Advice to Shy Teenagers

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Advice to Shy Teenagers

There's a Difference Between Love and Worship

Shy people tend to be insecure about things that would cause people to look down on them or not want to be them. A classic part of high school humor is that made at the expense of someone for the comedic enjoyment of others. Yet, being mocked is the opposite of worship not the opposite of love and can often overlap with love itself. In other words, you can have a perfect body and everyone can be intimidated of you and think you're the best, but hate you or you can be a pudgy mess and everyone can love you. This reveals that there isn't a coorelation between having cars, looks, status and being loved. This means that if you're looking to actually have friends and be a bit more popular the key isn't to go to the gym buy a bunch of clothes or do everything perfectly. The key is to engage other people, learn how to navigate social cues and difficult personalities, and generally be "on" and never act like you don't feel like talking to someone. Yes, to a small extent looking like the people you're trying to get along with can help you bond with them but generally people care more about you liking them then themselves liking you so being friendly does a lot of the work.

Advice to Shy Teenagers

If you're shy it's probably because you understand social cues too well not too poorly

You used to watch tv shows where the guy would ask a girl who didn't even know his name but he had been thinking about being her boyfriend for years to go out for ice cream and she blows him off really harshly and you'd cringe so hard you couldn't even stand to look at the screen for the next five seconds. This is because you actually are SO TUNED into social cues that you truly see when someone is violating them and it causes physical discomfort. A lot of success with people comes from ignoring or being completely blind to social cues (see: the election of Donald Trump.) While delusional confidence can be annoying in large doses, it generally has the effect of not being restrained by what social cues allow. A social cue, for those who might not be sure what i'm talking about, is like you coming home and hugging your mother versus you passing your neighbor at the local grocery store and hugging them. The first shows an understanding of the social cue and the second shows a lack of understanding. This is an extreme example but on a more subtle level people observe and break social cues all the time everyday. Anyway, the key to understanding social cues better than most people is not to get shy and introverted but to get creative. For instance, you're at a formal party and are there to network. You know no one and, technically, there's very few social cues going on that allow you to meet anyone. What does exist? You could hang out by the bar and grab people for conversation as they wait for drinks. Or, you can approach someone of the same gender as you at the party and in a mixed group and pivot to the opposite gender people if you need to. The point is, you don't need to be overwhelmed by limiting social cues because there's always a way to talk to someone without being a creep.

Advice to Shy Teenagers

No one wants you to give away your power

On some level shy people may think popular kids want you to play into them. They may even try to get shy people to play into them as an instinct but they don't really enjoy another human being lowering themselves for their sake. Shy people tend to overestimate how great other people are especially if those people are extroverted. They tend to undervalue themselves in comparison. It's similar to how most guys feel when they first start talking to girls...this idea that the person you are talking to needs to be placated with self deprecating humility and "sweetness." The key is to again realize people want to see you stand tall, project, and take their attention like a captivating dancer (lol, ok not that much.)

Advice to Shy Teenagers

Some nervousness is a good thing

There's a threshold in a man's life where he gets so successful either in his work or his success with women where he becomes a complete douchebag. A lot of this is because he's become so fearless that there's no "challenge" to it. This is not to say they always get the girl but they have such a level of self assuredness that they don't feel any thrill anymore, it's just something they do that they've done forever. What a shy person has going for them or a little nervous person is that they are automatically humble, interested in the other person, and, for lack of a better term, on their best behavior. They put up their "A-game" because the person is important to them. So, enjoy that about yourself.

Advice to Shy Teenagers
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