How NOT to keep a girlfriend

All right ladies, for those of you who are thoroughly involved with the task of what I call dating a “High Maintenance Male”, you will definitely feel me on this article. Over many different dates and situations I have seen a pattern with men that, at the time they speak with you they really just think they’re smooth-sailing. But quicker than they can blink, us women lose interest and they find themselves asking WHY?

Why did she not want to spend time today? Why does she seem more quiet then usual? And I am here to tell those men why, and oblige the women who know exactly what I’m talking about. I will begin by naming off things men do that lose them the girl. In my personal experience, not everyone will agree. This in no way is meant to be offensive and if it comes off as such you don’t have to read in the first place.

1. Constantly needing to have the last word:
Guys, we realize that you enjoy hearing yourself talk, or maybe you just feel the need to explain your situation IMMEDIATELY after we talk about ours. But, for a second just listen to what we’re talking about it. It really means a lot to us and believe it or not when you are explaining something we are listening closely. We take in your expressions, your mood and everything you’re saying because it means a lot to you clearly. So do us the same courtesy.

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2. Calling everything a joke or being “playful”:
We can take a joke, and we definitely can be fun and act like a kid who’s had too much candy, but there’s a limit. Physically pushing us around in what you call a “playful” manner is NOT attractive and then throwing the ever overly used phrase “I’m just joking” DOESN’T make things any better. If we’re busy and not paying attention to you maybe instead you should slowly approach us and massage our shoulders for a second while we’re busy to get our attention, not push us over. What are we, 10?

3. Making every situation a sexual one:
Granted we enjoy some foreplay or even just a little teasing, but not everything has to be made into sex. Just because we’re comfortable around you doesn’t mean we’re free game any time of the day. It’s piggish and unattractive for you to treat us like some sex doll that sits next to you while you watch TV and then tell us you’re a romantic.

4. Always making us the one to decide:
Sometimes it is flat out tiring to deal with things we’re already managing and then on top of it you don’t know what restaurant to go to? You ask and ask and then make suggestions like “Well, we can just stay home if you want?” Why is it ONLY up to us? You know why we tell you things we enjoy? For these situations, exactly. So you can remember what we like and go, okay I know she’d enjoy this. Just because we don’t want to decide something doesn’t mean to cut it off entirely. And if we say we don’t mind what you do it DOES NOT mean that we don’t care about you. It means we’ve assessed the situation and the only one whose decision could make or break something is yours, not ours.

5. Making up a white lie to explain why you can’t do something with us:
It’s not going to break our heart if you just say you’re not coming over, we’re not going to hate you if you want to have some you-time. We like us-time too and don’t feel guilty when we tell you that we’ve got plans. Granted if you’re constantly saying you don’t want to spend time with us, after a while we’ll get the hint and take a hike. But, if you make the excuse that you need to clean up your place and got things to do and that’s why you’re not spending time with us- Just save it. We know after a hard work day the last thing you’re going to do is clean your place. We know you’re going to lounge and do what boys do for the rest of the day and that’s just fine. But you’re not fooling anyone. Lying in general is an awful thing to start, and we pick up on it easily.
"Lying in general is an awful thing to start, and we pick up on it easily."
6. Being Sexist (Joking or otherwise):
Now, most of us are not hardcore feminists, we’re not going to bring out the torches and light your place on fire when we feel oppressed. But some simple courtesy would be nice, the sexist jokes are not only stupid but they just make you a single man faster. Think, why in the world would a girl want to hear something about her gender being weaker or dumber, and then told it’s just a joke? Jokes are funny, if you think those kinds of jokes are funny, THAT is why you are single. Why insult something you claim to be pursuing? Because you are used to the social media pounding this stereotypical phenomena into your little brains. It’s in sitcoms, reality shows, cartoons- you name it. And just because we don’t make a fuss about it, you think we accept it. But really, we’re just ceasing to show we’re offended because then we’d feed your sexist theories and be made into a moron either way.

7. Calling a date a “hang out”:
Unless we’re your best pal, we do not consider going to your place “hanging out” not until we’ve been dating for a year at least. Any guy who calls a girl or confronts a girl and says they want to “hang out” sometime, is really just saying he will be inviting us to his place to sit on his bed and potentially give him a small opportunity to get laid without even taking us to dinner first. Guys that casually act like just hanging out is friendly and then end up trying to take our clothes off, got another thing coming. I greatly encourage ladies to stay away from these kinds of guys. They’re a waste of time, and if they just don’t have the money to do something with you at the moment a real man will tell you that. Not invite you to his place and have you stay the night.
"Why insult something you claim to be pursuing? "


8. Moving too fast:
Guys, slow down. We like you obviously, but that does not mean we are suddenly your night time cuddle buddy and shower-pal. It can be decent for some new couples, but I’ve noticed that this generation of men jumps into sexual situations WAY faster than they should. Girls need to be swooned, impressed, and treated with class. Just because we accept your advances does not mean we want to strap you to a bed and call it a go. It means we’re opening up to you, don’t ruin that for us.

9. Not communicating thoroughly:
Problems can be solved in an instant if people just know what is going on. They get bigger when no one knows what is going on, so the key to a great relationship is communication. Guys, if your girl is quiet and you ask her what’s wrong 9 times out of 10 she’ll say “Nothing”.
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But this nothing means a lot, it means her feelings are hurt but she can’t explain it. It means she doesn’t know how to describe it, or she is just conflicted and needs a hug. If we don’t answer you with a logical explanation, don’t think that we’re hiding something or that you need to crack us. You’ll more than likely end up being in a situation where we walk away. These situations are always good to remember what your girl likes. Remember things she’s talked about and go back to them. If she seems down, try to cheer her up with something cute or spontaneous. If she comes off like she doesn’t want it, give her some time.

10. Not taking our feelings into consideration:
So you like something that we don’t, don’t rub it in our face and try to force us to like it. There’s a reason we don’t like it, accept it. If you manned up and balanced yours and our likes, and showed us that you are willing to make us happy even if you don’t agree- that means a lot. I hear a lot of guys say that they’ll put the girl before themselves, and they show this by carrying our things, or opening the door or letting us choose somewhere to go. But when it comes to small things they completely over-look our feelings. Something as small as, there being only one of something left- We’ve got the courtesy to at least ask if you’d like it and then you just flat out take it without asking.

There are other things, but since this is the end of this article I’d like to conclude by saying guys, just ask us. When you’re lost, ask. When you’re sad, ask. When you’re confused, ask. When you’re mad, ask. We’ll answer, sure it won’t always fancy you but at least you took the time to figure things out rather than lower your score on the “Do Date” level. Gals, if you’d have anything to add, feel free. I’d love to hear your stories.

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What Guys Said 11

  • 1. is funny. Why Because it can be flipped over and said "guys don't like girls who ALWAYS need to have the last word." Seriosuly, you have any idea how often that happen?
    Either way, it's gender neutral and universal. I got to admit i'm sometimes guilty as charged for doing it, and i've also had it happening to me. So wether you're a man or a woman; having the last word doesn't make you right.
    But come on, girls, if we listen and UNDERSTAND your problem, firgin listen. To illustrate my point, i got this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg

    moving on to point 4. This is ironic, because sterotypically YOU are the ones guilty of this. Typically it's presented like this. He makes a suggestion, and you don't fel like doing that. He makes more suggestions, and you don't feel like that either. THEN you get mad because you're not doing anything or because he's not taking the lead, DESPITE him allready having made multiple suggestions.
    Am i the only one seeing a conflict here? So i'm challenging you all to one thing. Guys, take the initiative. And girls, if you don't know what you want, figure it out! I'm not going to judge who's to blame, because it won't fix shit. Just, FIX IT!

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    • and as for 9. That brings us back to number 5.
      You are basically saying you girls will make a white lie to cover up that something's wrong, yet you complain when WE make a white lie to do the same? Furthermore you expect us to have a vast knowledge about you, and use you to pry out the truth. You are aware that sometimes feel like we're manipulating you girls to tell, right? Right? The last thing we want to do is to manipulate our girl! Yet you xpect us to borderline do that every time you feel bad and doesn't want to tell?
      So stop the hypocracy!!
      Simply tell us everything's not right, but that it's hard to explain! You think we're able to explain how we feel any better? Sure as hell not. But if you tell something's not right, at least it won't feel like were manipulating you when we're trying to help you find out what's wrong, so we can fix it!!

      Dartmaul15 out.

  • Well this is for while dating generic women. You can't speak for all women as they are different. My thing is just be yourself and if you find the right one without losing yourself then you're good. If not, then keep it moving. Other than that, it's an great article!

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  • Well said!

    I'm in a great relationship and have zero complaints, and I'm always stunned when I see how a lot of guys just do not "understand" even a few of these items let alone I'm sure there are some that struggle with all of them!

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  • 4 is tricky. It is similar to jealousy and possessiveness. Girls don't want you to have them but they also want you to have them.

    4 deals with controlling behavior (e.g. taking the lead). Do it too much and you are a "control freak" and women oppressor. Don't take the lead and you are boring! We could take this in bed it would be the same thing!

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  • I generally agree with this list. 3 is hard in that every girl like a little bit of sexual spontaneity, if force guys to figure out exactly how sexual and how much a girl wants and when, without being to reserved sexually. 4. should be rather 50/50. I don't see why women have a get out of jail free card any time a decision has to be made. Sometimes I'm too tired to figure sh*t out. It happens to guys too. 9 is partially a the females fault. If the something wrong involves us, tell us.

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  • I think these ideas are all important things for men to be aware of.

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  • #1. Men rarely get the last word, at least from my experience. I've never heard the phrase you can't win an argument with a man.

    #9. Sometimes the communication barrier comes from the woman wanting the man to "figure it out." Which also ties into #'s 2, 3, 4, 8, 9* and 10. Most men aren't psychic. We do want to listen, but we often need a little more than "figure it out" to know what's really on your mind to take your feelings into consideration. "Nothing" indicates, not identifies a problem

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  • I agree with toulouse. and really if you can't take a joke and clearly see that he means no ill behind the joke you should not get so offended by it. you sound easily offended

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  • Thumps up to you nice article

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  • No offence but 7/10 of these girls do themselves/even moreso than guys (e.g. 1, 5, 8)

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  • nice article! I'm guilty of 3. XP and a bit of 2... XP

    Boys...right...? :P

    *coughs* I'm a brat.

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What Girls Said 10

  • Wish my boyfriend would read 3 and 6.

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  • Definitely 4 9 and 10 for sure

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  • I may print this and hand it out to guys who want to date me. If they hate it, they can keep it moving.

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  • Thanks for all the feedback ladies and gents. And those of you who disagree, congrats. Move along.

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  • Oh, and 10!

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  • Thanks for #6 :)

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  • 4, 4, 4, 4 Xl I swear it's always always my choice, and it's so annoying. I won't dump him because of it but it's just an 'ah, I give up' moment

    3, 8, and 9 will easily kill any relationship and the 'nothing' thing is sadly so true. However, I think if good communication habits are formed early on it won't have to get to that point.

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  • #4 personally, I don't see the big deal about working then deciding. But if you really don't feel like deciding -Why do you expect him to? If you're both too tired to think, then eat in.

    #8. Say SLOW DOWN. If he's moving too fast.

    #9. If I say nothing is wrong I mean nothing.

    These all feed directly into #6. Which you claim you disapprove of.

    There are many jokes about Women not being able to make decisions.

    Women expecting Men to read their minds.

    Women not meaning what they say.

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  • I guess none of this bothers me. #4 sometimes he decides and says let's go bike riding and then he says no. So I suggest hiking and he still says no. So that bothers me, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna leave him. Sometimes he's just too lazy to do something. And it's not just guys for all of these, girls do the same things too.

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  • number 4 is the reason why so many guys don't get a second date.

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