When I was in high school, I remember arguing with my girlfriends about guys. Oh yeah, standard girl talk, you know?
I was vehement in my defense of the quintessential Nice Guy. I was a hopeless romantic and really, I still am (though my definition of that term has altered a bit). I loved the idea of a true gentleman, a guy who is just really sweet and caring and isn't afraid to show his soft side. I mean, I never wanted an over-emotional crybaby but I really liked the sentimental types. Guys who weren't afraid to be themselves and treated me like a princess. And before everyone flips out about the word "princess," I'm not talking about ALL the time and if any female is being honest, they will admit they want to feel like a princess every now and then.
Some of my friends were against the idea, saying the "nice guys" were always people you could talk to, but that was about it. They wouldn't stand up for you because they didn't have the balls, and speaking of balls...they tended to suck in bed. Why? Because they're so self-conscious they can't perform very well and no matter how often you reassure them, they're just going to get it stuck in their head that they're not good enough sexually. And somehow, that will turn back around and become MY fault. That's what my friends said and I still stood my ground. I wanted a nice guy.
So over the years, I've stuck to my guns and sought out the nice guys. Just like I said above, the sweet guys, the guys who were a little shy, the guys who could make me laugh, the guys who held doors for me and were adorably nervous and awkward, etc. I did it for a while. And you know what?
I'm over it.
I still want niceness and sweetness and respect. Who doesn't? But frankly, if I can get a lot of those traits from my girlfriends, what do I need YOU for? Men should be men; I'm a firm believer in that and I don't see why the nice guys can't also just MAN THE FUCK UP. At least occasionally, right? Jesus, just stop whining for two seconds and step into your big boy pants. I'm not your mother and I'm not your friend. I'm not just some girl who likes to hang out with you. If that's all you want, then fine, but that's not a boyfriend.
No, a boyfriend is a nice guy who's also a man. There are times when I get a little bitchy and irrational and yeah, this happens. I admit it. It's one of my flaws. Well, don't go crawl into a corner and hide! Call me on it! Say, "DAMN, you're on that bitchy streak again; maybe shut the fuck up for two minutes." A guy said this to me, as casually could be - not really mean, and with a wry little smile - and guess what? Now I'm dating him and it's pretty great. He holds doors and is sweet and respectful but there are times when he's a MAN, when I know he'll fight to the death for me. There are also times when I don't want this shy awkward lovemaking that so many "nice guys" think all girls love; there are times when I just want to be FUCKED. A good man should know the difference and be able to perform accordingly in both instances.
Unfortunately, if this relationship doesn't work out and I stick to my "nice guys are great" idea, I am going to have to make some changes. This guy and my previous experiences have shown me that the nice guy mentality only goes so far. About halfway, actually. If you can't manage to be a MAN for the other half of the time, step aside so the big boys can come in and play.
I don't like domination or submission, I don't believe there's any excuse for domestic violence of any kind and men should not be hitting women. But men can still be men. They can still be as caring and loving as humanly possible and still manage to make us swoon. I don't need more girlfriends; I want a member of the opposite sex with which to spend my life and I had better know you really ARE a member of the opposite sex. Get me?
One final thing: If you can't hit the sweet spot, guys, it is not - I repeat, NOT - my fault. I will bend over backwards for you and be the freakin' mother of your children and lie and cheat and murder for you because that's how fiercely I could love you. But that's my A Game and I only give it to those who have their OWN A Game.