Toxic vs. Healthy Relationships

Toxic vs Healthy Relationships

What signs tell you that you’re in a toxic relationship? How to know your relationship is healthy?

Signs of a toxic relationship…..

1. You feel drained: Think about how you feel in the relationship. Truly take a moment and ask yourself “Am I happy? Am I energized? Do I feel excitement?” if you don’t feel energized, excited or anything positive after seeing your partner that is a warning sign he isn’t for you. To be in a loving relationship both parties should feel excitement, should feel energized to see their partner.

2. He/ She is always negative: Listen to how they speak about their day at work or their day overall. The person I personally was involved with constantly talked negative about their work, said how tired they are and even when they came to see me it was always a constant “I am tired” and such a down which made the atmosphere a negative one. If the person constantly is negative it’s a red flag.

3. Your own self-worth takes a dive: Time and time again which I now have learned that you need to be secure and able to speak up for yourself. If you are in a relationship and see your own “light” inside yourself fade then that’s a sign you need to leave. To be in a healthy relationship your partner will do anything and everything to bring out your best self to shine and if that doesn’t happen and you are doing so much for them and they just put you in the background then it’s time to leave.

4. He/ She is jealous: To date someone that is jealous is unhealthy. They become so consumed on what they don’t have, what’s making them have this jealousy and it becomes a control over anything you do. The person you are with should love you enough and trust you enough to let you expand your world and smile knowing that you both together can conquer anything that comes in your paths.

5. He/She wants control over your time: They don’t care about your “girls/guys nights” they just want you and your time only. They don’t care if you have a “family emergency” they will do anything to manipulate you into being with them at the end. They control who you talk too, where you go and what you wear.

6. His/ Her moods you can never understand: They constantly go from zero to one hundred in a matter of seconds. This person will feel happy and then a second later will snap at you for the smallest things. It’s normal to have a shift in moods, however for a person to dramatically change their moods it’s a problem.

7. Your gut tells you: If you have that feeling you need to listen to it. It’s usually right. We as human beings have a sixth sense about things, your body will tell you. Your body will change and will in a way make you feel not secure with the environment, please if this happens don’t ignore it.

You choose to do as you wish and if you stay with that person you waste your time, your energy, you may suffer needless emotional drama which can mentally traumatize you. Why put yourself through such heartache when you can be with people that love and cherish your time, why scar yourself when you’ve known since kindergarten that if something isn’t right you need to tell that person “I don’t like what you’re doing, it’s not nice, it hurts my feelings.” The fact we learned such basic things at a young age and yet forget it when older is such sadness because we end up damaging our inner child, our inner light and in the end we as people end up hurting others because we then think that what was considered “normal” to us turns out to be hurtful and not normal to another.

How to know you are in a healthy relationship? It’s very easy to know.

1. No games are played: No one has time for bullshit games. No secrets, no tricks. A healthy relationship doesn’t need that. The moment a person starts playing games you need to speak up right away about it. It’s childish and high school.

2. The line of communication is open: You can express yourself and not feel ashamed about it. You can talk about anything from video games to your emotions to the way you view the world. If you are able to share ideas in a conversation, talk about why you disagree with such things and have a respectful conversation is the happiest, healthiest relationship because it becomes raw and forever growing and changing. Nothing is dull and stays the same.

3. Expectations of perfection are strictly forbidden: What is perfect? Why be perfect? No one is and no one will ever be perfect. Every relationship has ups and downs, however you both know this and love each other enough to work together at it holding hands knowing that you both are just happy that your relationship will never be a “flat line.”

4. Honesty and loyalty is held sacred: It’s a risk knowing relationships can either become a breakup or a marriage. It’s a scary risk and yet we go out there with our hearts in our hands knowing someone one day will hold that heart in their hands and hold it close to their chest and cherish it. The strongest and most loving relationships are the ones where both parties are vulnerable. You need to dare yourself to reveal it all, stop hiding in the shadows and start showing the person who you are, what you like and don’t like and knowing that you have such a confidence about life that you don’t need that person to complete you. To be guarded in a relationship isn’t healthy, you end up giving a good chance up and though it’s a risk you learn.

Loving people in the world we live in today is scary. To love and love and love after so much hurt shows strength. However not saying for you to just throw yourself at anyone, be wise of your decisions, know you shouldn’t look for love and that it will just happen when it’s suppose too. If you force love you might just get it but with a price which isn’t pretty.

I have stated I am taking time to love myself, to be happy and single. I have been researching about healthy relationships because the truth is I never have been in one. None of my relationships have been positive, have been exciting and though they have been toxic I am now strong, I am now able to speak if I don’t like something and I know when the right person comes into my life I will be able to hold my heart out to them without any fear.


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Khaleesi89 is a GirlsAskGuys Editor
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What Guys Said 6

  • Surprised you had to write a whole article to differentiate a toxic relationship to a healthy one!

    Toxic: One-sided.

    Healthy: Shared

    End of.

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    • Disagreed, toxic relationships are often the result of unhealthy behaviour towards both parties. You can share anger, resentment, negativity in an unhealthy relationship without marking one person as the victim and the other as an abuser.

  • I just assumed any relationship with a woman is toxic, they're shallows and even when they really like a man they don't pull their own weight in relationships.

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    • Not true. I am a female and all of my relationships that I was in I pulled my weight and they hardly did much. I think toxic is just when a person is one sided and nothing is shared.

  • the first two make it sound like you don't want a boyfriend but instead you want a monkey to dance for you but i agree with the others.

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    • Lol no it was just me making my own opinions. I don't want a guy to be my "pet" however to be a strong man that can pu his weight in the relationship.

  • Nice take... i have not been in any relationships before. i don't know if its a good thing or a bad thing... but its a nice guide to recognize where you stand in a relationship...

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    • True. Hey since you had no relationship experience (which is completely normal), I'd say to start out very carefully. I had my first experience recently, and I was close to fall into the second part of the 7th category (toxic). without knowing it, I was being lead on by another girl. 3 times, thinking that we were building our relationship for almost a whole year. It was all a lie, and she didn't want me more as a friend. My heart's in pain. But as much as I liked her, I had to let her go before my heart snapped. so, I'd say to be careful once your making your move.

    • Yup thank you... I will be careful :)

    • So basically you had a gut feeling that does not like you but she leas you on my manipulating you and by telling you that she loves you?

  • Great write-up. I'm going to follow this one.

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  • "If you force love you might just get it but with a price which isn’t pretty.''
    Very nice line :)

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    • It's just like the saying "Be careful for what you wish for because you might just get it" and everything comes with a price when you wish for things in a forced/ wrong way.

    • Yeah thanks, very nice take :)

What Girls Said 2

  • damn it...

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  • How about if some things are from toxic and some things are from a healthy relationship. What category am i in then?

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    • You need to talk about what is negative and work them through. Whatever is "toxic" needs to be out of the way because really ask yourself "Am I really happy with this person or am I just settling for some bullshit?" if you are really happy then you wouldn't need to work on something that is toxic, however water relationships are tricky because they constantly need to change and sometimes you change by working on what's negative as a team. Maybe have a sit down and ask them what they think needs to be worked on and go from that point. If there is more good then bad then I'd say you're fine.

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