To the Fathers with Qualification for Dating Their Daughter

"Before you date my daughter, you need to comply to all of this bullshit."

Yeah, yeah, I get it, you have loved her since she was born and you will be the man who will always love her most and you have loved her the longest. Okay, I understand that. I'm a good guy, she knows I'm a good guy, and you'll eventually see that I'm a good guy.

You've heard that it's your role to become the overstated protector of your daughter dating.

To the Fathers with Qualification for Dating Their Daughter

Yeah, your daughter isn't that special. Well, to me, she is the most special person I know, but to the vast majority of everyone else, she's just one person of the seven billion on the planet. But I chose her, and she chose to let me. There really are other fish in the sea, and I ignored those fish so I could try to be with your daughter. Because to me she means a lot more than those other fish, and you should appreciate that. It's not like everyone loves her, and there ARE a limited number of people who will love her in her life.

But you don't want me to talk to you except to ask permission about her and when she needs to be home? Yeah, that's a real fucking great way to get to know me. No conversations or anything, just making me follow rules that most guys would easily follow simply to get some pussy? You're a real fuckin' smart dad if you think you can judge a guy completely by how complacent he'll become if he can get laid in the end. Weren't you a teenage boy at some point? You know how most of them think. But you don't know how I think. Your trials will not ever show how much I care about your daughter, because they are trials set by a dictator who will take her away if I fail, so I follow them for the sake of following them. Not because they are necessary. Not because they are foolproof. Because you think that you can find a guy who's worthy of dating your daughter by changing them into someone they might not be temporarily, so they can get in your daughter's pants. Your rules just cause stress for your daughter and the actual good guys, and they won't filter all the bad guys.

You want your daughter to find love, don't you? You want your daughter to be able to think on her own, don't you? Why try to reprimand the good guys, scare them off, or make them hate you just because you wanted to seem like a stereotypical overprotective father? It's okay. There are good guys out there. In fact, most guys, and people are inherently good. But for now, you're stuck with a specific good guy who likes your daughter, and this time it's not you.

But you won't let her date me if I'm a minute late from her curfew? If I accidentally forget to say "yes sir"? You know, everyone makes mistakes, even good guys who are trying to please girl's fathers. I'm only human. Obviously I won't try to disappoint you or her, but why badger me about tiny insignificant mistakes. And even more obvious is that once she moves out or eventually marries me or whatever, I won't have to follow all of these rules anyway?

What you should do to find a guy worthy of dating your daughter is to spend a day hanging out with him. No, you're not above all the guys who date your daughter. Trust me, when your daughter gets married, and when you get old, that guy will become like a son to you. There is some random teenage guy out there in the world who will eventually become your son-in-law, and it isn't that bad. Besides, you have probably dreamt of reliving your teenage years many, many times. You can't get closer to those years than if you hang out with a teenage guy. If he's a complete douche, you will know right away, and you can ditch him. But when you spend a day with me and see how good of a person I am, and realize that I truly care about your daughter and wouldn't do anything to hurt her, then you will see how easily you can learn without enforcing those ridiculous rules.

Yeah, yeah, I'm just a teenage guy too lazy to follow rules. Sure, sure. Except, the thing is, I probably would follow them. It would just make me dislike you more if they're exceptionally ridiculous, and how would that help anyone? Of course, if they're standard rules that I'll follow anyway, that's great. But don't pretend to be on some high horse just because you are my date's father. I really do want to get to know you, and your family, and obviously your daughter, but I want to get there in the best way possible. Because there will be a guy who stays for her life eventually, and why is his impression on you so much more important than your impression on him?


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What Girls Said 9

  • Haha, no guy would have a problem dating me. My dad doesn't give a shit about me. He just sat there when my abusive ex came to my house after I'd broken up with him and hounded me in my hallway and when my ex tried to drag my dad into the conversation to stick up for him, my dad just said he wasn't getting involved. I'm sure any other dad that could see his daughter upset by a guy in his own house, would kick him out. He never said anything afterwards either. I thought fathers were meant to protect? Not only do I not get love from him, I don't get love from the guys I date... they lie that they love me, make me believe it for years and then prove me otherwise. So don't worry, not all girls have protective fathers.

    Good take! :)

  • You sound insanely bitter in this. Like, oh my goodness. I'd never be with a guy who didn't respect my father.

    • Yes, the bitterness is intentional. Another thing I've been thinking about is that teenage guys tend to be rebellious, so it might be a worse idea to create all these strict rules. Then teenage guys will break them for the sake of breaking them. There, another reason ridiculous rules are a bad idea.

      I want to respect the father of my future girlfriend, but I don't think the fathers who do this will earn respect that easily. I don't know... I'm biased but I think respect should be mutusl between everybody who might eventually want to respect each other.

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    • Well I would DEAL with him if I really liked the girl. But to automatically respect him because he acts macho for the sake of being a macho asshole? I'll learn to handle him.

      Frankly most dads who are that extremely protective are probably rednecks or just dumb. They could be a bit reasonable.

      And I'm not saying that every protective dad is extreme about it. I'm not saying they're all dumb.

    • Oh Lord do I pray for you for when you start dating. With the attitude you're copping every adult male who comes in contact with you is going to hate you and all the girls are going to pin you as a dick.

  • I agree. My dad says this all the time. Best of all, it's as if fathers think being completely insane is going to stop their teenagers! I'm afraid that it's quite the opposite.
    My dad surprised me, though. He spewed out all of the same bullshit, but when my best friend/crush showed up at my house to hang out and met my dad (while he's quite far from the most gentlemanly-looking person around), my dad was nice to him. He actually likes him.

    • Lol when I hung out with my crush she told her dad I was some 24 year old (she's 16 I'm 17) and luckily she's always jokes around so I guess he knew it was a joke.

    • Oh man, you got lucky!

  • I completely agree with this, I think a parent mother or father can give their two cents of what they think about the person and whether they are good or bad, but it's not the parents decision, it's the person's decisions, and boys/men do not need to be threatened if you just raised your child correctly.

  • I'm sorry but if any guy talked like this i would have nothing to do with him. My dad is very protective and he's a big guy and I really appreciate him caring and having my back because some guys are real assholes.

    I know I'm not special in the grand scheme of things but I am to him. And if a guy wants to get close to me he has to respect that and respect my family.

    Luckily most guys I've dated have had no problem with this. It's not like my parents are saying... don't have sex. They know I'm an adult and can do what I want. They just say guard your heart and value yourself and I don't think that's s bad thing

    • No guy TALKS like this, but most who have to face a dad as bad as my example (or the picture) definitely think a lot of what I said. The good guys would be bothered by it too.

  • I'm pretty cool with 2, 7, and 8 actually...

    If the guys don't comply to 7 and 8 they are kinda scummy.

    And as for 2, I don't think ANY dad's like their daughter's boyfriend (at least not in the beginning)

  • Wow I really enjoyed reading that! I am lucky enough to have a dad who trusts my judgment and who isn't mean to guys haha. I don't like that whole stricter is better thing. But I do want my boyfriend to respect my parents and me! :)

  • I suppose fathers think that a guy who is not really into their daughter would not put up with so much bullshit just for pussy.
    They feel protective of her because they hold themselves responsible for the girl's life and will later hold her husband to the same standard. It's basically: "if you want her, you better be able to fill my shoes" type of deal.

    The guy you're describing here seems like he's a bit of a moron and obviously overdid it, but I have yet to meet a girl who didn't report a dad of this sort.

    I think it's natural, instinctive and it can't be avoided.
    You can only hope he's a nice normal dude who just wants to get to know you and is merely careful, at worst strict, but also calm and reasonable. You weren't lucky to fall for a girl with such a dad.
    But don't jump on all dads. You might be in their shoes one day. =/

    • It hasn't happened to me (yet) but I was just trying to envision what some dads might be like.
      They always use the "I have loved her since she was born, for the past 18 years [or whatever] and I have been through her entire childhood and teenage-hood with her."
      And her boyfriend could potentially be the guy who spends the next 60-80 years with her... the rest of her life...

      So yeah I guess they have a reason for doing it. But they shouldn't automatically "despise" boyfriends.

    • You're being silly here. No father despises them, they are just testing and probing them for resilience and trustworthiness.
      Would you say a commander who is yelling at his soldiers while training them despises them? Or do you think he's just doing what he must to make sure those are the people he would trust with his life on the front lines?

      Same with the father and the life of his daughter.

    • I doubt there ever will be another way to do it, because people are so used to it, but I think that when commanders use negative reinforcement to train their soldiers, they make the progress way more slow than it could be with another kind of reinforcement. There are more effective ways for people to train others or test others.

  • I can understand why most father's are very overprotective of their daughters. When you love someone with all your heart you'll do anything to make sure they are safe you'll even take a bullet for them. This world is very fucked up and people that were known to be good respectable people have murdered others before and they thought they were good people too. you can't trust anyone in this world It doesn't matter how well you think you know someone and you can't take any chances. The parents don't have to be disrespectful but they do have to be protective not just with boyfriends but with friends also.


What Guys Said 7

  • As difficult as it will be for me, Ill let my daughters make their own dating mistakes.

    • @yaddayaddayadda02 Well said, although I think I'll be doing a little coaching with my daughter when the time is right.

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    • re-read the beginning to your 2nd paragraph. It's something you can't really describe to someone who isn't a parent.

    • I see. Yeah, I've never actually had to deal with an overprotective father, I just think that the super hardcore ones are more harmful than helpful.

  • lol, if you're dating a girl who's dad was ALREADY in jail, that should be a red flag right there

  • JESUS CHRIST. I need to show this to the father of my girlfriend. He's a bloody 6ft 4' former German Special Forces, I mean I'm a military guy but this man is a freakin' tank. Funnily enough we were friends and I befriended him at first because I fell inlove with is daughter and she felt the same way and eventually I really enjoyed his company and he took a liking to me. He even went as far as to invite me to outting with the family because he liked me that much. Her mum knew all the way through that there was a thing between her daughter and myself and she was happy. Then the day came and I told her father, the first thing he said to me was "I thought we were friends..." That's all he said... I respect the man and hell, if I ever have a daughter I will be protective but I've shown the calibre of guy I am, treat me accordingly, not like some enemy on a foreign battlefield every time I come home to take your daughter out to dinner.. -.-

    • Yeah, why would a dad NOT want to like his daughter's boyfriend/husband? What are the cons of befriending her boyfriend, anyway?

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    • I vow that if my future daughter meets a guy who appears good, I will be like the coolest dad he'll ever meet.

    • Yes, mate, I'll join you in on that one. If I can see he's a good guy with good intentions I WILL BE the best dad everr haha

  • A better way to look at it would be something like this:

    Fathers, do whatever you want to do. If you want to be a hypocrite, so be it. The truth of the matter is, as long as your daughter is worth every bit of whatever the crap is thrown at the young man, go ahead.

    I've yet to see a girl who's worth a guy's liberty. We live in this world with social dynamics. Certainly there are idiots out there who have no idea how to build a relationship. The solution is for each and every person to grow up learning how to deal with such issues.

    You can scare away as many guys as you want, especially the bad guys, but doing so doesn't attract any good guys. Your daughter has to bee well brought up to draw in the good guys.

    While your daughter is still clueless, as the only guys around who would approach her are dicks (during the teenage years), go ahead and be as tyranical as you want.

    Afterall, all the decent guys are hard at work in school, building strong friendships, learning from life mentors etc and wouldn't be picking up girls like your daughter.

    However, once they're on their way to success, they'd expect your daughter to be as good as them to be worth going with anyway. That girl better have been taught well and equiped with the skills to deal with things socially.

    Great guys don't have time to waste on your girl if she's a horrible person, and you can be as tyranical as you want, it doesn't attract good guys, it only scares away 'some' bad guys.

    Make sure to raise your daughter well, that is the only way to have a great guy go after her. And as usual, before she's ready, of course it is you who have the better judgement to protect her.

    But once that time is up, it is time to see if your efforts have paid off.

    • Agreed. I guess I'm the only good guy worried about finding a girl early-ish in my life?

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    • "Proper"...
      Nah, I can't help looking for a girl cause my mom and dad met senior year of high school and have been together since then.

    • Assumptions.

      As fast as you know, you've never even tried.

      Living through life with such lousy expectations all because of some other experience is a poor way to go. You're basically gona sabotage any good things that could've come your way.

      I personally wouldn't let my daughter date such a guy. Then again, I don't even have to do anything, she'll already not bother with him.

      We live life hoping to get the best out of it, we have our dreams, ideals, sometimes even fantasies. But we're also realistic about things.

      The best thing to do is not to overestimate our value, NOR short change ourselves.

      Unlike being alone where you can prize greediness and selfishness, a relationship involves the social facet of Fairness. We all want a good start, the best possible start that is fair to both ourself and our partner. And we want to keep things fair and good, even if the rest of the world is crap, this relationship shall not be so.

  • I want to be such daddy :D great take.

  • especially when their little princess is a college slut...
    and was a slut at camp...
    and when she was a slut at school...
    dude dads have been paying for their daughters to be sluts lol!

  • OMFG. SPEAK TRUTH MAN. I've met some really overprotective fathers but I weren't dating their daughters. I did date this one girl who had this dad that took me out fishing and was like I want to get to know you but sends me a bashing email about how i messed up because I didn't send him something he wanted to know. He gave me no parameters for it and told me to do it. I was just like oh I don't have school and a life because I was busy with school to do that thing.