Okay, So, maybe this article is not for dummies...
In fact, it's probably just for your average-Joe, the curious, the inexperienced, the experienced that just can't figure it out, or maybe those who just need some advice.
However, I certainly look back on how little I knew when i first started dating, and definitely could have referred to myself as a downright dating-dummy. I have a track record of awkward, unsure, and weird relationships to prove it. But thankfully, I've graduated from that title to "experienced goober-head." And, I learned a lot along the way. Although I don't deny that there is always room for improvement.
5 Simple & Effective Dating Tips
Relationships can be confusing, so I am here to give some simple and effective tips on things to look out for, things to consider, good habits, and signs that a relationship is a keeper or a loser. So, onto the precious info! (my preciousss..)
Tip 1: Speak From the Heart & Not Any Other Body Part...
Now mind you, I am not giving dating advice for hook-ups. If that is what you were hoping for, you can put your weenie caps on, and feel free to continue to use any body part you'd like (so long as its consensual.) However, for trying to find a legitimate partner in crime, or love, or whatever, it is extremely important that you bring your most genuine self forward, and no matter what, be yourself.
I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH.
If you are being someone you aren't, in any aspect, just go ahead and throw the idea of a real relationship out the window, right now.
Building relationships on false pretenses is a set up for disaster. Not only will you attract someone who is unsatisfying to who you truly are, You are being dishonest, and a let down to them. Do not waste either of your time. Whether your a noob at dating, or a veteran on the battlefield of love, you should always be genuine, and always be you.
Tip 2: On a More Obvious Note: Date Someone You Find Attractive!
And I don't mean just typical, society-standards, model, actress, "beautiful." But what I do mean, is date a person who, in your personal opinion, is handsome or beautiful.
The reason I bring this up, is because I've seen couples who seem to get along just fine personality-wise, but it's a nightmare in the bedroom for them, because they just aren't physically attracted to each other.
This type of situation is especially hurtful, if the attraction is one sided. It's detrimental to self-esteem, and is also tends to work like a time bomb that tends to explode later in relationships, rather than sooner. A failed relationship hurts. But a failed relationship that you've truly invested in, hurts that much more.
So it is best to avoid that situation from ever occurring, and you can do so by making sure that before you consider going on a date with someone, you ask yourself, "Do I personally find them attractive?">
If you are in a relationship where you suspect your partner may not be personally attracted to you, you need to bring it up to them. You need, and deserve, to know their honest opinion. If it is solvable, wonderful. If they ask you to change into someone you aren't in order for them to 'feel' attracted to you, immediately revert to Tip 1.
If they put you down for the way you look (or put you down in general), RUN. They are bad news, and I don't care who you are, or what you look like, you don't deserve that. Especially not from someone who is supposed to be a supportive and nurturing force in your life.
Tip 3: You Aren't Just Dating Them, You're Dating Their Everything
So one thing that I certainly did not consider when I first started dating, is that I'd also be dating their sister, their mom, their dad, their cousins, their grandparents, their plans, their goals, their past....okay, you catch my drift. (and obviously I didn't literallydate their parents. Or grandpa. ew.)
But love (in most cases), is not just you and them running off into the sunset in slow motion. It's a lot of sweaty nervous palms, shaking hands at awkward family gatherings, your voice shaking when you say "Hi, nice to meet you, i'm blah blah blah.", and than breathing the biggest sigh of relief ever as soon as their front door closes behind you, as you pat yourself on the back for not having a heart attack during Thanksgiving.
Okay...that might just be me.
But, yeah, there is a lot that goes with dating, beside just 'dating'. So make sure you're prepared for not only another person, but another life, new people, and new circumstances. Relationships often bring new change.
Tip 4: Make Sure You Know What Qualities You Like in Someone
At least know as well as which soap you like, how you like your coffee, or what your favorite TV show is. There are a lot of different people in this world, and with that, comes a lot of different personalities. Make sure before you get into the dating game, you ask yourself what types of people you like, or even simplify it down to "What kinds of things do I enjoy?"
For example, I made a list of things I enjoy:
- Video Games
Knowing all of this, it is preferable for me to find a guy who has common interests, a good and similar sense of humor, and someone who is willing to take 3:00 A.M. trips to taco bell with me.
Tip 5: Make Sure You Know You're Being Treated Right
I shouldn't have to explain this one, but apparently I need too, because I've seen more people stay in relationships that are dysfunctional, than there are respectable people in this world.
Everyone deserves to get into a relationship with the mutual unspoken (or spoken of) truth, that they deserve to be respected. This means:
- You are treated with respect
- You are spoken to with respect
- You are listened to with respect
If they can't listen to you, speak to you, or treat you with respect, they've got to go - ESPECIALLY if these things are re-occurring behaviors. That means they act on impulse, and that impulse is hard, if not impossible, to change.
Remember: Staying with them to try to change a 'bad boy' or 'bad girl' into a good-whatever, does not make you noble, it makes you an enabler.
Staying with someone despite their bad behavior, is not helping them; it simply shows them "Hey, i can say/do whatever I want, and I still get laid!"
Okay, maybe not just the 'get laid' part, but it definitely sends them the message that you don't mind them walking all over you, and rather than showing them that their behavior is unbearable, by sticking around, it makes it seem bearable to them. Therefore, they won't see a reason to change.
Don't Be Afraid to Get Help If You Need It
If you are afraid of leaving, or are in danger, there is plenty of help available online, and don't try to leave alone. Domestic violence centers as well as your local police can help.
Thank you all for reading! Hope my advice helped someone!