If the Nice Guys Could MAN UP a Little, I'd Date Them

When I was in high school, I remember arguing with my girlfriends about guys. Oh yeah, standard girl talk, you know?

I was vehement in my defense of the quintessential Nice Guy. I was a hopeless romantic and really, I still am (though my definition of that term has altered a bit). I loved the idea of a true gentleman, a guy who is just really sweet and caring and isn't afraid to show his soft side. I mean, I never wanted an over-emotional crybaby but I really liked the sentimental types. Guys who weren't afraid to be themselves and treated me like a princess. And before everyone flips out about the word "princess," I'm not talking about ALL the time and if any female is being honest, they will admit they want to feel like a princess every now and then.

Some of my friends were against the idea, saying the "nice guys" were always people you could talk to, but that was about it. They wouldn't stand up for you because they didn't have the balls, and speaking of balls...they tended to suck in bed. Why? Because they're so self-conscious they can't perform very well and no matter how often you reassure them, they're just going to get it stuck in their head that they're not good enough sexually. And somehow, that will turn back around and become MY fault. That's what my friends said and I still stood my ground. I wanted a nice guy.

So over the years, I've stuck to my guns and sought out the nice guys. Just like I said above, the sweet guys, the guys who were a little shy, the guys who could make me laugh, the guys who held doors for me and were adorably nervous and awkward, etc. I did it for a while. And you know what?

I'm over it.

I still want niceness and sweetness and respect. Who doesn't? But frankly, if I can get a lot of those traits from my girlfriends, what do I need YOU for? Men should be men; I'm a firm believer in that and I don't see why the nice guys can't also just MAN THE FUCK UP. At least occasionally, right? Jesus, just stop whining for two seconds and step into your big boy pants. I'm not your mother and I'm not your friend. I'm not just some girl who likes to hang out with you. If that's all you want, then fine, but that's not a boyfriend.

No, a boyfriend is a nice guy who's also a man. There are times when I get a little bitchy and irrational and yeah, this happens. I admit it. It's one of my flaws. Well, don't go crawl into a corner and hide! Call me on it! Say, "DAMN, you're on that bitchy streak again; maybe shut the fuck up for two minutes." A guy said this to me, as casually could be - not really mean, and with a wry little smile - and guess what? Now I'm dating him and it's pretty great. He holds doors and is sweet and respectful but there are times when he's a MAN, when I know he'll fight to the death for me. There are also times when I don't want this shy awkward lovemaking that so many "nice guys" think all girls love; there are times when I just want to be FUCKED. A good man should know the difference and be able to perform accordingly in both instances.

Unfortunately, if this relationship doesn't work out and I stick to my "nice guys are great" idea, I am going to have to make some changes. This guy and my previous experiences have shown me that the nice guy mentality only goes so far. About halfway, actually. If you can't manage to be a MAN for the other half of the time, step aside so the big boys can come in and play.

I don't like domination or submission, I don't believe there's any excuse for domestic violence of any kind and men should not be hitting women. But men can still be men. They can still be as caring and loving as humanly possible and still manage to make us swoon. I don't need more girlfriends; I want a member of the opposite sex with which to spend my life and I had better know you really ARE a member of the opposite sex. Get me?

One final thing: If you can't hit the sweet spot, guys, it is not - I repeat, NOT - my fault. I will bend over backwards for you and be the freakin' mother of your children and lie and cheat and murder for you because that's how fiercely I could love you. But that's my A Game and I only give it to those who have their OWN A Game.

'kisses' ;)


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What Guys Said 105

  • 20d

    He said to you, "DAMN, you're on that bitchy streak again; maybe shut the fuck up for two minutes." <--- Okay, that phrase right there proves you don't want a nice guy. That's not a nice guy. "I still want niceness and sweetness and respect." <-- This one officially proves you want a man with multiple personality disorder. "Now I'm dating him and it's pretty great." <---Oh, good for you. Why would you waste your precious time writing this myTake called "If The Nice guys Could MAN UP a Little, I'd Date Them"? You are full of contradictions. Okay now, run along. Have fun dating mr. Right :)

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  • 20d

    This made me laugh. Don't really see the need for guys to be see so hostile... all this says is she sort of wants it all (so what else is new from girls, right?) and at least she's honest. Isn't even remotely misandrist and I get the sneaking suspicion most guys who commented didn't read past the title. ;)

    But man, say anything about guys having to step up and be less pussy-ish around here and it's like the gong announcing an MGTOW meeting. :P

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    • 20d

      Trust a administrator to back her up, proving once again that these social media sites are run by sexist man hating feminists, but it worse when some 'man' appeases them especially in such a cringeworthy way. You are clearly a 'nice guy' who needs to man up and grow a pair.

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    • 15d

      @Jamesol1 You have a warning for flaming. I'd advise you not to comment again.

    • 15d

      Suck these big irish balls you dope head.

  • 20d

    I'm just here to observe.
    Also can you actually try making some semblance of sense

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  • 20d

    Lmao I can see why gag featured this.

    Touche gag.

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  • 20d

    I'm just here to observe.

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  • 6h

    All this talk about how nice guys suck. That is interesting.

    What you really mean is. I want a man that has his life together, he has to look and maintain a certain look. He has to have his life together. Better do what I say and fill my unrealistic expectations. If you don't I will hang you in court since the system swings in my favor. If one thing slips. I am going to show you my true intention and bring on the Armageddon.

    Women scare me these days. Why can't men and women come together with out all of this socially conditioned bullshit. I am going to have to go to a museum to see what a real woman looks like.

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  • 6h

    You're the kind of woman that is the reason I became a dick.

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  • 14d

    In what way should I man up?

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  • 15d

    Lmao, I stop giving a fuck. Just buy chicks, drink beers and have fun in life.

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  • 15d

    So if nice guys were more assholish you'd like them more? then they wouldn't be nice guys would they?

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  • 15d

    Yeah, that's normal.

    Unfortunately, our society and culture do a really really terrible job of taking nice young boys and turning them into nice, confident men. We basically tell them to stay as well behaved boys, while their asshole peers run off quickly and become shitty young men.

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  • 15d

    The 34 year old woman now decides she's going to give up on nice guys because all the good one's married someone else. Nicely done, lady, good luck. I can't wait till your new Take at 43.

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  • 15d

    All women have a slutty side and want to be fucked and disrespected every once in a while. This is nothing new 😂

    I learned this a while back. Being a nice guy doesn't cut it. And being a good girl doesn't work for women either.

    Good girls end up with bad boys
    And nice guys end up with ugly girls

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  • 15d

    i disagree with everything you wrote because everyone has different personalities.

    it cannot be that every nice guy is the same because everyone is different on they way they interact with people.

    i know so many great fathers that treat their wives and children very well but they all have flaws in them like everyone.

    everyone has their own preference.

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  • 15d

    Nice take. And nice read. I will keep some of these points in mind

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  • 16d

    Why don't women ever WOMAN UP?

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  • 16d

    you r not a mature woman u r a immature woman.

    you also dont know what love is.

    and dont know what a woman is.

    a mature woman can be young and not a fully grown adult.

    but you have to separate venting from what should be done

    there's a lot more i could say but id waste time

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  • 16d

    Another confused woman, we need to let the domestic violence abusers out to keep these girls happy

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  • 16d

    You're 34 and still dating? I hope not

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  • 16d

    LOL! On the wrong side of 30 I see... I think you will be the one manning-up when the wall hit's you in the face.. Literally!

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  • More from Guys
    85

What Girls Said 20

  • 19d

    Haha Why is everyone just observing here? haha

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  • 20d

    All this Take doe is assume what a real man is.

    A real man is a man who will treat you with dignity and respect, not one who is asserting his testosterone all the time. Your Take is EXTREMELY shallow. So because a guy is macho he's not a man? Fuck outta here with that. If I find a guy who treats me right, is straight, and respects me, I'll give him a chance.

    A man doesn't tell you that you're on a bitchy streak and cuss at you, either. That just shows how little respect you have for yourself. Honestly, I just want to vomit all over your Take. Your views are complete crap. You just stereotyped the MESS out of men and that's not right.

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  • 6d

    . thanks for sharing

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  • 7d

    how nice

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  • 19d

    A man can be a man and manly yet still be nice, in fact a real wonderful man is nice. Nice doesn't mean pushover or extremely shy it just means he is kind and not mean. You can have both, and females saying that you can not and trying to make nice men seem wimpy is wrong and does a disservice to kind people especially kind men. Thank you to the men who are nice and kind, no matter what some females say..,

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  • 20d

    **READS TITLE***

    YUP... some people gonna piss themselves reading this. Im just here to watch!

    http://i.imgur.com/PijcGEU.gif

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  • 20d

    : Damon Salvatore of the vapire diaries is what you ask for?

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  • 20d

    Please have a quick look at this and tell me if these two resonate with you at all. I wrote them a while ago, so this might help sort out your thoughts on the most basic, logical level:

    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a8369-what-women-really-want-cutting-trough-the-nice-guy-alpha-male

    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a8361-cutting-through-the-nice-guy-alpha-male-confidence-bullshit

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  • 20d

    Well, men have always been men since the cavemen days but along came this feminist movement and tried to "pussify" men and this is what we got. So don't go crying because you want a guy like this because us women created this shit... now we have to deal with it.

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  • 20d

    You know what I find REALLY funny? How young girls have two options. The douche who cheats and treats her like shit. And the good boy who is shy. Now, this is the part I find funny. Young girls LOVE the fantasy of changing a man. Both of these men need changing.

    The impossible one. The douche into a one girl kinda guy who respects her.

    And the easy one. Make a shy guy more confident.

    Who does she choose? The one guy who WILL NOT CHANGE!. Ever! Ask any older woman. The asshole will not change until he settles down. And even then, he still tries to cheat if he can. Why do you young girls go for the impossible one to change instead of the good boy who you CAN change?

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    • 20d

      Why do think they try and change us to suit them.

    • 20d

      @bobbyxx because women have a lot of pride. I can admit this. We never admit when we're wrong and never say sorry. So if we can change a guy who can get any girl, into a gentleman who loves only us. That gives us MAD bragging rights over other women. Same reason a girl loves a big diamond ring, fancy clothes, expensive shoes. To show off and prove that we're better.

    • 16d

      It is amazing how intelligently you write for such a young person. I see a lot of honesty and understanding of both genders in your post above.

  • 20d

    Whatever happened to just meeting someone you get along with, and going from there? When you're in a relationship, you're supposed to see your significant other as a best friend as well as someone you're intimate with. I can never understand these Takes when it comes to 'nice' guys or 'alpha' males and all that. Of course people have preferences, but this Take and a lot of other Takes on here make it seem like there is some kind of rule guide men or women have to follow. It should be about meeting someone you connect with, and going from there.

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  • 20d

    This comes across so entitled... you demand a guy be so many things because you're a princess and deserve it? Really? And then you bash any man who doesn't fit into your tiny box but don't seem to offer much other than assuming you're a princess. Nah. This is bad.

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  • 20d

    You're basically me x'D and your man sounds similar to mine, though we're both southern, so he's got that southern "try not to swear around the ladies" thing.
    He's called me a brat before though, because I think I was being a brat. Like I don't remember what I said, but I'm 100% positive it warranted being called a brat. But like the way your dude said it, he didn't say it in like some mean verbally abusive way, it was like he took a look at how irrational and bitchy I was being and kinda laughed it off and was like "You're a brat, you know that?"

    He treats me like a little princess though it's funny x'D AND I LOVE IT. But the dude I dated almost RIGHT before him, I broke things off with like RIGHT away because like you said, I DON'T WANT A GIRLFRIEND FOR A BOYFRIEND. No, I need a guy who can call me on my shit and still be willing to catch the mice, and hold my hand <3

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  • 20d

    The title made me afraid to read this. Nice guys don't have to 'Man up' whatever that means, and that's the thing; people have their own ideas and definitions of what being a man, woman, pretty, ugly, fat, skinny, etc. is. So, how do we know you're right?

    Nice guys are taken for granted so much that it really hurts to see them succeed last.

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    • 20d

      Wow I am moved by this comment. Want this to have a million upvotes. Thanks, this made my day. 😊

  • 20d

    I get what you're saying...

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  • 20d

    I really appreciate a nice guy, and I too am into a "manly man" but nice guy doesn't = pussy. A man who treats me with respect and is "nice" meaning he is sweet to me, caring, affectionate, and doens't tell me to shut up... that's a true gentleman. If I'm being "bitchy" and my guy told me that, I don't see that as more of a man, but a turn off. If you are into jerks, then cool but they're no where near a being a "manly man," they're the exact opposite

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  • 20d

    There's a difference between nice guys and a pussy. It's so annoying when people use them interchangeably. They're very very different to each other. A nice guy is still a man, he's a real man who was raised right, he's strong and kind, he has his own mind, a pussy is just a pussy... no opinions, you tell him to shut up and he'll say sorry he annoyed you, you order him around instead of asking him and he'll do it... Pussies are no good for anybody.

    A nice guy is just a real man, just like a decent girl is a real woman. Both underrated, both confused with pussies or stupidity, both jackpots if you get one.

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  • 21d

    Damn, well said. I completely agree with you.

    Perfect MyTake. People should take notes from this for how a proper mytake should be written.

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