The Friend Zone Doesn’t Exist

The Friend Zone Doesn’t Exist

This explains it pretty well and I was definitely that cowardly guy at one point. I can recall some of the girls that "friend zoned" me and I can’t say that I couldn’t blame them. This is definitely a "nice guy" mentality that should be squashed. Most guys don't want to think that there is no such thing because that would mean that would have to look at their own behavior as the problem.


Being nice to a women or anyone for that matter is common human decency. It’s the golden rule of treat others like you would like to be treated and anyone that was raised right understands this. It does not entitle you to anything and you should not expect anything. It’s just something you do as a decent human being.


It’s what the post says the friend zone is imaginary. I understand the concept of a girl not liking you and just wanting to be friends but that doesn’t mean you whine and cry about how you have been “friend zoned”, As I have said before no one owes you anything.


It’s just a fact of life that not every women is going to be romantically interested in you, even if by some means you are an ideal, confident good guy. A good confident guy will understand this, not sweat it and won’t bitch and moan about it in the first place. A self proclaimed "nice guy" will think every women should have a romantic interest in them just because they are “nice” and whine and complain about it. Typical "nice guy" behavior


Regardless of how “nice” good looking, or cool you think you may think you are, not every women you run across is going to have, or supposed to have a romantic interest of some kind in you. Maybe she’s not physically attracted to you, maybe your not her type, or maybe it’s because she see’s that you are the "nice guy” thats thinks you’re entitled to something just for being “nice” which in that case makes you a selfish asshole. (see my first post for more on the "nice guy”)


The friend zone is bullshit and you need to stop going around whining about how you have been friend zoned because there is no such thing. Whining, complaining bitching and moaning shows a lack of character and maturity, especially when it comes to dating and relationships. Stop doing it and move on.


The best thing to do is not worry about who has friend zoned you and not go out of your way to try and impress or bother a girl that you know for sure has no romantic interest in you. It’s as simple as that. So just to reiterate, there is no such thing as a friend zone.


3|0
11|16

Join the discussion

0/2500

Submit

What Girls Said 11

  • Wasn't that term originally used because the guy couldn't get a lay from the girls?

    4|0
    1|0
  • I agree with Johnflamel but you're picture/quote was awesome

    0|0
    0|0
  • Hmm. Good thoughts. I can say, however, that I've experienced a bunch of "almosts" with roommates, coworkers and the like where there was a moment something almost happened... and it passed... and it became almost like we were already exes with no chance of that moment happening again. If that is the Friendzone, I have to say it does exist.

    0|0
    0|0
  • this is great and so true. if a guy suspects he wants more from the girl than she wants from him, it's his choice if he wants to stick around. and yet he still thinks it's his right to go complain about it when no one is forcing him to stay her friend. thanks for accepting that girls just aren't attracted to every single guy who is "nice" to them!

    1|2
    1|2
  • Thanks for understanding this! It's not as though I go around intentionally placing guys in the much hated "friend zone", it's just some I'm interested in and some I'm not, even if they're good guys.
    It's always bugged me because you rarely hear women going on about being "friend zoned" when a great guy we fall for doesn't like us back. And it happens, trust me.
    So, thanks for deconstructing the friend zone so well.

    0|0
    0|1
  • Thank you for being so understanding! There are too many people that think they should be rewarded for "being nice" or "doing nice things", and they get mad when a girl accepts favors and doesn't give sex in return, claiming the girl is "taking advantage" - what they don't realize is that this is what a friendship is! Friendship means you do favors for each other! Friendship means you are nice to each other! Friendship means you are there for each other and will help with each other's problems!

    0|0
    0|1
    • Unfortunatley I used to be that guy that loved to play the victim when I would not get my favors returned , but I had no one to blame but myself as I was the one that choose to stick around. I definitely had no idea what friendship really was, now that I am older and have grown up I see just how ridiculous I was acting and how wrong I truly was. I just hope I can reach out to as many of these guys as I can.

    • that's awesome that you're trying to reach out to people. And a lot of people are naive when they are younger and don't always understand relationships. If a guy thinks a girl is "using him," then first of all she's not a good friend. 2nd of all if he is only being nice to her in order to get sex, then he is also using her and therefore it's hypocritical for him to complain about being used.
      It just makes me sad because when people complain about things like the friendzone, it sound like they don't know what friendship really is, and that's sad, because friendship is awesome and wonderful and I wish they could have a true friend to know what that's like.

  • Thank you. Seriously.

    4|0
    0|4
  • Thank you!

    1|0
    0|3
  • I totally agree!! Awesome post

    1|0
    0|4
  • Awesome! Great take! VERY TRUE!

    1|0
    0|4
  • Wtf my comments just disappear :( it was lengthy and informative lol

    0|0
    0|3
    • Shit, I thought that was just me. GaG seems to be swallowing comments once you hit submit. :O

      @GirlsAskGuys

    • Show All
    • This has happened to me on a few occasions. Try copying the comment before you hit "submit." If your comment disappears, you can always paste it and try again. :)

    • @Bluemax

      I do that anyway, since I come from a long line of crashing PCs, lol. But that doesn't address the root of the problem. :p

What Guys Said 16

  • Sorry, but the friend zone is real as you or me.

    It is when person A has romantic affection for person B, but the B only likes A as a friend, and enjoys A's company on a friend basis.

    It is real. I have both friendzoned girls and been friendzoned.

    Also, keep in mind, when you retort "it's jerks who think that if you're nice to a girl she has a duty to have sex with you" that the same argument equally applies to women who only offered booty calls/fwb, when they want boyfriends. How would the female version of that retort go? Hmm.

    "Having sex with a guy doesn't mean he has some duty to date you or act like a boyfriend to you, you self-entitled bitch..."

    Doesn't sound very decent when you say it like that, eh?

    0|1
    0|0
  • Well for me and my friends, friend-zoned means a girl/guy you like just wants to be friends and you navigate life in that area and own it. It doesn't necessarily mean we bitch and moan, just that we get the other persons intentions and deal with it. Hell I've been friend-zoned, told by a girl that she just see's me as a friend and I said I understand and moved on. Done deal.

    Not everyone whines about it. Some of us see it as a thing that occurs and we just shrug and move on. Life goes on.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Your mixing two different things together and selling it as one. Nice guy is one thing, friend zoned is another. A nice guy can act/be nice and be friend zoned, but so can a jerk and so can the average Joe be friend zoned. A nice guy can also be dated and not be in friend zone. But I do agree with what you were trying to say. " that nice guys shouldn't expect to be a romantic interest to their crush,

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think the whole friend zone issue is dumb too. In fact there have been times where there was a girl I started off as friends with and then they'd ditch me when I asked them out and pretend I don't exist afterwards.

    Them not liking me more than a friend was not the issue but them being dramatic because I liked them was.

    1|0
    0|0
    • Please don’t worry about it. Its not worth stressing yourself out over who likes who and she dumped me for him and all the other antics that come with these antics.

    • No, I see what you're saying but what I'm trying to say was there's a girl that I was friends with and I'd be open to a relationship but ok with staying friends and then if I hinted I liked them more than a friend, they would avoid me and get their friends to hate me. So when I'd see them, especially around my friends, it'd be awkward. You know what I mean. It's like they're making a bigger deal out of it than I am.

  • I beg to differ...

    The friend zone IS real, however it is not as "inescapable" as most guys think. U see women try to become friends with u when they see potential in u. Becoming friends with u is their way of evaluating u and deciding wether or not u r a suitable mate. All real relationships start with friendship. So next time u get "friend zoned" instead of bitching and crying about it, put on your best face and be the best man u can possibly be because... someone has their eye on u.

    0|1
    0|0
    • Of course this isn't ALWAYS the case, I'm just saying that there is a chance, so guys, u should be prepared whenever u r friendzoned NUST IN CASE she sees potential in u.

    • Just*...*facepalm*

  • I've said this once, and I'll say it again. Whether you believe the FriendZone exists or not is irrelevant, it's a societal MYTH.

    It's a myth that when someone likes/fancies someone romantically, but the feeling is not mutual. Everyone's struggled with it at least once in their life - you can call it what you want.

    Enough of these pointless takes PLEASE.

    2|0
    0|0
  • wow how many of these 'friend zone' takes is on here? Well since this applies to the guys, I rather see/hear a guy vent their frustration on forums like this than take it to an act of violence such as shooting up a public place. I'll never tell a guy to 'man up' because i was once in their shoes so i can understand how these guys feel. venting probably won't make women come to the guy but at least it makes him feel a little better about being himself and it helps him get his point across. You know the saying, "closed mouth don't get fed."

    that's the same way with women who hate all men because the ones she keep messing with just want her for body but leading her on to think that something more will happen but never come to fruition. i'm not going to tell her to get over it, I'll help her as much as I can.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I wouldn't say that it doesn't exist, but that many "nice" guys are put there by the girl either based o. her actions or the guys action. Many girls don't know a guy is interested because they weren't straightforward about it so in her mind she put him in the box for guys that are her friends.

    1|4
    0|0
  • The friend zone DOES exist. It's simply a state of mismatched expectations and desires. The cowardly, entitled douchebags you speak of are simply the ones who are too stupid to get themselves out of it, either by adjusting their expectations or exiting the friendship altogether.

    1|2
    0|0
  • Everyone is attracted to everyone else. Girl A may not be attracted to Guy A but Guy A is attracted to Guy A. Sometimes Guy A and Girl A are attracted to each other and sometimes Girl A is attracted to Guy A but Guy A is not attracted to Girl A. We want to become friends with those who we find attractive. All of this stems from people reaching for people out of their league. Everyone has seen this happen. A girl/guy goes for a guy/girl out of their league and then comes back really dissappointed but you don't have the heart to tell them they aren't in the same league as the other person.

    0|0
    0|0
    • I always go after girls out of my league. I think everyone should. And often we are not good judges of who is actually in "our league"

      Also I'm not as disappointed when It doesn't work out if a beautiful girl turns me down. It's the average or below average looking girls rejections that hurt me ;)

      Every girl I've ever actually dated was "out of my league" I'm not a good looking guy, I don't think people should settle

  • It's tough to determine and interpret the rejection she gives you.

    Yes, there've been plenty of times when I take her kind rejection as a bitter let down. And as a result, I don't want to hang out with her ever again. Yet there have been times when she let me know she doesn't want to start a relationship with me and says to keep everything friendly and platonic, and I've agreed to it. Only later do I find out she doesn't actually want to be friends at all.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Your brain does not exist as well.

    0|2
    1|1
  • But what about when a girl says "oh I thought we were "just friends""? What to do then? What does "just friends" actually mean?

    0|0
    0|0
  • When two people meet and hang out without a mutual sexual interest in common, we call that a friendship. When two people share a romantic or sexual interest in each other, we call it something else - love-bound, benefits, etc. Between two heterosexual men or women, the boundaries are very clear, but that changes slightly between a potential couple - for example, a heterosexual man and woman.

    "Zoning" is how people cope with the idea that one person desires a more intimate connection with someone then the other. People make excuses: that we're naturally animals and so there must be actions or tricks that can be harnessed to trigger these attractions. When someone resists these rules, more excuses are made to explain that behaviour.

    I think that the best way to understand the "friendzone" is to flip the situation around: If you're heterosexual, and you have a best friend of the same sex, you'll feel pretty chill about hanging out with them. They might help you with bringing heavy equipment into your house, or take a side-trip with you to the grocery store to buy meat. They help you with making dinner that you share with them as you watch movies or play River City Ransom.

    Then one day they start buying you flowers, or sending you texts that make you cringe. Maybe they act strange around your significant other, or criticize your dates with them. Initially you're in denial because you don't want to seem cruel, or maybe you're a little apologetic to yourself, asking yourself if you did anything to promote this impression. It finally occurs to you that the foundations of your friendship are starting to become a little shaky. You realize that you need to pad the blow because they've been nice, but you also need to be honest.

    Now imagine this happening a lot. It happens across all sexualities and in all directions.

    There is no friendzone. There is only mutual honesty and acceptance.

    7|3
    0|1
    • This is a good way to see it. I can understand that for many women they want to let the a guy down as easy as they can when they reject him, so they tell him they just like him as a friend, and thats what these guys refer to as the friend zone. The truth is that she most likely thinks this dude is weird and creepy and just wants him to leave her alone.

  • This is bull. Of course it exists! I've even seen girls on this site say that they friendzoned a guy.

    2|3
    12|0
    • It's all in your head who ever said it just means that they were not interested in a relationship that guy

    • Show All
    • @MaskedSanity
      If she truly wants me as a friend, then of course I would rather she say "I only see you as a friend" because it's honest. If on the other hand she doesn't see me as a friend, then I would prefer her to say, "I don't want to go out with you. I don't feel that way about you."

      You can be direct without being a bitch. It is a complete myth that offering friendship softens the blow. It doesn't. Offering friendship when you don't want to be friends, and I've known men and women who have done this, as some means of making the rejection less harsh are being irresponsible.

      The rejected party has an obligation not to pester, but the rejecting party has an obligation to be honest and direct. Of course it stings, but finding a totally pain free way to reject someone is like searching for El Dorado.

    • there are 2 types of friendzones (and they apply to both sexes but we'll just say its the guy who has been "friendzoned") There is one kind where the girl and guy have developed a really good friendship already, and the girl simply enjoys his friendship (think of like, ur best friend but male). She doesn't want to mess that up, so she doesn't think romatically about the guy (this is why most BFF relationships are with women and toher women or woemn and gay guys, there are many exceptions im sure, im just saying most. These W-W or Gay guy-W relationships are usually are not sexualized so there's little threat of them being broken at any time.) The other type of friendzone is where the girl and the guy have been flirting or even light dating, and the term friendzoned is when these feelings suddenly disappear without explanation. it happens, no reason, he didn't piss her off, they just went away. and i think thats what most guys (or girls) deal with when they talk about "friendzoning"

  • I love how this is totally aimed at guys only. Im guessing when the girls whine about it, its not imaginary anymore is it? lol
    I get your point though, instead of crying about it, accept it and move on, good point. Im just not a fan of your bias and frankly, the friend zone DOES exist, in most cases, its form of soft rejection (most don't really end up as real friends), in other cases like you stated, the OTHER person isn't romantically interested, and really wants to be friends only
    (not the girl only, Mr. Bias).

    1|1
    5|0
    • I can see that your totally trying to shift the blame and focus here away from your behaviors that are causing women not to be attracted to you. The girls that whine have their own issues that they need to fix. I am not saying that they don’t. I’m simply stating that you need to stop feeling you are entitled to something outside of the “friendzone" with a woman just because you are being "nice" to her. It doesn’t obligate her to have a romantic interest in you and you shouldn’t whine and complain if that is the case. take a look at your behaviors and what you are doing, I will bet anything you are a big part of the problem why many women only like you as a friend.

    • Show All
    • I used to be that kind of guy that was hung up on all of this bullshit about the friend zone, them only liking bad boy and so one on, and it cost me countless hours of headaches, frustration and heartaches. But then again I had no now to blame but myself because I chose to part take in all of those antics when it came to women. I am just trying to help which ever I can to see what they are doing wrong when it comes to these behaviors with women and save them all the trouble I had gone through.

    • Yea, and you have a solid point, there's no use crying over it. Ironically, right after this there were two more questions I saw about people getting friend zoned and asking how they can reverse it. Its reversible but its not worth it. the process is long and tedious and chances are that in the end, its not even worth it. So like you said "stop doing it and move on"... I've reversed it a few times, I know what happens in the end. Not worth it at all.

Loading...