Time and time again, girls and guys come to GaG looking for answers to common questions. There’s a common theme within them. Most of them have to do with elementary issues that are more about life experience than dealing with the opposite sex. Sometimes, you just have to lose yourself to the flow of life and let yourself experience things without paging Dr. Phil for answers. Sometimes, you have to take a leap of faith without looking back. With that in mind, let’s put down a few ground rules for the fellas and the ladies who are lookin’ for love.
1) Would you date yourself?
In order to find a good mate, you have to be dateable. That is, you have to like yourself before you can expect someone else to like you. So, until you can answer this question with a resounding “yes!” – you’ve got some work to do.
2) Get a life.
Seriously, you’re on this giant-ass planet with tons of interesting things to do and wonderful people to meet. You need to go out there and find things that you like to do just for the hell of it. These are the things outside of work that round you out as an individual. There are lots of accountants, secretaries, lawyers, janitors, clerks, engineers, hairstylists, freelance writers, artists, teachers, doctors, firefighters, paleobiologists, ethnoendocrinologists… OK, maybe not, but unless your work is your passion (I like to heal animals and I’m a vet), it’s important that you do things that you like. You hobbies tell a story that no one can put into words.
3) Meet people.
How can you expect to know what you want in a friend or romantic partner if you barely talk to anyone? There are people with social circles small and large, but the most successful are those that are unafraid to let people wander in and out of their life. You’ll be amazed how much the most random people can affect your world views and help you develop as a person. Strangers make excellent character mirrors – they aren’t afraid to show you who you really are. Can’t seem to get a toehold in any social groups? See #2.
Get out there, see the world. This makes you a high-value individual. You know, the kind who’s been there, done that… but doesn’t exist for the sole purpose of injecting “Yeah well when *I* was in Italy, I bla bla bla.” When you’ve seen first-hand the way the world works, have been in a few sticky situations… that makes you a more credible and enjoyable person. It puts a few stories under your belt, stories that are very powerful in attracting other high-value individuals. While some people have innate charm and charisma, they often lack the cosmopolitan worldview that makes a difference in real conversations.
5) Don’t be afraid to f*ck up.
Do things your way. Go against the grain, be rude, get arrested, lose a fight, get so wasted your wallet is gone in the morning. Then, learn from your godd*mned mistake and become a better person. This is valuable life experience that can only be learned “the hard way.” Take risks!
6) Don’t be late.
The only thing we have on this earth, in this life, is time. You can’t sell it, you can’t trade it with anybody... when your clock runs out, that’s it. So, when you waste it, it’s a big d*ck up the other person’s ass. This is a specific application of a general rule: Respect yourself, and respect others. When you say you’re going to be somewhere at a certain time, MAKE IT HAPPEN! The people who count will respect you for it, and it will pay dividends.
Do things your way!
7) No excuses.
You used to make excuses to your parents, to your 3rd grade English teacher, to your schoolyard friends… not anymore. You’re a serious, responsible person. Cut the crap.
8) Trust yourself.
Don’t ask others what you should be. Ask yourself, who do I want to be? Don’t go by the rules. Be original. Be eccentric. Follow your gut.
9) Give back to others.
There’s something wholesome, satiating, and sexy about donating your time and effort to noble causes. Your significant other will pick up on this, too, in case you’re wondering.
10) Have fun.
Whatever you do, if you’re stuck in the mire, worrying… you’re forgetting that you’re lucky enough to have been born with 4 limbs and a face. Appreciate the fact that you’re privileged enough to be reading this (you’re literate and you have an internet connection). There are so many people on this planet who are happy with so much less… you owe it to them to enjoy the f*ck out of life. No less.
Do some of this sh*t, or don’t. If you do, you’ll be building out a “social resume.” This is a body of experience about people and life that you can draw upon in highly charged situations. Whether it’s a family, romantic, or professional issue, all of these things will help you navigate it with the dignity and wisdom of a savvy human being. Incidentally, it will also answer many of the burning questions you have lying in wait for the GaG community. And in case I don’t see you again… good afternoon, good evening, and good night!