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Why Hasn't He Called?

How many times have you found yourself asking that question? Every girl has asked at least once. After all, he took your number, talked to you for hours and HE SAID HE WOULD CALL, right?! Well here's why some guys never call...

When you meet a guy for the first time and he lavishes you with attention, what do you honestly think of him? Most women view an overly attentive guy as a "loser" or "desperate" - and men know it! We have more available resources when pursuing a girl than you might think. We have dating sites that offer a wealth of information and that actually train us that "less is more" in the attention department. We are taught that you prefer it when we don't pay too much attention to you. Why? Because it creates more desire and more mystery around us when we appear to ignore you.

When you are left wondering, your interest level sky rockets. Compare Mystery Man to Mr. Speedy Response. You may accept the offer to go out with Mr. Speedy Response but will still have the Mystery Man in the back of your mind.

You go out on a date with Mr. Speedy Response and he seems alright but he calls you every day thereafter. He could be nice or he could be desperate - you have to judge that by his behavior overall.

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When you finally hear from the Mystery Man, you think the suspense is over! But, he doesn't explain why he never called and you know better than to ask. This adds more mystery and prolongs the suspense. When Mystery Man finally takes you out, he does not drool and gush over you prolonging the "Does he like me?" suspense.

If you are used to a guy focusing on you like there is no other woman in his life - or even on the planet - someone who does not fit this pattern will stand out as different.

I'm not saying that it is right for a guy to ignore you but our experience shows that you will actually find him more interesting for that very reason. There are never any absolute truths when it comes to dating but, generally speaking, less is more when it comes to attention and courtship. No matter what women say to us about wanting us to pay attention to them, we know that, deep down, you actually prefer less.

It sounds backwards but ask yourself, "Which guy would you be more attracted to?" and that is usually your answer to why he hasn't called.

What Girls Said 21

  • I never ask myself why a guy isn't doing something.

    if i want to make contact i do. if he's not interested i move on.

    Women only are left thinking of why 'he's' not calling b-c someone told them they shouldn't call.

    its a natural consequence of having no control over a situation. which is invariably how you feel when you can not 'act'. either bc you censor yourself or bc there is external pressure not to act.

    its not innately a female trat its just women tend to be the ons told not to 'do' something. when you are waiting not knowing things. feeling like there's something to figure out gives the illusion of control. minds dont lik to feel helpless, so hen in doubt-- they think.. which is neurotic when the thinking isn't constructive.

    much more logical to just take control and move on if the situation calls for it. i can think of no good reason to be waiting around when you could just call. for EITHR sex. meaning when you get to the point you find yourself feeling like you're 'waiting' you've waited too long. you've become neurotic from inaction... this takes varying times depending on the individual.

    its all a waste of time in my opinion. if you want to know something go find out. if its bad news it doesn't get better by 'waiting'.

  • That actually makes complete sence.

  • He is just not that into you

  • I want something that is honest, simple & straightforward!! Yes the mystery man would be playing on my mind but in the end I'd go for Mr Speedy simply because I know where I stand with him!

  • I agree and I disagree. There has to be a balance. I had a guy who tried way too hard and it was a turn off. He did look desperate. But then a guy that doesn't answer my calls or txts right away makes me think he's not interested. You can still call/txt and not seem desperate. Make them short calls. Say you can only talk for a few minutes.You keep the mystery, but are still letting us know we're on your minds.

  • I agree with everything you said, but being too mysterious for too long would somehow make it boring and the girl may start to lose interest. Projecting to be mysterious may work at the start but not too long.

  • I don't agree with the whole girls like less attention. I've never got attention or any kind of affection in my life. I would prefer a lot of both. I get the feeling a guy don't really like like me unless he shows some affection and pays some attention.

  • I would rather date Mister Speedy Guy because then there's no guessing as to whether he is interested or not. I hate when guys play games.

  • No offense to you but I don't really agree when you say less attention. When i'm in a relationship I make my guy to feel like he is the only one I like and I pay him alote of attention, And I wuld like to be treated the same.

  • If you're interested, stop playing games!! I, myself, hate when I am left wondering if he is interested or if he isn't. While I don't want some guy that goes psycho crazy and calls me constantly, a simple text or phone call or 2 during the week would be nice. I'm not into the suspense and Mystery Man!

  • Disagree. If you're interested call. I would respect you more. If it's not mutual, you'll know right away, then take your step back. I think that any relationship you have after waiting and playing the mystery game is tainted, especially when I don't know where you stand, or what you want. I would just say forget you, and move on myself. I'm not desperate, and any man who thinks that I'll sit around and wait for his call is going to miss this bus, because I've got better things to do.

  • I agree with chinese sapphire.i think that some girls would go for guy who gives them all the attention plainly because they get caught up in the moment and just go with a guy because that guy makes them feel special but in the end you go home and those guys who call all the time just become boring. I like a guy whos a mystery but seriously guys you should show that you like us in some way so we don't think its a lost cause and give up! don't play the game for too long!

  • Basically, all girls want is to feel special. they like badboys because, if we have won over someone that's abit of a challenge, that makes us special, and its perfectly fine that we like less attention, in the begining though you need to let girls know how special they are, but subtlely, erm because too much attention makes it seem as if he would be the same with every girl ya know girls like to feel, like their the only ones. an that's basically it, it doesn't mean we want to be ignored.

  • Guys asking for your number and not using it is one thing that drives me crazy. is it just a game for him to see if he can get it? to me it's a waste of his time and definitely a waste of my time. I met a guy once that acted all interested, kissed my hand, asked when he could see me again and asked for my number, then nothing. I don't get the point of him doing that and I guess I never will.

  • Ok, whilst I don't want a guy I just met calling every day there is a WORLD of difference between this and getting your number and not calling within a couple days to ask you out. You wait a week to call? Sorry someone else has asked me out and I'm now I available since I figured I'd never hear from you again. Asking someone out is not the same as an appropriate communication frequency for the longevity of your relationship

  • I would lose interest in mystery man because his behavior tells me he isn't keen

  • Not for me, but I love a clingy guy.. At least, if that's how he is genuinely, and he isn't that way because he is desperate. Although I can always tell when a guy is desperate and when he genuinely wants to spend time with me, and I love the attention as long as I can spare it.

  • A guy who cares should call the girl he told her 'let's meet another time next week', not just dump her like that! Personally, if he calls very late and I know he had no calamities that prevented him from calling, I'll just say bye bye. The guy should call, or he is not a man!!

  • Yourself harm by that. It's only good in the longrun to keep him guessing, like he keeps you, whether it's intentional for him or not. I know suffocating someone hasn't worked before so, yeah.

  • Dude I completelly agree that we like less attention, we just don't realize it. It's not that we LIKE it, but we want moreee and it makes us go crazy wondering when we don't get it. And when a guy comes on too strong, just like how guys feel, we usually don't like it, maybe because we are not used to it? Idk, either way, everyone wants what they can't have. It's just a rule. And really, you think oh I'm not playin no games, I treat guys like they are the only one. Well miss, you are doing

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What Guys Said 7


    • Great take. Technology makes things pretty complicated nowadays.*

  • So true! Another odd thing people do is ignore a girl/guy then ask, "why doesn't s/he like me?" Because he or she might have gotten the wrong message!

  • 99% of the time if I haven't called, it's simply because I've lost interest. Either I've gotten distracted by another prospect, or the timing wasn't right (leaving town for business, back with GF, etc.), or I was only moderately interested to begin with.

  • I think what you say is true when I am interested. If not, however, then I will not call you and ignore your calls too. But I may answer or call back once or twice just to be nice or courteous.

  • WHat the hell matter does it make if he ask you first or if she ask him first? Total BS. All these are outdated "dating" games that should be left back in the 20th century. Jesus Christ it makes no difference, go out and ask him if you like him, the most he can say is NO.

  • I like this article because it points out what has been my experience. Less is more.

  • Its the same reason for beatings as well...its just because we think your cute.

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