, I broke things off with like RIGHT away because like you said, I DON'T WANT A GIRLFRIEND FOR A BOYFRIEND. No, I need a guy who can call me on my shit and still be willing to catch the mice, and hold my hand <3

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  • Haha Why is everyone just observing here? haha

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  • **READS TITLE***

    YUP... some people gonna piss themselves reading this. Im just here to watch!

    http://i.imgur.com/PijcGEU.gif

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  • how nice

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  • I get what you're saying...

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  • : Damon Salvatore of the vapire diaries is what you ask for?

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  • . thanks for sharing

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  • Damn, well said. I completely agree with you.

    Perfect MyTake. People should take notes from this for how a proper mytake should be written.

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  • Please have a quick look at this and tell me if these two resonate with you at all. I wrote them a while ago, so this might help sort out your thoughts on the most basic, logical level:

    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a8369-what-women-really-want-cutting-trough-the-nice-guy-alpha-male

    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a8361-cutting-through-the-nice-guy-alpha-male-confidence-bullshit

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  • Well, men have always been men since the cavemen days but along came this feminist movement and tried to "pussify" men and this is what we got. So don't go crying because you want a guy like this because us women created this shit... now we have to deal with it.

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  • You know what I find REALLY funny? How young girls have two options. The douche who cheats and treats her like shit. And the good boy who is shy. Now, this is the part I find funny. Young girls LOVE the fantasy of changing a man. Both of these men need changing.

    The impossible one. The douche into a one girl kinda guy who respects her.

    And the easy one. Make a shy guy more confident.

    Who does she choose? The one guy who WILL NOT CHANGE!. Ever! Ask any older woman. The asshole will not change until he settles down. And even then, he still tries to cheat if he can. Why do you young girls go for the impossible one to change instead of the good boy who you CAN change?

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    • Why do think they try and change us to suit them.

    • @bobbyxx because women have a lot of pride. I can admit this. We never admit when we're wrong and never say sorry. So if we can change a guy who can get any girl, into a gentleman who loves only us. That gives us MAD bragging rights over other women. Same reason a girl loves a big diamond ring, fancy clothes, expensive shoes. To show off and prove that we're better.

    • It is amazing how intelligently you write for such a young person. I see a lot of honesty and understanding of both genders in your post above.

  • Whatever happened to just meeting someone you get along with, and going from there? When you're in a relationship, you're supposed to see your significant other as a best friend as well as someone you're intimate with. I can never understand these Takes when it comes to 'nice' guys or 'alpha' males and all that. Of course people have preferences, but this Take and a lot of other Takes on here make it seem like there is some kind of rule guide men or women have to follow. It should be about meeting someone you connect with, and going from there.

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  • I really appreciate a nice guy, and I too am into a "manly man" but nice guy doesn't = pussy. A man who treats me with respect and is "nice" meaning he is sweet to me, caring, affectionate, and doens't tell me to shut up... that's a true gentleman. If I'm being "bitchy" and my guy told me that, I don't see that as more of a man, but a turn off. If you are into jerks, then cool but they're no where near a being a "manly man," they're the exact opposite

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  • There's a difference between nice guys and a pussy. It's so annoying when people use them interchangeably. They're very very different to each other. A nice guy is still a man, he's a real man who was raised right, he's strong and kind, he has his own mind, a pussy is just a pussy... no opinions, you tell him to shut up and he'll say sorry he annoyed you, you order him around instead of asking him and he'll do it... Pussies are no good for anybody.

    A nice guy is just a real man, just like a decent girl is a real woman. Both underrated, both confused with pussies or stupidity, both jackpots if you get one.

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