5 Ways to Sleep on the Couch

5 Ways to Sleep on the Couch

This is for all of the guys that hate sleeping in bed with their significant other.

1. When she's mad, ask her if she's on her period when she's not.

Example:

Her: "You're so lazy!"

You: "Are you on your period?"

2. Tell her it looks like she's gained weight.

This works best if she's self cautious.

3. Talk about how much you want to bang *insert a female that's not her*.

Caution: This one might not work if you say Beyonce because who doesn't want to bang Beyonce?

4. Don't shower for a week.

Or if you need a substitute because of work, after you workout don't shower immediately.

5. If she gets out of the kitchen, yell at her to stay in the kitchen to make you a sandwich.

Say "sammich" and you might earn yourself an extra day on the couch.:)


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What Guys Said 8

  • I pay the mortgage and bought the mattress. I'm sleeping where I want.

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  • I actually hoped for some practical and universal tips for "couch sleeping" such as "fold the corner cushion in half and you have a normal persons pillow..." More fool me I guess...

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  • Thank you, I was looking for some tricks I could use to sleep on the couch

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  • You mean she sleeps on the floor because I own the couch, the bed, and the building.

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  • Her use of the expression "self cautious" makes me think she actually is serious.

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  • Finally a funny take.

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  • I've probably done all these things and worse and never once slept on the couch. The only time I've been made to sleep on a couch was when my 3 best girl friends and my best friend at the time, came to spend the night. the girls liked my bed and three of them took up all the space on it so me any my buddy decided to couch it. Fact, men don't mind being on the couch, think of how many guys already do that on their own, what we do mind is when some woman is trying to force us to. but then again we'd rather be there than listen to steady ragging about past issues or deal with cold shoulders.
    I agree with @yaddayaddayadda02 , I would LOVE to see the woman that would attempt to make me sleep on a couch, if she didn't like something that happened, SHE better go sleep on the couch then, she still gets to get away from me both ways. She's the one with the issue, not me. And if that becomes some constant thing, the couch is going to be the least of her problems.

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  • Is this a lecture for us stupid men out there? I would suggest if your with a guy who does the above mentioned things regularly look for a self respecting human being for a boyfriend. I can assure most men arn't nasty pigs and please don't suggest we all are.

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    • I apologize. I didn't know that this would be so controversial; I thought I'd bring in some humor.

What Girls Said 12

  • Now you buy us a couch for this misleading Take! I'm not joking, I want my couch.

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  • This is a joke right? I was expecting it to be about different WAYS to sleep on the couch, not different things to say to your already annoyed gf or wife to get sent to the couch. Very misleading.

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  • This was misleading as heck.

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  • I thought this was couch sleeping techniques. I never understood why sleeping on the couch was a punishment. It's so comfy

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  • I thought this would be about how to get a good sleep when you're sleeping on a couch

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  • Oh. I was hoping these would be, like, techniques for if you don't feel like going upstairs to bed and just want to sleep on the couch. Because sometimes I do that. But this is hilarious!!! :)

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  • This is cool.

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  • I have mastered the art of couch sleeping.. 18 of my 21 years of marriage the couch has been my bed. His snoring so severe even with a cpap he snores loudly or he forgets to wear it and is nasty wot me when I ask him to put it in or we aren't getting along.. The list goes on.. And the reason I am seeking a separation.

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  • This is obviously satire. Get over it.

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  • Cwn people calm down? This is supposed to be light hearted.

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  • Lol the people that are freaking out over this are dumb. It's supposed to be a joke!

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    • I wonder too...

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    • Don't worry about it, it was obviously satirical, and I thought it was hilarious! And I had the same thing happen to me on one of my takes, people just rake things too seriously. Lol.

    • lol thank you! :)

  • this was just pure out stupid. seriously what is this even about? your hate to men or what?

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